"You are thinner than you were. Your face is thinner--"
"We were not talking about my face. How long has Mr Merrivale really
been ill?"
"It's difficult to say. He is the sort of fellow who never thinks about
himself, and Delphine is not--not exactly noticing! I fancy she blames
herself now; but he never complained, and always went on working at full
pressure, till this attack came on, and he went down with a crash."
"And now? How does he seem now?"
His forehead wrinkled into lines.
"Depressed. Nervous. Inclined to be jumpy. He has lived for his work,
and hates the idea of giving up, even for a time. He has overtaxed his
strength for years, and his nerves are bound to play up. However, once
we get them off to the sun, he'll soon pull round."
"And when do they--"
"As soon as possible. It is Delphine who is putting things off. So far
as Merrivale himself is concerned, the sooner he starts the better.
He'll not grow any stronger where he is. When are you coming back to
`Pastimes'?"
"It's uncertain. Not before Christmas. Is your mother quite well?"
"Quite, thanks. You know that I have made Miss Harding's acquaintance.
She is a charming old lady."
"I'm so glad you like her. I knew you had called. Nice little flat,
isn't it?"
He growled, his face eloquent with disapproval.
"If you call it `nice' to live burrowed underground! How sane people
can consent to live in town, herded together in a building more like a
prison than a home--"
"`The goodness and the grace' did not make us _all_ country squires!" I
said shortly, whereat he laughed--quite an easy, genial laugh, and
twinkled at me with his blue eyes. It was extraordinary how natural and
at his ease he appeared; so different from the stiff, silent man I had
known at Escott!
The journey takes exactly sixty minutes, and we talked the whole way.
For the first twenty minutes I was on my guard, nerving myself to say
"No" for the second time, with due firmness and finality. For the next
twenty I was friendly and natural. He was behaving so well that he
deserved encouragement. During the third twenty I said less, stared out
of the carriage window, and felt a disagreeable feeling of irritation
and depression. He went on talking about books and gardens and parish
difficulties, and I wasn't interested one bit. One may not wish a man
to propose to one for the second time; but, with the echo of vows of
undying devotion ringing in one's ears, it _is_ rather daunting to go
through an hour's _tete-a-tete_ without one personal remark! He had
said that I was thin. Perhaps he found me changed in other ways.
Perhaps on meeting me again he found he did not like me as much as he
had believed. Perhaps he was glad that I had said "No". We parted at
the Vicarage gate; he apparently quite comfortable and composed, I in
the lowest depths. What a change from last time!
The door opened, and before I had time to blink Delphine's arms were
round me, and a hot, wet cheek pressed against mine. She was sobbing in
a hard, breathless way which made my heart leap; but even on the way to
her sitting-room I gathered that my first fear was unfounded.
"Jacky was--the same! In bed. So tired--always so tired! Seems to
care for nothing. Hardly even"--the blue eyes opened in incredulous
misery--"for _me_!"
"When people are very weak, they can't care. It takes strength even to
love--at least, to realise that one loves. I never knew a man who
adored his wife more than Mr Merrivale does you; but I expect it suits
him better just now to lie quietly and snooze rather than to hold your
hand and watch you cry."
She looked guilty at that, and tossed her head with a spice of her old
spirit. But the next moment her breath caught in a sob, and she cried
desperately:--
"Oh, Evelyn, it's all awful! Other things--everything--far worse than
you know. I'm the most miserable creature in the world. I think I
shall go mad. I sent for you because--"
"Hold hard for one moment! I'm hungry! I need my lunch! So do you, by
the look of you. Shall we have it first, and tackle the serious
business afterwards in your room, where we shan't be interrupted. There
will be plenty of time; I needn't leave till five."
"I ordered cutlets, and an omelette, and coffee afterwards. All the
things you liked best when you were here. But I can't eat a bite. It
would choke me. I hate the sight of food."
"Very well then--you can watch me eat mine," I said, with the
callousness of one who had heard dozens of people declare the same
thing, and then watched them tuck into a square meal. Delphine proved
another protester to add to the list. She ate her share of the meal
with no sign of choking, and brightened into acutest interest at hearing
of my escort from town. The fork stopped half-way to her mouth; her
eyes widened to saucer size. In the sheer surprise of the moment she
forgot her grief and anxieties.
