Even the ferocious Governor was for a moment daunted at the boldness of

the act, and afraid to follow; until the parson--well worthy he of the

name!--set him the example by leaping on the shingles, and pursuing the

unhappy girl to her last refuge. He approached--he stretched forth his

arm to seize her; but he was not destined to lay an impure touch on the

devoted and heroic creature. I saw her lay her lips once on those of

the poor Edith--the next instant the frail figure of the little sister

was hurled from her arms, to be dashed to pieces on the stones below.

In another, the hapless Isabella herself had followed her, having

thrown herself headlong from the height, to escape by death a fate

otherwise inevitable.

Of what followed I have but a faint and disordered recollection. I

remember that the fall of the two maidens caused loud cries of horror

from the men, and of lamentation from the women; and I remember, also,

that these were renewed almost immediately after, but mingled with the

sound of fire-arms discharged by a party of foes, and the voices of

white men (among which I distinguished that of my master's son, the

major) calling upon one another to "give no quarter to the miscreants."

A party of armed horsemen had in fact ridden among us, and were now

dealing death on all hands from pistols and sabres. From one of the

latter weapons I myself received a severe cut, and was at the same time

struck down by the hoofs of a horse, and left insensible.

15. CHAPTER XV.

THE RESULTS OF THE INSURRECTION, WITH A TRULY STRANGE AND FATAL

CATASTROPHE THAT BEFELL THE AUTHOR.

When I recovered my senses I found myself a prisoner, bound hand

and foot, and lying, with six or seven of my late companions, in a

cart, in which, groaning with pain, for most of us were wounded, and

anticipating a direful end to our dreams of conquest and revenge, we

were trundled to the village, and there deposited in the county jail,

to repent at leisure the rashness and enormity of our enterprise.

The power of that little pamphlet, of which I have said so much, to

produce an effect for which we must charitably suppose it was not

intended, was shown in the numbers of wretches by whom the prison

was crowded; for it had been used to inflame the passions of the

negroes on several different estates, all of whom had agreed to rise

in insurrection, although, as it providentially happened the revolt

extended to the length of murder only on Ridgewood Hill. The conspiracy

was detected--I believe confessed by a slave--on a plantation adjacent

to that of my master's son; who, being informed of it, and assisted

by a party that brought the news, proceeded to seize the ringleaders

in his own gang, some of whom, attempting to make their escape, were

fired on; and this was the cause of the volley which we had heard,

and supposed was fired by our fellow-conspirators beyond the creek.

The major then crossed over to his father's estate, but too late to

avert the tragedy which I have related. His father, his eldest sister,

and her lover were already dead; as for the younger, Edith, she was

taken up alive, but cruelly mangled, and she expired in a few hours.

The faithful and devoted overseer, I have the happiness to believe,

ultimately escaped with his life; for, although covered with wounds,

and at first reported dead, he revived sufficiently to make deposition

to the facts of the assault and murder, as far as he was cognizant of

them, and I heard he was expected to recover.

Of those who perished, the father, the children, and the gallant

friend, there was not one who was not, a fortnight before, respected

and beloved by those who slew them; and at their death-hour they were

as guiltless of wrong, and as deserving of affection and gratitude,

as they ever had been. How, therefore, they came to be hated, and why

they were killed, I am unable to divine. All that I know is, that we

who loved them read a book which fell in our way, and from that moment

knew them only as enemies--objects on whom we had a right to glut our

fiercest passions.

As for ourselves--my deluded companions, at least--their fate can be

easily imagined. Some were killed at the scene of murder; among others

the chief leader, Governor, who was shot on the roof of the house.

Parson Jim was wounded on the same place, and, rolling from the roof,

was horribly crushed by the fall, but lingered in unspeakable agonies

for several days, and then died. Scipio, the fiddler, was taken alive,

tried, condemned, and executed, with many others whose participation in

the crime left them no hope of mercy.

With these, I was myself put upon trial and adjudged to death; for

although it was made apparent that I had not lifted my hand against any

one, it was proved that I was more than privy to the plot--that I had

been instrumental in fomenting it; and the known favour with which I

had been treated, added the double die of ingratitude to my offence. I

was therefore condemned, and bade to expect no mercy; nor did I expect

it; for the fatal day appointed for the execution having arrived, a

rope was put round my neck, and I was led to the gibbet.

And now I am about to relate what will greatly surprise the reader--I

was not only found guilty and condemned--I was hanged! Escape was

impossible, and I perceived it. The anguish of my mind--for in anguish

it may be supposed I looked forward to my fate--was increased by the

consciousness--so long slumbering--that flashed on it, as I was driven

to the fatal tree, that I was, in reality, _not_ Tom the slave, but

Sheppard Lee the freeman, and that I possessed a power of evading

the halter, or any other inconvenience, provided I were allowed but

one opportunity to exercise it. But where was I now to look for a

dead body? It is true, there were bodies enough by-and-by, when my

accomplices were tucked up around me; but what advantage could I derive

from entering any one of them, since my fate must be equally certain to

be hanged?

My distress, I repeat, was uncommonly great, and in the midst of it I

was executed; which put an end to the quandary.

16. CHAPTER XVI.

IN WHICH IT IS RELATED WHAT BECAME OF THE AUTHOR AFTER BEING HANGED.

Here, it would seem, that my history should find its natural close;

but I hope to convince the world that a man may live to record his own

death and burial. I say _burial_; for, from all I have heard, I judge

that I was buried as well as hanged, and that I lay in the earth in a

coarse deal coffin, from two o'clock in the afternoon of a November

day, until nine at night; when certain young doctors of the village,

who were desirous to show their skill in anatomy, came to the place of

execution, and dug up the three best bodies, of which, as my good luck

would have it, my own was one--Zip the fiddler's being another, while

the third was that of a young fellow named Sam, notorious for nothing

so much as a great passion he had for butting with his head against

brick walls, or even stone ones, provided they were smooth enough.

The young anatomists, previous to hacking us, resolved to try some

galvanic experiments on us, having procured a battery for that purpose;

and they invited a dozen or more respectable gentlemen to be present,

and witness the effects of that extraordinary fluid, galvanism, on our

lifeless bodies.

The first essayed was that of the unfortunate Scipio, who, being well

charged, began, to the admiration of all present, to raise first one

arm, and then the other, then to twist the fingers of his left hand in

a peculiar way, as if turning a screw, inclining his head the while

towards his left shoulder, and then to saw the air, sweeping his right

hand to and fro across his breast, with great briskness and energy,

the fingers of his left titillating at the air all the while, so as to

present the lively spectacle of a man playing the fiddle; and, indeed,

it was judged, so natural was every motion, that had the party been

provided with a fiddle and bow to put into his hands, they would have

played such a jig as would have set all present dancing.

The next experiment tried was upon the body of Sam, whose muscles

were speedily excited to exercise themselves in the way to which they

had been most accustomed, though not in one so agreeable to the chief

operator; for, in this case, the lifeless corse suddenly lifting up its

head, bestowed it, with a jerk of propulsion equal in force to the but

of a battering-ram, full against the stomach of the operator, whereby

he was tumbled head over heels, and all the breath beaten out of his

body.

The reader may suppose, as it was proved to be the virtue of galvanism

to set the dead muscles doing those acts to which the living ones had

been longest habituated, that I, upon being charged, could do nothing

less than throw myself upon my hands and knees, and go galloping about

the table, as I had been used to do over the lawn, when master Tommy

was mounted upon my back.

Such, however, was not the fact. The first thing I did upon feeling the

magical fluid penetrate my nerves, was to open my eyes and snap them

twice or thrice; the second to utter a horrible groan, which greatly

disconcerted the spectators; and the third to start bolt upright on

my feet, and ask them "what the devil they were after?" In a word, I

was suddenly resuscitated, and to the great horror of all present,

doctors and lookers-on, who, fetching a yell, that caused me to think

I had got among condemned spirits in purgatory, fled from the room,

exclaiming that I "was the devil, and no niggur!" What was particularly

lamentable, though I was far from so esteeming it, one of them, a

young gentleman who had come to the exhibition out of curiosity, being

invited by one of the doctors, was so overcome with terror, that before

he reached the door of the room he fell down in a fit, and being

neglected by the others, none of whom stopped to give him help, expired

on the spot.

As for me, the cause of all the alarm, I believe I was ten times

more frightened than any of the spectators, especially when I came

to recollect that I had just been hanged, and that I would, in all

probability, be hanged again, unless I now succeeded in making my

escape. As for the cause of my resuscitation, and the events that

accompanied it, I was then entirely ignorant of them; and, indeed,

I must confess I learned them afterward out of the newspapers. I

knew, however, that I had been hanged, and that I had been, by some

extraordinary means or other, brought to life again; and I perceived

that if I did not make my escape without delay, I should certainly be

recaptured by the returning doctors.

I ran towards the door, and then, for the first time, beheld that

unfortunate spectator who had fallen dead, as I mentioned before, and

lay upon the floor with his face turned up. I recollected him on the

instant, as being a young gentleman whom I had once or twice seen at

my late master's house. All that I knew of him was, that his name was

Megrim, that he was reputed to be very wealthy, and a great genius, or,

as some said, eccentric, and that he was admired by the ladies, and,

doubtless, because he _was_ a genius.

As I looked him in the face, I heard in the distance the uproar of

voices, which had succeeded the flight of the doctors, suddenly

burst out afresh, with the sound of returning footsteps; and a

loud bully-like voice, which I thought very much like that of the

under-turnkey at the prison--a man whom I had learned to fear--cried

out, "Let _me see_ your devil; for may I be cussed up hill and down

hill if I ever seed a bigger one than myself."

Horrible as was the voice, I was not dismayed. I saw at my feet a city

of refuge, into which my enemies could not pursue me. My escape was

within my own power.

"Master," said I, touching my head (for I had no hat) to the corpse,

"if it is all the same to you, I beg you'll let me take possession of

your body."

As I pronounced the words the translation was effected, and that so

rapidly, that just as I drew my first breath in the body of Mr. Megrim,

it was knocked out of me by the fall of my old one, which--I not

having taken the precaution to stand a little to one side--fell down

like a thunderbolt upon me, bruising me very considerably about the

precordia.

