Mr. Bumpkin determines to maintain a discreet silence about his case at
the Old Bailey--Mr. Prigg confers with him thereon.
And I saw that Mr. Bumpkin's case did not come on. Day by day passed
away, and still it was not in the paper. The reason, however, is simple,
and need not be told to any except those of my readers who are under the
impression that the expeditious administration of justice is of any
consequence. It was obvious to the most simple-minded that the case
could not be taken for a day or two, because there was a block in every
one of the three Courts devoted to the trial of Nisi Prius actions. And
you know as well as anyone, Mr. Bumpkin, that when you get a load of
turnips, or what not, in the market town blocked by innumerable other
turnip carts, you must wait. Patience, therefore, good Bumpkin. Justice
may be slow-footed, but she is sure handed; she may be blind and deaf,
but she is not dumb; as you shall see if you look into one of the
"blocked Courts" where a trial has been going on for the last sixteen
days. A case involving a dispute of no consequence to any person in the
world, and in which there is absolutely nothing except--O rare
phenomenon!--plenty of money. It was interesting only on account of the
bickerings between the learned counsel, and the occasionally friendly
altercations between the Bench and the Bar. But the papers had written
it into a _cause celebre_, and made it a dramatic entertainment for the
beauty and the chivalry of England. So Mr. Bumpkin had still to wait;
but it enabled him to attend comfortably the February sittings of the Old
Bailey, where his other case was to be tried.
When Mr. Prigg read the account of the proceedings before the Lord Mayor,
he was very much concerned, not to say annoyed, because he was under the
impression that he ought to have been consulted. Not knowing what to do
under the circumstances, he resolved, after due consideration, to get
into a hansom and drive down to the "Goose." Mr. Prigg, as I have before
observed, was swift in decision and prompt in action. He had no sooner
resolved to see Bumpkin than to Bumpkin he went. But his client was out;
it was uncertain when he would be in. Judge of Mr. Prigg's
disappointment! He left word that he would call again; he did call
again, and, after much dodging on the part of the wily Bumpkin, he was
obliged to surrender himself a captive to honest Prigg.
"My dear Mr. Bumpkin," exclaimed he, taking both the hands of his client
into his own and yielding him a double measure of friendship; "is it
possible--have you been robbed? Is it you in the paper this morning in
this _very_ extraordinary case?"
Bumpkin looked and blushed. He was not a liar, but truth is not always
the most convenient thing, say what you will.
"I see," said Mr. Prigg; "quite so--quite so! Now _how_ did this
happen?"
Bumpkin still looked and blushed.
"Ah!" said Mr. Prigg; "just so. But who was this companion?"
Bumpkin muttered "A friend!"
"O! O! O!" said Mr. Prigg, drawing a long face and placing the
fore-finger of his left hand perpendicularly from the tip of his nose to
the top of his forehead.
"Noa," said Bumpkin, "'taint none o' that nuther; I beant a man o' that
sort."
"Well, well," said Mr. Prigg, "I only thought I'd call, you know, in case
there should be anything which might in any way affect our action."
Mr. Bumpkin, conscious of his moral rectitude, like all good men, was
fearless: he knew that nothing which he had done would affect the merits
of his case, and, therefore, instead of replying to the subtle question
of his adviser, he merely enquired of that gentleman when he thought the
case would be on. The usual question.
Mr. Prigg rubbed his hands and glanced his eyes as though just under his
left elbow was a very deep well, at the bottom of which lay that
inestimable jewel, truth. "Really," Mr. Bumpkin, "I expect every hour to
see us in the paper. It's very extraordinary; they have no less than
three Courts sitting, as I daresay you are aware. No less than--let me
see, my mind's so full of business, I have seven cases ready to come on.
Where was I? O, I know; I say there are no less than three Courts, under
the continuous sittings system, and yet we seem to make no progress in
the diminution of the tremendous and overwhelming mass of business that
pours in upon us."
Mr. Bumpkin said "Hem!"
