was to go home as far as Abdera, and some other remote cities of
Greece, he writ to his friend Dionysius (if at least those
[6056]Epistles be his) [6057] to oversee his wife in his absence, (as
Apollo set a raven to watch his Coronis) although she lived in his
house with her father and mother, who be knew would have a care of her;
yet that would not satisfy his jealousy, he would have his special
friend Dionysius to dwell in his house with her all the time of his
peregrination, and to observe her behaviour, how she carried herself in
her husband's absence, and that she did not lust after other men.
[6058]For a woman had need to have an overseer to keep her honest; they
are bad by nature, and lightly given all, and if they be not curbed in
time, as an unpruned tree, they will be full of wild branches, and
degenerate of a sudden. Especially in their husband's absence: though
one Lucretia were trusty, and one Penelope, yet Clytemnestra made
Agamemnon cuckold; and no question there be too many of her conditions.
If their husbands tarry too long abroad upon unnecessary business, well
they may suspect: or if they run one way, their wives at home will fly
out another, quid pro quo. Or if present, and give them not that
content which they ought, [6059]Primum ingratae, mox invisae noctes
quae per somnum transiguntur, they cannot endure to lie alone, or to
fast long. [6060] Peter Godefridus, in his second book of Love, and
sixth chapter, hath a story out of St. Anthony's life, of a gentleman,
who, by that good man's advice, would not meddle with his wife in the
passion week, but for his pains she set a pair of horns on his head.
Such another he hath out of Abstemius, one persuaded a new married man,
[6061]to forbear the three first nights, and he should all his lifetime
after be fortunate in cattle, but his impatient wife would not tarry so
long: well he might speed in cattle, but not in children. Such a tale
hath Heinsius of an impotent and slack scholar, a mere student, and a
friend of his, that seeing by chance a fine damsel sing and dance,
would needs marry her, the match was soon made, for he was young and
rich, genis gratus, corpore glabellus, arte multiscius, et fortuna
opulentus, like that Apollo in [6062]Apuleius. The first night, having
liberally taken his liquor (as in that country they do) my fine scholar
was so fuzzled, that he no sooner was laid in bed, but he fell fast
asleep, never waked till morning, and then much abashed, purpureis
formosa rosis cum Aurora ruberet; when the fair morn with purple hue
'gan shine, he made an excuse, I know not what, out of Hippocrates
Cous, &c., and for that time it went current: but when as afterward he
did not play the man as he should do, she fell in league with a good
fellow, and whilst he sat up late at his study about those criticisms,
mending some hard places in Festus or Pollux, came cold to bed, and
would tell her still what he had done, she did not much regard what he
said, &c. [6063]She would have another matter mended much rather, which
he did not conceive was corrupt: thus he continued at his study late,
she at her sport, alibi enim festivas noctes agitabat, hating all
scholars for his sake, till at length he began to suspect, and turned a
little yellow, as well he might; for it was his own fault; and if men
be jealous in such cases ([6064]as oft it falls out) the mends is in
their own hands, they must thank themselves. Who will pity them, saith
Neander, or be much offended with such wives, si deceptae prius viros
decipiant, et cornutos reddant, if they deceive those that cozened them
first. A lawyer's wife in [6065]Aristaenetus, because her husband was
negligent in his business, quando lecto danda opera, threatened to
cornute him: and did not stick to tell Philinna, one of her gossips, as
much, and that aloud for him to hear: If he follow other men's matters
and leave his own, I'll have an orator shall plead my cause, I care not
if he know it.
A fourth eminent cause of jealousy may be this, when he that is
deformed, and as Pindarus of Vulcan, sine gratiis natus, hirsute,
ragged, yet virtuously given, will marry some fair nice piece, or light
housewife, begins to misdoubt (as well he may) she doth not affect him.
[6066]Lis est cum forma magna pudicitiae, beauty and honesty have ever
been at odds. Abraham was jealous of his wife because she was fair: so
was Vulcan of his Venus, when he made her creaking shoes, saith
[6067]Philostratus, ne maecharetur, sandalio scilicet deferente, that
he might hear by them when she stirred, which Mars indigne ferre,
[6068]was not well pleased with. Good cause had Vulcan to do as he did,
for she was no honester than she should be. Your fine faces have
commonly this fault; and it is hard to find, saith Francis Philelphus
in an epistle to Saxola his friend, a rich man honest, a proper woman
not proud or unchaste. Can she be fair and honest too?