In this state, being half suffocated, and somewhat frightened, I was

picked up and carried away by my new friends, and put to bed, where,

having swallowed an anodyne, I fell directly sound asleep.

And here, before proceeding farther, I will say, that the doctors and

their friends were greatly surprised to discover my late body lying

dead, having expected to find it as animated as when they left it. But

by-and-by, having reflected that the galvanism, or artificial life,

infused into its nerves had been naturally exhausted at last, whereupon

it as naturally followed that the body should return to its lifeless

condition, they began to aver that the most surprising part of the

business was, that it had kept me alive so long, and enabled me, after

groaning and speaking as I had actually done, to walk so far from the

table on which I had been lying.

On the whole, the phenomenon was considered curious and wonderful;

and an account of it having been drawn up by the doctors, and headed

"Extraordinary Case of the Effects of Galvanism on a Dead Body," it was

printed for the benefit of scientific men throughout the world, in a

medical journal, where, I doubt not, it may be found at this day.

BOOK VII.

WHICH IS INTENDED AS A PENDANT TO BOOK I., AND CONTAINS THE HISTORY OF

A YOUNG GENTLEMAN OF FORTUNE.

1. CHAPTER I.

CONTAINING AN INKLING OF THE LIFE AND HABITS OF MR. ARTHUR MEGRIM.

Having been carried from the scene of my late transformation, as I

mentioned before, physicked, put to bed, and allowed to sleep off

my troubles, I awoke late on the following morning, feeling very

comfortable, notwithstanding the bruises on my ribs, and with an

uncommonly agreeable, though lazy sense of the enjoyment of lying

a-bed. Indeed, this was my only feeling. I woke to a consciousness,

though a vague one, of the change in my condition; and this, together

with what I saw around me, when I had succeeded, after some effort, in

getting my eyes a little opened, it may be supposed, would have filled

me with surprise, and excited in me a great curiosity to inquire into

matters relating to Mr. Arthur Megrim.

Such, however, was not the case. I looked upon the elegantly-adorned

chamber in which I lay, and the sumptuous robes of my bed, with as much

indifference, as if I had been accustomed to them all my life; and as

for the happy destiny that now seemed opening upon me, I scarce thought

on it at all.

Nor can I say that I felt in any way elated at my fortunate escape

from the hangman and the anatomists. I remembered that affair with a

drowsy indifference as being a matter of no further consequence to me;

and as for Mr. Arthur Megrim's friends and kinsmen, his interests and

relations in life, I thought to myself, with a yawn, "I shall know them

all in good time."

I was content to take things as they might come, and eschew labours of

mind as well as efforts of body. Curiosity, I felt, was a tumultuous

passion, and I therefore resolved to avoid it. In this mood I turned

over on the other side, and took a second nap.

From this I was roused, after a time, by some one tugging at my

shoulder, who proved, upon examination, to be a very elegant-looking

mulatto-boy--that is, a boy of twenty-five years or thereabouts--who

signified, in language as genteel as his person, that it was exactly

half past eleven o'clock, and therefore time for me to get up.

"Augh--well!" said I, taking about thirty seconds to gape out each

word, it seemed such tiresome work to articulate; "what do you want?"

"Want you to get up, sah. Missie Ann says it does you no good to sleep

so long."

"Augh--who is Missie Ann?"

"Lar bless us," said the gentleman, turning up the white of his eye,

"Missie Ann is massa's sister!"

"Who is massa?"

"_You_, massa--Massa Arthur!"

"Augh--well; and who are you?"

"'Paminondas, massa. Coat very nicely brushed; very fine day; will do

you good, sah, to get up and taste the air. Regular Indian summer, sah."

"You may go to the devil."

"Yes, sah."

With that I turned over for another nap, which I should undoubtedly

have taken, had I not been interrupted, just as I was falling asleep,

by the entrance of a lady of a somewhat starched and venerable

appearance, though not more than six or seven years older than myself,

I being perhaps twenty-five or six.

"A'n't you ashamed of yourself, Arthur!" said she. "Do tell me--do you

intend to lie a-bed for ever?"

"Augh--pshaw!" said I. "Pray, madam, be so good as to inform me who you

are, and--augh--what you want in my chamber?"

"Come," said the lady, "don't be ridiculous, and fall into any of

your hyppoes again. Don't pretend you don't know your own sister, Ann

Megrim."

"I won't," said I; "but--augh--sister, if you have no objection, I

should like--augh--to sleep till dinner is ready."

"Dinner!" screamed my sister, Ann Megrim; "don't suppose you will ever

be able to eat a dinner again. You know the doctor says it is your hard

eating and your laziness together that have destroyed your digestive

apparatus; and that, if you don't adhere to the bran bread and hickory

ashes tea, you'll never be cured in the world."

"What!" said I, "am I sick?"

"Undoubtedly," said my sister Ann; "your digestive apparatus is all

destroyed, and your nerves too. Did not you faint last night when they

were galvanizing the bodies? Have you not lost all muscular power, so

that you do nothing but lie on a bed or sofa all day long? Oh, really,

brother Arthur Megrim, I am ashamed of you. A man like you--a young man

and a rich man, a man of family and genius, a gentleman and a scholar,

a man who might make himself governor of the state, or president of

the nation, or any thing--yet to be nothing at all except the laziest

man in Virginia, a man with no digestive apparatus, a poor nervous

hyppo--oh, it is too bad! Do get up and stir yourself. Mount your

horse, or go out in the carriage. Exercise, you know, is the only thing

to restore strength to the digestive apparatus."

"Sister Ann," said I, "the more you speak of my digestive apparatus,

the more--augh--the more I am convinced you don't know what you are

talking about. I am resolved to get up and eat my dinner--"

"Of bran bread and hickory ashes," said my sister.

"Of canvass-back ducks and terapins," said I. At which Miss Ann Megrim

expressed terror and aversion, and endeavoured to convince me that such

indulgence would be punished by a horrible indigestion, as had been the

case a thousand times before.

But cogent as were her arguments, I had, or felt, one still stronger

on my side, being a savage appetite, which was waking within that very

digestive apparatus she held in such disesteem, and which became the

more eager the more she besought me to resist it.

The discussion was so far advantageous that it set me wide awake; and

by-and-by, the zealous Epaminondas having made his second appearance,

I succeeded, with his assistance, in getting on my clothes and

descending to the dining-room, where, to the great horror and grief

of my affectionate relative, I demolished two ducks and a half (being

the true canvass-backs, or _white-backs_, as they call them in that

country), and a full grown tortoise, of the genus _emys_, and species

_palustris_. And in this operation, I may say, I found the first

excitement of pleasure which I had yet known in my new body, and

displayed an energy of application of which I did not before know that

I was capable. Nor am I certain that any ill consequences followed the

meal. I felt, indeed, a strong propensity to throw myself on a sofa and

recruit after the labours of eating; but this Miss Megrim resisted,

insisting I should get into my carriage (for it seems I had one, and a

very handsome one too), and drive about to avoid a surfeit.

In this I consented to gratify her wishes, whereby I gratified one of

my own; for I fell sound asleep within five minutes after starting, and

so remained until the excursion was over.

Then, being as hungry as ever, and not knowing what else to do, I

picked my teeth over a newspaper, and nodded at a novel until supper

was got ready, which (disregarding Miss Megrim's exhortations, as

before) I attacked with the good-will I had carried to my dinner,

eating on this occasion two terapins and a half and one whole duck, of

the genus _anas_, and species _vallisneria_.[1]

The only ill consequences were, that I dreamed of the devil and his

imps all night, and that I awoke in a crusty humour next morning.

[Footnote 1: I had these learned names of a scientific doctor in the

village, and I have see them also in the newspapers.]

2. CHAPTER II.

THE HAPPY CONDITION IN WHICH SHEPPARD LEE IS AT LAST PLACED.

If there be among my readers any person so discontented with his lot

that he would be glad to exchange conditions with another, I think, had

he been acquainted with Mr. Arthur Megrim, he would have desired an

exchange with him above all other persons in the world; for Mr. Megrim

possessed all those requisites which are thought to ensure happiness to

a human being. He was young, rich, and independent; of a good family

(he boasted the chivalrous blood of the Megrims); of a sound body,

and serene temper; and with no appetite for those excesses which ruin

the reputation, while they debase the minds and destroy the peace of

youth. His years, as I have mentioned already, were twenty-five or six;

his revenues were far above his wants, and enabled him to support his

town-house, which was the most elegant one in the village, where he

lived remote from the care and trouble of his plantations; and as for

independence, _that_ was manifestly complete, he being a bachelor, and

the sole surviver of his family, excepting only his sister, Miss Ann

Megrim, who managed his household, and thus took from his mind the only

care that could otherwise have disturbed it.

What then in the whole world had Mr. Megrim to trouble him? Nothing

on earth--and for that reason, to speak paradoxically, he was more

troubled than any one else on earth. Labour, pain, and care--the

evils which men are so apt to censure Providence for entailing upon

the race--I have had experience enough to know, are essential to the

true enjoyment of life, serving, like salt, pepper, mustard, and

other condiments and spices, which are, by themselves, ungrateful to

the palate, to give a relish to the dish that is insipid and cloying

without them. Who enjoys health--who is so sensible of the rapture of

being well, as he who has just been relieved from sickness? Who can

appreciate the delightful luxury of repose so well as the labourer

released from his daily toil? Who, in fine, tastes of the bliss of

happiness like him who is introduced to it after a probation of

suffering? The surest way to cure a boy of a love of cakes and comfils,

is to put him apprentice to a confectioner. The truth is, that the

sweets of life, enjoyed by themselves, are just as disgusting as the

bitters, and can only be properly relished when alternated or mingled

with the latter.

But as this is philosophy, and the reader will skip it, I will pursue

the subject no further, but jump at once from the principle to the

practical illustration, as seen in my history while a resident in the

body of Mr. Arthur Megrim.

I was, on the sudden, a rich young man, with nothing on earth to

trouble me. I had lands and houses, rich plantations, a nation or two

of negroes, herds of sheep and cattle, with mills, fisheries, and some

half dozen or more gold-mines, which last--and it may be considered,

out of Virginia, a wondrous evidence of my wealth--were decidedly the

least valuable of all my possessions. With all these things I was made

acquainted by my sister Ann, or otherwise, it is highly probable, I

should have known nothing about them; for during the whole period of my

seventh existence, I confined myself to my property in the village, not

having the least curiosity to visit my plantations, which, as everybody

told me, were in good hands.

