Omnium quae in humana vita contingunt, luctus atque mors sunt
acerbissima, the most austere and bitter accidents that can happen to a
man in this life, in aeternum valedicere, to part for ever, to forsake
the world and all our friends, 'tis ultimum terribilium, the last and
the greatest terror, most irksome and troublesome unto us, [3864]Homo
toties moritur, quoties amittit suos. And though we hope for a better
life, eternal happiness, after these painful and miserable days, yet we
cannot compose ourselves willingly to die; the remembrance of it is
most grievous unto us, especially to such who are fortunate and rich:
they start at the name of death, as a horse at a rotten post. Say what
you can of that other world, [3865]Montezuma that Indian prince, Bonum
est esse hic, they had rather be here. Nay many generous spirits, and
grave staid men otherwise, are so tender in this, that at the loss of a
dear friend they will cry out, roar, and tear their hair, lamenting
some months after, howling O Hone, as those Irish women and
[3866]Greeks at their graves, commit many indecent actions, and almost
go beside themselves. My dear father, my sweet husband, mine only
brother's dead, to whom shall I make my moan? O me miserum! Quis dabit
in lachrymas fontem, &c. What shall I do?
[3867]Sed totum hoc studium luctu fraterna mihi mors
Abstulit, hei misero frater adempte mihi?
My brother's death my study hath undone,
Woe's me, alas my brother he is gone.
Mezentius would not live after his son:
[3868]Nunc vivo, nec adhuc homines lucemque relinquo,
Sed linquam———
And Pompey's wife cried out at the news of her husband's death,
[3869]Turpe mori post te solo non posse dolore,
Violenta luctu et nescia tolerandi,
as [3870]Tacitus of Agrippina, not able to moderate her passions. So
when she heard her son was slain, she abruptly broke off her work,
changed countenance and colour, tore her hair, and fell a roaring
downright.
[3871]———subitus miserae color ossa reliquit,
Excussi manibus radii, revolutaque pensa:
Evolat infelix et foemineo ululatu
Scissa comam———
Another would needs run upon the sword's point after Euryalus'
departure,
[3872]Figite me, si qua est pietas, in me omnia tela
Conjicite o Rutili;———
O let me die, some good man or other make an end of me. How did
Achilles take on for Patroclus' departure? A black cloud of sorrows
overshadowed him, saith Homer. Jacob rent his clothes, put sackcloth
about his loins, sorrowed for his son a long season, and could not be
comforted, but would needs go down into the grave unto his son, Gen.
xxxvii. 37. Many years after, the remembrance of such friends, of such
accidents, is most grievous unto us, to see or hear of it, though it
concern not ourselves but others. Scaliger saith of himself, that he
never read Socrates' death, in Plato's Phaedon, but he wept:
[3873]Austin shed tears when he read the destruction of Troy. But
howsoever this passion of sorrow be violent, bitter, and seizeth
familiarly on wise, valiant, discreet men, yet it may surely be
withstood, it may be diverted. For what is there in this life, that it
should be so dear unto us? or that we should so much deplore the
departure of a friend? The greatest pleasures are common society, to
enjoy one another's presence, feasting, hawking, hunting, brooks,
woods, hills, music, dancing, &c. all this is but vanity and loss of
time, as I have sufficiently declared.
[3874]———dum bibimus, dum serta, unguenta, puellas
Poscimus, obrepit non intellecta senectus.
Whilst we drink, prank ourselves, with wenches dally,
Old age upon's at unawares doth sally.