[6069]Saepe etenim oculuit picta sese hydra sub herba,
Sub specie formae, incauto se saepe marito
Nequam animus vendit,———
He that marries a wife that is snowy fair alone, let him look, saith
[6070] Barbarus, for no better success than Vulcan had with Venus, or
Claudius with Messalina. And 'tis impossible almost in such cases the
wife should contain, or the good man not be jealous: for when he is so
defective, weak, ill-proportioned, unpleasing in those parts which
women most affect, and she most absolutely fair and able on the other
side, if she be not very virtuously given, how can she love him? and
although she be not fair, yet if he admire her and think her so, in his
conceit she is absolute, he holds it impossible for any man living not
to dote as he doth, to look on her and not lust, not to covet, and if
he be in company with her, not to lay siege to her honesty: or else out
of a deep apprehension of his infirmities, deformities, and other men's
good parts, out of his own little worth and desert, he distrusts
himself, (for what is jealousy but distrust?) he suspects she cannot
affect him, or be not so kind and loving as she should, she certainly
loves some other man better than himself.
[6071]Nevisanus, lib. 4. num. 72, will have barrenness to be a main
cause of jealousy. If her husband cannot play the man, some other
shall, they will leave no remedies unessayed, and thereupon the good
man grows jealous; I could give an instance, but be it as it is.
I find this reason given by some men, because they have been formerly
naught themselves, they think they may be so served by others, they
turned up trump before the cards were shuffled; they shall have
therefore legem talionis, like for like.
[6072]Ipse miser docui, quo posset ludere pacto
Custodes, eheu nunc premor arte mea.
Wretch as I was, I taught her bad to be,
And now mine own sly tricks are put upon me.
Mala mens, malus animus, as the saying is, ill dispositions cause ill
suspicions.
[6073]There is none jealous, I durst pawn my life,
But he that hath defiled another's wife,
And for that he himself hath gone astray,
He straightway thinks his wife will tread that way.
To these two above-named causes, or incendiaries of this rage, I may
very well annex those circumstances of time, place, persons, by which
it ebbs and flows, the fuel of this fury, as [6074]Vives truly
observes; and such like accidents or occasions, proceeding from the
parties themselves, or others, which much aggravate and intend this
suspicious humour. For many men are so lasciviously given, either out
of a depraved nature, or too much liberty, which they do assume unto
themselves, by reason of their greatness, in that they are noble men,
(for licentiae peccandi, et multitudo peccantium are great motives)
though their own wives be never so fair, noble, virtuous, honest, wise,
able, and well given, they must have change.
[6075]Qui cum legitimi junguntur fccdere lecti,
Virtute egregiis, facieque domoque puellis,
Scorta tamen, foedasque lupas in fornice quaerunt,
Et per adulterium nova carpere gaudia tentant.
Who being match'd to wives most virtuous,
Noble, and fair, fly out lascivious.
Quod licet ingratum est, that which is ordinary, is unpleasant. Nero
(saith Tacitus) abhorred Octavia his own wife, a noble virtuous lady,
and loved Acte, a base quean in respect. [6076]Cerinthus rejected
Sulpitia, a nobleman's daughter, and courted a poor servant maid.—tanta
est aliena in messe voluptas, for that [6077]stolen waters be more
pleasant: or as Vitellius the emperor was wont to say, Jucundiores
amores, qui cum periculo habentur, like stolen venison, still the
sweetest is that love which is most difficultly attained: they like
better to hunt by stealth in another man's walk, than to have the
fairest course that may be at game of their own.
[6078]Aspice ut in coelo modo sol, modo luna ministret,
Sic etiam nobis una pella parum est.
As sun and moon in heaven change their course,
So they change loves, though often to the worse.