In the village itself I had every thing about me to secure happiness--a

fine house, abundance of servants, the whole under the management of

the best of housekeepers, my sister Ann, with horses and carriages--for

which, however, I cared but little, thinking it laborious to ride, and

as tedious to be driven--and, above all, friends without number, who

treated me with a respect amounting to veneration (for, it must be

remembered, I was the richest man in the county), and with a degree of

affection little short of idolatry; but whom, however, I thought very

troublesome, tiresome people, seeing that they visited me too often,

and wearied me to death with long conversations about every thing.

Among them all, there was but one for whom I felt any friendship; and

he was a young doctor named Tibbikens, for whom my sister Ann had a

great respect, and who had been retained by her to assist in taking

care of my digestive apparatus--that same digestive apparatus of mine

being a hobby on which my sister lavished more thought and anxiety than

I believe she did upon her own soul--not meaning to reflect upon her

religion, however, for she was a member of the Presbyterian church, and

quite devout about the time of communion. The cause of her solicitude,

as she gave me frequent opportunity to know by her allusion to the

fact, was her having been once afflicted in her own person with a

disorder of the digestive apparatus, which it had been the good fortune

of Doctor Tibbikens to cure by a regimen of bran bread and hickory

ashes water; and hence her affection for the doctor and the remedy. I

liked the doctor myself because he had the same solicitude about my

health, without troubling me with advice except when I asked it, or

finding much fault when I did not follow it; because his conversation

was agreeable, except when he was in a scientific humour, and did not

require any efforts on my part to keep it up; because he liked terapins

and white-backs as well as myself, and was of opinion they were

wholesome, provided one ate them in moderation; and, in fine, because

he took pains to help me to amusement, and was of great assistance in

dissipating somewhat of that tedium which was the first evil with which

I was afflicted in the body of Mr. Arthur Megrim. I believe the doctor

had a strong fancy for my sister; but she used to declare she could

never think of marrying, and thus being drawn from what she felt to

be the chief duty of her existence, namely--the care of my digestive

apparatus.

3. CHAPTER III.

THE EMPLOYMENTS OF A YOUNG GENTLEMAN OF FORTUNE.

And now, having mentioned tedium of existence as being an evil to

which I soon felt myself subject, I will say that it was one I found

more oppressive than the reader can readily imagine. I had nothing

in the world to do, and, as it happened, my disposition did not lead

me to seek any thing. I was, in a word, the very man my sister had

so reproachfully called me in our first conversation--that is, the

laziest man in all Virginia; and, upon reflection, I can think of

no person in the world who would bear a comparison with me in that

particular, except myself. "None but himself can be his parallel," as

somebody or other says, I don't know who, a sentiment that is supposed

to be absurd, inasmuch as it involves an impossibility, but which

becomes good sense when applied to me. In my original condition, in

the body in which I was first introduced to life, I certainly had a

great aversion to all troublesome employments, whether of business or

amusement, being supposed by many persons to be _then_ what as many

considered me now--to wit, the laziest man in my state. Whether I was

lazier as Sheppard Lee the Jerseyman or Arthur Megrim the Virginian,

I am not able to say. In both cases indolence was at the bottom of

all my troubles. There was this difference, however, between the two

conditions, that whereas I had felt in one the evils of laziness to a

poor man, I was now to discover in the other what were its evils to a

man of fortune.

My chief employments in the body of Mr. Arthur Megrim were eating and

sleeping; and I certainly should have done nothing else, had I been

allowed to follow my own humours. Eating and sleeping, therefore,

consumed the greater portion of my time; but it could not consume all;

nor could the residue be filled up by the occasional excursions in my

curricle, and the still more unfrequent strolls through the village,

into which I was driven by my affectionate sister, or cajoled by her

coadjutor, the doctor, in their zealous care of my digestive apparatus.

As for visits and visitations, I abhorred them all, whether they

related to the bustling young gentlemen of the neighbourhood, or the

loquacious ladies, old and young, who cultivated the friendship of my

sister.

Employ myself, however, as I might, there always remained a portion

of each day which I could not get rid of, either in bed or at the

table. On such occasions I was devoured by ennui, and thought that even

existence was an infliction--that it was hard work to live. According

to my sister's account, I was a scholar and a genius; in which case I

ought to have found employment enough of an intellectual nature, either

in books or the reflections of my own mind. I certainly had a very

large and fine library in my house, and there was scarce a week passed

by in which I did not receive a huge bundle of the newest publications

from a book-seller, who had long had it in charge thus to supply me.

Of these I usually read the title-pages, and then turned them over to

my sister, or, which was more common, lent them to my neighbours, who,

male and female together, came flocking to borrow the day after, and

sometimes the day before, the arrival of each package, taking good care

to rob me of those that were most interesting. The truth is, if I ever

had had the power of reading, I had now lost it. Books only set me

nodding.

As for exercising my mind in reflections of its own, that was even more

laborious than reading; and I contracted a dislike to it, particularly

as my mind wore itself out every night in dreaming, that being a result

of the goodly suppers I used to eat. It is true, that I one day fell

into a sudden ferment, and being inspired, actually seized upon pen and

paper, and wrote a poem in blank verse, forty lines long, with which I

was so pleased that I read it to Tibbikens and my sister, both of whom

were in raptures with it, the former carrying it off to the editor of

the village paper, who printed it with such a eulogium upon its merits,

as made me believe Byron was a fool to me, while all the young ladies

immediately paid my sister Ann a visit, that they might tell me how

they admired the beautiful piece, and lament that I wrote so seldom. I

forget what the poem was about; but I remember I was so delighted with

the praise bestowed on it, that I resolved to write another, which,

however, I did not do, having unfortunately begun it in rhyme, which

was difficult, and my fit of inspiration and energy having left me

before I got through with my next dinner. It was my writing verses, I

suppose, that caused me to be called a genius; but it seems I was too

lazy to be inspired more than once or twice a year.

I relapsed into ennui, and, truly, I became more tired of it before it

was done with me, than was ever a labourer of his hod or mattock.

4. CHAPTER IV.

SOME ACCOUNT OF THE INCONVENIENCES OF HAVING A DIGESTIVE APPARATUS.

But ennui was not the worst of the evils that clouded my happy lot.

Some touches of that diabolical disorder, the curse of the rich man,

which, as my sister so often gave me to know, had threatened the peace

of Mr. Arthur Megrim several times before, now began to assail my own

serenity, and threw gall and ratsbane over my dinners. I had slighted

her warnings, and despised her advice, and now I was to pay the price

of indiscretion. In a word, that very digestive apparatus, on which she

read me a lecture at least thrice a day, began to grumble, refuse to do

duty, and _strike_; though, unlike the industrious artisans, who were

in all quarters setting it the example, it struck, not for high wages,

of which it had had a surfeit, but for low ones, in which, however, its

master was scarce able to oblige it, having an uncommonly good appetite

most of the time; and even when he had not, not well knowing how to

dispose of his time unless at the table.

My faithful sister, who had been so constant to predict, was the first

to detect the coming evil, and, step by step, she pointed it out to my

unwilling observation.

"Arthur," said she, one morning as we sat at breakfast, "your eyelid is

winking."

"Augh--" said I, "yes; it is winking."

"It is a sign," said she, "your digestive apparatus is getting out of

order!"

"Augh!" said I, "hang the digestive apparatus!" for I was tired of

hearing it mentioned.

"Arthur," said she, the next day, "you are beginning to look yellow and

bilious!"

"Yes," said I; on which she declared that "the alkalis of my biliary

fluids"--she had studied the whole theory and nomenclature of dyspepsy

out of a book the doctor lent her--"were beginning to fail to coalesce,

in the natural chymical way, with the acids of the chymous mass; and

that no better argument could be desired to prove that my digestive

apparatus was getting out of order." And she concluded by recommending

me to regulate my diet, and fall back upon bran bread and hickory ashes.

In short, my dear sister assailed me with a pertinacity equal to the

disease itself, so that I came, in a short time, to consider her as one

of its worst symptoms.

To add to my woes, Dr. Tibbikens began to go over to her opinion, to

talk of my digestive apparatus, and to drop hints in relation to bran

bread and hickory ashes, which would decidedly have robbed him of my

friendship, had I not at last found myself unable to do without him.

To make a long story short, I will omit a detailed history of my

tribulations during the winter, and skip at once to the following

spring; at the opening of which I found myself, young, rich, and

independent as I was, the bond-slave and victim of a malady to which

the woes of age and penury are as the sting of moschetoes to the teeth

of raging tigers.

Reader, I have, in the course of this history, related to thee many

miseries which it was my lot, on different occasions, to encounter,

and some of them of a truly cruel and insupportable character. Could

I, however, give thee a just conception of the ills I was now doomed

to suffer, which, of a certainty, I cannot do, unless thou art at this

moment the victim of a similar infliction, I am convinced thou wouldst

agree with me, that I had now stumbled upon a grief that concentrated

in itself all others of which human nature is capable.

Dost thou know what it is to have thy stomach stuffed, like an

ostrich's, with old iron hoops and brickbats--or feeling as if it were?

to have it now drowned in vinegar, now scorched as with hot potatoes?

thy head filled with achings, dizziness, and streaks of lightning? thy

heart transformed into the heels of a hornpipe-dancer, and plying thy

ribs, lungs, and diaphragm with the energy of an _artiste_ in the last

agony?

If thou dost, then thou wilt know that bodily distress, of which the

above miseries form but a small portion, is the least of the evils of

dyspepsy--that its most horrible symptoms develop themselves in the

mind. What care those devils, falsely called blue (for they are as

black as midnight, or the bile which engenders them), for the youth,

the wealth, the independence, the gentility of a man whose digestive

apparatus is out of order? The less cause he may have in reality to

be dissatisfied with his lot, the more cause they will find him; the

greater and more legitimate his claims to be a happy man, the more

fierce and determined their efforts to make him a miserable one.

