NOTES
OF
HOSPITAL LIFE
FROM NOVEMBER, 1861, TO AUGUST, 1863.
“Je viens de faire un ouvrage.”
“Comment! un livre?”
“Non; pas un livre; je ne suis pas si bête!”
PHILADELPHIA:
J. B. LIPPINCOTT & CO.
1864.
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1864, by
J. B. LIPPINCOTT & CO.,
in the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the United States
for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania.
CONTENTS.
PAGE
DEDICATION, v
INTRODUCTION BY BISHOP POTTER, vii
PREFACE, xi
INTRODUCTION, 17
OUR DAILY WORK, 23
A MORNING AT THE HOSPITAL, 38
THE TWO ARMIES, 43
THE CONTRAST, 47
BROWNING, 63
BROWN, 69
DARLINGTON, 75
“LITTLE CORNING,” 93
GAVIN, 105
CHRISTMAS AT THE U. S. A. HOSPITAL, ----, ----, 114
POOR JOSÉ, 128
ROBINSON, 139
THE RETURN TO THE REGIMENT, 157
A VISIT TO THE WARDS, 168
OUR GETTYSBURG MEN, 193
TO
THE PRIVATES
OF THE
Army of the United States;
WHOSE
DARING IN DANGER;
PATIENCE IN PRIVATION;
SELF-SACRIFICE IN SUFFERING;
AND LOYALTY IN LOVE FOR THEIR COUNTRY,
HAVE GIVEN TO THE WORLD A NOBLE EXAMPLE,
WORTHY OF ALL IMITATION,
These Notes are affectionately Dedicated,
BY ONE WHOSE PRIVILEGE IT IS TO
HAVE BEEN PERMITTED
TO MINISTER TO THE SICK AND WOUNDED AMONG THEM,
IN ONE OF OUR
CITY HOSPITALS.
INTRODUCTION.
These “Notes” need no introduction. They were jotted down, from day
to day, as a private journal, and are printed only at the instance of
friends. The undersigned greatly mistakes if they are not welcomed as
an accession to our literature. On every page they betray a large and
elegant culture, and what is better, they manifest a profound sympathy in
all that is human, and a keen insight into nature and into man’s heart.
Felicities of thought and expression abound, vivid pictures of incidents
and life-like sketches of character. They are full of spirit, of wisdom,
and of right feeling.
They rise, too, to the level of a great subject. In the conflict which
convulses our land, how many souls are stirred--how many hearts made
to burn! We cannot envy him or her who can look on such a scene--on
the principles involved, and the interests at stake, and yet not feel
kindled to a higher life. We can regard but with compassion those who see
in this war only blunders to be criticised, absurdities to be ridiculed,
crimes to be gloated over, or life and property to be deplored.
If, in the liberty and peace of those who live in this land, and of the
millions who are to come after, there be anything precious; if there is
anything sacred and venerable in the unity of a great people and in the
sovereignty with which they have been charged by solemn compact; if there
is any claim upon us as men and as Christians, in behalf of a race that
has suffered long and sorely at our hands, and that now, for the first
time, seems to behold the light of hope, then is there that at stake
which should move every one to sympathy and to help.
Our hearts must bleed as we gaze on the vast suffering; but “we buy our
blessings at a price.” Hitherto it has been our great danger that we
have had little save sunshine. Prosperity, great and uninterrupted, is
perilous for nations as well as individuals. It is amidst thunder-clouds,
and storms, that the oak gets strength and deep root; it is while
battling in tempestuous seas that the vessel proves and at the same
time confirms her capacity. So in this gigantic strife, powers will be
elicited, and a trust in God and in grand principles developed, which
will be, we trust, our fortress and our high tower hereafter.
It is one of the merits of this writer that, with a heart alive to the
wants and wretchedness of the sick and wounded, she joins discernment
of the mighty questions involved. She sees, with exquisite relish, the
picturesque in character and incident; she has an eye, too, for the
deep wealth of affection and generous sympathy that lie embedded in the
roughest natures--for the flashes of merriment and drollery which lighten
up the darkest scenes--for the delicate tastes and noble sentiments that
often possess those whose hands have been hardened by toil, and whose
minds (in the judgment of too many) must needs have been debased by
habitual contact with vulgar pursuits. Hers is a heart which can feel
that which makes all the world akin--which can see that labor does not
degrade, but rather elevates those who pursue it in the true spirit; and
that nothing can be more preposterous in a land like ours, which is made
and glorified by the joint handiwork of God and man, than to decry or
despise it. These pages are instinct with faith in God and in our people;
with hope for the future; with a charity that never faileth.
A. POTTER.
PHILADELPHIA, February, 1864.
PREFACE.
A literary friend said to me some time since, “One of the greatest evils
of this rebellion, is the manner in which it is tainting our literature,
science, and arts. If they would only fight it out and confine it to
fighting, bad as it is, we might rise from its effects; but this flood
of war-literature will so set the mind of the next generation into a
military groove, that poetry, refined taste, and love for the beautiful,
will be lost in the roar of literary drums and mental musketry.”
