SINGULAR BEHAVIOUR OF GEORGE LOMAX
"Mr. Lomax is here, my lord."
Lord Caterham started violently, for, absorbed in the intricacies
of what not to do with the left wrist, he had not heard the butler
approach over the soft turf. He looked at Tredwell more in sorrow than
in anger.
"I told you at breakfast, Tredwell, that I should be particularly
engaged this morning."
"Yes, my lord, but--"
"Go and tell Mr. Lomax that you have made a mistake, that I am out in
the village, that I am laid up with the gout, or, if all else fails,
that I am dead."
"Mr. Lomax, my lord, has already caught sight of your lordship when
driving up the drive."
Lord Caterham sighed deeply.
"He would. Very well, Tredwell, I am coming." In a manner highly
characteristic, Lord Caterham was always most genial when his feelings
were in reality the reverse. He greeted George now with a heartiness
quite unparalleled.
"My dear fellow, my dear fellow. Delighted to see you. Absolutely
delighted. Sit down. Have a drink. Well, well, this is splendid!"
And having pushed George into a large arm-chair, he sat down opposite
him and blinked nervously.
"I wanted to see you very particularly," said George.
"Oh!" said Lord Caterham faintly, and his heart sank, whilst his mind
raced actively over all the dread possibilities that might lie behind
that simple phrase.
"_Very_ particularly," said George with heavy emphasis.
Lord Caterham's heart sank lower than ever. He felt that something was
coming worse than anything he had yet thought of.
"Yes?" he said, with a courageous attempt at nonchalance.
"Is Eileen at home?"
Lord Caterham felt reprieved, but slightly surprised.
"Yes, yes," he said. "Bundle's here. Got that friend of hers with
her--the little Wade girl. Very nice girl--_very_ nice girl. Going to
be quite a good golfer one day. Nice easy swing--"
He was chatting garrulously on when George interrupted with
ruthlessness:
"I am glad Eileen is at home. Perhaps I might have an interview with
her presently?"
"Certainly, my dear fellow, certainly." Lord Caterham still felt very
surprised, but was still enjoying the sensation of reprieve. "If it
doesn't bore you."
"Nothing could bore me less," said George. "I think, Caterham, if I may
say so, that you hardly appreciate the fact that Eileen is grown up.
She is no longer a child. She is a woman, and if I may say so, a very
charming and talented woman. The man who succeeds in winning her love
will be extremely lucky. I repeat it--extremely lucky."
"Oh, I daresay," said Lord Caterham. "But she's very restless, you
know. Never content to be in one place for more than two minutes
together. However, I daresay young fellows don't mind that nowadays."
"You mean that she is not content to stagnate. Eileen has brains,
Caterham; she is ambitious. She interests herself in the questions of
the day, and brings her fresh and vivid young intellect to bear upon
them."
Lord Caterham stared at him. It occurred to him that what was so often
referred to as "the strain of modern life," had begun to tell upon
George. Certainly his description of Bundle seemed to Lord Caterham
ludicrously unlike.
"Are you sure you are feeling quite well?" he asked anxiously.
George waved the inquiry aside impatiently.
"Perhaps, Caterham, you begin to have some inkling of my purpose
in visiting you this morning. I am not a man to undertake fresh
responsibilities lightly. I have a proper sense, I hope, of what is due
to the position I hold. I have given this matter my deep and earnest
consideration. Marriage, especially at my age, is not to be undertaken
without full--er--consideration. Equality of birth, similarity of
tastes, general suitability, and the same religious creed--all these
things are necessary and the pros and cons have to be weighed and
considered. I can, I think, offer my wife a position in society that
is not to be despised. Eileen will grace that position admirably. By
birth and breeding she is fitted for it, and her brains and her acute
political sense cannot but further my career to our mutual advantage.
I am aware, Caterham, that there is--er--some disparity in years. But
I can assure you that I feel full of vigour--in my prime. The balance
of years should be on the husband's side. And Eileen has serious
tastes--an older man will suit her better than some young jackanapes
without either experience or _savoir-faire_. I can assure you, my dear
Caterham, that I will cherish her--er--exquisite youth; I will cherish
it--er--it will be appreciated. To watch the exquisite flower of her
mind unfolding--what a privilege! And to think that I never realized--"
He shook his head deprecatingly and Lord Caterham, finding his voice
with difficulty, said blankly:
"Do I understand you to mean--ah, my dear fellow, you can't want to
marry Bundle?"
"You are surprised. I suppose to you it seems sudden. I have your
permission, then, to speak to her?"
"Oh, yes," said Lord Caterham. "If it's permission you want--of course
you can. But you know, Lomax, I really shouldn't if I were you. Just go
home and think it over like a good fellow. Count twenty. All that sort
of thing. Always a pity to propose and make a fool of yourself."
"I daresay you mean your advice kindly, Caterham, though I must confess
that you put it somewhat strangely. But I have made up my mind to put
my fortune to the test. I may see Eileen?"
"Oh, it's nothing to do with me," said Lord Caterham hastily; "Eileen
settles her own affairs. If she came to me to-morrow and said she was
going to marry the chauffeur, I shouldn't make any objections. It's the
only way nowadays. Your children can make life damned unpleasant if you
don't give in to them in every way. I say to Bundle, 'Do as you like,
but don't worry me,' and really, on the whole, she is amazingly good
about it."