The serenity of my mind gave way before the attacks of these monsters;

sleeping and waking, by day and by night, they assailed me with equal

pertinacity and fury. If I slept, it was only to be tormented by demon

and caco-demon--to be ridden double by incubus and succuba, under whose

bestriding limbs I felt like a Shetland pony carrying two elephants. My

dreams, indeed, so varied and terrific were the images with which they

afflicted me, I can compare to nothing but the horrors or last delirium

of a toper. Hanging, drowning, and tumbling down church-steeples were

the common and least frightful of the fancies that crowded my sleeping

brain: now I was blown up in a steamboat, or run over by a railroad

car; now I was sticking fast in a burning chimney, scorching and

smothering, and now, head downwards, in a hollow tree, with a bear

below snapping at my nose; now I was plastered up in a thick wall, with

masons hard at work running the superstructure up higher, and now I was

enclosed in a huge apple-dumpling, boiling in a pot over a hot fire.

One while I was crushed by a boa constrictor; another, perishing by

inches in the mouth of a Bengal tiger; and, again, I was in the hands

of Dr. Tibbikens and his scientific coadjutors of the village, who

were dissecting me alive. In short, there was no end to the torments

I endured in slumber, and nothing could equal them except those that

beset me while awake.

A miserable melancholy seized upon my spirits, in which those very

qualifications which everybody envied me the possession of were

regarded with disgust, as serving only the purpose of adding to my

tortures. What cared I for youth, when it opened only a longer vista of

living wretchedness? What to me was the wealth which I could not enjoy?

which had been given me only to tantalize? And as for independence,

the idea was a mockery; the servitude of a galley-slave was freedom,

unlimited license, compared with my subjection to dyspepsy, and--for

the truth must be confessed--the doctor; to whom I was at last obliged

to submit, _nolens volens_.

5. CHAPTER V.

THE SAME SUBJECT CONTINUED, WITH AN ACCOUNT OF SEVERAL SURPRISING

TRANSFORMATIONS.

_Whether_ Dr. Tibbikens treated me _secundum artem_ or not, I cannot

say; but true it is, that instead of getting better, I grew gradually

worse, until my melancholy became a confirmed hypochondriasis, and

fancies gloomy and dire, wild and strange, seized upon my brain, and

conjured up new afflictions.

Getting up early one morning, I found, to my horror, that I had been,

in my sleep, converted into a coffee-pot; a transformation which I

thought so much more extraordinary than any other I had ever undergone,

that I sent for my sister Ann, and imparted to her the singular secret.

"Oh!" said she, bursting into tears, "it is all on account of your

unfortunate digestive apparatus. But, oh! brother Arthur, don't let

such notions get into your head. A coffee-pot, indeed! that's too

ridiculous!"

I was quite incensed at her skepticism, but still more so at the

conduct of Dr. Tibbikens, who, being sent for, hearing of my

misfortune, and seeing me stand in the middle of the floor, with my

left arm akimbo, like a crooked handle, and the right stretched out

in the manner of a spout, seized me by the shoulders and marched me

towards a great hickory fire that was blazing on the hearth.

"What do you mean, Tibbikens?" said I.

"To _warm you_," said he: "I like my coffee hot; and so I intend to

boil you over again on that very fire!"

At these words I started, trembled, and awoke as from a dream, assuring

him I had made a great mistake, and was no more of a coffee-pot than

he was; an assurance that doubtless prevented my undergoing an ordeal

which I was neither saint nor fire-king enough to endure with impunity.

Indeed, I was quite ashamed of having permitted such a delusion to

enter my brain.

The next day, however, a still more afflicting change came over me; for

having tried to read a book, in which I was interrupted by a great dog

barking in the street, I was seized with a rage of a most unaccountable

nature, and falling on my hands and feet, I responded to the animal's

cries, and barked in like manner, being quite certain that I was as

much of a dog as he. Nay, my servant Epaminondas coming in, I seized

him by the leg and would have worried him, had he not run roaring out

of the chamber; and my sister Ann coming to the door, I flew at her

with such ferocity that she was fain to escape down stairs. The doctor

was again sent for, and popping suddenly into the chamber, he rushed

upon me with a great horsewhip he had snatched up along the way, and

fell to belabouring me without mercy, crying out all the while, "Get

out, you rascal, get out!"

"Villain!" said I, jumping on my hind legs, and dancing about to avoid

his lashes, "what do you mean?"

"To whip you down stairs, you cur!" said he, flourishing his weapon

again.

On which I assured him as earnestly as I could that "I was no cur

whatever;" and indeed I was quite cured of the fancy.

My next conceit was (the morning being cold, and my fire having gone

out), that I was an icicle; which fancy was dispelled by the doctor

saluting me with a bucket of water, on pretence of melting me; and I

was doubtless melted all the sooner for being drenched in water exactly

at the freezing-point.

After this I experienced divers other transformations, being now

a chicken, now a loaded cannon, now a clock, now a hamper of

crockery-ware, and a thousand things besides; all which conceits the

doctor cured without much difficulty, and with as little consideration

for the roughness of his remedies. Being a chicken, he attempted to

wring my neck, calling me a dunghill rooster, fit only for the pot; he

discharged the cannon from my fancies by clapping a red-hot poker to

my nose; and the crate of crockery he broke to pieces by casting it on

the floor, to the infinite injury of my bones. The clock at first gave

him some trouble, until, pronouncing it to have a screw out of order,

he seized upon one of my front teeth with a pair of pincers, and by a

single wrench dissipated the delusion for ever.

6. CHAPTER VI.

AN ACCOUNT OF THE WOES OF AN EMPEROR OF FRANCE, WHICH HAVE NEVER BEFORE

APPEARED IN HISTORY.

In short (for I do not design particularizing my transformations

further), there was no conceit entered my brain which Dr. Tibbikens

did not cure by a conceit; until, one morning, by some mysterious

revelation, the nature and means of which can only be guessed at, I

found that I had been elected the Emperor of France, and announced my

intention to set sail for my government immediately, in the first ship

of the line which the American executive could put at my disposal.

This fancy quite disconcerted Dr. Tibbikens, and I heard him say to

my sister, "He is a gone case _now_,--quite mad, I assure you;" which

expression so much offended me, that I ordered him from my presence,

and told him that, were it not for my respect for the American

government, whose subject he was, I would have his head for his

impertinence.

But wo betide the day! the doctor returned to me in less than an hour,

bringing with him every physician in the village, who, having looked

at me a moment, went into another apartment, where they argued hotly

together for another hour. At the expiration of this they returned, led

by Tibbikens, who, to my great satisfaction, now fell on his knees,

and "begged my imperial majesty's pardon for presuming to request that

I would allow myself to be dressed in my imperial majesty's robe of

state;" which robe of state, although I was surprised at its plainness

(for it was of a coarse linen texture, without gold lace or jewels,

and of a very strange shape--closed in front and open in the rear), I

immediately consented to put on, so pleased was I with the homage of

the doctor.

If I was surprised at the appearance of the imperial garment, much more

was I astonished when, having slipped my arms into its sleeves, I found

them,--that is, my arms,--suddenly pinioned, buried, sewed up, as it

were, among the folds of the robe, so that, when it was tied behind me,

as it immediately was, I was as well secured as when I was tied up for

execution on a former occasion. Alas! the disappointment to my pride!

I understood the whole matter in a moment: my imperial robe of state

was nothing less nor more than a strait waistcoat, constructed upon the

spur of the moment, but still on scientific principles.

And now, being entirely at the mercy of the deceitful Tibbikens, I was

seized upon with a strong hand, my head shaved and thrust into a sack

of pounded ice, from which it was not taken until after a six days'

congelation, and then only to be transferred to a nightcap of Spanish

flies, exceedingly comfortable on the first application, but which,

within a few hours, I had every reason to pronounce the most execrable

covering in existence. And what made it still more intolerable, I never

complained of it that Tibbikens did not assure me "it was the imperial

coronet of France," and then exclaim, in the words of some old play,

"Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown."

And then I was physicked and starved, phlebotomized, soused in cold

water and scalded in hot, rubbed down with rough blanket cloths and

hair-brushes as stiff as wool-cards, scorched with mustard plasters,

bombarded by an electrical machine, and in general attacked by every

weapon of art which the zeal of my tormentors could bring into play

against me.

In this way, if I was not cured of my disease, I was, at least, brought

into subjection. I ceased complaining, which I did at first, and with

becoming indignation, of the traitorous and sacrilegious violence done

to my anointed body, for such I at first considered it. The arguments

of my persecutors, however, to prove the contrary, were irresistible,

being chiefly syllogisms, of which the major proposition was calomel

and jalap, the minor mustard plasters and blisters, and the conclusion

cold water, phlebotomy, and flax-seed tea. The same arguments, varied

categorically according to circumstances, convinced me that if my

imperial elevation, or the notion thereof, was not sheer insanity on my

own part, my doctors thought so--which was the same thing in effect;

and I therefore took good care, when bewailing my hard fate, not to

charge it, as I at first did, to the democratic wrath and jealousy of

my tormentors.

7. CHAPTER VII.

IN WHICH SHEPPARD LEE IS CONVINCED THAT ALL IS NOT GOLD WHICH GLISTENS.

This conversion of mine to their own opinion--or, if the reader

will so have it, my return to rationality--had a favourable effect

on my doctors. They removed (very circumspectly indeed) the strait

jacket from my arms; and then, seeing I made no attempt to tear them

to pieces, but was, on the contrary, very quiet and submissive, and

that, instead of claiming to be Charlemagne the Second of France, I

was content to be Mr. Arthur Megrim, of Virginia, they were so well

satisfied of the cure they had effected, that they agreed to free me of

their company, and so left me in the sole charge of Tibbikens and my

affectionate sister.

In this manner I was cured of hypochondriasis; for although I felt,

ever and anon, a strong propensity to confess myself a joint-stool,

a Greek demigod, or some such other fanciful creature, I retained so

lively a recollection of the penalties I had already paid for indulging

in such vagaries, that I put a curb on my imagination, and resolved

for the future to be nothing but plain Mr. Megrim, a gentleman with a

disordered digestive apparatus.