“And did you imagine,” said I, “that such a rebellion could be carried
on without affecting and injuring every nerve and fibre of the whole
country? Do you not see that it is a moral Pyæmia--a poisoning of the
veins of the entire nation? And although we trust the disease may be
arrested ere it destroy national existence, still the system suffers
throughout; and the result must be vapid volumes, paltry pictures, and
silly statements of so-called science. But granting that it is to be
deplored--that the military mind should take the place of the literary
one, I must break a lance with you on the question whether, in so doing,
‘poetry, refined taste, and love for the beautiful’ must of necessity
be lost. I will not grant it. At the opening of the war I thought, with
you, that the finer feelings of our nature were exclusively the property
of the higher classes; but two years’ experience in a military hospital,
where men appear mentally as well as physically in “undress uniform,” has
shown me the utter fallacy of such a theory; and now I do not hesitate to
affirm that I have seen there as much unwritten poetry, tender feeling,
aye, and love for the beautiful, as I have ever witnessed among the same
number of people gathered together at any time, or in any place.”
Sickly sentimentality, whether shown in words or actions, for “our poor,
suffering soldiers,” is certainly a thing to be much deprecated; but,
on the other hand, is not a hard, gregarious view of them to be equally
avoided?
I do not ask to raise them to _more_, but not to sink them to _less_
than men. Our army is no “Corporation without a soul;” it is a mass of
units--a collection of beating hearts, throbbing pulses, and straining
nerves, which ask and need our love and sympathy, and surely they should
not ask in vain.
I have anticipated your question, dear reader, “Why bore us with your
conversation with your friend?” Simply because that conversation has
led to the further bore of this volume. These notes were jotted down
as the incidents occurred; they are a simple statement of facts simply
stated. The only object of collecting them at present is that, as my
friend’s feeling appears to be a general one, it seemed possible that
these instances might prove, in some small degree, the converse of
the proposition; and, although at any other time quite unworthy of
publication, the intense and absorbing desire, at present, to obtain
particulars of even the most trifling circumstances connected with the
war, has led me to hope that they may not be wholly without interest.
In conclusion, I must regret the necessity of any mention of self; but
the nature of the subject requires this, and without it, very frequently
the point to be established would be lost. I have omitted many incidents
from this very objection, but it would be unjust to the cause which I
have at heart to do more, and I must therefore trust that the reader will
believe me, when I say that any such allusion arises from necessity, not
taste.
AUGUST, 1863.
FLORIAN.--A soldier, didst thou say, Horatio? What! Is’t from
the ranks you mean? Faugh!
HORATIO.--Marry, I did! A soldier and a man; and, being a
soldier, all the manlier, maybe.
We “Faugh!” and turn our precious noses to the wind,
As breath from ranks, perforce must be rank breath;
But, mark, my lord, God made the ranks, and more,
God died for those same ranks, as well as men of rank.
OLD PLAY.
NOTES OF HOSPITAL LIFE.
INTRODUCTION.
Life in a hospital! When and where? Now and here. Now, in the year of our
Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three; here, in this good city
of Philadelphia, whose generous outpouring of her sons, for the cause,
nearest all our hearts, can only be matched by the loving tenderness
with which she receives and cherishes them, on their return, maimed and
mutilated, to their homes amongst us. Every one, who knows anything of
the subject at the present moment, is well aware, that no matter where
it may be situated, whether opened at the first need, or the creation
of yesterday, still “our Hospital” will be, to the speaker, the most
perfect in arrangement, discipline, and ventilation; the medical staff
connected with it the most efficient, skilful and faithful; the corps of
subordinates the most competent, systematic and thorough. Such is human
nature, and we all find the weakness a pardonable one.
How natural it seems to be here! How naturally we accept this strange
daily life! And yet, how unnatural it would have seemed two years ago,
could we have lifted but one little corner of that mystic veil, which so
blessedly prevents even a glimpse of the coming hour; how unnatural, I
say, would it have seemed to us, to be standing, as we are at the present
moment, in a little domain of our own, consecrated exclusively to us;
turning to all sorts of utterly unwonted avocations; any and every sort
of service which may bring comfort or aid to those who were strangers
to us, till this very day, and after a few to-morrows, will, in all
probability, be strangers to us forevermore.
And yet, how glad we are to do it, and they to have it done. “Stop there,
my friend,” you say. “‘And they to have it done.’ Is that so? Are the
men quite as glad to have it done, as you to do it?” Ah, you have heard
that cry. I too have heard it, and will tell you frankly, and as far as
possible, impartially, my own conclusion, after careful examination of
that point:
“Women are not needed in these hospitals.”
“Depend upon it, ladies are a bore here.”
“The men are victimized.”
All these and many similar remarks have I heard, and they have led me
earnestly to look at the question in all its bearings. The petty jealousy
of man and his work; the narrowness and littleness of mind which
bristles with indignant anger at the suggestion of man’s superiority,
are all unworthy of the great cause we have at heart. But one question
is before us. Are the facts so, or are they not? If, after every effort
honestly to get at the truth, it shall appear that there really is no
need of woman and her work; that these enormous collections of suffering
and dying human beings, massed together by this ruthless rebellion, with
its wretched results, actually and positively, may be carried on better,
more practically, more systematically, without her aid and co-operation,
then let her promptly and decidedly retire; let her do it without anger,
without clamor, without bitterness; she is not needed. If this be so,
let her turn into some other channel the love and tenderness which she
longs to lavish on those who are giving their heart’s blood to defend and
protect her.
