"Whichever way you look at it," said the Red Knight, "there is only one
possible conclusion. I am the logical candidate at Chicago."
"What _is_ a logical candidate?" said Alice.
"A logical candidate," said the Red Knight, "is one who, when the
necessity arises, can prove that 'I won't' means 'I will.'"
"That should be a very difficult thing to do," said Alice.
"_I_ find it the easiest thing in the world," said the Red Knight. "Let
us look at it in this way: No one will deny that the President of the
United States should be a man about fifty-four years old, about five
feet ten inches tall, powerfully built, wear glasses, and live on the
north shore of Long Island. That, I believe, is axiomatic."
"That's another word I don't know the meaning of," said Alice.
"An axiom, my dear girl, is something which is so obviously true that
the man who denies it must be a crook or an infamous liar. Very well,
then. In the second place, a candidate for the Presidency should be a
man of wide experience. He must have lived in the White House at least
seven years, and before that he must have been a member of the
Legislature, a Police Commissioner, a cavalry colonel, and the author of
a short but masterly treatise on the Irish sagas."
"Is that axiomatic, also?" said Alice.
"Naturally," said the Red Knight.
"Then it means you once more?"
"Exactly," said the Red Knight. "And in the last place he should be a
descendant of the old Dutch patroons, a native of New York, and his name
should begin with an R and end with a T, and have at least two O's and a
V between. Now what does all that prove?"
"Axiomatically, you mean?" said Alice.
"Of course," said the Red Knight.
"It means you again," said Alice.
"You are a very bright child to see the point so quickly," said the Red
Knight. "Thus I am the logical candidate of the moment. But please
observe that I am much more than that. I am also the physiological
candidate, because I can speak faster and louder than any man in the
country, and can slug a man harder through the ropes. Then, I am the
zoological candidate, because of my record in Africa. And I am the
entomological candidate, because I am the broadest-minded man in the
world, and my views are absolutely insectarian."
"I don't think that is a very good pun, do you?" said Alice.
"I think it's one of the best puns I ever heard," said the Red Knight,
hastily, and went on. "The successful candidate must be one who knows
how to make hay when the sun shines and how to get in out of the rain;
therefore, I am the meteorological candidate. He should be the man
brought forward by a vast national upheaval; that makes me the
geological candidate. And, above all, he must not be too thin-skinned
when accused of bad faith and personal motives; which makes me the
dermatological candidate. So what does all this show?"
"It shows," said Alice, "that you _are_ the logical candidate."
"It does," said the Red Knight, and, having divested himself of his
armor, he thrust his hands into his pockets and whistled cheerfully.