Transcribed from the 1883 Stevens and Sons edition by David Price, email
ccx074@pglaf.org
THE
HUMOUROUS STORY
OF
FARMER BUMPKIN'S LAWSUIT:
BY
RICHARD HARRIS,
BARRISTER-AT-LAW,
AUTHOR OF "HINTS ON ADVOCACY," ETC., ETC.
SECOND EDITION.
* * * * *
LONDON:
STEVENS AND SONS, 119, CHANCERY LANE,
Law Publishers and Booksellers.
1883.
LONDON:
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.
PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION.
Considering the enormous interest which the Public have in "a more
efficient and speedy administration of justice," I am not surprised that
a Second Edition of "Mr. Bumpkin's Lawsuit" should be called for so soon
after the publication of the first. If any proof were wanting that I had
not overstated the evils attendant on the present system, it would be
found in the case of _Smitherman_ v. _The South Eastern Railway Company_,
which came before the House of Lords recently; and judgment in which was
delivered on the 16th of July, 1883. The facts of the case were
extremely simple, and were as follow:--A man of the name of Smitherman
was killed on a level crossing of the South Eastern Railway Company at
East Farleigh, in December, 1878. His widow, on behalf of herself and
four children, brought an action against the Company on the ground of
negligence on the part of the defendants. The case in due course was
tried at the Maidstone Assizes, and the plaintiff obtained a verdict for
400 pounds for herself and 125 pounds for each of the children. A rule
for a new trial was granted by the Divisional Court: the rule for the new
trial was discharged by the Court of Appeal. The Lords reversed the
decision of the Court of Appeal, and ordered a new trial. New trial took
place at Guildhall, City of London, before Mr. Baron Pollock; jury again
found for the plaintiff, with 700 pounds _agreed_ damages: Company
thereby saving 200 pounds. Once more rule for new trial granted by
Divisional Court: once more rule discharged by Court of Appeal: once more
House of Lords reverse decision of Court of Appeal, and order _second new
trial_. So that after more than four years of harassing litigation, this
poor widow and her children are left in the same position that they were
in immediately after the accident--except that they are so much the worse
as being liable for an amount of costs which need not be calculated. The
case was tried by competent judges and special juries; and yet, by the
subtleties of the doctrine of contributory negligence, questions of such
extreme nicety are raised that a third jury are required to give an
opinion _upon the same state of facts_ upon which two juries have already
decided in favour of the plaintiff and her children.
Such is the power placed by our complicated, bewildering, and inartistic
mode of procedure, in the hands of a rich Company.
No one can call in question the wisdom or the learning of the House of
Lords: it is above criticism, and beyond censure; but the House of Lords
itself works upon the basis of our system of Procedure, and as that is
neither beyond criticism nor censure, I unhesitatingly ask, _Can Old
Fogeyism and Pettifoggism further go_?
RICHARD HARRIS.
LAMB BUILDING, TEMPLE,
_October_, 1883.
PREFACE TO THE FIRST EDITION.
When Old Fogeyism is being lowered to his last resting place,
Pettifoggism, being his chief mourner, will be so overwhelmed with grief
that he will tumble into the same grave. How then to hasten the demise
of this venerable Humbug is the question. Some are for letting him die a
natural death, others for reducing him gradually by a system of slow
starvation: for myself, I confess, I am for knocking him on the head at
once. Until this event, so long wished for by all the friends of
Enlightenment and Progress, shall have happened, there will be no
possibility of a Reform which will lessen the needless expense and
shorten the unjustifiable delay which our present system of legal
procedure occasions; a system which gives to the rich immeasurable
advantages over poor litigants; and amounts in many cases not only to a
perversion of justice but to a denial of it altogether.
Old Fogeyism only tinkers at reform, and is so nervous and incompetent
that in attempting to mend one hole he almost invariably makes two. The
Public, doubtless, will, before long, undertake the much needed reform
and abolish some of the unnecessary business of "judges' chambers," where
the ingenuity of the Pettifogging Pleader is so marvellously displayed.
How many righteous claims are smothered in their infancy at this stage of
their existence!
I have endeavoured to bring the evils of our system before the Public in
the story of Mr. Bumpkin. The solicitors, equally with their clients, as
a body, would welcome a change which would enable actions to be carried
to a legitimate conclusion instead of being stifled by the "Priggs" and
"Locusts" who will crawl into an honorable profession. It is impossible
to keep them out, but it is not impossible to prevent their using the
profession to the injury of their clients. All respectable solicitors
would be glad to see the powers of these unscrupulous gentlemen
curtailed.
