(_IN JANUARY._)
[Illustration]
Just take a look round, most respectable Madam;
New Year's Day is an excellent time for the task,
When serious thoughts come to each son of Adam
Who dares to peep under Convention's smug mask.
Your sword looks a little bit rusty and notched, Ma'am;
Your scales now and then hang a trifle askew;
A lot of your Ministers need to be watched, Ma'am!
_Punch_ isn't quite pleased with the prospect--are you?
If one could but take a wide survey, though summary,
Of _all_ the strange "sentences" passed in one year
By persons called "Justices"--(yes, it _sounds_ flummery)
Justice would look like Burlesque, Ma'am, I fear.
Excellent subject for whimsical GILBERT,
But not a nice spectacle, Madam, for me.
Long spell of "chokee" for prigging a--filbert
(Given, you bet, by some rural J.P.);
Easy let-off for a bogus "Promoter,"
Helping the ruin of hundreds for gain;
Six months for stealing a turnip or "bloater,"
Ditto for bashing a wife on the brain:
Sentences cut to one-twelfth on appealing,
Judges and juries at loggerheads quite!
Really each day brings some curious revealing,
Putting you, Ma'am, in a very strange light.
Take my advice, Ma'am, this bright New Year's morning,
Give a look up to your agents all round;
To some give the sack, and to others a warning;
The Public will back up your move, I'll be bound!
* * * * *
GREEK MEETS GREEK.--"What!" exclaimed an indignant scholar, who had
not peeped into a Classic for some forty years, "no more compulsory
Greek at our Universities! What are we coming to? All I can say is,
'_Absit omen_'!" "'Scuse me!" replied his friend, who was all for the
new learning, "but I should say, '_Absit Homer_'!"
* * * * *