I was cured of my hypochondriasis--I may say, also, of my

dyspepsy--being kept by Tibbikens and my sister in such a starved

condition, that it was impossible I should ever more complain of

indigestion. But I was not yet cured of my melancholy; nothing but

canvass-backs and terapins could cure that--and these, alas! were never

more to bless my lips. Tibbikens had pronounced their fate, and with

them, mine: thenceforth and for ever my diet was to be looked for in

those--next to my digestive apparatus--chief favourites of my sister,

bran bread and hickory ashes; my stomach, he solemnly assured me, would

never be able to sustain any thing else.

I say, therefore, I was melancholy; and great reason had I to be so,

condemned to live a life of ascetic denial, with the means in my hand

to purchase all the luxuries in the world, and, which was worse, an

eternal desire to enjoy them.

To banish this melancholy--alas! never to be banished--and perhaps to

give me a little appetite for my bran bread and ashes, for which I

never could contract a relish, the friendly Tibbikens again seduced me

into the open air and my carriage, and carried me about to different

places in which he thought I might find amusement. In this way he had

conducted my prototype, the true Arthur Megrim, before me, whenever

indolence and the luxuries of the table brought him too near to

dyspepsy; and it was this uncommon kindness of the physician, in

dragging the unfortunate gentleman to witness the galvanic experiments

on the bodies of the executed felons, which had helped him so suddenly

out of his own. Dr. Tibbikens was not, indeed, very choice whither he

carried me, lugging me along with equal alacrity to a horse-race, a

barbacue, or to the bedsides of his patients.

All his efforts, however, were vain. The memory of what I had suffered,

with the anticipation of what I was yet to endure, with, doubtless,

the addition of the ills for the time being, preyed upon my spirit.

I followed him mechanically, and in a sort of torpor, incapable of

enjoying myself, incapable almost of noting what passed before me.

I was tired of the life of the young and affluent Mr. Megrim, and I

should have been glad to exchange his body for some one's else: but,

unluckily, my mind was so weighed down with indolence, melancholy, and

stupefaction, that I really did not think of so natural a means of

ending my troubles.

In this condition, greatly to the concern of my friendly physician,

I remained until towards the end of March, when an incident happened

which gave an impulse to my spirit greater than it had ever before

experienced.

8. CHAPTER VIII.

IN WHICH THE AUTHOR STUMBLES UPON AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE.

The doctor being accustomed to lead or drive me whithersoever he would,

and I, half the time, following without question, I found myself led

one day to a house in the town, where was a remarkable exhibition, or

show, as our people called it, which had for two days kept the whole

village in an uproar. So great, however, was the abstraction and

indifference of my mind to all objects, ordinary and extraordinary

alike, that I had paid not the least attention to the accounts of the

matter which my sister and other persons, and especially the faithful

Epaminondas, had, during these two days, poured into my ears. Hence,

when I entered the exhibition-room I was ignorant of its nature, and,

indeed, indifferent as to making myself better acquainted with it.

Tibbikens, however, appeared to be unusually delighted, and saying,

"Now, Megrim, my lad, you shall see a wonderful proof of the strides

that science is making," led me through a crowd of the villagers,

old and young, and male and female, who were present, up to a large

table, where, truly enough, in glass cases placed upon the same, was a

spectacle quite remarkable; though I must confess it did not make so

strong an impression upon me as Tibbikens expected.

It consisted of an infinite variety of fragments from the bodies of

animals and human beings, imitations, as I supposed at first, in wax,

or some other suitable substance, and done to the life; but Tibbikens

assured me they were real specimens, taken from animal bodies, and

converted by scientific processes, known only to the exhibiter, into

the substances we now saw; some being stony and harder than flint, some

again only a little indurated, while others retained their natural

softness, elasticity, and other peculiarities of texture. There were

a dozen or more human feet, as many hands, three heads (one of which

was a woman's with long hair, and another a child's), a calf's head,

a dog's leg, the ear of a pig, the nose of a horse, an ox's liver and

heart, a rat, a snake, and a catfish, and dozens of other things that I

cannot now remember, all of which were surprisingly natural to behold,

especially the head of the woman with the long hair, which looked as

if it had just been cut off--or rather not cut off at all, for there

was no appearance of death about it whatever, the lips and cheeks being

quite ruddy, and the eyes open and bright, though fixed.

"So much for science!" said Tibbikens. "Look at that boy's head! it

don't look so well as the others; but who would believe it was solid

stone? Sir, it is stone, and silicious stone too; for last night I

did myself knock fire out of its nose with the back of my knife; and

that's the cause of the nick there on the nostril. Well now, there's

the man's head; its texture is ligneous, or, to speak more strictly,

imperfectly carbonaceous, though the doctor calls it calcareous. But

the wonder of all is the woman's head; look at _that_! That, sir, is

neither silicious nor carbonaceous, but fleshy--I say, sir, _fleshy_.

It remains in its natural condition; the skin is soft and resilient;

you see the naturalness of the colour, of the lips, and, above all,

of the eyes. And yet, sir, that head, that flesh is indestructible,

unless, indeed, by fire, and strong acids or alkalis. It is _embalmed_,

sir! embalmed according to the new process of this doctor with the

unpronounceable Dutch name; and I can tell you, sir, that the man

is a chymist such as was never heard of before. Davy, Lavoisier,

Berzelius--sir, I presume to say they are fools to him, and will be

as soon forgotten as their stupid, uncivilized system. How little

they knew of the true science of chymistry! They stopped short at the

elements--our doctor here converts one element into another!"

Tibbikens spoke with an air of consequence and some little oratorical

emphasis, for he was surrounded by spectators, who listened to what

he said with reverence. As for me, the little interest excited in my

bosom by the novelty of the exhibition had begun to wear away, and I

was sinking again into apathy--the faster, perhaps, for the doctor's

conversation, of which I had a sufficiency every day--and I suppose I

should, in a few moments, have lost all consciousness of what was going

on around me, when suddenly a buzz began, and a murmuring of voices,

saying, "Here comes the doctor! now we shall have the grand show!"

At the same moment a grinding organ began its lugubrious grunting

and squeaking, and the master of the exhibition, stalking up to the

table, and making his patrons a sweeping semicircular bow, cried, in a

rumbling bass voice, and in accents strongly foreigh,--

"Zhentlemens and leddees--I peg you will excuse me for keep you

waiting. Vat you see here, zhentlemens and leddees, is very

strange--pieces of de poddies human and animal, shanged py a process

of philosophie very astonish, misty, and unknown to de multitude; some

hard shtone, some shtone not so hard, and some not shtone at all. But I

shall show you de representation vich is de triumph of art, de vonder

of science, de excellence of philosophie! For, zhentlemens and leddees,

I am no mountepank and showmans, put a man of de science, a friend of

de species human, and a zhentleman of de medical profession; and vat I

make dese tings for is not for show, nor for pastime, nor for de money,

but for de utilitie of de vorld."

"Surely," thought I to myself, "I have heard that voice before!"

I looked into the man's face as soon as the spectators had cleared away

a little--for I was too indifferent to put myself to any trouble--and

I said to myself--nay, I said aloud to Tibbikens, "Surely I have seen

that man before!"

"Where?" said Tibbikens.

"In Jersey," I replied, hastily; for I could not forget the tall

frame, the hollow jaws, the solemn eyes, and the ever-grinning mouth

of Feuerteufel, the German doctor, who had made himself so famous in

my native village, and who was one of the last persons I remembered to

have seen upon that day when I bade farewell to my original body.

"Come," said Tibbikens, looking alarmed at my last words, "you don't

pretend to say you were ever out of Virginia in your whole life!"

"Augh--oh!" said I, recollecting myself; "I wonder what I was talking

about? What--augh--what is the man's name?"

"Feuerteufel," said Tibbikens.

9. CHAPTER IX.

CONTAINING AN ACCOUNT OF THE WONDERFUL DISCOVERIES OF THE GERMAN DOCTOR.

I was not then mistaken! It was Feuerteufel himself, only he had

learned a little more English. This was the first and only one of my

original acquaintances whom I had laid eyes on since my departure from

New-Jersey, nearly two years before. I felt some interest, therefore,

in the man, but it was accompanied with a feeling of dislike, and even

apprehension. The truth is, I never liked the German doctor, though

why I never could tell. But what was he doing--what could be his

object going about the country with petrified legs, arms, and heads?

I had scarce asked myself the question before it was answered by the

gentleman himself, who had been speaking, though I know not what, all

the time I was talking with Tibbikens, and while I was cogitating

afterward.

He had worked himself into a fit of eloquence, warming with enthusiasm

as he dwelt upon the grandeur and usefulness of his discovery. He made

antic gestures with hands, head, and shoulders; he rolled and snapped

his eyes in the most extraordinary manner in the world; and as for his

mouth, there is no describing the grimaces and contortions which it

made over every particularly bright idea or felicitous word.