Or that some fair object so forcibly moves them, they cannot contain
themselves, be it heard or seen they will be at it. [6079]Nessus, the
centaur, was by agreement to carry Hercules and his wife over the river
Evenus; no sooner had he set Dejanira on the other side, but he would
have offered violence unto her, leaving Hercules to swim over as he
could: and though her husband was a spectator, yet would he not desist
till Hercules, with a poisoned arrow, shot him to death. [6080]Neptune
saw by chance that Thessalian Tyro, Eunippius' wife, he forthwith, in
the fury of his lust, counterfeited her husband's habit, and made him
cuckold. Tarquin heard Collatine commend his wife, and was so far
enraged, that in the midst of the night to her he went. [6081]Theseus
stole Ariadne, vi rapuit that Trazenian Anaxa, Antiope, and now being
old, Helen, a girl not yet ready for a husband. Great men are most part
thus affected all, as a horse they neigh, saith [6082]Jeremiah, after
their neighbours' wives,—ut visa pullus adhinnit equa: and if they be
in company with other women, though in their own wives' presence, they
must be courting and dallying with them. Juno in Lucian complains of
Jupiter that he was still kissing Ganymede before her face, which did
not a little offend her: and besides he was a counterfeit Amphitryo, a
bull, a swan, a golden shower, and played many such bad pranks, too
long, too shameful to relate.
Or that they care little for their own ladies, and fear no laws, they
dare freely keep whores at their wives' noses. 'Tis too frequent with
noblemen to be dishonest; Pielas, probitas, fides, privata bona sunt,
as [6083]he said long since, piety, chastity, and such like virtues are
for private men: not to be much looked after in great courts: and which
Suetonius of the good princes of his time, they might be all engraven
in one ring, we may truly hold of chaste potentates of our age. For
great personages will familiarly run out in this kind, and yield
occasion of offence. [6084] Montaigne, in his Essays, gives instate in
Caesar, Mahomet the Turk, that sacked Constantinople, and Ladislaus,
king of Naples, that besieged Florence: great men, and great soldiers,
are commonly great, &c., probatum est, they are good doers. Mars and
Venus are equally balanced in their actions,
[6085]Militis in galea nidum fecere columbae,
Apparet Marti quam sit amica Venus.
A dove within a headpiece made her nest,
'Twixt Mars and Venus see an interest.
Especially if they be bald, for bald men have ever been suspicious
(read more in Aristotle, Sect. 4. prob. 19.) as Galba, Otho, Domitian,
and remarkable Caesar amongst the rest. [6086]Urbani servate uxores,
maechum calvum adducimus; besides, this bald Caesar, saith Curio in
Sueton, was omnium mulierum vir; he made love to Eunoe, queen of
Mauritania; to Cleopatra; to Posthumia, wife to Sergius Sulpitius; to
Lollia, wife to Gabinius; to Tertulla, of Crassus; to Mutia, Pompey's
wife, and I know not how many besides: and well he might, for, if all
be true that I have read, he had a license to lie with whom he list.
Inter alios honores Caesari decretos (as Sueton, cap. 52. de Julio, and
Dion, lib. 44. relate) jus illi datum, cum quibuscunque faeminis se
jungendi. Every private history will yield such variety of instances:
otherwise good, wise, discreet men, virtuous and valiant, but too
faulty in this. Priamus had fifty sons, but seventeen alone lawfully
begotten. [6087]Philippus Bonus left fourteen bastards. Lorenzo de
Medici, a good prince and a wise, but, saith Machiavel,
[6088]prodigiously lascivious. None so valiant as Castruccius
Castrucanus, but, as the said author hath it, [6089]none so incontinent
as he was. And 'tis not only predominant in grandees this fault: but if
you will take a great man's testimony, 'tis familiar with every base
soldier in France, (and elsewhere, I think). This vice ([6090] saith
mine author) is so common with us in France, that he is of no account,
a mere coward, not worthy the name of a soldier, that is not a
notorious whoremaster. In Italy he is not a gentleman, that besides his
wife hath not a courtesan and a mistress. 'Tis no marvel, then, if poor
women in such cases be jealous, when they shall see themselves
manifestly neglected, contemned, loathed, unkindly used: their disloyal
husbands to entertain others in their rooms, and many times to court
ladies to their faces: other men's wives to wear their jewels: how
shall a poor woman in such a case moderate her passion? [6091]Quis tibi
nunc Dido cernenti talia sensus?