The verses at the end of the story have been so often favourably received
at the Circuit Mess, that I thought an amplified version of them in prose
would not be unacceptable to the general reader, and might ultimately
awaken in the public mind a desire for the long-needed reform of our
legal procedure.
RICHARD HARRIS.
LAMB BUILDING, TEMPLE,
_July_, 1883.
ADVERTISEMENT.
On the 4th of December, 1882, Our Gracious Queen, on the occasion of the
opening of the Royal Courts of Justice, said:--
"I trust that the uniting together in one place of the various
branches of Judicature in this my Supreme Court, will conduce to the
_more efficient_ and _speedy_ administration of justice to my
subjects."
On April 20th, 1883, in the House of Commons, Mr. H. H. Fowler asked the
Attorney-General whether he was aware of the large number of causes
waiting for trial in the Chancery Division of the High Court, and in the
Court of Appeal; and whether the Government proposed to take any steps to
remedy the delay and increased cost occasioned to the suitors by the
present administration of the Judicature Acts.
The Attorney-General said the number of cases of all descriptions then
waiting for trial in the Chancery Division was 848, and in the Court of
Appeal 270. The House would be aware that a committee of Judges had been
engaged for some time in framing rules in the hope of getting rid of some
of the delay that now existed in the hearing of cases; and until those
rules were prepared, which would be shortly, the Government were not
desirous of interfering with a matter over which the Judges had
jurisdiction. The Government were now considering the introduction of a
short Judicature Act for the purpose of lessening the delay.--_Morning
Post_.
[No rules or short Judicature Act at present!] {0a}
On the 13th April, 1883, Mr. Glasse, Q.C., thus referred to a statement
made by Mr. Justice Pearson of the Chancery Division: "The citizens of
this great country, of which your Lordship is one of the representatives,
will look at the statement you have made with respectful amazement." The
statement appears to have been, that his Lordship had intended to
continue the business of the Court in exactly the same way in which it
had been conducted by Mr. Justice Fry; but he had been informed that he
would have to take the interlocutory business of Mr. Justice Kay's Court
whilst his Lordship _was on Circuit_; and, as it was requisite that he
should take his own interlocutory business _before the causes set down
for hearing_, "ALL THE CAUSES IN THE TWO COURTS MUST GO TO THE WALL"!!!
His Lordship added, that it would be necessary for him to rise at 3
o'clock every day (not at 3 o'clock in the _morning_, gentle reader),
because he understood he should have to conduct the business of Mr.
Justice Kay's Chambers as well as his own.--_Morning Post_.
On the 16th April, 1883, Mr. Justice Day, in charging the Grand Jury at
the Manchester Spring Assizes, expressed his disagreement with the
opinion of the other Judges in favour of the Commission being so altered
that the Judge would have to "_deliver all the prisoners detained in
gaol_," and regarded it as "a waste of the Judge's time that he should
have to try a case in which a woman was indicted for _stealing a shawl
worth_ 3_s._ 9_d._; or a prisoner charged with stealing _two mutton pies_
and _two ounces of bacon_."--_Evening Standard_.
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER I.
Shows the Beauty of a Farm Yard on a Sabbath-Day, and what a 1
difference a single letter will sometimes make in the legal
signification of a Sentence
CHAPTER II.
The Simplicity and Enjoyments of a Country life depicted 11
CHAPTER III.
Showing how true it is that it takes at least Two to make a 17
Bargain or a Quarrel
CHAPTER IV.
On the extreme Simplicity of Going to Law 27
CHAPTER V.
In which it appears that the Sting of Slander is not always 35
in the Head
CHAPTER VI.
Showing how the greatest Wisdom of Parliament may be thrown 45
away on Ungrateful People
CHAPTER VII.
Showing that Appropriateness of Time and Place should be 55
studied in our Pastimes
CHAPTER VIII.
The Pleasure of a Country Drive on a Summer Evening described 63
as enhanced by a Pious Mind
CHAPTER IX.
A Farm-house Winter Fire-side--A morning Drive and a mutual 71
interchange of Ideas between Town and Country, showing how we
may all learn something from one another
CHAPTER X.
