fast ashore. With one simultaneous crack the three topmasts went
over the side, and as the men and officers jumped under the shelter
of the weather rail, Lampert and those of the watch who were with him
came tumbling down from the poop. They reckoned on a boiling sea
coming after and sweeping them away. But though the malignity native
to matter had set the _Potluck_ ashore, by good luck she was hard and
fast in the one sheltered cove on the island. When Lampert by
instinct altered her course to port, as he heard the coast breakers
at the starboard bow, he had run her in between two ledges of rock,
of which the outer or more westerly one acted as a complete
breakwater.
The skipper, who had been lying flat when the others jumped for the
main deck, got up and crawled forward to the break of the poop. He
was half-paralysed with a mixture of funk and rage. He addressed
himself and his remarks to the sky, the sea, and the island, but
above all to Lampert.
"You man-drowning, slop-built caricature of a sailorman, what 'ave
you bin and done with my ship?" he bellowed. "Oh, Lord, I'm a ruined
man; by gosh, I'll murder you!"
He tumbled down on the main deck and made for Lampert, who easily
dodged him.
"Shut up, you old idiot!" said the mate contemptuously. "Who but me
told you that if you drove her in thick weather, and no sun seen for
a week, you'd pile her up?"
Simcox caught Jones and held him.
"Good lord, sir," said the second greaser, "it's no time to fight."
"No, it ain't," said Jack Hart boldly.
That a foremast hand should dare to shove his oar in, almost cowed
the poor old Guffin. It was something out of nature.
"It ain't no time for jawbation," insisted Hart, about whom the
others had gathered. "It's time for thinkin' out the politics of the
situation, and if I'm not mistaken we shall be able to walk ashore by
the morning, and there won't be no ship for any one to command--so
what's the use of jaw? I say get up stores, eh, Mackenzie?"
"Don't ask me," said old Mac. "I was thinkin' that mighty soon we'd
be able to settle that question about the buildin' of the _Potluck_."
And as by this time Jones was calming down and was rather inclined to
cry, Lampert came up to the restive crowd.
"You dry up, Hart," he said roughly. "Until the ship's broken up,
you're on the articles. Say another word and I'll break your jaw."
"Yes, sir," said Hart respectfully.
Until dawn they loafed about the deck and in the cabin and foc'sle,
discussing whether they were on one of the Crozets or what, and
whether they would stay long there, and if so what, and so on.
And just as the dawn broke over the island they got an awful
surprise. They saw a man standing on the low cliff on about a level
with the jagged splinters of the fore-topmast where it had gone short
in the cap.
"The bloomin' hisland's in'abited," cried a foremast hand, and every
one rushed forward to interview the gesticulating stranger.
"Wod's the bloke say?" asked the crowd. "Oh, say it again!" And the
stranger said it again.
But the crowd shook a unanimous head.
"I believe the silly galoot don't talk English," cried Hart; "'ere,
where's Dutchy?"
They shoved their one "Dutchman" forward, and after some interchange
of utter un-intelligibilities, listened to by every one with bated
breath, Hermann turned round.
"I not versteh, captain. I denk him ein French."
The Frenchman was joined by two or three more, and then by a dozen.
"Why, they're all French," said the disgusted crowd. "What's
Frenchmen doin' on any island of ours?"
And until the sea went down, which it did sufficiently to allow them
to get ashore at about ten o'clock, they discussed the question as to
whether the Crozets were English or not. It was settled by old
Mackenzie.
"All islands as don't belong to any one belongs to us," he said; "it
was arranged so by Disraeli."
They got ashore with some risk, and were greeted by the Frenchman in
the most amiable way.
"Poor beggars!" said the crew; "it must be 'ard on a soft lot of
things like them to be on a des'late hisland. Ain't it a wonder
Froggies ever goes to sea? But does they belong 'ere, or was they
piled hup same's hus?"
Hart found himself alongside a Frenchman with a long red Liberty cap
on, and a big pair of ear-rings in his ears.
"Goddam," said the Frenchman.
