Also I am dissatisfying to myself.
My thoughts smother me: they keep me from life.
I am a hundred times more introspective than most people, most
women. Most women, even conventional ones, are lawless--the more
conventional, the more lawless usually.
And so most women beat me to life. Where they yield to an
impulse the moment they feel it--I, because an impulse itself is
adventure-fabric--I feel of its quality, test it for defects, wash a
little corner of it to see if the color will run--and conclude not to
use it.
That I gaze inward at the garbled biograph of Me keeps me from
several sorts of violent action.