A consultation as to new lodgings.--Also a consultation with counsel.
It was a subject of grave discussion between the Bumpkins and Joe, as to
where would be the best place for the plaintiff to lodge on his next
visit to London. If he had moved in the upper ranks of life, in all
probability he would have taken Mrs. Bumpkin to his town house: but being
only a plain man and a farmer, it was necessary to decide upon the most
convenient, and at the same time, inexpensive locality.
Mrs. Bumpkin, who, of course, knew all about her husband's adventures,
was strongly opposed to his returning to the Goose. Never had created
thing lost so much in her estimation by mere association as this domestic
bird. Joe was a fine soldier, no doubt, but it was the Goose that had
taken him in.
Curiously enough, as they were discussing this important question, who
should come in but honest Lawyer Prigg himself.
What a blessing that man seemed to be, go where he would! Why, he spread
an air of hope and cheerfulness over this simple household the moment he
entered it! But the greatest virtue he dispensed was resignation; he had
a large stock of this on hand. He always preached it: "resignation to
the will of Providence;" resignation to him, Prigg!
So when he came in with his respectable head, professional collar, and
virtuous necktie, Mr. and Mrs. Bumpkin could not choose but rise. Mr.
Bumpkin meekly pulled his hair, and humbly bowed obeisance as to his
benefactor. Mrs. Bumpkin curtseyed as to a superior power, whom she
could not recognize as a benefactor. Joe stood up, and looked as if he
couldn't quite make out what Mr. Prigg was. He knew he worked the Law
somehow, and "summut like as a man works a steam-threshing machine, but
how or by what means, was a mystery unrevealed to the mind of the simple
soldier."
"Good morning! good morning!" said Mr. Prigg, after the manner of a
patriarch conferring a blessing. "Well, Joe, so you are returned, are
you? Come, now, let me shake hands with one of our brave heroes!"
What condescension! and his tone was the tone of a man reaching down from
a giddy height to the world beneath him.
"So you were in the thick of the fight, were you--dear me! what a charge
that was!" Ah, but, dear reader, you should see Prigg's charges!
"I wur someur about, sir," said Joe. "I dunnow where now though."
"Quite so," said Mr. Prigg, "it was a great victory; I'm told the enemy
ran away directly they heard our troops were coming."
"Now look at that," said Joe; "what a lot of lies do get about sure-ly!"
"Dear me!" said Mr. Prigg; "but you beat them, did you not? we won the
battle?"
"That's right enough," said Joe; "but if they'd run away we couldn't a
beat un--'tain't much of a fight when there's no enemy."
"Haw, haw, haw!" laughed Bumpkin. "That be good, Mr. Prigg, that be
good!"
"Very good, very good, indeed," said Mr. Prigg; "I don't wonder at your
winning if you could make such sallies as that."
And that was good for Mr. Prigg.
"And now," said he, "to business--business, eh?"
"We be jist gwine to 'ave a nice piece o' pork and greens, Mr. Prigg,
would ee please to tak some," said Mr. Bumpkin.
"Dear me!" answered Prigg; "how very strange, my favourite dish--if ever
Mrs. Prigg is in doubt about--"
"It be wery plain," said Bumpkin.
"The plainer the better, my dear sir; as I always say to my servants, if
you--"
"I'm sure," said Mrs. Bumpkin; "I be 'ardly fit to wait on a gennleman
like you. I ain't 'ad time this morning to change my gown and tidy up
myself."
"Really, my dear madam--don't, now; I adjure you; make no apologies--it
is not the dress--or the--or the --, anything in fact, that makes us what
we are;--don't, if you please."
And here his profound sentiments died away again and were lost to the
world; and the worthy man, not long after, was discussing his favourite
dish with greedy relish.
"An when'll this 'ere thing be on, Mr. Prigg, does thee think? It be a
hell of a long time."
"Tom! Tom!" exclaimed Mrs. Bumpkin. But Mr. Prigg was too well bred and
too much occupied with his pork and greens to hear the very wayward
epithet of the Farmer Bumpkin.
"Quite so," said the lawyer; "quite so, it is so difficult to tell when a
case will come on. You're in the list to-day and gone to-morrow; a man
the other day was just worried as you have been; but mark this; at the
trial, Mr. Bumpkin, the jury gave that man a verdict for a thousand
pounds!"
"Look at that, Nancy," exclaimed Mr. Bumpkin; "Will 'ee tak a little more
pork, sir?"
"Thank you," said Mr. Prigg, "it's uncommonly good; some of your own
feeding, I suppose?"
"Ay," said Mr. Bumpkin.
"Were that a pig case, Mr. Prigg, where the man got the thousand pounds?"
asked Mrs. Bumpkin.
"Let me see," answered Prigg, "_was_ it a pig case?" Here he put his
finger to the side of his nose. "I really, at this moment, quite forget
whether it was or was not a pig case. I'll trouble you, Mrs. Bumpkin,
for a little more greens, if you please."