As alchemists spend that small modicum they have to get gold, and never
find it, we lose and neglect eternity, for a little momentary pleasure
which we cannot enjoy, nor shall ever attain to in this life. We abhor
death, pain, and grief, all, yet we will do nothing of that which
should vindicate us from, but rather voluntarily thrust ourselves upon
it. [3875] The lascivious prefers his whore before his life, or good
estate; an angry man his revenge: a parasite his gut; ambitious,
honours; covetous, wealth; a thief his booty; a soldier his spoil; we
abhor diseases, and yet we pull them upon us. We are never better or
freer from cares than when we sleep, and yet, which we so much avoid
and lament, death is but a perpetual sleep; and why should it, as
[3876]Epicurus argues, so much affright us? When we are, death is not:
but when death is, then we are not: our life is tedious and troublesome
unto him that lives best; [3877]'tis a misery to be born, a pain to
live, a trouble to die: death makes an end of our miseries, and yet we
cannot consider of it; a little before [3878]Socrates drank his portion
of cicuta, he bid the citizens of Athens cheerfully farewell, and
concluded his speech with this short sentence; My time is now come to
be gone, I to my death, you to live on; but which of these is best, God
alone knows. For there is no pleasure here but sorrow is annexed to it,
repentance follows it. [3879]If I feed liberally, I am likely sick or
surfeit: if I live sparingly my hunger and thirst is not allayed; I am
well neither full nor fasting; if I live honest, I burn in lust; if I
take my pleasure, I tire and starve myself, and do injury to my body
and soul. [3880]Of so small a quantity of mirth, how much sorrow? after
so little pleasure, how great misery? 'Tis both ways troublesome to me,
to rise and go to bed, to eat and provide my meat; cares and
contentions attend me all day long, fears and suspicions all my life. I
am discontented, and why should I desire so much to live? But a happy
death will make an end of all our woes and miseries; omnibus una meis
certa medela malis; why shouldst not thou then say with old Simeon
since thou art so well affected, Lord now let thy servant depart in
peace: or with Paul, I desire to be dissolved, and to be with Christ?
Beata mors quae ad beatam vitam aditum aperit, 'tis a blessed hour that
leads us to a [3881]blessed life, and blessed are they that die in the
Lord. But life is sweet, and death is not so terrible in itself as the
concomitants of it, a loathsome disease, pain, horror, &c. and many
times the manner of it, to be hanged, to be broken on the wheel, to be
burned alive. [3882]Servetus the heretic, that suffered in Geneva, when
he was brought to the stake, and saw the executioner come with fire in
his hand, homo viso igne tam horrendum exclamavit, ut universum populum
perterrefecerit, roared so loud, that he terrified the people. An old
stoic would have scorned this. It troubles some to be unburied, or so:
———non te optima mater
Condet humi, patriove onerabit membra sepulchro;
Alitibus linguere feris, et gurgite mersum
Unda feret, piscesque impasti vulnera lambent.
Thy gentle parents shall not bury thee,
Amongst thine ancestors entomb'd to be,
But feral fowl thy carcass shall devour,
Or drowned corps hungry fish maws shall scour.
As Socrates told Crito, it concerns me not what is done with me when I
am dead; Facilis jactura sepulchri: I care not so long as I feel it
not; let them set mine head on the pike of Tenerife, and my quarters in
the four parts of the world,—pascam licet in cruce corvos, let wolves
or bears devour me;—[3883]Caelo tegitur qui non habet urnam, the canopy
of heaven covers him that hath no tomb. So likewise for our friends,
why should their departure so much trouble us? They are better as we
hope, and for what then dost thou lament, as those do whom Paul taxed
in his time, 1 Thes. iv. 13. that have no hope? 'Tis fit there should
be some solemnity.
[3884]Sed sepelire decet defunctum, pectore forti,
Constantes, unumque diem fletui indulgentes.