How, on the other side, shall a poor man contain himself from this
feral malady, when he shall see so manifest signs of his wife's
inconstancy? when, as Milo's wife, she dotes upon every young man she
sees, or, as [6092]Martial's Sota,—deserto sequitur Clitum marito,
deserts her husband and follows Clitus. Though her husband be proper
and tall, fair and lovely to behold, able to give contentment to any
one woman, yet she will taste of the forbidden fruit: Juvenal's Iberina
to a hair, she is as well pleased with one eye as one man. If a young
gallant come by chance into her presence, a fastidious brisk, that can
wear his clothes well in fashion, with a lock, jingling spur, a
feather, that can cringe, and withal compliment, court a gentlewoman,
she raves upon him, O what a lovely proper man he was, another Hector,
an Alexander, a goodly man, a demigod, how sweetly he carried himself,
with how comely a grace, sic oculos, sic ille manus, sic ora ferebat,
how neatly he did wear his clothes! [6093] Quam sese ore ferens, quam
forti pectore et armis, how bravely did he discourse, ride, sing, and
dance, &c., and then she begins to loathe her husband, repugnans
osculatur, to hate him and his filthy beard, his goatish complexion, as
Doris said of Polyphemus, [6094]totus qui saniem, totus ut hircus olet,
he is a rammy fulsome fellow, a goblin-faced fellow, he smells, he
stinks, Et caepas simul alliumque ructat [6095]—si quando ad thalamum,
&c., how like a dizzard, a fool, an ass, he looks, how like a clown he
behaves himself! [6096]she will not come near him by her own good will,
but wholly rejects him, as Venus did her fuliginous Vulcan, at last,
Nec Deus hunc mensa, Dea nec dignata cubili est. [6097]So did Lucretia,
a lady of Senae, after she had but seen Euryalus, in Eurialum tota
ferebatur, domum reversa, &c., she would not hold her eyes off him in
his presence,— [6098]tantum egregio decus enitet ore, and in his
absence could think of none but him, odit virum, she loathed her
husband forthwith, might not abide him:
[6099]Et conjugalis negligens tori, viro
Praesente, acerbo nauseat fastidio;
All against the laws of matrimony,
She did abhor her husband's phis'nomy;
and sought all opportunity to see her sweetheart again. Now when the
good man shall observe his wife so lightly given, to be so free and
familiar with every gallant, her immodesty and wantonness, (as
[6100]Camerarius notes) it must needs yield matter of suspicion to him,
when she still pranks up herself beyond her means and fortunes, makes
impertinent journeys, unnecessary visitations, stays out so long, with
such and such companions, so frequently goes to plays, masks, feasts,
and all public meetings, shall use such immodest [6101]gestures, free
speeches, and withal show some distaste of her own husband; how can he
choose, though he were another Socrates, but be suspicious, and
instantly jealous? [6102] Socraticas tandem faciet transcendere metas;
more especially when he shall take notice of their more secret and sly
tricks, which to cornute their husbands they commonly use (dum ludis,
ludos haec te facit) they pretend love, honour, chastity, and seem to
respect them before all men living, saints in show, so cunningly can
they dissemble, they will not so much as look upon another man in his
presence, [6103]so chaste, so religious, and so devout, they cannot
endure the name or sight of a quean, a harlot, out upon her! and in
their outward carriage are most loving and officious, will kiss their
husband, and hang about his neck (dear husband, sweet husband), and
with a composed countenance salute him, especially when he comes home;
or if he go from home, weep, sigh, lament, and take upon them to be
sick and swoon (like Jocundo's wife in [6104]Ariosto, when her husband
was to depart), and yet arrant, &c. they care not for him,
Aye me, the thought (quoth she) makes me so 'fraid,
That scarce the breath abideth in my breast;
Peace, my sweet love and wife, Jocundo said,
And weeps as fast, and comforts her his best, &c.