The last Night before the first London Expedition, which 87
gives occasion to recall pleasant reminiscences
CHAPTER XI.
Commencement of London Life and Adventures 97
CHAPTER XII.
How the great Don O'Rapley became an Usher of the Court of 105
Queen's Bench, and explained the Ingenious Invention of the
Round Square--How Mr. Bumpkin took the water and studied
Character from a Penny Steamboat
CHAPTER XIII.
An interesting Gentleman--showing how true it is that one 111
half the World does not know how the other half lives
CHAPTER XIV.
The Old Bailey--Advantages of the New System illustrated 119
CHAPTER XV.
Mr. Bumpkin's Experience of London Life enlarged 133
CHAPTER XVI.
The coarse mode of Procedure in Ahab _versus_ Naboth 143
ruthlessly exposed and carefully contrasted with the humane
and enlightened form of the Present Day
CHAPTER XVII.
Showing that Lay Tribunals are not exactly Punch and Judy 151
Shows where the Puppet is moved by the Man underneath
CHAPTER XVIII.
A comfortable Evening at the "Goose" 165
CHAPTER XIX.
The Subject continued 175
CHAPTER XX.
Mr. Bumpkin sings a good old Song--The Sergeant becomes quite 179
a convivial Companion and plays Dominoes
CHAPTER XXI.
Joe electrifies the Company and surprises the Reader 191
CHAPTER XXII.
The Sergeant makes a loyal Speech and sings a Song, both of 203
which are well received by the Company
CHAPTER XXIII.
The famous Don O'Rapley and Mr. Bumpkin spend a social 213
Evening at the "Goose"
CHAPTER XXIV.
Don O'Rapley expresses his views of the Policy of the 221
Legislature in not permitting Dominoes to be played in
Public-houses
CHAPTER XXV.
In spite of all warnings, Joe takes his own part, not to be 227
persuaded on one side or the other--Affecting Scene between
Mr. Bumpkin and his old Servant
CHAPTER XXVI.
Morning Reflections--Mrs. Oldtimes proves herself to be a 239
great Philosopher--The Departure of the Recruits to be sworn
in
CHAPTER XXVII.
A Letter from Home 245
CHAPTER XXVIII.
Mr. Bumpkin determines to maintain a discreet silence about 255
his Case at the Old Bailey--Mr. Prigg confers with him
thereon
CHAPTER XXIX.
The Trial at the Old Bailey of Mr. Simple Simonman for 261
Highway Robbery with violence--Mr. Alibi introduces himself
to Mr. Bumpkin
CHAPTER XXX.
Mr. Alibi is stricken with a Thunderbolt--Interview with 283
Horatio and Mr. Prigg
CHAPTER XXXI.
Mr. Bumpkin at Home again 295
CHAPTER XXXII.
Joe's Return to Southwood--An Invitation from the Vicar--What 303
the Old Oak saw
CHAPTER XXXIII.
A Consultation as to new Lodgings--Also a Consultation with 317
Counsel
CHAPTER XXXIV.
Mr. Bumpkin receives Compliments from distinguished Persons 325
CHAPTER XXXV.
The Trial 335
CHAPTER XXXVI.
Motion for Rule _Nisi_, in which is displayed much Learning, 351
Ancient and Modern
CHAPTER XXXVII.
Mr. Bumpkin is congratulated by his Neighbours and Friends in 359
the Market Place and sells his Corn
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
Farewell 375
THE LAWSUIT 381
"_He never suffered his private partiality to intrude into the
conduct of publick business_. _Nor in appointing to employments did
he permit solicitation to supply the place of merit_; _wisely
sensible_, _that a proper choice of officers is almost the whole of
Government_."--BURKE.
_Extract from Notice of the Work in_ THE SATURDAY REVIEW, _September_
15_th_, 1883:--
"He was obviously quite as eager for a good battle in Court as ever
was Dandy Dinmont."
CHAPTER I.
The beauty of a farm yard on a Sabbath day, and what a difference a
single letter will sometimes make in the legal signification of a
sentence.
It was during the Long Vacation--that period which is Paradise to the
Rich and Purgatory to the Poor Lawyer--to say nothing of the client, who
simply exists as a necessary evil in the economy of our enlightened
system of Legal Procedure: it was during this delightful or dismal period
that I returned one day to my old Farm-house in Devonshire, from a long
and interesting ramble. My excellent thirst and appetite having been
temperately appeased, I seated myself cosily by the huge chimney, where
the log was always burning; and, having lighted my pipe, surrendered my
whole being to the luxurious enjoyment of so charming a situation. I had
scarcely finished smoking, when I fell into a sound and delicious sleep.