"That's what we say," cried Hart. "Here, you chaps, he speaks
English."
"Hurrah!" said the crowd.
"I spike Engelish," nodded the stranger.
"How'd you come 'ere?" asked the eager chorus.
The Frenchman nodded.
"Goddam!" he said, smiling. "Ship! Por'smout'--London! I spick
En'lish."
"Well, then," said Hart desperately, "just dry up with your mixed
hogwash, and spit it all out free as to 'ow you came 'ere, and wot
the name o' this bally rock is, and who's its in'abitants. Now, give
it lip!"
"Hart's a nateral born speaker, and 'as a clear 'ead," said the
crowd. "'E puts it in a nutshell, and don't run to waste in words."
But the Frenchman looked puzzled.
"Comb wiz," he said; "spik En'lish besser," and he pointed over the
low rise.
"Steady!" said Hart; "boys, I'm not clear as to whether we hain't
bein' led hinto a hambush. It hain't nateral for shipwrecked
Englishmen to find Frenchies shipwrecked too!"
"It ain't," said the crew suspiciously.
"And even if it's all right, we bein' strangers might be led into
makin' a treaty without knowin' all there is to know. I vote waitin'
till the officers comes up."
They squatted down on rocks and on the lumps of tussac grass till the
captain and the two mates came along with the rest of the Frenchmen.
Hart communicated his suspicions to the skipper, who was decidedly
under the influence of alcohol.
"That's all right," said the Guffin thickly. "_We_ can manage
Frenchmen. They ain't goin' to make no French Shore question on no
more of our islands. One Newfoundland's enough for me. I'll show
you n'gotiations--'gotiashuns is my forte!" And he led the way over
the hill. Below them they saw the wreck of a French barquantine.
"Blimy," said the crowd, with a frown, "if they 'aven't got the best
part of our hisland!"
It was not to be endured by any lot of Englishmen under the sun, that
the best part of this rock should be occupied by their natural foes,
and soon there was evidence that in any attempt to turn the Frenchmen
out the British leader would have a united nation at his back.
The Guffin and the two mates argued it, and Lampert was the
Opposition.
"W'y, wot's this you're sayin'?" asked the disgusted skipper; "did I
think to 'ave shipped a Verning 'Arcourt among my lot? You're a
Little Englander, and nothin' but it, Lampert."
"They was here first," said Lampert obstinately.
"But the hisland is British ground," urged Simcox, "and where our
flag flies no Frenchman can have the best. We gives 'em liberty to
trade, and they can take what's left. What for have we always beat
'em if we're to give in now?"
"Continuosity of foreign politics is my motter," said the skipper.
"With continuosity and joodishus firmness, and a polite 'hout o'
this,' you'll see 'em listen to reason, and evacuate. I shall send
hin my hultimatum this very afternoon. And you, Simcox, shall be
hambassador."
Simcox looked anxious.
"Well, captain, I was thinking it would be judicious policy to send
in the Dutchman. It will remind them that Europe is more or less
agin them, and to have a Dutchman here will make 'em think twice
afore they elects for war."
The skipper shook his head.
"No, Simcox, it looks judicious on the surface, but takin' deeper
thought it ain't. It would aggerawate them, and that ain't policy.
We fights if we must, but don't start it by doin' anythin' unpleasin'
more'n askin' for our rights. And in n'gotiashuns it ain't policy to
remind 'em deliberate of the time the Prooshians beat 'em. And
moreover it's accordin' to no tradition I've heard of to send a
furriner as hambassador. No, Simcox, you shall go. I'll draw up the
hultimatum at once."
He returned on board the wreck of the _Potluck_, and in company with
a bottle of brandy strove with the situation, while the crowd and
their spokesman, Hart, argued like a House of Commons.
"It ain't any good talkin'," said Jack, "and hevery one knows that
give a Frenchman the chance of hargument he'll talk a government
mule's 'ind leg off. 'Hout of this,' is the on'y hargument a
Frenchman hunderstands."
"But they seems to be a good many more of 'em than us," suggested the
crowd.