If this be so, I say; but if on the other hand it shall appear that her
presence is not productive of disorder; not distasteful to the men; that
she is not only sanctioned, but welcomed by the authorities in charge,
then let her go “right onward,” unmindful of coldness, calumny, or
comment from the world outside, strong in the consciousness of singleness
of aim and purity of purpose. And, more than this, if the Dread Day may
show, that through her kneeling at the bedside of one sinning soul,
through her teaching of
“truths, not ‘her’s,’ indeed,
But set within ‘his’ reach by means of ‘her,’”
the dark Door of Death has been changed into the White Gate of Life
Everlasting, shall it not then be granted that women were needed?
This is not the time or place to enter upon the great question of woman’s
mission. She has her work, and the time is coming when she shall be
permitted to do it. God, in His own marvellous way, is, even now, causing
the dawn of that blessed day to break, when, rising above prejudice and
party spirit, she shall be allowed to take her true place, and be, in the
highest sense of the word, a “Sister” to the suffering and the sorrowful;
to assert and claim her “rights,” the only rights of which a woman may
justly be proud.
“What are Woman’s Rights?”
“The right to wake when others sleep;
The right to watch, the right to weep;
The right to comfort in distress,
The right to soothe, the right to bless;
The right the widow’s heart to cheer,
The right to dry the orphan’s tear;
The right to feed and clothe the poor,
The right to teach them to endure.
“The right when other friends have flown,
And left the sufferer all alone,
To kneel that dying couch beside,
And meekly point to Him who died;
The right a happy home to make
In any clime, for Jesu’s sake;
Rights such as these, are all we crave,
Until our last--a quiet grave.”
Anxious, as I have said, to discover whether our presence in the hospital
was really acceptable or not, I have closely watched the countenances of
the men on the entrance of the lady visitors. I speak not now of myself,
for I am merely one, and a most insignificant one, among many; but I can
truly say, that at all such times I have never, but once, seen other
than an expression of pleasure, and the warm greeting is apparently most
sincere. The one instance to which I allude, is certainly no argument
against the presence of ladies; it extended to every one who approached
his bedside, and was produced by intense physical anguish, acting on a
highly nervous organization. I merely name it now, because it is, as I
have said, the sole instance in which we were not welcomed and urged to
stay. And yet, the very words, in that suffering, pleading tone, “Dear
lady, please to go away, I am so very wretched,” proved that it was no
dislike to us personally, but merely that terrible state, too well known
to any one of a very nervous temperament, when even the stirring of the
air by the bedside seems a pain. Subsequent events, which I have noted
elsewhere, show this to have been the case.
At the time of the visit of the Surgeon-General of the United States to
inspect the hospitals, it was rumored, though wholly without foundation,
that his object was to change the organization and remove the ladies.
The burst of feeling with which this rumor was received was more
than gratifying, it was convincing, and proved that if the men were
“victimized” they were quite unconscious of it. Only a day or two since,
as I was sitting by one of our sick men, M. passed with some preparation
in her hand, which she had just made. He turned to me, and pointing to
her, said, “I don’t think all our angels are in heaven, do you?”
The same feeling, though not always expressed in the same words, seems to
be entertained by one and all. “Tell me,” said I to one the other day,
“if I am in your way?”
“In our way!” said he, “is the green grass in our way?”
“No, for you walk over it, and I have no wish to be trampled on.”
He looked disappointed. “I didn’t mean that, Miss, I meant its presence
always cools and refreshes us, and I thought you’d understand.”
“I did quite understand, and thank you,” I said, sorry that I had pained
him by rejecting the well-meant expression of feeling.
Any one who seriously desires to ascertain the truth, (and to such only
do I address myself) will believe that these instances are not recorded
for the sake of retailing compliments, but as proofs of a far deeper
feeling, which, there can be little doubt, does exist in the hearts of
the men amongst whom we are appointed to minister.
OUR DAILY WORK.
AUGUST, 1862.
You ask me, dear C., the usual question, when our work at the hospital
is mentioned, “What can the ladies find to do all day?” I might give you
the stereotyped answer, “We receive and register the donations, give out
and oversee the clothing, make either delicacies or drinks for the men
who are ill, read to them, write for them, and try to make ourselves
generally useful.” This is the ordinary answer, but I think it would be
more agreeable to you to come and see for yourself; one day is a pretty
good specimen of every day, at least at present, so don your bonnet
and jump into the cars with me. What do you say? That the sun is too
scorching and the air too heavy for exertion? You think so here, but come
with me, and you will soon forget weather and self in more important
affairs; at least, so I find it. You agree? Well, then, here we are; why
don’t you acknowledge the guard’s salute as we enter? Shall we pause for
a moment in the wards, before we begin our work? I think we had better do
so, for in these days, when we once enter our room, there is no escape,
while the light lasts. There are several cases here which I should like
to point out to you as we pass along, though we cannot give much time to
them to-day. Do you see the man bending over that geranium plant in the
window? I think I have never seen a more real, true, deep love of flowers
in any one than in him. You see how lovingly he leans over that bush,
as though each leaf were a special pet and darling. I have often, this
summer, brought him a few roses--as much, I believe, for my own pleasure
as his--that I might watch his delight. He would sit often for nearly an
hour looking at them, holding them in his hands and lingering over them,
it seemed, with a feeling too deep for words.