Job's friends said not a word to him the first seven days, but let
sorrow and discontent take their course, themselves sitting sad and
silent by him. When Jupiter himself wept for Sarpedon, what else did
the poet insinuate, but that some sorrow is good
[3885]Quis matrem nisi mentis inops in funere nati
Flere vetat?———
who can blame a tender mother if she weep for her children? Beside, as
[3886]Plutarch holds, 'tis not in our power not to lament, Indolentia
non cuivis contingit, it takes away mercy and pity, not to be sad; 'tis
a natural passion to weep for our friends, an irresistible passion to
lament and grieve. I know not how (saith Seneca) but sometimes 'tis
good to be miserable in misery: and for the most part all grief
evacuates itself by tears,
[3887]———est quaedam flere voluptas,
Expletur lachrymis egeriturque dolor:
yet after a day's mourning or two, comfort thyself for thy heaviness,
Eccles. xxxviii. 17. [3888]Non decet defunctum ignavo quaestu prosequi;
'twas Germanicus' advice of old, that we should not dwell too long upon
our passions, to be desperately sad, immoderate grievers, to let them
tyrannise, there's indolentiae, ars, a medium to be kept: we do not
(saith [3889]Austin) forbid men to grieve, but to grieve overmuch. I
forbid not a man to be angry, but I ask for what cause he is so? Not to
be sad, but why is he sad? Not to fear, but wherefore is he afraid? I
require a moderation as well as a just reason. [3890]The Romans and
most civil commonwealths have set a time to such solemnities, they must
not mourn after a set day, or if in a family a child be born, a
daughter or son married, some state or honour be conferred, a brother
be redeemed from his bands, a friend from his enemies, or the like,
they must lament no more. And 'tis fit it should be so; to what end is
all their funeral pomp, complaints, and tears? When Socrates was dying,
his friends Apollodorus and Crito, with some others, were weeping by
him, which he perceiving, asked them what they meant: [3891]for that
very cause he put all the women out of the room, upon which words of
his they were abashed, and ceased from their tears. Lodovicus
Cortesius, a rich lawyer of Padua (as [3892] Bernardinus Scardeonius
relates) commanded by his last will, and a great mulct if otherwise to
his heir, that no funeral should be kept for him, no man should lament:
but as at a wedding, music and minstrels to be provided; and instead of
black mourners, he took order, [3893]that twelve virgins clad in green
should carry him to the church. His will and testament was accordingly
performed, and he buried in St. Sophia's church. [3894]Tully was much
grieved for his daughter Tulliola's death at first, until such time
that he had confirmed his mind with some philosophical precepts,
[3895]then he began to triumph over fortune and grief, and for her
reception into heaven to be much more joyed than before he was troubled
for her loss. If a heathen man could so fortify himself from
philosophy, what shall a Christian from divinity? Why dost thou so
macerate thyself? 'Tis an inevitable chance, the first statute in Magna
Charta, an everlasting Act of Parliament, all must [3896]die.
[3897]Constat aeterna positumque lege est,
Ut constet genitum nihil.
It cannot be revoked, we are all mortal, and these all commanding gods
and princes die like men:[3898]—involvit humile pariter et celsum
caput, aquatque summis infima. O weak condition of human estate,
Sylvius exclaims: [3899]Ladislaus, king of Bohemia, eighteen years of
age, in the flower of his youth, so potent, rich, fortunate and happy,
in the midst of all his friends, amongst so many [3900]physicians, now
ready to be [3901] married, in thirty-six hours sickened and died. We
must so be gone sooner or later all, and as Calliopeius in the comedy
took his leave of his spectators and auditors, Vos valete et plaudite,
Calliopeius recensui, must we bid the world farewell (Exit
Calliopeius), and having now played our parts, for ever be gone. Tombs
and monuments have the like fate, data sunt ipsis quoque fata
sepulchris, kingdoms, provinces, towns, and cities have their periods,
and are consumed. In those flourishing times of Troy, Mycenae was the
fairest city in Greece, Graeciae cunctae imperitabat, but it, alas, and
that [3902]Assyrian Nineveh are quite overthrown: the like fate hath
that Egyptian and Boeotian Thebes, Delos, commune Graeciae,
conciliabulum, the common council-house of Greece, [3903]and Babylon,
the greatest city that ever the sun shone on, hath now nothing but
walls and rubbish left. [3904]Quid Pandioniae restat nisi nomen
Athenae? Thus [3905]Pausanias complained in his times. And where is
Troy itself now, Persepolis, Carthage, Cizicum, Sparta, Argos, and all
those Grecian cities? Syracuse and Agrigentum, the fairest towns in
Sicily, which had sometimes 700,000 inhabitants, are now decayed: the
names of Hieron, Empedocles, &c., of those mighty numbers of people,
only left. One Anacharsis is remembered amongst the Scythians; the
world itself must have an end; and every part of it. Caeterae igitur
urbes sunt mortales, as Peter [3906]Gillius concludes of
Constantinople, haec sane quamdiu erunt homines, futura mihi videtur
immortalis; but 'tis not so: nor site, nor strength, nor sea nor land,
can vindicate a city, but it and all must vanish at last. And as to a
traveller great mountains seem plains afar off, at last are not
discerned at all; cities, men, monuments decay,—nec solidis prodest sua
machina terris,[3907]the names are only left, those at length
forgotten, and are involved in perpetual night.