"Zhentlemens!" said he, "I have discover de great art to preserve de

human poddie; I can make him shtone, I can make him plaster-Paree, I

can make him shuse as he is, dat is _flesh_--put flesh vat is never

corrupt. Very well! vat shall I do mit de great discoaver? Mit de

first I shall preserve de poddies of de great men--de kings, and de

shenerals, and de poets, and de oder great men; and you shall see

how mosh petter it is tan de statues marple. How mosh petter to have

de great man as de great man look in de flesh, mit his eyes shining,

his skin and his colour all de pure natural! How mosh petter dat dan

de imitation! Suppose you have de painter who take de looking-glass;

and when you look in him, glue down de reflection dare for ever!--de

natural colour, de natural drawing, de light and de shade? How mosh

petter dat dan de picture in dirty oil and ochre! (I tell you,

py-the-py, zhentlemens, I do study _dat_ art, and I hopes some day to

make de grand discoaver--to put you reflection on de proper substance,

like de looking-glass, dat shall hold on to de colours, and hold'em

on for ever!) Vell, zhentlemens, I do de same ting mit de statue; I

take de nature as I find him--de shape, de colour, de lips, de eyes,

de hair, de all--and I do, py my process, make him indestructeeble,

and not to alter for ever. Here is de little poy's head dat I have

done in dat style. Dat is de art! dat is de art of making de _shtone_

mummee! It shall pe de most costly, de most expense, and derefore only

for de great, great men--de shenerals of war, de preshidents, and de

mens in Congress vat makes de pig speech. Vell! den I shall make de

oder style--de process to turn de poddie into plaster-Paree--vat I

call de _plaster_ mummee. Dat is not so dear; dat is de art for de

great men vat is not so great as de oders--for de leetle great men--de

goavernors, de editors of de paper, and de mens vat you give de grand

dinners to. Vell! den I shall make de oder style--de style for de

zhentlemens and leddees in zheneral, vat vill not go to rot in de

ground like de horse and de dog--de style of de flesh unshange--vat I

call de _flesh and plood_ mummee, shuse like dis woman head mit de long

hair. Dis is de sheep plan; it vill cost no more dan de price of de

funeral. It vill be done in tree days. De poddie is made incorruptible,

proof against de water, vat you call water-proof. It is de process for

de peoples in zheneral; and I do hopes to see de day ven it shall pe in

universal adopt by all, and no more poddies put into de earth to rot,

and to make de pad health for de peoples dat live. It is de shtyle for

de unwholesome countrees. Zhentlemens, you have know dat de Egyptians

did make all dare friends mummee. Why for dey do dat? Very good

reason. De land upon de Nile vas unwholesome, and de purrying of de

poddies made it vorse. There vas no wood dere to purn de poddies. Vell

den, dey did soak dem in de petrolium, de naptha, and oder substance

antiseptique, and hide dem in de catacomb and de pyramid. Dere vas no

decay, no corruption to poison de air; it vas vise plan!

"Now, zhentlemens, I have devise my plan for de benefit of America,

vich is de most unwholesome land in de earth, full of de exhalation and

de miasm, de effluvium from de decay animal and vegetable. You shall

adopt my plan for embalm your friends, and you no have no more pad air

for de fevers, de bilious, de agues, and de plack vomit. Zhentlemens,

I have shuse complete my great secret; it vas de study of my whole

life; I have shuse succeed. I have de full and complete specimens of de

process for make de sheep mummee, de mummee of flesh and plood, de plan

for de men in zheneral, vich do always love to pe sheep. I have start

carry dem to de great city New-Orleans; and if de peoples do adopt him

dere, dey shall have no more complain of de great sickness vat kills

de peoples; for dere shall be no more rot of man's flesh in de swampy

ground. Here you see de ox-heart, de catfish, de bullfrog, de six hands

and feet, all done into flesh and plood mummee. Here is de woman's

head. It has been done dis tree year. But you shall see de grand

specimen, de complete figure, de grown man turn into de mummee, and

look more natural dan de life. Dat is de triumph of mine art! It was my

first grand specimen, done dere is now two year almost, and it did cost

me mosh expense and money, and some leetle danger. Now you shall say de

specimen is perfect, or you shall have my head; it is vat I value apove

my life--de complete! de grand! de peautiful!--But you shall see!"

10. CHAPTER X.

CONTAINING A MORE WONDERFUL DISCOVERY ON THE PART OF SHEPPARD LEE, WITH

PERHAPS THE MOST SURPRISING ADVENTURE THAT EVER BEFELL HIM.

Having thus completed his lecture, or oration, of which I must confess

I had begun to grow tired, the German doctor suddenly stepped to a

great round box, like a watchman's box, that stood at the further end

of the room, and unlocking the folding leaves of which it was composed,

swung them round with a jerk, exhibiting an inner case, evidently

of glass, but entirely covered over with a thick curtain. This he

proceeded to remove, by tugging at a string which hoisted it to the

ceiling; and as it ascended there was disclosed to the eyes of the

wondering spectators a human figure within the case, clad loosely in a

sort of Roman garment, and for all the world looking entirely like a

living being, except that the eyes were fixed in a set unnatural stare,

and the attitude was a little stiff and awkward.

A murmur, with twenty or more faint shrieks from the females present,

attested the admiration with which the spectators caught sight of this

wonderful triumph of skill and science; but I--heavens and earth!

what were _my_ feelings, what was _my_ astonishment, when I beheld in

that lifeless mummy my own lost body! the mortal tenement in which I

had first drawn the breath, and experienced the woes, of life! the

body of Sheppard Lee the Jerseyman! This, then, was its fate--not to

be anatomized and degraded into a skeleton, as the vile Samuel the

kidnapper had told me, but converted into a mummy by a new process, for

the especial benefit of science and the world; and Dr. Feuerteufel,

the man for whom I had always cherished an instinctive dislike and

horror, was the worthy personage who had stolen it, what time I had

myself interrupted his designs upon the body of the farmer's boy, in

the old graveyard near the Owl-roost! I looked upon my face--that is,

the face of the mummy--and a thousand recollections of my original home

and condition burst upon my mind; the tears started into my eyes with

them. What had I gained by forsaking the lot to which Providence had

assigned me? In a moment, the woes of Higginson, of Dawkins, Skinner,

Longstraw, Tom the slave, and Megrim the dyspeptic, rushed over my

memory, contrasted with those lesser ones of Sheppard Lee, which I had

so falsely considered as rendering me the most miserable man in the

world.

What other notions may have crowded my brain, what feeling may have

entered my bosom, I am now unable to describe. The sight of my body

thus restored to me, and in the midst of my sorrow and affliction,

inviting me, as it were, back to my proper home, threw me into an

indescribable ferment. I stretched out my arms, I uttered a cry, and

then rushing forward, to the astonishment of all present, I struck my

foot against the glass case with a fury that shivered it to atoms--or,

at least, the portion of it serving as a door, which, being dislodged

by the violence of the blow, fell upon the floor and was dashed to

pieces. The next instant, disregarding the cries of surprise and fear

which the act occasioned, I seized upon the cold and rigid hand of the

mummy, murmuring, "Let me live again in my own body, and never--no!

never more in another's!"

Happiness of happiness! although, while I uttered the words, a boding

fear was on my mind, lest the long period the body had lain inanimate,

and more especially the mummifying process to which it had been

subjected, might have rendered it unfit for further habitation, I had

scarce breathed the wish before I found myself in that very body,

descending from the box which had so long been its prison, and stepping

over the mortal frame of Mr. Arthur Megrim, now lying dead on the floor.

Indescribable was the terror produced among the spectators by this

double catastrophe--the death of their townsman, and the revival of the

mummy. The women fell down in fits, and the men took to their heels;

and a little boy, who was frightened into a paroxysm of devotion,

dropped on his knees, and began fervently to exclaim,

"Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep."

In short, the agitation was truly inexpressible, and fear distracted

all. But on no countenance was this passion (mingled with a due degree

of amazement) more strikingly depicted than on that of the German

doctor, who, thus compelled to witness the object of a thousand cares,

the greatest and most perfect result of his wonderful discovery,

slipping off its pedestal and out of his hands, as by a stroke of

enchantment, stared upon me with eyes, nose, and mouth, speechless,

rooted to the floor, and apparently converted into a mummy himself. As

I stepped past him, however, hurrying to the door, with a vague idea

that the sooner I reached it the better, his lips were unlocked, and

his feelings found vent in a horrible exclamation--"_Der tyfel!_" which

I believe means the devil--"Der tyfel! I have empalm him too well!"

Then making a dart at me, he cried, in tones of distraction, "Stop my

mummy! mine gott! which has cost me so much expense!--stop my mummy!"

I saw that he designed seizing me, and being myself as much overcome

with fear as the others, I made a bolt for the door, knocking down my

friend Tibbikens and half a dozen other retreating spectators as I left

it, darted into the air, and in a moment was flying out of the village

on the wings of the wind.

I had a double cause for terror; for, first, before I had got twenty

steps from the exhibition-room (for my Roman garments were in the way

of my legs, and I did not run so fast as I managed to do afterward),

I heard certain furious voices cry from the room--"It is all a cheat!

the mummy was a living man! let us Lynch him and the doctor!" and,

secondly, I could also hear, close at my heels, the voice of the doctor

himself, who had escaped close behind me, eagerly vociferating, "Stop

my mummy, and I will pay twenty dollare! stop my mummy!"--by both which

noises it was made apparent that I was in danger of being Lynched, or

subjected to a second process of mummification.

Nerved therefore by my fears, I gathered the skirts of my toga about my

arms, and fled with all my might, blessing my stars that I had at last

recovered that mortal tenement, which, with all its troubles, I was now

convinced was the best for my purposes in the whole world.

BOOK VIII.

CONTAINING THE CONCLUSION OF THE HISTORY.

1. CHAPTER I.

SHEPPARD LEE FLIES FROM THE GERMAN DOCTOR, AND FINDS HIMSELF AGAIN IN

NEW-JERSEY.

The faster I fled, the faster it seemed to me I was followed by the

German doctor, who, I have always believed, was driven crazy by the

sudden loss of his beloved mummy, and who, I had therefore the greatest

reason to fear, would, if he succeeded in retaking me, be content with

nothing short of clapping me again into his glass case, were it even

a needful preliminary, as, in truth, it must have been, to kill and

embalm me over again. And indeed I think the reader will allow, that

the fact of his following me three days and three nights, still calling

me a mummy, charging everybody he met to stop me, and persisting to

claim me as his property, even after I had got among my own friends,

was a proof not only of insanity, but of a desperate determination to

rob me of life and liberty.

Of this determination on his part I was myself so strongly persuaded,

and, in consequence, so overcome by terror, that I am inclined to think

I was for a time nearly as mad as himself; and I fled from before him

with a speed which the reader can only conceive when I tell him, that

I ran from the scene of my transformation on the banks of the Potomac

to my native village in New-Jersey, a distance which I estimate at full

one hundred and eighty miles, in the short space of three days and

three nights, during which period I rested but once, and that on the

second night, when, being very faint and weary, I lay down on the earth

and slept two hours.

This may be justly esteemed a truly wonderful exploit, and it exceeds

that of the great Daniel Boone of Kentucky, of whom it is related that

he ran before a band of wild Indians the same distance, or thereabouts,

in _four_ days' time; but it must be remembered that I was fleeing from

a raging madman, whose speed was so nearly equal to my own, that if I

chanced but to flag a little in my exertions at any time, I was sure to

see him make his appearance on the rear, or to hear his voice screaming

on the winds to "stop his mummy." Indeed, I ran with such haste, that

I took no note of the road upon which I travelled, and to this day I

am ignorant how I succeeded in passing the three great rivers, the

Potomac, the Chesapeake, and the Delaware, which lay in my route, and

which I _must_ have crossed in some way or other. And, for the same

reason, I am ignorant in what manner I sustained existence during those

three days, having not the slightest recollection of eating a single

meal on the whole journey.