I never could tell whether it was pure love of the flowers themselves,
or whether they brought home, with all its memories, before him; and as
he is very reserved, I content myself with giving the enjoyment without
being too critical as to its cause.
But while I am talking, I see that your eyes are wandering to that bed,
where one of our sickest men is lying. He is an Irishman, and far gone in
consumption, poor fellow! He has interested me much by his air of silent,
weary suffering, and from his loneliness; he seems to have no friends
anywhere, and is very grateful for the least service rendered him. And
yet he has a good deal of drollery about him, and when his pain will
let him, often amuses the men with his dry remarks. The other day, as
I passed him, his hard, hollow cough was followed by such a deep, heavy
sigh, that I stopped at once, saying, “What can I do for you, Jones? Is
there nothing that you want?”
“Nothing, ma’am, nothing; sure, and what I want, is what you can’t give.”
“Tell me what it is; perhaps I may be able to help you.”
“Sure, and it’s lonely I am, so very lonely; and it’s some one to love
that I’m wanting.”
“Ah,” said I, “you were right to say I couldn’t help you, for
unfortunately wives are not provided by Government.”
Here his Irish humor gained the ascendant, and with a merry twinkle in
his eye, so mournful but a moment before, he said, “But I’m thinking
that’s jist what you ladies is here for, to supply what isn’t provided by
Government.”
“Exactly,” said I, much amused; “but I do not find wives among the list
of luxuries on our diet-table. Jones, look at the man at your side, the
man opposite to you, and the man directly in front of you; ask each one
of those three what is their greatest trouble at this moment, and I
happen to know exactly what they will tell you.
“The one at your side is wearying for a letter from his far distant home,
which will not come, and dreading that even on its arrival, it will only
tell him of sickness and suffering among those dearest to him, and
which, lying here, he has no power to relieve; the man opposite to you
has just read me a letter from his wife, telling him that she and the
children were almost starving; she has hurt her right arm, and can no
longer work, scarcely hold the pen to write that letter, and he will send
no pay,--charging him with it, as though the poor fellow could help it.”
“‘God knows,’ he says, ‘every cent I ever earned was at her service and
the weans;’ (he is a Scotchman, as I knew, when I heard him say that)
‘but the pay don’t come, and I lie here thinking all night, till I
sometimes feel I must pray very hard or I shall cut my throat.’
“I have been trying to comfort him with the assurance that he will be
paid before long, and have been telling him how many difficulties there
are in the way of prompt payment in the army, and that the men must try
to be patient, and believe that the Government has a hard task, far
harder than they know, to meet all the requirements which this sad state
of things necessarily causes.
“The man directly in front of you, unable as you know to rise from his
bed, has just heard of his wife’s death, here in the city, and does not
know who will see to her funeral, nor who will take care of his little
ones; now, may not some things be worse than loneliness?”
“Faith, an’ its truth you’re spakin’; a sight worse are such things than
all this pain and cough; and I’ll think of that same, when the other
thought comes, when my breath’s so short, and the pain’s so bad, that
longing to have an old woman to say, ‘Is it sufferin’ ye are, Jones,
dear?’ and I’m just the sort to fret, if she was wantin’, and I lyin’
here, not able to help her. Thank you, ma’am, I see it’s far best as it
is.” And I left poor Jones, convinced that there were circumstances in
which an “old woman” was better “in posse,” than “in esse.”
But what will become of our duties if we linger here so long; let us go
now to our room and commence operations. Look before you. Do you know
what that barricade at the door means? Three barrels and two large boxes,
and they are saying, “Unpack me, unpack me, or there will be nothing
left.” Do you wonder how I have found out that such are their views?
Everything on earth has a mode of its own of conveying ideas; look at the
bottom of those barrels, and the floor near those boxes, and you will
find that red stream gently flowing there, quite as eloquent and quite
as easily understood as any words. That is liquid currant jelly, which,
probably, as in a box we opened yesterday, has been of an adventurous
turn of mind, one of the Peripatetic school, and not content with the
narrow limits to which its friends have confined it, has burst its
bounds, and made acquaintance with sheets, shirts, and stockings; and you
will soon see a mournful mélange of jelly, broken glass, and clothing;
and fortunate for you if you do not mingle your own blood with it before
you are done. Do not imagine that all our boxes have such a sad fate;
many arrive in prime order, but whenever we see that suspicious color
at the bottom of barrels and boxes, we know what to fear. Only a day or
two ago, a large box, containing a dozen and a half large earthenware
crocks of apple-butter, arrived, from which we could only rescue two, the
others being a motley mass of buttered earthenware and straw, scarcely a
desirable article for hospital diet. Dear friends in the country! whose
generous hearts prompt you to send delicacies to the sick and suffering
soldiers, let me beg for more careful packing; slats of wood between the
jars would prevent them from falling together, as they usually do when
hurriedly lifted up and placed on end; we regret the loss as much, or
more than you can do, for we see the disappointment of the men as they
take out one broken piece after another, and vainly try to separate
crockery or glass from preserves.
Here comes a ready helper. Yes, John, roll them right into our room, and
please bring a hatchet and open that box for us; I know it’s all sticky,
but that can’t be helped, we must do the best with it that we can.
And now, while he is taking the lid of the box off for us, and opening
the barrels, take a seat and look round you. This is the ladies’ room,
where we spend so much of our time, and where all our work is done.