And behold! I dreamed a dream; and methought:
It was a beautiful Sabbath morning, in the early part of May, 18--, when
two men might have been seen leaning over a pigstye. The pigstye was
situated in a farm-yard in the lovely village of Yokelton, in the county
of Somerset. Both men had evidently passed what is called the "prime of
life," as was manifest from their white hair, wrinkled brows, and
stooping shoulders. It was obvious that they were contemplating some
object with great interest and thoughtful attention.
And I perceived that in quiet and respectful conversation with them was a
fine, well-formed, well-educated sow of the Chichester breed. It was
plain from the number of her rings that she was a sow of great
distinction, and, indeed, as I afterwards learned, was the most famous
for miles around: her progeny (all of whom I suppose were honourables)
were esteemed and sought by squire and farmer. How that sow was bred up
to become so polite a creature, was a mystery to all; because there were
gentlemen's homesteads all around, where no such thoroughbred could be
found. But I suppose it's the same with pigs as it is with men: a
well-bred gentleman may work in the fields for his living, and a cad may
occupy the manor-house or the nobleman's hall.
The Chichester sow looked up with an air of easy nonchalance into the
faces of the two men who smoked their short pipes, and uttered ever and
anon some short ejaculation, such as, "Hem!" "Ah!" "Zounds!" and so
forth, while the sow exhibited a familiarity with her superiors only to
be acquired by mixing in the best society. There was a respectful
deference which, while it betrayed no sign of servility, was in pleasing
contrast with the boisterous and somewhat unbecoming levity of the other
inhabitants of the stye. These people were the last progeny of this
illustrious Chichester, and numbered in all eleven--seven sons and four
daughters--honourables all. It was impossible not to admire the high
spirit of this well-descended family. That they had as yet received no
education was due to the fact that their existence dated only from the
21st of January last. Hence their somewhat erratic conduct, such as
jumping, running, diving into the straw, boring their heads into one
another's sides, and other unceremonious proceedings in the presence of
the two gentlemen whom it is necessary now more particularly to describe.
Mr. Thomas Bumpkin, the elder of the two, was a man of about seventy
summers, as tall and stalwart a specimen of Anglo-Saxon peasantry as you
could wish to behold. And while I use the word "peasantry" let it be
clearly understood that I do so in no sense as expressing Mr. Bumpkin's
present condition. He had risen from the English peasantry, and was what
is usually termed a "self-made man." He was born in a little hut
consisting of "wattle and dab," and as soon as he could make himself
heard was sent into the fields to "mind the birds." Early in the
November mornings, immediately after the winter sowings, he would be seen
with his little bag of brown bread round his neck, trudging along with a
merry whistle, as happy as if he had been going home to a bright fire and
a plentiful breakfast of ham, eggs, and coffee. By degrees he had raised
himself to the position of ploughman, and never ploughman drove a
straighter or leveller furrow. He had won prizes at the annual ploughing
and harrowing matches: and upon the strength of ten and sixpence a week
had married Nancy Tugby, to whom he had been engaged off and on for
eleven years. Nancy was a frugal housewife, and worked hard, morning,
noon and night. She was quite a treasure to Bumpkin; and, what with
taking in a little washing, and what with going out to do a little
charing, and what with Tom's skill in mending cart-harness (nearly all
the cart-harness in the neighbourhood was in a perpetual state of
"mendin'"), they had managed to put together in a year or two enough
money to buy a sow. This, Tom always said, was "his first start." And
mighty proud they both were as they stood together of a Sunday morning
looking at this wonderful treasure. The sow soon had pigs, and the pigs
got on and were sold, and then the money was expended in other things,
which in their turn proved equally remunerative. Then Tom got a piece of
land, and next a pet ewe-lamb, and so on, until little by little wealth
accumulated, and he rented at last, after a long course of laborious
years, from the Squire, a small homestead called "Southwood Farm,"
consisting of some fifty acres. Let it not be supposed that the
accession of an extra head of live stock was a small matter. Everything
is great or little by relation. I believe the statesman himself knows no
greater pleasure when he first obtains admission to the Cabinet, than Tom
did when he took possession of his little farm. And he certainly
experienced as great a joy when he got a fresh pig as any young barrister
does when he secures a new client.