"Come to that," said Hart, "it's the on'y just ground we 'as to go
for 'em. For if they was on'y ekal numbers, it'd be cowardly to
whack 'em, and I for one would be on the side of just goin' down
there and shovin' them out peaceful. I'm for the hultimatum right
off. I wonder 'ow the Guffin will put it. Say, boys, 'ere 'e comes!"
The "old man" staggered up with a sheet of paper in his hand.
"Have you done it, sir?" asked Simcox. "Let's hear it."
"Yes, read it out," said Lampert, with half a sneer, which the
skipper did not notice.
The crowd gathered round as the captain squatted on a rock.
"On board the British barque _Potluck_, belonging to the British port
Liverpool; owners, McWattie & Co.; Captain Abednego Jones.
"MR. SIMCOX,--Sir----"
"Eh, what?" said the astounded Simcox.
"It's addressed to you, Simcox," said the skipper blandly.
"Why?" asked Simcox.
The skipper shook his head impatiently.
"I thought you'd 'ave knowed, Simcox. You're the hambassador, and
you've to communicate this to 'em."
"Oh, go on, sir," said the crowd.
The skipper resumed:
"MR. SIMCOX,--Sir, you'll be so good as to be so kind as to
communicate the contents of this 'ere letter to them French of the
wreck we don't know the name of, and tell them to clear. For there
ain't no reasonable grounds for supposin' this ain't a British
hisland (seeing that mostly all hislands is) and they've by comin'
'ere first got and taken possession of the best bit of it, which
can't be allowed, as it's contrary to law in such case made and
purvided. So you'll inform 'em it ain't goin' to be put up with, and
they must evacuate immejit and resume the _statues quo_----"
"What's that?" asked Simcox.
"It's Latin, you unutterable ass," said the skipper, with a look of
withering contempt.
"I don't know Latin," said the poor second mate.
"And who expected it of you?" asked the skipper. "It means that
things are to go on as they was afore they come:
"----resume the _statues quo_, and don't stand no hargument. You are
to tell 'em it will be considered an unfriendly hact, and that we 'as
cleared for haction in consequence of not believing them such cowards
as to quit. But quit they must, and no mistake, or we resort without
delay to the arbitrage and general haverage of war. Given this day
on board the British barque _Potluck_ by me,
"CAPTAIN ABEDNEGO JONES."
"First rate!" said the crew. "That'll give 'em the jumps."
"And how am I to translate it?" asked the miserable Simcox.
"That's your look-out," said the Guffin, with a hiccup. "Shall I
keep a dog and bark myself? Now, 'urry and get it hover. And let
hevery one 'ave a weapon, 'andspikes and belayin' pins. Now go,
Simcox!"
"Hart, come along with me," said Simcox.
And as the "old man" was engaged in keeping his balance, he made no
objection.
"I think this is a herror of judgment, sir," said Hart; "my hidea of
a hultimatum was jumpin' on 'em unexpected, and givin' 'em toko afore
they know'd where they was. My notion of fightin' (and it pays
hevery time) is to haggravate your man till he's ready to 'it, but to
'it 'im fust. An' if I thinks a cove will 'it me in five minutes, I
lets no time go by in hanticipatin' 'im. But this will warn 'em."
"But they have no one who really knows English, Hart," groaned
Simcox; "and I don't know the first word of French."
"Never mind, sir," said Hart encouragingly. "I've 'ad many a row
with a Frenchy, and I never knowed my 'avin' not the least notion of
what 'e meant ever stopped the fight from comin' off. If so be I see
you get stuck, I'll come in, sir."
And they were met by the French sailor who thought he spoke English.
"I spik En'lish, goddam," said the Frenchman. "Leaverpool,
Por'smout'; mais le capitaine spik besser."
"Good-mornin'," said Simcox meekly to the French captain, a long
unhappy looking man, who might have been the skipper of a
_chasse-marée_ for all the style he put on.
"Mais, oui----" said the captain.
"This 'ere paper is for you," said Simcox, "and by the powers I hope
you can't read it."