All that I can remember of the journey is, that I ran I knew not

whither, but with an instinctive turning of my face towards the north;

that I was closely followed by the German doctor; and that, about

sundown on the third day, I found myself, to my unspeakable joy,

rushing through the Owl-roost swamp, across the meadow, and by that

identical beech-tree where I had first lost my body, in full view of

my own house. The sight of that once happy home of my childhood filled

me with rapture. I rushed towards it, hailed by a shout from old Jim

Jumble, my negro-man, backed by another from his wife Dinah, that might

have waked the dead, they were so loud and uproarious, and found myself

in the arms of my dear, but long-neglected sister Prudence, who, with

her husband Alderwood, and her three young children, was standing on

the porch.

Then, being wholly overcome by exhaustion of body and mind, and having

endured such fatigues and sufferings from hunger and thirst, without

speaking of terror, as have seldom oppressed a poor feeble human

being, I fell into a swoon, from which I awoke only to be assailed by

a violent fever and delirium, the direct consequences of my superhuman

exertions, that kept me a-bed, in a condition between life and death,

for more than two weeks.

During all this period I recollect being tormented by the hateful

visage of the German doctor, who, having followed me like a bloodhound,

daily forced himself into my chamber, claimed me as his property, and

would doubtless have carried me off, had it not been for my sister, my

brother-in-law, and the faithful Jim Jumble, the first of whom watched

at my bedside like an angel, while the two others opposed themselves

to the enemy, and drove him from the room. His persecutions, indeed,

affected me to a degree I cannot express, and were the cause that, at

the end of the two weeks as above mentioned, I suddenly fell into a

lethargy or trance, the crisis of my disease, in which I lay two days,

and then awoke in my full senses, free from fever, and convalescent.

How great was my satisfaction then to behold myself surrounded by my

friends, and in my own house; how much greater to know I was no longer

to be persecuted by the odious German doctor, who, my brother-in-law

gave me to understand, in reply to my anxious questions, had not only

given over all designs on my person, but had actually departed from the

neighbourhood, and from the State of New-Jersey, satisfied, doubtless,

that I was a living man, and no longer a mummy.

2. CHAPTER II.

WHAT HAD HAPPENED AT WATERMELON HILL DURING THE AUTHOR'S ABSENCE.

This intelligence was balm to my spirit and medicine to my body; and

the consequence was, that I recovered so rapidly as to be able to leave

my bed in less than a week, and receive the visits and congratulations

of many old friends, who seemed really glad of my return and recovery,

though I have no doubt they were moved as much by curiosity to learn

where I had been, and what adventures had befallen me during the long

period of my exile; in which, however, I did not think it advisable to

gratify them.

And now it was that I discovered that many changes, personally

interesting to myself, had happened during my absence. When I first

got upon my porch and looked about me, I almost doubted whether I

was really on the forty-acre. My house had been carefully reparied,

both within and without; a new and substantial stable, with other

outbuildings, had been erected; new fences had been put up around my

fields and orchards; cattle were lowing on my meadows, and horses

whinnying in the stable, to be let loose with them upon the early

grass. In a word, the forty-acre now looked more prosperous and

flourishing than it had ever before looked mean and empoverished: it

looked almost as well as it had done in the days of my father.

"How was all this change brought about?" I demanded of my

brother-in-law, who, with my sister, had accompanied, or, indeed,

rather led me to the porch.

"By the magic of money, industry, and a little common sense," said

Alderwood, who, although a plain and bluff man, was a sensible one, and

a most excellent farmer. "You must know, my dear Sheppard," said he,

"that, when we found you were so far gone--"

"How," said I, in surprise, "how did you know I had gone far? I thought

the general opinion was that I was murdered."

"Oh, yes," said my sister, nodding at her husband; "it was just as you

say."

With that Alderwood smiled, and nodded back again, saying,

"Prue is right. When we discovered your condition--that is, when we

found you had been murdered, as you say, and that there was no one to

look to the poor forty-acre except the sheriff and the mortgagee, it

was agreed between your sister and myself that I should take the matter

in hand; for we were loath the property should go into the possession

of strangers. Besides, Prudence insisted upon being near you--"

"That is," said Prudence, "near to where we supposed the murderers must

have concealed your body."

"Exactly so," said Alderwood. "For this reason I left my own farm

in the hands of my young brother Robert, came down hither, bag and

baggage, applied a little of my loose cash (for I believe I have been

somewhat more prosperous than you) to stopping the mouth of your

mortgagee, building fences, banking meadows, spreading marl, and so on;

and the consequence is, that we are getting the forty-acre into good

condition again, so that, in a few years, it will pay the debts, and

perhaps begin to make the fortune of its owner."

I grasped my brother-in-law's hand. I was moved by his kindness; and

remembering how, after quarrelling with him, as related in the first

book of this history, I had refused a reconciliation, and rejected his

offers of assistance, his friendship and generosity appeared still more

worthy of my gratitude.

"Poh!" said he, interrupting my thanks and professions of regard, but

looking well pleased that I should be disposed to make them, "I was

persuaded you would come to some day--that is, I mean, come back."

"That is," said Prudence, "we always had a notion you were not really

dead, and that we should see you again, some time, alive and happy."

"I trust," said I, "you will long see me so; for I am now a changed,

I hope, a wiser man--disposed to make the best of the lot to which

Heaven has assigned me, and to sigh no longer with envy at the supposed

superior advantages of others. I think, brother Alderwood, I shall

now be contented with my condition, humble and even toilsome as it

may be. I have seen enough of the miseries of my fellows--those even

whom I most envied--during the two years of my absence, to teach me

that every man has his share of them; that there is nothing peculiarly

wretched in my own lot, and that I can be happy or not, just as I

may choose to make myself. For this reason, I shall now bid adieu to

indolence and discontent, the vile mother and viler daughter together,

and do as my father did before me, that is, cultivate these few acres

which my folly has left me, with my own hands; nor will I rest from my

labours until I have discharged every claim against it, your own, my

dear Alderwood, first of all; though I am sensible I can never repay

the debt of kindness I owe you." "And this is really your intention?"

demanded Alderwood, looking prodigiously gratified. "Your possessions

are now limited, indeed; yet you have enough, with a little industry

and care, to render you independent for life. And if you will really

apply yourself to the farm--"

"I will," said I. "If labour and perseverance can do it, I will attain

the independence you speak of; I will remove every encumbrance on the

forty-acre, and then trust to pass such a life as modest wishes and a

contented temper can secure me."

"You may begin to pass it immediately, then," said Alderwood, "for the

forty-acre is already clear of every encumbrance. Yes," he continued,

seeing me look surprised, "I tell you nothing but the truth. Aikin

Jones, your old friend and overseer--"

"He is a villain!" said I, "and he defrauded me."

"So it is pretty commonly supposed; but, as we have no legal proof

of his dishonesty, the less we say of it the better. He has gone to

settle his accounts at a tribunal where craft and policy can avail him

nothing. He died eight months ago, and they say who know best, in great

agony and fear of spirit. Now, whether he was moved by old feelings of

friendship, or was struck with remorse at seeing the condition to which

he had reduced you--"

"What condition?" said I.

"Oh," said my sister, "the ruin of your affairs; nothing more." And

Alderwood nodded his head by way of assent to the explanation.

"In short," said he, "Mr. Aikin Jones, whatever may have been his

motive, thought fit to bequeath you a legacy--"

"What!" said I; "how could he leave a legacy to a man universally

considered dead?"

"Oh," said my sister, "he never would believe that. There were a good

many people had their doubts on that subject."

"Yes," said Alderwood; "and Mr. Aikin Jones was one of them. And so,

finding himself dying, and being seized perhaps with compunction for

the wrongs he had done you, he left you a legacy,--no great matter,

indeed, considering how much of your estate he died possessed of. It

sufficed, however, to pay off your mortgage, principal and interest,

and to improve and stock the forty-acre just as you now see it. So you

see, my dear Sheppard, you are not so badly off as you supposed. Your

farm is small, yet your father drew from it a fortune; and I believe a

good farmer might do the same thing a second time. But you are not very

learned in agricultural matters. I will remain with you a while--at

least until your health is re-established--and be your teacher. When

you find yourself competent to the management of the farm I will bid

you farewell, assured that you will lead a happier life than you ever

knew before."

This intelligence with regard to my little homestead was highly

agreeable to me; nor was I less pleased with my brother-in-law's

resolution to remain with me for a time, while I acquired a knowledge

of agriculture, and confirmed myself in new habits of industrious and

active application.

3. CHAPTER III.

CONTAINING THE SUBSTANCE OF A SINGULAR DEBATE BETWIXT THE AUTHOR AND

HIS BROTHER, WITH A PHILOSOPHIC DEFENCE OF THE AUTHOR'S CREDIBILITY.

And now, having arrived at the close of my adventurous career, I have

but a few additions to make to my story before concluding it entirely.

I took an early opportunity to impart to my brother-in-law a faithful

account of my adventures, as well as a resolution which I had already

formed to commit them to writing, and publish them for the benefit of

the world; for I was persuaded they contained a moral which might prove

of service to many persons, who, like myself, had fallen into the error

of supposing they were assigned to a harsher lot than their fellows.

This resolution Alderwood opposed with all his might, being concerned

lest such an enterprise as writing a book should divert my mind from

the labours of the farm, and, indeed, seduce me again into habits of

idleness. Besides, he was afraid the strangeness of my adventures

would cause them to be received with incredulity, whereby I might

suffer in reputation, and be looked upon only as a dreamer and teller

of falsehoods. His chief reasons, however, I doubt not, were the two

first mentioned; for he was anxious I should now think of nothing but

my farm. His dislike to my design was, in truth, so great, that, having

exhausted all the arguments he could muster in the vain design to

overcome it, he had resort to a new mode of opposition, an expedient

highly ingenious, but not a little ridiculous. He endeavoured to

shake my own faith in my story!--to convince me that I had imagined

all I have related, and that, in a word, I had never encountered any

adventures at all. I protest I am diverted to this day when I think of

the mingled anxiety and address which he displayed on the occasion. He

assured me, and that quite plumply, that during the whole two years

(to speak strictly, it was only twenty months) of my wanderings, I had

never once been off the forty-acre farm; that I had never been in any

body besides my own; and that the whole source of the notion on my

part lay in a hallucination of mind which had suddenly attacked me,

filling me with ridiculous conceits of various transformations, such

as never had happened, and never could happen, to any human being.