"You see," continued Mr. Prigg, "there's one thing, we shall not last
long when we do come on."
"Shan't ur?"
"You see there's only one witness, besides yourself, on our side."
"And 'eve gone for a soger," said Mr. Bumpkin.
"A soldier!" exclaimed Prigg. "A soldier, my dear Bumpkin. No--no--you
don't say so, really!"
"Ay, sure 'ave ur; and wot the devil I be to do agin that there Snooks,
as 'll lie through a brick wall, I beant able to say. I be pooty nigh
off my chump wot wi' one thing and another."
"Off what, sir?" enquired Mr. Prigg.
"Chump," shouted Bumpkin.
"O, indeed, yes; dear me, you don't say so. Well, now I'm glad I called.
I must see about this. What regiment did you say he'd joined?"
"Hoosors!"
"Ha! dear me, has he, indeed?" said Mr. Prigg, noting it down in his
pocket-book. "What a pity for a young man like that to throw himself
away--such an intelligent young fellow, too, and might have done so well;
dear me!"
"Ha," answered Bumpkin, "there worn't a better feller at plough nor thic
there; and he could mend a barrer or a 'arrer, and turn his 'and to pooty
nigh anything about t' farm."
"And is there any reason that can be assigned for this extraordinary
conduct? Wasn't in debt, I suppose?"
Mr. Bumpkin laughed one of his old big fireside laughs such as he had not
indulged in lately.
"Debt! why they wouldn't trust un a shoe-string. Where the devil wur
such a chap as thic to get money to get into debt wi'?"
"My dear sir, we don't want money to get into debt with; we get into debt
when we have none."
"Do ur, sir. Then if I hadn't 'ad any money I'd like to know 'ow fur
thee'd ha' trusted I."
"Dear me," said Mr. Prigg, "what a very curious way of putting it! But,
however, soldier or no soldier, we must have his evidence. I must see
about it: I must go to the depot. Now, with regard to your case at the
Old Bailey."
"Well," said Mr. Bumpkin, rather testily; "I be bound over to proserkit,
and that be all I knows about un. I got to give seam evidence as I guv
afore the Lord Mayor, and the Lord Mayor said as the case wur clear, and
away it went for trial."
"Indeed! dear me!"
"And I got to tak no trouble at all about un, but to keep my mouth shut
till the case comes on, that's what the pleeceman told I. I bean't to
talk about un, or to tak any money not to proserkit."
"O dear, no," said Mr. Prigg. "O dear, dear, no; you would be
compounding a felony." (Here Mr. Prigg made a note in his diary to this
effect:--"Attending you at 'The Goose' at Westminster, when you informed
me that you were the prosecutor in a case at the Old Bailey, and in which
I advised you not, under any circumstances, to accept a compromise or
money for the purpose of withdrawing from the prosecution, and strongly
impressed upon you that such conduct would amount in law to a
misdemeanor. Long conference with you thereon, when you promised to
abide by my advice, 1 pound 6_s._ 0_d._").
"Now," said Bumpkin, "it seem to me that turn which way I wool, there be
too much law, too many pitfalls; I be gettin' sick on't."
"Well," said Mr. Prigg, "we have only to do our duty in that station of
life in which we are called, and we have no cause to fear. Now you know
you would _not_ have liked that unprincipled man, Snooks, to have the
laugh of you, would you now?"
Mr. Bumpkin clenched his fist as he said, "Noa, I'd sooner lose every
penny I got than thic there feller should ha' the grin o' me."
"Quite so," said the straightforward moralist. "Quite so! dear me!
Well, well, I must wish you good morning, for really I am so overwhelmed
with work that I hardly know which way to turn--bye, bye. I will take
care to keep you posted up in--." Here Mr. Prigg's cab drove off, and I
could not ascertain whether the posting up was to be in the state of the
list or in the lawyer's ledger.
"What a nice man!" said the landlady.
Yes, that was Mr. Prigg's character, go where he would: "A nice man!"