Southwood Farm was a lovely homestead, situated near a very pretty river,
and in the midst of the most picturesque scenery. The little rivulet
(for it was scarcely more) twisted about in the quaintest conceivable
manner, almost encircling the cosy farm; while on the further side rose
abruptly from the water's edge high embankments studded thickly with oak,
ash, and an undergrowth of saplings of almost every variety. The old
house was spacious for the size of the farm, and consisted of a large
living-room, ceiled with massive oak beams and oak boards, which were
duly whitewashed, and looked as white as the sugar on a wedding cake.
The fireplace was a huge space with seats on either side cut in the wall;
while from one corner rose a rude ladder leading to a bacon loft.
Dog-irons of at least a century old graced the brick hearth, while the
chimney-back was adorned with a huge slab of iron wrought with divers
quaint designs, and supposed to have been in some way or other connected
with the Roman invasion, as it had been dug up somewhere in the
neighbourhood, by whom or when no one ever knew. There was an inner
chamber besides the one we are now in, which was used as a kitchen; while
on the opposite side was a little parlour with red-tiled floor and a
comparatively modern grate. This was the reception room, used chiefly
when any of the ladies from "t'Squoire's" did Mrs. Bumpkin the honour to
call and taste her tea-cakes or her gooseberry wine. The thatched roof
was gabled, and the four low-ceiled bedrooms had each of them a window in
a gable. The house stood in a well-stocked garden, beyond which was a
lovely green meadow sloping to the river side. In front was the little
farm-yard, with its double-bayed barn, its lean-to cow-houses, its
stables for five horses, and its cosy loft. Then there were the pigstyes
and the henhouses: all forming together a very convenient and compact
homestead. Adjoining the home meadow was a pretty orchard, full of
apple, pear, cherry and plum trees; and if any one could imagine that Mr.
and Mrs. Bumpkin had no eye or taste for the beautiful, I would have
advised that ill-conditioned person to visit those good people of a
Sunday morning after "brakfast" when the orchard was in full blossom.
This beautiful picture it was not only Mr. and Mrs. Bumpkin's special joy
to behold, but their great and proud delight to show; and if they had
painted the blossoms themselves they could not have felt more intense
enjoyment and satisfaction.
There was one other feature about the little farm which I must mention,
because it is one of the grandest and most beautiful things in nature,
and that is the magnificent "Old Oak" that stood in the corner of one of
the home fields, and marked the boundary of the farm in that direction.
If the measure of its girth would be interesting to the reader to know,
it was just twenty-seven feet: not the largest in England certainly,
notwithstanding which the tree was one of the grandest and most
beautiful. It towered high into the air and spread its stalwart branches
like giant trees in all directions. It was said to be a thousand years
old, and to be inhabited by owls and ghosts. Whether the ghosts lived
there or not I am unable to say, but from generation to generation the
tradition was handed down and believed to be true. Such was Mr.
Bumpkin's home, in my dream: the home of Peace and Plenty, Happiness and
Love.
The man who was contemplating Mr. Bumpkin's pigs on this same Sunday
morning was also a "self-made man," whose name was Josiah SNOOKS. He was
not made so well as Bumpkin, I should say, by a great deal, but
nevertheless was a man who, as things go, was tolerably well put
together. He was the village coal-merchant, not a Cockerell by any
means, but a merchant who would have a couple of trucks of "Derby
Brights" down at a time, and sell them round the village by the
hundredweight. No doubt he was a very thrifty man, and to the extent, so
some people said, of nipping the poor in their weight. And once he
nearly lost the contract for supplying the coal-gifts at Christmas on
that account. But he made it a rule to attend church very regularly as
the season came round, and so did Mrs. Josiah Snooks; and it will require
a great deal of "nipping" to get over that in a country village, I
promise you. I did not think Snooks a nice looking man, by any means;
for he had a low forehead, a scowling brow, a nobbly fat nose, small
eyes, one of which had a cast, a large mouth always awry and distorted
with a sneer, straight hair that hung over his forehead, and a large scar
on his right cheek. His teeth were large and yellow, and the top ones
protruded more, I thought, than was at all necessary. Nor was he
generally beliked. In fact, so unpopular was this man with the poor,
that it was a common thing for mothers to say to their children when they
could not get them in of a summer's evening, "You, Betsy," or "You, Jane,
come in directly, or old Snooks will have you!" A warning which always
produced the desired effect.