He handed the ultimatum to the Frenchman, who studied it while his
crew came round.
"Je ne peux pas le lire, monsieur," he said at length.
Simcox turned to Hart.
"There, now what the blazes am I to do when he talks that way?"
"Just hexplain it," said Hart, as he helped himself to a chew. "Say,
'Hout o' this!'"
"It means you've got to go," said Simcox; "you can't be allowed to
stay in the best part of our island."
"Goddam," cried the Frenchman, with his hand in his hair. "I spik
English, two, tree word: pilote, feesh, shannel, owaryo!"
"Owaryo?" asked Simcox.
"That's his way o' sayin' 'How are you?'" interjected Hart, who was
contemptuously sizing up the French sailors.
"Ah, how are you?" said Simcox.
"Owaryo," replied the French captain, smiling.
"Very well, thanks," said Simcox; "but I'm the ambassador."
"Ma foi, ambassadeur! You spik Français?"
"And you've just got to get," added Simcox.
"March!" cried Hart.
The Frenchmen "jabbered" a bit among themselves.
"Quoi donc? Marcher?" asked their skipper.
"We, old son," said Hart; "marshay if you like. Just pack up and
quit. We gives you an hour to gather up your dunnage. Now do you
understand?"
Whether the Frenchmen understood or not it was tolerably obvious they
did not like the tone with which Hart spoke, or the looks of evident
disfavour he cast at them. The captain turned away.
"Stop!" said Hart, and he went in for a dumb pantomime, in which he
vaguely suggested that over yonder hill was an army of Englishmen.
"And we mean 'avin' our rights," he ended with. And just then old
Jones appeared in sight.
"Are they jossers goin' to evacuate or not?" he bellowed. "What's
their captain say to the _statues quo_? Don't they know the first
thing about diplomatics? Tell 'em that to prepare for peace we makes
war."
"War it is," said Hart, and he launched himself at a crowd of
Frenchmen, as his mates came tumbling down the hill.
The fight was short, sharp, and pretty decisive, for the _Potluck's_
crowd numbered ten able seamen, one ordinary seaman, and two boys, or
with the captain and the two mates, sixteen in all. Against this
array there were twenty-one Frenchmen, and though Hart, in his first
onslaught, knocked down two, he was himself stretched out by a third
armed with a broken hand-spike. And Simcox fled with the infuriated
foreigners at his heels. The true battle (for this was but an affair
of outposts) joined on the crest of the rise, and in five minutes the
English were in flight for the shelter of the piled-up _Potluck_.
Old Jones was keeled over once, but Lampert and Mackenzie dragged him
away and got him down to the ship. He swore most terribly.
"'Ere's a pretty kettle o' fish," said he at last; "a pretty lot I
'as to my back to let a few Frenchies lick 'em this way. What's the
good o' diplomatics if my men 'asn't the guts to support me? Where's
that Simcox?"
"Here, sir," said the ambassador.
"Who told you to start a row?" demanded the skipper. "Don't you know
your duty? You was to give 'em the hultimatum and retire dignified.
Do you call it retirin' dignified to run and beller like a bull-calf?"
Simcox looked sulky and injured.
"How was I to look dignified with six of 'em after me--and two with
knives and one with a meat-chopper?" he asked. "And as for startin'
a rough house, 'twas Hart as done it."
"Where's Hart?" yelled the Guffin.
"'Ere, 'Art, where are you?" said the crowd.
"I believe he's a prisoner," said Lampert.
"Oh, Lord," said the crowd, "but Jack never 'ad no discretion."
"We must 'ave him liberated," said the skipper firmly. "No man of
mine must be in the 'ands of them mutilatin' French. Simcox, you'll
'ave to go to 'em again and open n'gotiashuns!"
"No, sir," said Simcox, "if you'll excuse me, I'll do nothin' of the
sort. I've had my fill up of bein' ambassador."
"This is mut'ny," said the skipper; "but under the painful national
circumstances I shan't do nothin' but order you to your cabin, where
you'll consider yourself in custody."