All this might not assuage the woman's pain,
Needs must I die before you come again,
Nor how to keep my life I can devise,
The doleful days and nights I shall sustain,
From meat my mouth, from sleep will keep mine eyes, &c.
That very night that went before the morrow,
That he had pointed surely to depart,
Jocundo's wife was sick, and swoon'd for sorrow
Amid his arms, so heavy was her heart.
And yet for all these counterfeit tears and protestations, Jocundo
coming back in all haste for a jewel he had forgot,
His chaste and yoke-fellow he found
Yok'd with a knave, all honesty neglected,
The adulterer sleeping very sound,
Yet by his face was easily detected:
A beggar's brat bred by him from his cradle.,
And now was riding on his master's saddle.
Thus can they cunningly counterfeit, as [6105]Platina describes their
customs, kiss their husbands, whom they had rather see hanging on a
gallows, and swear they love him dearer than their own lives, whose
soul they would not ransom for their little dog's,
———similis si permutatio detur,
Morte viri cupiunt aniniani servare catellae.
Many of them seem to be precise and holy forsooth, and will go to such
a [6106]church, to hear such a good man by all means, an excellent man,
when 'tis for no other intent (as he follows it) than to see and to be
seen, to observe what fashions are in use, to meet some pander, bawd,
monk, friar, or to entice some good fellow. For they persuade
themselves, as [6107] Nevisanus shows, That it is neither sin nor shame
to lie with a lord or parish priest, if he be a proper man; [6108]and
though she kneel often, and pray devoutly, 'tis (saith Platina) not for
her husband's welfare, or children's good, or any friend, but for her
sweetheart's return, her pander's health. If her husband would have her
go, she feigns herself sick, [6109]Et simulat subito condoluisse caput:
her head aches, and she cannot stir: but if her paramour ask as much,
she is for him in all seasons, at all hours of the night. [6110]In the
kingdom of Malabar, and about Goa in the East Indies, the women are so
subtile that, with a certain drink they give them to drive away cares
as they say, [6111]they will make them sleep for twenty-four hours, or
so intoxicate them that they can remember nought of that they saw done,
or heard, and, by washing of their feet, restore them again, and so
make their husbands cuckolds to their faces. Some are ill-disposed at
all times, to all persons they like, others more wary to some few, at
such and such seasons, as Augusta, Livia, non nisi plena navi vectorem
tollebat. But as he said,
[6112]No pen could write, no tongue attain to tell,
By force of eloquence, or help of art,
Of women's treacheries the hundredth part.
Both, to say truth, are often faulty; men and women give just occasions
in this humour of discontent, aggravate and yield matter of suspicion:
but most part of the chief causes proceed from other adventitious
accidents and circumstances, though the parties be free, and both well
given themselves. The indiscreet carriage of some lascivious gallant
(et e contra of some light woman) by his often frequenting of a house,
bold unseemly gestures, may make a breach, and by his over-familiarity,
if he be inclined to yellowness, colour him quite out. If he be poor,
basely born, saith Beneditto Varchi, and otherwise unhandsome, he
suspects him the less; but if a proper man, such as was Alcibiades in
Greece, and Castruccius Castrucanus in Italy, well descended,
commendable for his good parts, he taketh on the more, and watcheth his
doings. [6113]Theodosius the emperor gave his wife Eudoxia a golden
apple when he was a suitor to her, which she long after bestowed upon a
young gallant in the court, of her especial acquaintance. The emperor,
espying this apple in his hand, suspected forthwith, more than was, his
wife's dishonesty, banished him the court, and from that day following
forbare to accompany her any more. [6114]A rich merchant had a fair
wife; according to his custom he went to travel; in his absence a good
fellow tempted his wife; she denied him; yet he, dying a little after,
gave her a legacy for the love he bore her. At his return, her jealous
husband, because she had got more by land than he had done at sea,
turned her away upon suspicion.
Now when those other circumstances of time and place, opportunity and
importunity shall concur, what will they not effect?
Fair opportunity can win the coyest she that is,
So wisely he takes time, as he'll be sure he will not miss:
Then lie that loves her gamesome vein, and tempers toys with art,
Brings love that swimmeth in her eyes to dive into her heart.