No one could actually tell whether Snooks had made money or merely
pretended to possess it. Some said they knew he had, for he lived so
niggardly; others said the coal trade was not what it was; and there were
not wanting people who hinted that old Betty Bodger's house and
garden--which had been given to her years ago by the old squire, what
for, nobody knew--had been first mortgaged to Josiah and then sold to him
and "taken out in coals." A very cunning man was Snooks; kept his own
counsel--I don't mean a barrister in wig and gown on his premises--but in
the sense of never divulging what was in his sagacious mind. He was
known as a universal buyer of everything that he could turn a penny out
of; and he sold everybody whenever he got the chance. Such was the
character of old Snooks.
How then came our good guileless friend Bumpkin to be associated with
such a man on this beautiful Sunday morning? I can only answer: there
are things in this world which admit of no explanation. This, so far as
I am concerned, was one.
"They be pooty pork," said Mr. Bumpkin.
"Middlin'," rejoined the artful Snooks.
"They be a mighty dale more an middlin', if you come to thic," said the
farmer.
"I've seen a good deal better," remarked Snooks. This was always his
line of bargaining.
"Well, I aint," returned Bumpkin, emphatically. "Look at that un--why,
he be fit for anything--a regler pictur."
"What's he worth?" said Snooks. "Three arf crowns?" That was Snooks'
way of dealing.
"Whisht!" exclaimed Bumpkin; "and four arf-crowns wouldn't buy un." That
was Bumpkin's way.
Snooks expectorated and gave a roar, which he intended for a laugh, but
which made every pig jump off its feet and dive into the straw.
"I tell 'ee what, maister Bumpkin, I doant want un"--that was his way
again; "but I doant mind giving o' thee nine shillings for that un."
"Thee wunt 'ave un--not a farden less nor ten if I knows it; ye doant
'ave we loike that, nuther--ye beant sellin' coals, maister Snooks--no,
nor buyin' pigs if I knows un."
How far this conversation would have proceeded, and whether any serious
altercation would have arisen, I know not; but at this moment a
combination of circumstances occurred to interrupt the would-be
contracting parties. First, Mrs. Bumpkin, who had been preparing the
Sunday dinner, came across the yard with her apron full of cabbage-leaves
and potato-peelings, followed by an immense number of chickens, while the
ducks in the pond clapped their wings, and flew and ran with as much
eagerness as though they were so many lawyers seeking some judicial
appointment, and Mrs. Bumpkin were Lord High Chancellor of Great Britain;
and they made as much row as a flock of Chancery Barristers arguing about
costs. Then came along, with many a grunt and squeak, a pig or two, who
seemed to be enjoying a Sunday holiday in their best clothes, for they
had just come out of a puddle of mud; then came slouching along, a young
man whose name was Joe (or, more correctly speaking, Joseph Wurzel), a
young man of about seventeen, well built, tall and straight, with a
pleasant country farm-house face, a roguish black eye, even teeth, and a
head of brown straight hair, that looked as if the only attention it ever
received was an occasional trimming with a reap-hook, and a brush with a
bush-harrow.
It was just feeding time; that was why Joe came up at this moment; and in
addition to all these circumstances, there came faintly booming through
the trees the ding of the old church bell, reminding Mr. Bumpkin that he
must "goo and smarten oop a bit" for church. He already had on his
purple cord trousers, and, as Joe termed it, his hell-fire waistcoat with
the flames coming out of it in all directions; but he had to put on his
drab "cooat" and white smock-frock, and then walk half a mile before
service commenced. He always liked to be there before the Squire, and
see him and his daughters, Miss Judith and Miss Mary, come in.
So he had to leave the question of the "walley" of the pig and attend to
the more important interests of his immortal soul. But now as he was
going comes the point to which the reader's special attention is
directed. He had got about six yards from the stye, or it may have been
a little more, when Snooks cried out:
"I've bought un for nine and six."
To which Mr. Bumpkin replied, without so much as turning his head--
"'Ave ur."
Now this expression, according to Chitty on Contracts, would mean, "Have
you, indeed? Mr. Snooks." But the extreme cunning of Josiah converted it
into "'Ave un," which, by the same learned authority would signify, "Very
well, Mr. Snooks, you can have him."