"Now, I wur saying," said Bumpkin, "jist as thee comed in, where be I to
lodge when I gooes to Lunnon agin?"
"Ah, now, quite so--yes; and you must go in a day or two. I expect we
shall be on shortly. Now, let me see, you don't like 'The Goose'? A
nice respectable hostelry, too!"
"I wunt 'ave un goo there, Mr. Prigg," said Mrs. Bumpkin.
"Quite so--quite so. Now what I was thinking was, suppose you took
lodgings at some nice suburban place, say--"
"What pleace, sir?" inquired Bumpkin.
"Let us say Camden Town, for instance--nice healthy neighbourhood and
remarkably quiet. You could come every morning by 'bus, or if you
preferred it, by rail; and if by rail, you could take a season ticket,
which would be much cheaper; a six months' ticket, again, being cheaper
than a three months' ticket."
"In the name o' Heaven, sir," exclaimed Mrs. Bumpkin, "be this 'ere thing
gwine on for ever?"
Mr. Prigg smiled benignly, as much as to say, "You ladies are so
impatient, so innocent of the business of life."
"It seems to me, Mr. Prigg, one need live to be as old as thic there
Mackthusaler to bring a law-suit now-a-days."
"Now, look at that!" broke in Joe, "it's made master look forty year
older aready."
"So it have, Joe," rejoined the mistress; "I wish it could be chucked up
altogether."
Mr. Prigg benignantly shook his head.
"D'ye think I be gwine to give in to thic sniggerin' Snooks feller?"
asked Mr. Bumpkin. "Not if I knows it. Why thic feller goo sniggerin'
along th' street as though he'd won; and he 'ave told lots o' people how
he'll laugh I out o' Coourt--his counsel be gwine to laugh I out o'
Coourt becors I be a country farmer."
"Right can't be laughed out of Court, sir," said the excellent Prigg,
solemnly.
"Noa, noa, right bean't asheamed, goo where ur wool. Upright and
down-straight wur allays my motto. I be a plain man, but I allays tried
to act straight-forrerd, and bean't asheamed o' no man."
This speech was a complete success: it was unanswerable. It fixed the
lodgings at Camden Town. It stopped Mrs. Bumpkin's impatience;
diminished her apprehensions; and apparently, lulled her misgivings. She
was a gentle, hard-working, loving wife.
And so all was settled. It was the month of April, and it was
confidently expected that by the end of July all would be comfortably
finished in time to get in the harvest. The crops looked well; the
meadows and clover-field promised a fair crop, and the wheat and barley
never looked better.
The following week found Mr. Bumpkin in his new lodgings at Camden Town;
and I verily believe, as Mr. Prigg very sagaciously observed, if it had
not been for the Judges going circuit, _Bumpkin_ v. _Snooks_ would have
been in the paper six weeks earlier than it really was. But even
lawsuits must come on at last, be they never so tardy: and one day, in
bustling haste, Mr. Prigg's young man informed Mr. Bumpkin that a
consultation was actually fixed at his leader's chambers, Garden Court,
Temple, at seven o'clock punctually the next day.
Bumpkin was delighted: he was to be present at the express wish of the
leading counsel. So to Garden Court he went at seven, with Mr. Prigg;
and there sure enough was Mr. Dynamite, his junior counsel. Mr.
Catapult, Q.C., had not yet arrived. So while they waited, Mr. Bumpkin
had an opportunity of looking about him; never in his life had he seen so
many books. There they were all over the walls; shelves upon shelves.
The chambers seemed built with books, and Mr. Bumpkin raised his eyes
with awe to the ceiling, expecting to see books there.
"What be all these 'ere books, sir?" he whispered to Prigg.
"These are law books," answered the intelligent Prigg; "but these are
only a few."
"Must be a good dale o' law," said Bumpkin.
"A good deal too much," observed Mr. Dynamite, with a smile; "if we were
to burn nine-tenths of the law books we should have better law, eh, Mr.
Prigg?"
Mr. Prigg never contradicted counsel; and if Mr. Dynamite had said it's a
great pity that our libraries have so few authorities, Prigg would have
made the same answer, "I quite agree, quite so! quite so!"
"Mr. Cats-'is-name don't seem to come," observed Bumpkin, after an hour
and a half had passed.
"Mr. _Catapult_, Mr. _Catapult_," said Mr. Prigg; "no, he doesn't seem to
come." And then he rang for the clerk, and the clerk came.
"Do you think Mr. Catapult will return to-night?" inquired Prigg.
"I don't think he will," said the clerk, looking at his watch; "I am
afraid not."
"Beant much good to stop then," said Mr. Bumpkin.
"I fear not," observed the clerk, "he has so many engagements. Shall we
fix another consultation, Mr. Prigg?"
"If you please," said that gentleman.
"Say half-past seven to-morrow, then. The case, I find, is not in the
paper to-morrow."
"Quite so, quite so," returned Prigg, "half-past seven to-morrow."
And thus the consultation was at an end and the parties went their
several ways.