As at plays, masks, great feasts and banquets, one singles out his wife
to dance, another courts her in his presence, a third tempts her, a
fourth insinuates with a pleasing compliment, a sweet smile,
ingratiates himself with an amphibological speech, as that merry
companion in the [6115] Satirist did to his Glycerium, [6116]adsidens
et interiorem palmam amabiliter concutiens,
Quod meus hortus habet sumat impune licebit,
Si dederis nobis quod tuus hortus habet;
with many such, &c., and then as he saith,
[6117]She may no while in chastity abide.
That is assaid on every side.
For after al great feast, [6118]Vino saepe suum nescit amica virum.
Noah (saith [6119]Hierome) showed his nakedness in his drunkenness,
which for six hundred years he had covered in soberness. Lot lay with
his daughters in his drink, as Cyneras with Myrrha,—[6120]quid enim
Venus ebria curat? The most continent may be overcome, or if otherwise
they keep bad company, they that are modest of themselves, and dare not
offend, confirmed by [6121]others, grow impudent, and confident, and
get an ill habit.
[6122]Alia quaestus gratia matrimonium corrumpit,
Alia peccans multas vult morbi habere socias.
Or if they dwell in suspected places, as in an infamous inn, near some
stews, near monks, friars, Nevisanus adds, where be many tempters and
solicitors, idle persons that frequent their companies, it may give
just cause of suspicion. Martial of old inveighed against them that
counterfeited a disease to go to the bath; for so, many times,
———relicto
Conjuge Penelope venit, abit Helene.
Aeneas Sylvius puts in a caveat against princes' courts, because there
be tot formosi juvenes qui promittunt, so many brave suitors to tempt,
&c. [6123]If you leave her in such a place, you shall likely find her
in company you like not, either they come to her, or she is gone to
them. [6124]Kornmannus makes a doubting jest in his lascivious country,
Virginis illibata censeatur ne castitas ad quam frequentur accedant
scholares? And Baldus the lawyer scoffs on, quum scholaris, inquit,
loquitur cum puella, non praesumitur ei dicere, Pater noster, when a
scholar talks with a maid, or another man's wife in private, it is
presumed he saith not a pater noster. Or if I shall see a monk or a
friar climb up a ladder at midnight into a virgin's or widow's chamber
window, I shall hardly think he then goes to administer the sacraments,
or to take her confession. These are the ordinary causes of jealousy,
which are intended or remitted as the circumstances vary.
MEMB. II.
_Symptoms of Jealousy, Fear, Sorrow, Suspicion, strange Actions,
Gestures, Outrages, Locking up, Oaths, Trials, Laws, &c._
Of all passions, as I have already proved, love is most violent, and of
those bitter potions which this love-melancholy affords, this bastard
jealousy is the greatest, as appears by those prodigious symptoms which
it hath, and that it produceth. For besides fear and sorrow, which is
common to all melancholy, anxiety of mind, suspicion, aggravation,
restless thoughts, paleness, meagreness, neglect of business, and the
like, these men are farther yet misaffected, and in a higher strain.
'Tis a more vehement passion, a more furious perturbation, a bitter
pain, a fire, a pernicious curiosity, a gall corrupting the honey of
our life, madness, vertigo, plague, hell, they are more than ordinarily
disquieted, they lose bonum pacis, as [6125]Chrysostom observes; and
though they be rich, keep sumptuous tables, be nobly allied, yet
miserrimi omnium sunt, they are most miserable, they are more than
ordinarily discontent, more sad, nihil tristius, more than ordinarily
suspicious. Jealousy, saith [6126]Vives, begets unquietness in the
mind, night and day: he hunts after every word he hears, every whisper,
and amplifies it to himself (as all melancholy men do in other matters)
with a most unjust calumny of others, he misinterprets everything is
said or done, most apt to mistake or misconstrue, he pries into every
corner, follows close, observes to a hair. 'Tis proper to jealousy so
to do,
Pale hag, infernal fury, pleasure's smart,
Envy's observer, prying in every part.