Showing that appropriateness of time and place should be studied in our
pastimes.
The next night, sitting over the cheerful fire and comfortably resting
after the labours of the day, I dreamed again, and I saw that Horatio
Snigger was "the Office Boy" of Mr. Prigg. He had been in the employment
of that gentleman about two years. He was tall for his money, standing,
in his shoes, at least five feet six, and receiving for his services,
five shillings and sixpence a week, (that is, a shilling for every foot
and a penny for every odd inch), his last rise (I mean in money,) having
taken place about a month ago.
Horatio was a lad of as much spirit as any boy I ever saw. I do not
believe he had any liking for the profession, but had entered it simply
as his first step in life, utterly in the dark as to whither it would
lead him. It was, I believe, some disappointment to his father that on
no occasion when he interrogated him as to his "getting on," could he
elicit any more cheering reply than "very well." And yet Horatio, during
the time he had been with Mr. Prigg, had had opportunities of studying
character in its ever-varying phases as presented by Courts of Justice
and kindred places.
"Kindred places!" Yes, I mean "Judges' Chambers," where any boy may
speedily be impressed with the dignity and simplicity of the practice of
the Law, especially since the passing of the Judicature Act. To my lay
readers who may wish to know what "Judges' Chambers" means, I may observe
that it is a place where innumerable proceedings may be taken for
lengthening a case, embarrassing the clients, and spending money. It is,
to put it in another form, a sort of Grands Mulets in the Mont Blanc of
litigation, whence, if by the time you get there you are not thoroughly
"pumped out," you may go on farther and in due time reach the top,
whence, I am told, there is a most magnificent view.
But even the beauty of the proceedings at Judges' Chambers failed to
impress Horatio with the dignity of the profession. He lounged among the
crowds of chattering boys and youths who "cheeked" one another before
that august personage "the Master," declaring that "Master" couldn't do
this and "Master" couldn't do that; that the other side was too late or
too soon; that his particulars were too meagre or too full; or his
answers to interrogatories too evasive or not sufficiently diffuse, and
went on generally as if the whole object of the law were to raise as many
difficulties as possible in the way of its application. As if, in fact,
it had fenced itself in with such an undergrowth of brambles that no
amount of ability and perseverance could arrive at it.
From what I perceived of the character of Horatio, I should say that he
was a scoffer. He was a mild, good-tempered, well-behaved boy enough,
but ridiculed many proceedings which he ought to have reverenced. He was
a great favourite with Mr. Prigg, because, if anything in the world
attracted the boy's admiration, it was that gentleman's pious demeanour
and profound knowledge. But the exuberance of the lad's spirits when
away from his employer was in exact proportion to the moral pressure
brought to bear upon him while in that gentleman's presence. As an
illustration of this remark and proof of the twofold character of
Horatio, I will relate what I saw after the "Master" had determined that
the tail of the 9 was a very nice point, but that there was nothing in
it. They had all waited a long time at Judge's Chambers, and their
spirits were, no doubt, somewhat elated by at last getting the matter
disposed of.
Horatio heard Mr. Prigg say to Mr. Locust, "What a very nice point!" and
had heard Mr. Locust reply, "A very nice point, indeed!" And Mr. Gride,
the clerk, say, "What, a very nice point!" and somebody else's clerk say,
"What a very nice point!" And Horatio felt, as a humble member of the
profession, he must chime in with the rest of the firm. So, having said
to Locust's boy, "What a dam nice point!" he went back to his lonely den
in Bedford Row and then, as he termed it, "let himself out." He
accomplished this proceeding by first taking off his coat and throwing it
on to a chair; he next threw but his arms, with his fists firmly
clenched, as though he had hardly yet to its fullest extent realized the
"_niceness_" of the point which the Master had determined. The next step
which Horatio took was what is called "The double shuffle," which, I may
inform my readers, is the step usually practised by the gentleman who
imitates the sailor in the hornpipe on the stage. Being a slim and agile
youth, Horatio's performance was by no means contemptible, except that it
was no part of his professional duty to dance a Hornpipe. Then I saw
that this young gentleman in the exuberance of his youthful spirits
prepared for another exhibition of his talent. He cleared his throat,
once more threw out his arms, stamped his right foot loudly on the floor,
after the manner of the Ethiopian dancer with the long shoe, and then to
my astonishment poured forth the following words in a very agreeable,
and, as it seemed to me, melodious voice,--
"What a very nice point, said Prigg."