And this absurd account he persisted in as long as he could with any

decency, giving me repeated hints that my mother had died insane,

and that it was not therefore strange _I_ should have been a little

odd once in my life. I showed him the place where I had been digging

under the beech-tree (where, by-the-way, I was weak enough afterward

to make Jim Jumble sink a pit twelve feet deep, to satisfy myself that

Captain Kid's money really did _not_ lie there); which place, however,

he averred was as great a proof of the truth of his story as of mine:

"For," said he, "none but a madman would dig for Captain Kid's money."

I led him to the willow-bushes, and the old worm fence in the marsh,

where I had found Squire Higginson's body; which he allowed I might

have done, but protested that other persons had found it also; and that

instead of going home alive in Squire Higginson's barouche, it had

been carried to Philadelphia in a coffin; and as for Higginson's being

clapped into prison for my murder, it was _I_, he said who had been

confined on suspicion of having been concerned in _his_, until, as he

said, it was found that I was out of my wits, and that Higginson had

died of an apoplexy.

I then referred to a circumstance that had happened during my late

sickness, as affording the fullest confirmation of my story. The

circumstance was this. While still lying tormented with fever, but at

a moment when my mind was sound and lucid, Jim Jumble put a newspaper

into my hand, in which, by a singular coincidence, appeared an account

of my late transformation in Virginia, with an allusion to the fate

of Zachariah Longstraw, by which I learned, for the first time, what

had become of his body after I left it. From the article, which,

strangely, and yet naturally enough, was headed "Outrageous Humbug,

and Fatal Consequence thereof," it seemed to be universally believed

that Dr. Feuerteufel's mummy was no mummy at all, but a living man, as

I myself had heard it called in the village, with whom he had leagued

in a conspiracy to hoax and swindle the good people of the south out

of their money; and that the imposture had been detected by Mr. Arthur

Megrim, who, proceeding to force the glass box, was knocked down by

the pretended dead man, and so unfortunately killed, the mummy and

his accomplice, the doctor, making their escape in the confusion. The

editor of the paper, after noticing a second account, by which it

was asserted that the unfortunate Megrim, though overturned by the

pretended mummy in his flight, had received no injury from him, but, on

the contrary, had died of sheer fright and horror, being of a nervous,

hypochondriacal turn, and acknowledging that this account was more

probable, inveighed warmly against the villany and audacity of the

swindlers; who, he said, were more legitimate objects on whom to wreak

the vengeance of Lynchdom than the people of that district had found in

Zachariah Longstraw, the philanthropist. And here the editor reminded

his readers of the fate of that excellent and distinguished individual,

who had died in the Lynchers' hands the preceding autumn, against the

ringleaders of whom his nephew, Mr. Jonathan Truelove, had so vainly

attempted to establish legal proceedings.

To this account, I say, I referred as containing an argument of my

truth not to be resisted; but, unfortunately, the paper had by some

means or other vanished, and Alderwood said my story went for nothing

without it. That paper, I have always thought, he had himself got

possession of and secreted. But had I even retained and shown it to

him, I doubt whether it would have affected him in the least; for he

was one of those skeptical men who believed a thing none the sooner for

finding it in a newspaper.

In a word, there is no expressing the obstinacy of my brother in

rejecting my story, nor the adroitness with which he met such proofs

as I could give him of the truth of it. The last instance of it

which I shall relate was his taking the part of the German doctor,

Feuerteufel, who, he declared, had not only never made a mummy of me,

but had not laid claim to me as his property, though he himself (that

is, my brother-in-law) had been present at least a dozen times when

the German doctor did so in my sick-chamber, from which Alderwood was

so instrumental in expelling him. He even insisted that this man,

having made a second and last visit to our village to hunt plants and

reptiles, had been employed (and at his own instance too) to cure me

of that very malady he so ridiculously would have me believe I had

been afflicted with, and that it was to him, under Heaven, I owed my

restoration to health. Nay, he even went the length of showing me what

he called the doctor's bill; and, true enough, it was a bill, with a

receipt in full upon it; but the amount being prodigiously great, I saw

at once into the whole affair, which was nothing less than a masked

contract betwixt my brother-in-law and the doctor, whereby the latter

secretly covenanted, in consideration of the large sum received from

the former, to persecute me no longer with his claims, and perhaps to

leave the country altogether.

Besides all this, my brother attacked me by demanding by what means

it was that I had transferred my spirit so often, and so easily, from

one body to another. And this being a question on which the reader

may require satisfaction as well as my brother, I must allow that it

presents a difficulty, and a very great one. All that I can say to

this is, first, that I _did_ transfer my spirit from body to body,

and no less than seven different times; secondly, that these seven

translations of spirit indicated in me the possession of a peculiar

power to make them; and thirdly, that the existence of such a peculiar

power, however wonderful it may appear, is not beyond the bounds of

philosophic probability.

No man can be so ignorant or skeptical as to deny, that there are

several different faculties of a most marvellous nature, with which a

few individuals in the world are mysteriously endowed, while the great

mass of men are entirely without them; and to the number of these

supernatural endowments there is scarce a year passes by without adding

a new one. What can be, or ought to be, considered a more surprising

faculty than that of _ventriloquism_,--the art of throwing the voice

into places and things afar from the operator, of taking, as it were,

the lungs, glottis, &c. from his body, and clapping them into a chest,

log, stone wall, or other inanimate substance, or into the body of

another? and how few are there in the world who possess the power of

doing so! One man thumps his chin with his fingers, and draws from it

pure and agreeable musical tones, and another whistles a melody in

parts; while men in general might thump and whistle till their teeth

fell out without producing any music worth listening to. What can be

more wonderful than the faculty recently developed by the advocates and

practitioners of a new system of medicine, who, by shaking a bottle in

a peculiar way, give to its contents a medical virtue which did not

exist before, and which another man,--the patient, for example,--might

shake till doomsday without imparting?*

The Natural Bonesetter is one instance of the possession of a faculty

both rare and astonishing, and so is any old woman who can pow-wow the

fire out of a burn. Not to multiply inferior instances, however, I will

ask the reader if any faculty can be deemed more incredible than that

of the magnetizer, who, by flourishing his digits about your body,

now cures your rheumatism, and now sets you sound asleep--unless it

be that of the magnetized slumberer, who reads a sealed letter laid

on his epigastrium, sees through millstones and men's bodies, and

renders oraculous responses to any question that may be proposed him,

even though it be upon subjects of which, while awake, he is entirely

ignorant.

In fine, granting all these things to be true (and who shall dare to

doubt them), why should it not be granted that an individual should

possess the power of transferring his spirit from body to body at

will--a power but little more extraordinary (if indeed it be more

extraordinary) than the other faculties which are admitted to have

actual existence?

To me it seems that the thing is natural enough, though still, I

grant, extremely wonderful. Many persons are thought to possess the

ventriloquial, and even the magnetic power, without being conscious of

the endowment, accident having been in all cases the cause of their

being made acquainted with its existence. In the same way, it is not

improbable that other persons besides myself may possess the faculty

of reanimating dead bodies, without suspecting it; for I can scarce

believe the faculty should be confined entirely to myself.

4. CHAPTER IV.

BEING THE LAST CHAPTER OF ALL.

I never could succeed in convincing my brother-in-law of the truth of

my relation--or rather--for I have always thought his incredulity

was assumed for the purpose mentioned--I never could overcome his

opposition to the design I formed of writing and committing it to the

press. For this reason I ceased talking of it more, and even affected

to believe the foolish story he had told me of my having conceived

my adventures in a mere fit of delirium. This I did not so much out

of compliment to him, as from a desire to have him believe I would

let nothing divert me from the business of my farm, which, indeed, I

immediately addressed myself to in such good earnest as secured his

hearty approval and zealous congratulations.

In secret, however, and in the intervals of toil, I employed myself

recording my adventures, while their impression was still strong on my

memory; and now, having happily brought them to a conclusion, I commit

them to the world, confident that, if they surprise nobody else, they

will cause some astonishment to my brother Alderwood.

It is now some time since I have been deprived of his and my sister's

company at Watermelon Hill, they having retired to their own farm as

soon as my brother was well convinced I was capable of managing my own

affairs. My only society now consists of honest Jim Jumble, his wife

Dinah, and my sister's oldest son, Sheppard Lee Alderwood (for he was

named after me), a lad of fourteen years, but uncommonly shrewd and

sensible, for whom I have contracted a strong affection, and to whom,

if I should die unmarried, as is quite probable, I design bequeathing

my little patrimony.

Jim Jumble is as independent and saucy as ever, but I can bear with his

humours, he is so faithful, industrious, and, as I may add, so happy

to see his master once more prospering in the world. He and Dinah are

singing all day long.

My estate is small, and it may be that it will never increase. I am,

however, content with it; and content is the secret of all enjoyment. I

am not ashamed to labour in my fields. On the contrary, I have learned

to be grateful to Providence that it ordained me to a lot of toil,

wherein I find the truest source of health, self-approbation, and

happiness. My only trouble is an occasional stiffness and sluggishness

of joints and muscles, which Jim Jumble tells me is "all owing to my

being naturally a lazy man," but which I myself suppose was caused by

my remaining so long a mummy. To counterbalance this evil, however, I

find in myself an astonishing hardiness of constitution, particularly

in resisting quinsies, catarrhs, and defluxions on the breast, to which

I was formerly very liable; and this immunity I know not how to account

for, unless by supposing that my body was hardened by the process of

mummifying, and that it still continues to be water-proof.

At all events--be my body what it may, hardy or frail, stiff or supple,

I am satisfied with it, and shall never again seek to exchange it for

another.

THE END.