"But--but--how _could_ he be there? He was here last night. Quite
late. Ten o'clock. Walked down after dinner to hear how Jacky was!"
I made a vague sweeping gesture, which was designed to express a lack of
all responsibility concerning the Squire's eccentricities, but
Delphine's suspicions were aroused, and she was not to be easily put
off.
"He must have gone up by the workman's train. And yours left at eleven.
How very peculiar! And he said nothing last night. ... Did I tell him
you were coming?" She wrinkled her brows in the effort to remember.
"Yes, I did. He said something about taking me for a drive to freshen
me up, and I said you would be here before lunch. Evelyn, he couldn't
possibly have gone to meet you!"
Evidently she suspected nothing. I tried to look composed and natural,
and said lightly:--
"It seems preposterous, doesn't it. He certainly did not say so."
She stared at me curiously.
"What did you talk about? About us? Did he say anything about me?"
"Of course. What do you suppose? We had quite an argument, because he
seemed to think it a pity that you should injure yourself by fretting,
and I said I didn't see how you could do anything else."
She smiled, and tilted her head, her complacency restored.
"That was it, I suppose! He wanted to talk to you before you saw me.
He is good. And you argued with him, you say? Disagreed, I suppose.
Oh, well--men are always more tender-hearted than women."
I felt annoyed, and munched in silence, staring fixedly at my plate. If
this particular man was so much more understanding, why had she summoned
me from town?
After lurch Delphine ran upstairs to see her husband for a few minutes,
and then returned to me in her little sitting-room. He was tired, she
said, and hoped to sleep until tea. She had not told him of my visit;
he was so listless and apathetic that it worried him to talk, or to have
people talk to him. "I don't believe he will ever be the same again!"
"People always say that in the middle of an illness, but they find their
mistake later on. After a long rest the Vicar will be better than he
has been for years, and it will be your business to see that he never
works so hard again. You were always longing for a change, Delphine.
Think how you will enjoy Switzerland, sitting out in the crisp clear
air, looking at those glorious mountains, with no house or parish to
worry over--nothing to do but wait on your dear man, and watch him
growing stronger every day!"
She looked at me dumbly, while the colour faded out of her cheeks, and
the pretty curved lips twitched and trembled. I saw her clasp her
hands, and brace herself against her chair, and knew that the moment for
confession had come, and that it was difficult to find words.
"No worry!" she repeated slowly. "No worry! But that's just what is
killing me. I'm so worried, so worried that I feel sometimes, Evelyn,
as if I were going out of my mind!"
"You mean--about your husband?" I asked, but the question was really
put as a lead; I knew she was not referring to illness.
Delphine shook her head.
"That is bad enough, but it is not the worst. The worst is that through
me--through my wretched, selfish, vain, discontented folly, I--I have
made it difficult for him even to get well. I--I have got into a
horrible mess, Evelyn, and when he hears of it--when he has to hear, he
will be so worried, so miserable, so disappointed, that it will bring on
a relapse, and he will probably be worse than before. We can neither of
us be happy again--never, never, any more!"
"Sounds pretty bad!" I said, startled. "But there must be some way
out, or you would not have sent for me to help you. You are going to
tell me the whole truth, Delphine! Half confidences are no use. You
will speak honestly, and--let me speak honestly to you?"
"Oh, yes! You _will_ do, whether I allow you or not. I know you!"
"Well, then"--I bent forward, staring full in her face--"let's get to
the point. Is it another man?"
Her face answered, without the need of words. Amazed resentment blazed
out of her blue eyes.
"Another man! I should think not! How hateful of you, Evelyn! I'm
despicable enough, but I love Jacky. There's no other man in the world
for me. Of course," she paused, and faintly smiled, as at a soothing
recollection, "people admire me. I can't help that, and there's no harm
so long as I don't flirt. There's the Squire. I think if I were not
married, he might want--but I _am_ married, and it's the honest truth
that I've never said a word to a man since our marriage that I shouldn't
be willing for Jacky to hear. No! it's not that--"
"It's money, then," I said quickly. (So the Squire would "want," would
he? Oh, indeed!) "Delphine! you have been getting into debt?"