But first, let me put our kettle on the stove, we must soon begin our
cooking; for as I have told you, we prepare the delicacies for the men
who are ill; cook eggs for them, stew oysters, make corn-starch, farina,
arrow root, or chocolate; don’t laugh! yes, even I have found “ignorance”
so far from “bliss,” that with M.’s valuable instructions, I am really
learning to do something useful, incredible as it appears to you. What
do you say? That you would not care to test the truth of my statements
by taste? Ah well! you shall not be tried, and in the meantime the men
are satisfied, which is my only aim. The clothing you see here on the
shelves, consists almost entirely of donations. We do not keep the
Government clothing here--at least only certain articles--as all the
flannel is drawn by the men and taken from their pay; but we have been
so liberally supplied from the different Churches, and from various
societies, that it has generally been in our power to give them what they
need, and allow them to retain the articles.
“Well, little one, come here, bring me your box, and I will empty it
for you. Nice fresh lint, all linen, and clean, too; that will be much
better than what you brought before; and now here is your box; I will
tell the poor wounded soldiers that a kind little girl made it for them;
and, goodbye now, run home, for we have so little room here, and so many
things to do, that little girls are only in the way.”
This is only the advance guard of the little army, which daily, from
“morn till dewy eve,” keeps pouring in, company after company,--I might
almost say regiment after regiment,--with their little boxes or papers of
lint, often made of muslin, and bearing the impress of the little soiled
fingers that picked it. But we always receive it and thank them. Whether
it can be used or not, the kind intention is the same, and who could have
the heart to refuse the offering of a child? More than this, the beaming
faces and sunny smiles with which they present it, as though it were some
precious gift, more than atone for the time they occupy in attending to
them.
Turn the key in that closet door, and you will see all our jellies,
preserves, wines, syrups, etc. It is so full just now, that it was
proposed to run up another room for a donation room, as we really do not
know where to pack away all our things; but the surgeon tells us, what is
very true, that this cannot last; at the present time there is an unusual
interest and excitement, which can scarcely continue, and we must take
care of these things till the time of need. Ah! take care, John! there
goes the top; look into the box; just as I thought; see, what masses of
jelly and broken glass; what nice fine handkerchiefs, too good for the
purpose by far; carry them straight to the laundry; but no! that was the
way Susan got that bad cut the other day; bring a pan, and we will let
them soak here first. Just look at these poor books; with red edges,
indeed, and rubricated throughout; and writing-paper, too, all soaked
with this erratic currant jelly; and what is this? A pen; “currente
calamo,” indeed, in a new sense. And these nice pillow-cases, and towels,
and sheets,--but they can be washed; what is next? A bundle of----
“My punches ready, miss? for the fourth ward, ten to-day; here’s the
Doctor’s list.”
“Not just yet, Price; you’re always in such a hurry for your men.”
“You see, miss, they wouldn’t take any breakfast, and I want something
for them.”
This from the most faithful and attentive of wardmasters. At the
beginning of each week, we receive our orders from the surgeon of each
ward as to how many men need milk punch, extra nourishment, etc. The
wardmaster also has a list, and his duty is to come to us, get their
drinks, and take them to them; but if there is any delay the ladies
usually take them to the men themselves, that they may be certain of
having them at the proper time M. kindly undertakes that part of the work
to-day so let us get on with our unpacking.
Let us take out this bundle and see what it is. Enter at this moment
three men, each bearing a large market-basket. “These are donations from
the ---- Society; please let us have the baskets and an acknowledgment
for the things.” This sounds trifling, but it means that everything must
be taken out, a list made and sent to the Officer of the Day to write an
acknowledgment.
Let us do it as quickly as we can; but here comes one of our wardmasters.
“Well, Henry, what do you want?”
“Twelve wounded men, ma’am, just come in; the ambulances we were looking
for have just got here, and we want a change of clothing for each of
them.”
“Yes, you shall have them at once, but stand out of Green’s way; look
what he and William are carrying.”
“Green, where did those come from?” Two large boxes of oranges and one of
lemons.
“Dr. ---- says, miss, these have just been sent, and he would like to
have them picked over, as they’re spoiling so fast.”
“Well, try and find a place for them on the floor, and tell Arnold to
come here in a few minutes, and help us to do it.”
You may wonder that we do not leave such work entirely to the men,
but they understand “picking them over” in the sense of “picking and
stealing;” and I am afraid that unless we assisted there would be few
left for the sick when the work was done. The men are always ready and
glad to help us in anything that we allow them to do; indeed, I have
often been surprised at the promptness with which they offer their
services to spare us in every way; to carry and empty water for us,
to run our errands, to watch our fire; in short, to render any little
service which is most needed at the moment, and which we should naturally
do for ourselves, unless the offer were made.
Enter a group of women--I humbly beg their pardon--ladies, I should have
said. Ah! I know too well their errand before they speak. Persons have
been coming all the week for the same purpose.
“Can we see the rebel? Please to show us the ward where the rebel is
confined?”
“I am sorry, ladies, but it is quite impossible----”
“Eight punches for our ward, Miss ----, are they ready?”
“Yes, Williams, standing on the shelf there; take them on that waiter.”
“The surgeon in charge has given strict orders that no visitors are to be
admitted to that ward, as there are some men dangerously ill there, and
he wishes it kept perfectly quiet.”