[3908]Returning out of Asia, when I sailed from Aegina toward Megara, I
began (saith Servius Sulpicius, in a consolatory epistle of his to
Tully) to view the country round about. Aegina was behind me, Megara
before, Piraeus on the right hand, Corinth on the left, what
flourishing towns heretofore, now prostrate and overwhelmed before mine
eyes? I began to think with myself, alas, why are we men so much
disquieted with the departure of a friend, whose life is much shorter?
[3909]When so many goodly cities lie buried before us. Remember, O
Servius, thou art a man; and with that I was much confirmed, and
corrected myself. Correct then likewise, and comfort thyself in this,
that we must necessarily die, and all die, that we shall rise again: as
Tully held; Jucundiorque multo congressus noster futurus, quam insuavis
et acerbus digressus, our second meeting shall be much more pleasant
than our departure was grievous.
Aye, but he was my most dear and loving friend, my sole friend,
[3910]Quis deciderio sit pudor aut modus
Tam chari capitis?———
And who can blame my woe?
Thou mayst be ashamed, I say with [3911]Seneca, to confess it, in such
a [3912]tempest as this to have but one anchor, go seek another: and
for his part thou dost him great injury to desire his longer life.
[3913]Wilt thou have him crazed and sickly still, like a tired
traveller that comes weary to his inn, begin his journey afresh, or to
be freed from his miseries; thou hast more need rejoice that he is
gone. Another complains of a most sweet wife, a young wife, Nondum
sustulerat flavum Proserpina crinem, such a wife as no mortal man ever
had, so good a wife, but she is now dead and gone, laethaeoque jacet
condita sarcophago. I reply to him in Seneca's words, if such a woman
at least ever was to be had, [3914]He did either so find or make her;
if he found her, he may as happily find another; if he made her, as
Critobulus in Xenophon did by his, he may as good cheap inform another,
et bona tam sequitur, quam bona prima fuit; he need not despair, so
long as the same master is to be had. But was she good? Had she been so
tired peradventure as that Ephesian widow in Petronius, by some
swaggering soldier, she might not have held out. Many a man would have
been willingly rid of his: before thou wast bound, now thou art free;
[3915]and 'tis but a folly to love thy fetters though they be of gold.
Come into a third place, you shall have an aged father sighing for a
son, a pretty child;
[3916]Impube pectus quale vel impia
Molliret Thracum pectora.
———He now lies asleep,
Would make an impious Thracian weep.
Or some fine daughter that died young, Nondum experta novi gaudia prima
tori. Or a forlorn son for his deceased father. But why? Prior exiit,
prior intravit, he came first, and he must go first. [3917]Tu frustra
pius, heu, &c. What, wouldst thou have the laws of nature altered, and
him to live always? Julius Caesar, Augustus, Alcibiades, Galen,
Aristotle, lost their fathers young. And why on the other side shouldst
thou so heavily take the death of thy little son?