"Oh, how did you guess?" She turned her head over her shoulder, as
though afraid some one might overhear. "Oh, Evelyn, nobody knows but
you. I think I have been mad. Goodness knows what I expected to happen
in the end. I was in a crazy, rebellious mood, tired to death of being
dull and careful, and I had a wild spell of extravagance, ordered
whatever I wanted, ran up bills in town. I went to your dressmaker. I
was sick of making my own clothes, and looking a frump. I'm young, and
I'm pretty, I wanted to look nice while I could. Every one said I _did_
look nice; but she is a terror, that woman of yours! I had no idea of
the bill!"
"You did not ask for estimates in advance?"
"How could I? I didn't even know what to order. I just said, `A pretty
dress for the afternoon.' `A hat with roses.' `An evening cloak.'
Descriptions like that. And there was the habit, too, and little
things--oddments. They grow into mountains! And I bought furniture to
make my room look pretty and homelike. You remember you said I deserved
to have one nice room!"
Apparently this extravagance also could be traced to my influence! It
was useless to waste any more words. I went straight to the point.
"How much?"
"Oh!" she started and shivered. "I'm ashamed to say. And now--we are
going away, and the bills have to be paid. I'm a new customer, and they
keep sending them in. And the house books! They have run on. Jacky
gave me some money. I _meant_ to pay them, honestly I did, Evelyn, but
somehow the money frittered away till there wasn't enough left. I paid
some--but there are others left. Jacky would hate it, if we left the
parish in debt."
"How much?" I repeated, and she flushed to the roots of her hair.
"Over--a hundred! Nearer--_two_, I'm afraid, Evelyn!"
It was more than I had expected. I had to make fresh calculations, and
revise several plans. Subconsciously, I had known that the trouble was
monetary, and had made a special study of my pass book before leaving
the flat.
"I can let you have a hundred at once, and settle the rest of the bills
for you next month, if that will do."
She looked at me with tear-filled eyes.
"Do you think I deserve it?"
"I'm not sure that you do, but Mr Merrivale _does_! He shan't have any
new worry just now, if I can prevent it. You are sure you have told me
everything, Delphine? That is _all_!"
"I'll show you the bills. I knew you would help. You were the only
person I could bear to ask; but you did not wait to be asked. I do love
you, Evelyn, and I shall never forget! You understand, don't you, that
it is only a loan? I shall pay you back!"
"I know you will, when you can. It's a comfort that you need not hurry.
I can wait for years."
"You will have to, I'm afraid. Three years! I hadn't a penny of my own
when I married, but an old aunt left us all two hundred and fifty
pounds, to be paid when we were twenty-five. That's my fortune! Jacky
teases me about it, for I was always planning what I will do when it
comes. I had decided to buy a tiny two-seater, and learn to drive. I
told him that it would be useful in the parish, but really I was
thinking of the fun for myself. Are you shocked?"
"Not a bit!"
"Well, it would be a waste of energy if you were, for I shall never have
it now. The money will go to repay you--and to pay interest on the
loan. I shall pay five per cent."
"I only get four."
"I insist upon five! I should like to feel that you had made a good
investment." She waved her hand with a lordly air which made me laugh.
And she laughed, too, with obvious enjoyment. "Oh, my dear, what a
relief! I shall sleep happily to-night for the first time for weeks. I
can never tell you how wretched I've felt; so worried, and guilty, and
trapped! Honestly it will be a lesson for life. You have helped me for
the moment, but my worst punishment is to come. When he is well again,
quite strong and fit, I must tell Jacky!" Her face clouded. "He won't
say much, but his face! It will be an awful ordeal, but I suppose it
will be good for me!"
I thought--but did not say--that it would be good for him too. The
shock might teach him to be more understanding in his treatment of his
girl wife.
Soon after that I suggested paying a flying call on the General, and
Delphine assented eagerly, no doubt feeling, as I did myself, that it
would be a relief to be spared a further _tete-a-tete_. The dear old
man was delighted to see me, and was eager to hear when Charmion and I
were coming back to "Pastimes". Something in his manner, in the way his
old eyes searched my face, made me suspect that he knows.
I travelled to town alone, and arrived at the flat feeling tired and
dispirited. Bridget wanted to know if I had seen anything of her man.
She also seemed a trifle out of temper.
"Some people," she said darkly, "don't know when they are well off!"