“But we’ve come a great way to see him, and we must get in.”
“Are you friends of his? If so, I will see the surgeon about it.”
“Friends of a rebel! Not exactly, thank you. We want to see what he’s
like.”
“I am sorry, but you cannot see him. However, I can assure you that he is
exactly like any of these men you see around you; were you to go into the
ward you could not distinguish him, unless he were pointed out to you.”
Enter a man, with a large glass bowl of jelly.
“Mrs. ----’s compliments, and please give me the bowl to take back.”
_Mem._ Jelly to be emptied; nothing to empty it into. During the search,
gloomy party gaze moodily upon the operation, but show no signs of
departure.
“Brown says, ma’am, you promised to poach him a couple of eggs for his
dinner; he sent me to see if they were done.”
“It is not dinner time yet; tell him they shall be ready when he hears
the drum tapped.”
“Have you a flannel shirt, miss, for this man? he’s just come in.”
Look at the indignant party; they are evidently returning to the assault.
“Where’s the head doctor? He’ll let us in, we’ll see if he won’t!”
“The Surgeon in charge is not here at present; the Officer of the Day is
in the office; you must have seen him when you were admitted.”
“Oh, yes! not him; some friends told us to ask for the ladies; that’s the
way we got in; we knew they kept the rebel so close, no use to ask for
him.”
A woman with a basket of eggs.
“Some eggs from Mrs. ----; please let me have the basket.”
“Yes, and thank Mrs. ---- for her kindness; she never forgets us, and her
nice fresh eggs are most acceptable to the sick men. And now, indeed we
must hurry, and put some of this mass of things in their places on the
shelves; for this table will be wanted, after dinner, for the donations
from the schools; it is the time when they pour in.”
“Does he eat with the others?” Supposed to refer to the rebel, and
answered accordingly.
“Yes, madam, at the common dining-table.”
“Does he talk much?”
“That I cannot inform you, as I have never exchanged a word with him.”
“Do they treat him kindly?”
“Precisely as the other men are treated.”
“And you think we can’t see him?”
“It is quite impossible, for the reasons I have mentioned.”
“Well, Jane, there’s no use waiting; come along; I heard there was one
at the ---- hospital; let’s go there and try.” Discomfited party depart
abruptly.
I am glad that you should see this for yourself; otherwise I think
you would hardly credit my statement, that this has not happened only
once or twice, but literally every day this week, with different
parties, and variations in the modes of trying to gain admittance. It
is indeed difficult to account for this morbid curiosity with regard
to the Southern prisoners. I have sometimes thought that it might be
an unconscious tribute to loyalty, and that the crime of rebellion was
looked upon as such a fearful one, that it must of necessity affect even
the external appearance of all engaged in it; be that as it may, I do
most sincerely believe that were Du Chaillu himself to hold an exhibition
here of one of his Gorillas, it would attract less attention than the
presence of this one poor misguided rebel. There! while I have been
moralizing upon rebels and the rebellion, don’t you think I have given
that shelf rather a neater appearance, and that the table is beginning to
look a little less loaded; but oh, dear! look at this box at the door;
what more is coming? Oh! I see what it is. I know well that box by the
flag painted on the top. Kind friends from the country send us that; we
have a duplicate key; empty and return it to have it filled and sent to
us next week. The contents are most acceptable, but as you see, it must
be attended to at once, and as exactly this work will go on till night,
I think you have had quite enough of it, and had better say goodbye to
us and our room. This day, just as you have seen it, is a counterpart of
every day, not only of this week, but of the last three months. It will
not, of course, continue; but, although we would be the last to check the
generosity of warm-hearted friends, it makes our duties here a little
arduous just at present.
And now let me go with you to the door, and say goodbye. If you find that
you are not too much wearied, I shall hope for another visit, in some
future week, when I may have time to take you through the wards, and I
can show you some of our interesting cases; but I think what you have
seen to-day, will furnish the best answer I could give to your question,
“What can the ladies find to do there, all day?”
A MORNING AT THE HOSPITAL.
“God’s finger touched him, and he slept.”
A steady, pouring rain. The fog, which in the early morning hesitated
whether to roll off and give us one of those beautiful, bright autumn
days, the more precious because we feel they are gliding so rapidly from
us, or to come down in rain, seems to have decided at last, and a dreary,
drenching rain is the result. As we[1] enter the hospital, a glance is
sufficient to tell that some depressing influence is at work; instead of
the bright, happy laugh which so often astonishes us on our entrance, we
see the men hanging listlessly and languidly round; some grouped in a
corner of the dining-room round a piano, which a few generous hearts have
supplied for their amusement; some trying a game of cards or back-gammon;
others lying on benches, “chewing the cud of sweet and bitter fancies,”
the latter class having the ascendancy, to judge from the countenance.
Nor is the scene brighter in the wards; the damp air has driven those
suffering from rheumatism and fever to their beds once more; and after
the first bright smile of welcome, which never fails to greet us, the
words, “Poor William there, is dying!” are sufficient to account for the
depression, without waiting for what follows, “and I expect I shall go
next.”
[1] Let me say here, once for all, that the term “we” is not
used as the petty affectation of authorship, but is formed by
the Lady Visitor with whom I am associated,--the “M.” of these
pages--whose untiring self-sacrifice, and whole-souled devotion
to the cause, can only be appreciated by those whose pleasure
it is to be connected with her in this work.