[3918]Num quia nec fato, merita nec morte peribat,
Sed miser ante diem———
he died before his time, perhaps, not yet come to the solstice of his
age, yet was he not mortal? Hear that divine [3919]Epictetus, If thou
covet thy wife, friends, children should live always, thou art a fool.
He was a fine child indeed, dignus Apollineis lachrymis, a sweet, a
loving, a fair, a witty child, of great hope, another Eteoneus, whom
Pindarus the poet and Aristides the rhetorician so much lament; but who
can tell whether he would have been an honest man? He might have proved
a thief, a rogue, a spendthrift, a disobedient son, vexed and galled
thee more than all the world beside, he might have wrangled with thee
and disagreed, or with his brothers, as Eteocles and Polynices, and
broke thy heart; he is now gone to eternity, as another Ganymede, in
the [3920]flower of his youth, as if he had risen, saith
[3921]Plutarch, from the midst of a feast before he was drunk, the
longer he had lived, the worse he would have been, et quo vita longior,
(Ambrose thinks) culpa numerosior, more sinful, more to answer he would
have had. If he was naught, thou mayst be glad he is gone; if good, be
glad thou hadst such a son. Or art thou sure he was good? It may be he
was an hypocrite, as many are, and howsoever he spake thee fair,
peradventure he prayed, amongst the rest that Icaro Menippus heard at
Jupiter's whispering place in Lucian, for his father's death, because
he now kept him short, he was to inherit much goods, and many fair
manors after his decease. Or put case he was very good, suppose the
best, may not thy dead son expostulate with thee, as he did in the same
[3922]Lucian, why dost thou lament my death, or call me miserable that
am much more happy than thyself? what misfortune is befallen me? Is it
because I am not so bald, crooked, old, rotten, as thou art? What have
I lost, some of your good cheer, gay clothes, music, singing, dancing,
kissing, merry-meetings, thalami lubentias, &c., is that it? Is it not
much better not to hunger at all than to eat: not to thirst than to
drink to satisfy thirst: not to be cold than to put on clothes to drive
away cold? You had more need rejoice that I am freed from diseases,
agues, cares, anxieties, livor, love, covetousness, hatred, envy,
malice, that I fear no more thieves, tyrants, enemies, as you do.
[3923]Ad cinerem et manes credis curare sepultos? Do they concern us at
all, think you, when we are once dead? Condole not others then
overmuch, wish not or fear thy death. [3924] Summum nec optes diem nec
metuas; 'tis to no purpose.
Excessi e vitae aerumnis facilisque lubensque
Ne perjora ipsa morte dehinc videam.
I left this irksome life with all mine heart,
Lest worse than death should happen to my part.
[3925]Cardinal Brundusinus caused this epitaph in Rome to be inscribed
on his tomb, to show his willingness to die, and tax those that were so
both to depart. Weep and howl no more then, 'tis to small purpose; and
as Tully adviseth us in the like case, Non quos amisimus, sed quantum
lugere par sit cogitemus: think what we do, not whom we have lost. So
David did, 2 Sam. xxii., While the child was yet alive, I fasted and
wept; but being now dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him again? I
shall go to him, but he cannot return to me. He that doth otherwise is
an intemperate, a weak, a silly, and indiscreet man. Though Aristotle
deny any part of intemperance to be conversant about sorrow, I am of
[3926]Seneca's mind, he that is wise is temperate, and he that is
temperate is constant, free from passion, and he that is such a one, is
without sorrow, as all wise men should be. The [3927]Thracians wept
still when a child was born, feasted and made mirth when any man was
buried: and so should we rather be glad for such as die well, that they
are so happily freed from the miseries of this life. When Eteoneus,
that noble young Greek, was so generally lamented by his friends,
Pindarus the poet feigns some god saying, Silete homines, non enim
miser est, &c. be quiet good folks, this young man is not so miserable
as you think; he is neither gone to Styx nor Acheron, sed gloriosus et