Simcox looked greatly relieved, and went without delay.
"Mr. Lampert, you'll be hambassador," said the old man, after a drink
of brandy.
The mate looked the skipper up and down.
"I'll see you further first," he cried. "'Twas you that started the
row and the trouble, and you can get out of it as you like."
"This is rank mut'ny," said the skipper, "and you could be 'ung for
refusin' duty. But under the painful nash'nal circumstances you can
retire to your cabin and be your own bloomin' policeman till peace is
restored, when I'll try you and sentence you, you run and scuttle
swine you."
"Oh, that's all right," said the mate contemptuously.
"Now, men," said the skipper thickly, "what I wants is 'earty
support. Who'll volunteer for to be hambassador?"
The crew looked at each other and shook their heads. They scuffled
with uneasy feet on the lopsided deck.
"They're standin' upon the 'ill as thick as pea-sticks," said one of
the boys.
"Speak hup," roared the skipper.
The crew shoved old Mac in front.
"We've revolved the notion up and over," said Mac, "and we've come to
the conclusion, sir, there ain't nothin' to be got by sendin'
ignorant men like we on such errands."
The skipper hiccupped angrily.
"Who asted you to think? But I ain't the man to press unwilling
lubbers into goin' aloft, _I_ can lead the way. Go into the
fo'castle, you dogs, and consider yourselves under arrest. Go!"
"Blimy," said the crowd, "but we're all in our own custody, so we
are. Now what's the old man goin' to do?"
They watched him from the fo'castle as he staggered into his own part
of the ship.
"I'll be my own hambassador," said Jones. "I'll show 'em 'ow to work
things with dignity; I'll show that ass Lampert what's o'clock. What
you wants in such cases made and provided is tact, and go, and
innerds. Innerds is the chief need. Why fight if palaver'll do?
Where I was wrong was to send a galoot like Simcox. But what could I
do but work the best with the tools I 'ad? If I'd gone myself, we'd
'ave made peace afore there was a row."
He came staggering out of the cabin with a case of brandy and laid it
on the after capstan.
"I guess I'll have a boy," said Jones. "'Ere, you scum, send me
Billy." And Billy came aft.
"I releases you temp'ry without bail," said the skipper fiercely, "so
puckalow that case and foller me. No, you wait till I gets a
tablecloth as a signal I'm willin' to 'ave peace."
When he came out with a cloth he went ashore and stumbled up the
hill, followed by the boy Billy, bearing the case of brandy. He
found the crew of the Frenchmen lining the crest, and heard them talk.
"Say, Johnny French," said old Jones, "if you wants war, prepare for
peace. Who's the captain?"
"Sapristi!" said the French captain.
Jones nodded.
"Give it up, old son. It warn't my fault, if relyin' on the
discretion of ambassadors ain't a fault: and maybe you can swaller
the hultimatum with some real good brandy throwed in. And is your
name Sapristi?"
"Nom de Dieu----" began the Frenchman, but Jones waved his hand with
dignity.
"Call yourself what you like, but 'ave you got anythin' in the way of
a marlinspike or a splice bar as'll open this yer case?"
The foreigners, perceiving that the Englishman was on an errand of
peace, gathered about the case, and soon discovered from the
stencilled inscription that it at any rate pretended to come from
Cognac.
"Goddam," said the little red-capped Frenchman who had first
discovered them. "Cognac! I spik English--brandee, Por'smout',
Lon-don!"
Jones made signs that he presented the case to them.
"I ain't above makin' a concession or two," he remarked
confidentially to the French captain; "but if I'd listened to my lot
on board, it would 'ave been blood up to the neck."
The Frenchman shook his head.
"You bet it would 'ave bin," said Jones earnestly, "but what d'ye say
to 'avin' a drink? Billy, gimme your knife."
And with it he started opening the case, while the Frenchmen's eyes
gleamed in pleasing anticipation. They had not had a drink for
weeks. And as they carried the case down to the ship with Jones and
their own captain in the rear, they concluded that the English were
not such bad chaps after all.