It is often asserted that the sight of such constant suffering and
death, so hardens and accustoms the men to the fact, that they do not
appear to feel it in the slightest degree. My own observation has led to
a directly opposite conclusion. It is only natural, that a death here,
where every trace of it is necessarily so speedily removed, may and must
be as speedily forgotten; but, at the time, I have always noticed a far
greater effect from it than I could have looked for; greater respect and
sympathy for the feelings of any relations present; greater solemnity in
witnessing the awful change; greater tenderness in the subsequent care
of the body. As an illustration, it was but yesterday, that one of the
wardmasters, coming for a shirt to lay out one of our poor fellows, just
dead, said, “Give me any one, one of the worst will do,” and then, as
though the words struck a chord, he added instantly; “One of the worst!
Oh! how sorry I am, I said that; poor fellow! poor fellow! he wouldn’t
have said that for me;” and as I turned, I saw the rough arm in its red
flannel shirt, brushing away a tear, of which he surely need not have
been ashamed.
“Poor William is dying.” Yes, too truly. We need not the words of the
Surgeon in charge, as he passes, “Don’t trouble him with that poultice,
it is too late;” one glance is sufficient; and yet as I approached the
bed I started involuntarily. The man had only been here a short time,
and had never seemed in any way remarkable; of small size, very ordinary
appearance, light hair, blue eyes, and a quiet, gentle manner. He had
not been considered in danger, though suffering from an attack of acute
bronchitis; for in this war truly may it be said,
“Manifold
And dire, O Sickness! are the crucibles
Wherein thy torturing alchemy assays
The spirit of man.”
But now,--could it be the same? I looked at name and number to satisfy
myself. I have no wish to exaggerate, but _transfigured_ was the word
which rose to my mind then, and whenever I have since thought of that
face. The wonderful change seemed already to have passed upon the spirit,
which looked forth from those large, clear, blue eyes, double their usual
size, as with an eager, wistful gaze they were evidently fixed upon a
vision too bright for our earth-dimmed sight, while a smile, a radiant
smile, played round his lips. It was not the poor Private, dying afar
from friends and home, alone in a ward of a hospital, with the pitiless
rain pelting overhead; it was a soul passing from earth, resting on
its dear Lord, strengthened and comforted for the dread journey by a
vision of the Guard of Angels sent to bear it to its rest in Paradise;
the unearthly peace, the blessed brightness of that face, could not be
mistaken.
“Death upon his face
Is rather shine than shade.”
The doctor’s hand is on his pulse, sustaining stimulants are steadily
given, and once more a fitful gleam of life appears; he rallies for the
moment. We hear the low voice of the chaplain, kneeling at his side,
“You would not object to a prayer?” The wandering eyes say more than
the languid lips, which can but frame, in a tone of surprise, the word,
“object?” The same bright smile, the same far-off gaze as the words of
prayer ascend.
“You are trusting, you are resting on the merits of your precious
Saviour?”
Once more that strife, that sore struggle to speak; and suddenly, as
though the will had mastered the flesh, sounds forth, in clear, strong
tones, which ring through the ward, “My only base, my foundation!”
Blessed for us all, when that awful hour is upon us, if we can so
trustfully, so fearlessly meet it; so fully and entirely realize the One
Eternal Rock to be our “foundation.”
We dare no longer call him “poor William;” rather, as we kneel by his
side, let us breathe forth a thanksgiving for such beautiful assurance,
that his last battle is fought, his victory won.
“Little skills it when or how,
If Thou comest then or now--
With a smooth or angry brow.
“Come Thou must, and we must die--
Jesu, Saviour, stand Thou by,
When that last sleep seals our eye!”
THE TWO ARMIES.
U.S.A. HOSPITAL, September 29, 1862.
I trust, dear C., this bright, beautiful day may have brought you as
much pleasure as it has done to me, and that you have been able to enjoy
it as you would most wish to do. I escaped from my duties here for one
hour, and spent it you know where. On my return, we were favored with a
visit from the Bishop of Minnesota, who is here on his way to the General
Convention.
He seemed much interested in going through the wards, had a kind word and
friendly greeting for each man. One thing particularly impressed me,--his
tact in addressing them. Instead of boring them as I do with “What is
your name? What is your regiment?” he glanced his eye upon the card at
the head of the bed, whereon all such particulars are written, and then
said, “Who is the colonel of the Forty-fourth?” or, “Was the Eighteenth
Massachusetts much cut up?” Instantly the man would brighten, feel that
there was one who took a personal interest, and answer with promptness
and pleasure.
This may seem a trifle, but to gain an influence anywhere trifles must
be considered, and are often all-important. My inward exclamation was,
immediately, “Here is one who has been accustomed to dealing with men,
and knows how to reach them.” A few well-chosen questions will often go
further, and be of more benefit, than a long sermon.
As you have expressed some interest in L----, you will forgive me for
repeating a conversation to which this visit gave rise. A little later, I
returned for some purpose to his bedside.
“That’s a nice man you brought here; what was it you called him?”
“The title I gave him,” said I, “he gained by promotion in our Army.”
“Our army! I knew it, by the way he talked; then he’s a volunteer?”
“Yes.”
“Ever been in a battle?”
“Many of them.”
“Wounded?”
“Often.”