senii expers heros, he lives for ever in the Elysian fields. He now
enjoys that happiness which your great kings so earnestly seek, and
wears that garland for which ye contend. If our present weakness is
such, we cannot moderate our passions in this behalf, we must divert
them by all means, by doing something else, thinking of another
subject. The Italians most part sleep away care and grief, if it
unseasonably seize upon them, Danes, Dutchmen, Polanders and Bohemians
drink it down, our countrymen go to plays: do something or other, let
it not transpose thee, or by [3928] premeditation make such accidents
familiar, as Ulysses that wept for his dog, but not for his wife, quod
paratus esset animo obfirmato, (Plut. de anim. tranq.) accustom
thyself, and harden beforehand by seeing other men's calamities, and
applying them to thy present estate; Praevisum est levius quod fuit
ante malum. I will conclude with [3929]Epictetus, If thou lovest a pot,
remember 'tis but a, pot thou lovest, and thou wilt not be troubled
when 'tis broken: if thou lovest a son or wife, remember they were
mortal, and thou wilt not be so impatient. And for false fears and all
other fortuitous inconveniences, mischances, calamities, to resist and
prepare ourselves, not to faint is best: [3930]Stultum est timere quod
vitari non potest, 'tis a folly to fear that which cannot be avoided,
or to be discouraged at all.
[3931]Nam quisquis trepidus pavet vel optat,
Abjecit clypeum, locoque motus
Nectit qua valeat trahi catenam.
For he that so faints or fears, and yields to his passion, flings away
his own weapons, makes a cord to bind himself, and pulls a beam upon
his own head.
MEMB. VI.
_Against Envy, Livor, Emulation, Hatred, Ambition, Self-love, and all
other Affections_.
Against those other [3932]passions and affections, there is no better
remedy than as mariners when they go to sea, provide all things
necessary to resist a tempest: to furnish ourselves with philosophical
and Divine precepts, other men's examples, [3933]Periculum ex aliis
facere, sibi quod ex usu siet: To balance our hearts with love,
charity, meekness, patience, and counterpoise those irregular motions
of envy, livor, spleen, hatred, with their opposite virtues, as we bend
a crooked staff another way, to oppose [3934]sufferance to labour,
patience to reproach, bounty to covetousness, fortitude to
pusillanimity, meekness to anger, humility to pride, to examine
ourselves for what cause we are so much disquieted, on what ground,
what occasion, is it just or feigned? And then either to pacify
ourselves by reason, to divert by some other object, contrary passion,
or premeditation. [3935]Meditari secum oportet quo pacto adversam
aerumnam ferat, Paricla, damna, exilia peregre rediens semper cogitet,
aut filii peccatum, aut uxoris mortem, aut morbum filiae, communia esse
haec: fieri posse, ut ne quid animo sit novum. To make them familiar,
even all kind of calamities, that when they happen they may be less
troublesome unto us. In secundis meditare, quo pacto feras adversa: or
out of mature judgment to avoid the effect, or disannul the cause, as
they do that are troubled with toothache, pull them quite out.
[3936]Ut vivat castor, sibi testes amputat ipse;
Tu quoque siqua nocent, abjice, tutus eris.
The beaver bites off's stones to save the rest:
Do thou the like with that thou art opprest.
Or as they that play at wasters, exercise themselves by a few cudgels
how to avoid an enemy's blows: let us arm ourselves against all such
violent incursions, which may invade our minds. A little experience and
practice will inure us to it; vetula vulpes, as the proverb saith,
laqueo haud capitur, an old fox is not so easily taken in a snare; an
old soldier in the world methinks should not be disquieted, but ready
to receive all fortunes, encounters, and with that resolute captain,
come what may come, to make answer,
[3937]———non ulla laborum
O virgo nova mi facies inopinaque surgit,
Omnia percepi atque animo mecum ante peregi.
No labour comes at unawares to me,
For I have long before cast what may be.
[3938]———non hoc primum mea pectora vulnus
Senserunt, graviora tuli———