Then came what I suppose would be called a few bars of the hornpipe; then
he gave another line,--
"What a very nice point, said Gride."
(Another part of the hornpipe.) Then he sang the third and fourth lines,
dancing vigorously the while:
"It will take a dozen lawyers with their everlasting jaw:
It will take a dozen judges with their ever changing law"--
(Vigorous dancing for some moments), and then a pause, during which
Horatio, slightly stooping, placed two fingers of his left hand to the
side of his nose, and turning his eyes to the right, sang--
"And"--
Paused again, and finished vehemently as follows:
"Twenty golden guineas to decide!"
Then came the most enthusiastic hornpipe that ever was seen, and Horatio
was in the seventh Heaven of delight, when the door suddenly opened, and
Mr. Prigg entered!
It was unfortunate for Horatio that his back being towards the door he
could not see his master enter; and it need scarcely be said that the
noise produced by the dance prevented him from hearing his approach.
Mr. Prigg looked astounded at the sight that presented itself. The whole
verse was repeated, and the whole dance gone through again in the sight
and hearing of that gentleman. Was the boy mad? Had the strain of
business been too much for him?
As if by instinct Horatio at last became aware of his master's presence.
A change more rapid, transformation more complete I never saw. The lad
hung his head, and wandered to the chair where his coat was lying. It
took him some time to put it on, for the sleeves seemed somehow to be
twisted; at length, once more arrayed, and apparently in his right mind,
he stood with three-quarter face towards his astonished master.
Mr. Prigg did not turn his head even on this occasion. He preserved a
dignified silence for some time, and then spoke in a deep tragic tone:
"Horatio!"
Horatio did hot answer.
"What is the meaning of this exhibition, Horatio?"
"I was only having a little fun, sir," said the youthful clerk.
"I am not averse to youth enjoying itself," said Mr. Prigg; "but it must
be at proper seasons, and in appropriate places; there is also to be
exercised a certain discretion in the choice of those amusements in which
youth should indulge. I am not aware what category of recreation your
present exhibition may belong to, but I may inform you that in my humble
judgment--I may be mistaken, and you may know far better than I--but as
at present advised, I do not see that your late performance is consistent
with the duties of a solicitor's clerk." And then he muttered to
himself, "Quite so."
After this magnificent rebuke, Mr. Prigg drew out his cambric
handkerchief, and most gently applied it to his stately nose.
"Again," said Mr. Prigg, "I heard language, or thought I heard language,
which I should construe as decidedly derogatory to the Profession which
you serve and to which I have the honour to belong."
"I was only in fun, sir," said Horatio, gathering confidence as Mr. Prigg
proceeded.
"Quite so, quite so; that may be, I sincerely hope you were; but never
make fun of that by which you live; you derive what I may call a very
competent, not to say handsome, salary from the proceedings which you
make fun of. This is sad, and manifests a spirit of levity."
"I didn't mean it like that, sir."
"Very well," said the good man, "I am glad to perceive that you are
brought to a proper sense of the impropriety of your conduct. I will not
discharge you on this occasion, for the sake of your father, whom I have
known for so many years: but never let this occur again. Dancing is at
all times, to my mind, a very questionable amusement; but when it is
accompanied, as I perceived it was on this occasion, with gestures which
I cannot characterize by any other term than disgusting; and when further
you take the liberty of using my name in what I presume you intended for
a comic song, I must confess that I can hardly repress my feelings of
indignation. I hope you are penitent."
Horatio hung down his head, and said he was very sorry Mr. Prigg had
heard it, for he only intended it for his own amusement.
"I shall take care," said Mr. Prigg, "that you have less opportunity for
such exercises as I have unfortunately witnessed." And having thus
admonished the repentant youth, Mr. Prigg left him to his reflections. I
am glad Mr. Prigg did not return while the pale boy was reflecting.