"But where's my man 'Art!" asked Jones, when he came to the French
camp.
"'Ere I be," cried Hart, who was lashed hard and fast to a round
rock. "Lord, captain, but I've 'ad a time. Can't you cut me adrift,
sir?"
Jones shook his head.
"You interferin' galoot, it serves you right. And as for that, the
'ole crew's under arrest, where I put 'em for mut'ny, and I don't see
as I should so pick and choose among 'em as to use my hinfluence to
'ave you let go. At any rate, bide a bit, and I'll see."
For it was obvious that the drinking was going to begin. The French
captain served the liquor out in a small glass to every one, and
presently some of his melancholy disappeared. He gave an order to
one of his men who brought two more glasses, one for the English
captain, and one for himself.
"I looks towards you," said Jones.
"À votre santé," cried the Frenchman. "Monsieur, vous êtes un homme
de coeur quand mêne."
"I don't savvy, but I dessay you means well," said the captain.
"Now, if I'd thought to bring along the signal book we might 'ave 'ad
quite a talk. But time enough; I dessay afore we're took off I shall
patter your lingo like blazes. Shall I cut my man loose there?"
He pointed to Hart, and though two of the Frenchmen, who had black
eyes, remonstrated against the deed of mercy, Hart was unlashed and
given a drink.
"Here's to you, old cocklywax," said Hart, with a scrape of his leg.
"I bears no grudge, not me."
And very soon the French and English skippers were talking to each
other at the rate of knots, while Hart sat in a crowd of Frenchmen
and told them all about everything.
It was close on sundown when Jones returned to the _Potluck_. He had
to be helped up the side by some of the crew.
"Ain't we under arrest?" they asked. "Does we dare come out?"
Jones hiccupped.
"I releases you on your own recognition," he said. "So down you come
and 'elp."
When he put his foot on the deck, he mustered all hands aft.
"And you, Lampert, and you, Simcox!"
The two mates came out of their cabins.
"And where's Hart?"
"If you please, sir, he's drunk," said Billy.
"Arrest 'im," said the skipper; "what's 'e mean by it? Now, look
'ere, you bally lot, what does you think of yourselves?"
The crew appeared uneasy.
"I went all by my lone," said the skipper, hanging on to the poop
ladder, "all by my lone I went, and I brings back peace! Do you
'ear? But when I sent you, what use was you? I released 'Art, who's
repaid me by bein' unable to see an 'ole in a ladder; and I've
concluded a treaty of peace and friendship with the French. Next
time (if so be a German ship comes ashore) I'll go out as my own
hambassador. No, Simcox, never more! No, Lampert, never, never
more! I just speaks to that French crowd, and they are civil and
drink fair. They recognised they'd met their match. Their skipper
says, says he, 'Captain Jones, I owns fair and square I'm not your
ekal at diplomatics.' He adds, moreover, 'Captain Jones, damn me if
I believe your match is to be found.' And I says, with dignity (with
dignity, Simcox), 'Right you are!' That's what I says. And as for
you, you ratty galoots, you'll treat 'em when you meets 'em just the
same as if they wasn't French. Do you 'ear me? That's my
hultimatum. Now you can go. That'll do the watch."
He turned to the mates.
"I thought better of you two, so I did," he remarked sadly. "But
there, you 'aven't 'ad my experience, and when I gets 'ome I shall
see as them that is in power at the Furrin Office 'ears 'ow I done
it. Salisbury ain't my stiffness of backbone, and 'e ain't my tact.
If so be as 'e was to invite them Frenchmen to dinner, it would be
different. They knows (as the French captain owned to me; fair and
square 'e owned it) they don't 'ave no nat'ral right to hislands and
col'nies. Make the Frenchmen's 'omes 'appy and they'll stay at 'ome.
Think it hout; you'll see 'ow it could be done. There now, that'll
do you. I disarrest you!"
And the "old man" rolled cheerfully for his cabin.
"By my lone I done it!" said the Guffin.
THE CREW OF THE _KAMMA FUNDER_.