“That’s bully. But what battles? Fair Oaks? That’s where I was hit.”
“He never told me so, but I should judge his hardest fights were before
the breaking out of this rebellion.”
“Ah, in Mexico?”
“No, I never heard of his being in Mexico.”
“A foreigner?”
“No, I believe him to be an American.”
“It can’t be, then, for he looks too young for our other war. Didn’t he
tell you what battles?”
“No, he never told me, nor did any of his friends.”
“Then how the ----, I beg ten thousand pardons, miss, but how can you
know he was in them?”
“Because it is my privilege to be a Private in the same Army. I said
_our_ Army was the one in which he had gained promotion; and It’s
peculiarity is, that It will receive as recruits both women and children.”
Impossible as it may appear to you, he fixed his eyes upon me with an air
of bewilderment, and remained perfectly silent. I continued:
“Although I am not eligible for promotion as he is, but must remain a
Private always, I have had some of the same battles to fight, and----”
“Psha! you’ve been fooling me all this time, and I never saw it.”
I smiled. “Not fooling,” I said, “but answering a question you asked the
other day. Have you forgotten when you said ‘Little you know of battles!’
that I replied, ‘And yet, maybe, I have fought harder ones than you ever
did?’ You then asked me what under the sun I could mean? I promised
to tell you, and I have only done so in a round-about way. Have you
forgotten one thing more? What was it I asked you to give up, when you
said you had rather be shot?”
His color rose, but he said nothing.
“Doesn’t that prove that my battles, and those of that ‘nice man,’ as you
term the bishop, are harder to fight than yours?”
“Well, it’s truth you’re saying; I’d liever go back to my regiment
to-morrow, wounded as I am, than do what you want, though I know you’re
right, too;” and warmly shaking my hand, he drew the cover over his head,
and I left him to meditate upon the two Armies.
You will say that the strain after originality in such conversations, is
not likely to be an over-tax of the mental powers; but you must remember,
that what to you may be but a wearying platitude, may be a seed, to one
who receives the parallel as a novelty, to germinate in later years.
We can but try all means, and leave events to God.
THE CONTRAST.
“I wish to goodness they would not send their men here, just to die!”
Such was the exclamation, in no very amiable tone, which greeted my ear,
as I opened the door of one of the wards of our hospital.
“What is the matter, Wilson?” said I, to our usually cheerful wardmaster.
“Oh! nothing, miss; I beg your pardon, only there’s a young fellow, just
brought in, who, the doctor thinks, can’t live over the day, and I hate
to have them dying on my hands, that’s all.”
“Wounded or sick?”
“It’s the typhoid, and as bad a case as ever I saw yet, and I’ve seen a
heap of them, too. There he is, but he’s past speaking; he’ll never rouse
again.”
I approached the bed, where lay a “young fellow,” truly: a boy, scarcely
more than sixteen; his long, thick hair matted and tangled; his clothing
torn and soiled; his eyes half closed; his lips dark and swollen; a
bright flush on his cheeks, and his breath coming in quick, short,
feverish pantings, as though much oppressed. I saw it was quite in vain
to speak to him, and merely tried to make him swallow the beef tea, which
had been ordered to be given him at certain intervals.
He swallowed with much difficulty, but still it was something that
he could do even this; and I found that although unable to speak, he
understood and endeavored to obey, directions. I therefore ventured to
doubt Wilson’s verdict, and continued to administer the stimulants as
directed. Towards afternoon there was a perceptible improvement in his
swallowing; he roused partially, and attempted to turn. I begged Wilson
to watch him closely through the night, keeping up the nourishment and
stimulants; urging as a motive that, as he wasn’t fond of deaths, this
was the best mode of preventing them.
He shook his head. “I’ll watch him as close as you could, miss, but it’s
no use. I’ve seen too many cases to think that poor lad can weather thro’
it; I reckon you’re new to this sort of thing, or you would know it too.”
“Did you ever hear a saying, Wilson, ‘Duties are ours, events are God’s?’
Try, I only ask you to try.”
The next morning, when I walked in, I scarcely recognized our patient;
in addition to clean clothing, combed and cut hair, his eyes were open,
large, bright, and sparkling with a feverish brilliancy. He was talking
in a loud, excited tone; evidently the stupor had passed off; whether a
favorable change, or denoting increase of fever, I was not competent to
decide.
As I drew near, I was a little startled by the abrupt question, “Are you
the woman gave me the drinks yesterday?”
I assented, sure that no discourtesy was intended by the use of the
good old Anglo-Saxon term. Strange, that by some singular freak of
language or ideas, which, I think, it would puzzle even the learned
Dean of Westminster himself to explain, this once honored title has, at
the present day, come to be almost a term of reproach; certainly, as I
have said, of discourtesy. Were this the place to moralize, I might see
in this change a proof of the degeneracy of modern days; and question,
whether in yielding this precious name,--sacred forever, and ennobled by
the use once made of it,--Woman is not in danger of yielding also the
high and noble qualities which should ever be linked with its very sound.
My assent was followed instantly by another equally abrupt question,
“Then you’ll tell me where do people go when they die? That man, there--I
heard him--said I was dying; I’ve been asking him all night, and he won’t
tell me.”
“If you will mind what I say now, and try to be very still, when you
have less fever, I will talk to you and tell you all you want to know.”
“I’ll be dead then, and I want to know before I die.”