George stood up, intent upon his purpose.
"Where shall I find her?"
"Well, really, I don't know," said Lord Caterham vaguely. "She might be
anywhere. As I told you just now, she's never in the same place for two
minutes together. No repose."
"And I suppose Miss Wade will be with her? It seems to me, Caterham,
that the best plan would be for you to ring the bell and ask your
butler to find her, saying that I wish to speak to her for a few
minutes."
Lord Caterham pressed the bell obediently.
"Oh, Tredwell," he said, when the bell was answered, "just find her
ladyship, will you? Tell her Mr. Lomax is anxious to speak to her in
the drawing-room."
"Yes, my lord."
Tredwell withdrew. George seized Lord Caterham's hand and wrung it
warmly, much to the latter's discomfort.
"A thousand thanks," he said. "I hope soon to bring you good news."
He hastened from the room.
"Well," said Lord Caterham. "Well!"
And after a long pause:
"What _has_ Bundle been up to?"
The door opened again.
"Mr. Eversleigh, my lord."
As Bill hastened in, Lord Caterham caught his hand and spoke earnestly.
"Hullo, Bill. You're looking for Lomax, I suppose? Look here, if you
want to do a good turn, hurry into the drawing-room and tell him the
Cabinet have called an immediate meeting, or get him away somehow. It's
really not fair to let the poor devil make an ass of himself all for
some silly girl's prank."
"I've not come for Codders," said Bill. "Didn't know he was here. It's
Bundle I want to see. Is she anywhere about?"
"You can't see her," said Lord Caterham. "Not just now, at any rate.
George is with her."
"Well--what does it matter?"
"I think it does rather," said Lord Caterham. "He's probably
spluttering horribly at this minute, and we mustn't do anything to make
it worse for him."
"But what is he saying?"
"Heavens knows," said Lord Caterham. "A lot of damned nonsense,
anyway. Never say too much, that was always my motto. Grab the girl's
hand and let events take their course."
Bill stared at him.
"But look here, sir, I'm in a hurry. I must talk to Bundle--"
"Well, I don't suppose you'll have to wait long. I must confess I'm
rather glad to have you here with me--I suppose Lomax will insist on
coming back and talking to me when it's all over."
"When what's all over? What is Lomax supposed to be doing?"
"Hush," said Lord Caterham. "He's proposing."
"Proposing? Proposing what?"
"Marriage. To Bundle. Don't ask me why. I suppose he's come to what
they call the dangerous age. I can't explain it any other way."
"Proposing to Bundle? The dirty swine. At his age."
Bill's face grew crimson.
"He says he's in the prime of life," said Lord Caterham cautiously.
"He? Why, he's decrepit--senile! I--" Bill positively choked.
"Not at all," said Lord Caterham coldly. "He's five years younger than
I am."
"Of all the damned cheek! Codders and Bundle! A girl like Bundle! You
oughtn't to have allowed it."
"I never interfere," said Lord Caterham.
"You ought to have told him what you thought of him."
"Unfortunately modern civilization rules that out," said Lord Caterham
regretfully. "In the Stone Age now--but, dear me, I suppose even then I
shouldn't be able to do it--being a small man."
"Bundle! Bundle! Why, I've never dared to ask Bundle to marry me
because I knew she'd only laugh. And George--a disgusting wind-bag, an
unscrupulous, hypocritical old hot-air merchant--a foul, poisonous self
advertiser--"
"Go on," said Lord Caterham. "I'm enjoying this."
"My God!" said Bill simply and with feeling. "Look here, I must be off."
"No, no, don't go. I'd much rather you stayed. Besides, you want to see
Bundle."
"Not now. This has driven everything else out of my head. You don't
know where Jimmy Thesiger is by any chance? I believe he was staying
with the Cootes. Is he there still?"
"I think he went back to town yesterday. Bundle and Loraine were over
there on Saturday. If you'll only wait--"
But Bill shook his head energetically and rushed from the room. Lord
Caterham tiptoed out into the hall, seized a hat and made a hurried
exit by the side door. In the distance he observed Bill streaking down
the drive in his car.
"That young man will have an accident," he thought.
Bill, however, reached London without any mischance, and proceeded to
park his car in St. James's Square. Then he sought out Jimmy Thesiger's
rooms. Jimmy was at home.
"Hullo, Bill. I say, what's the matter? You don't look your usual
bright little self."
"I'm worried," said Bill. "I was worried anyway, and then something
else turned up and gave me a jolt."
"Oh!" said Jimmy. "How lucid. What's it all about? Can I do anything?"
Bill did not reply. He sat staring at the carpet and looking so puzzled
and uncomfortable that Jimmy felt his curiosity aroused.
"Has anything very extraordinary occurred, William?" he asked gently.
"Something damned odd. I can't make head or tail of it."
"The Seven Dials business?"
"Yes--the Seven Dials business. I got a letter this morning."
"A letter? What sort of a letter?"
"A letter from Ronny Devereux's executors."
"Good Lord! After all this time!"
"It seems he left instructions. If he was to die suddenly, a certain
sealed envelope was to be sent to me exactly a fortnight after his
death."
"And they've sent it to you?"
"Yes."
"You've opened it?"
"Yes."
"Well--what did it say?"
Bill turned a glance upon him, such a strange and uncertain one that
Jimmy was startled.
"Look here," he said. "Pull yourself together, old man. It seems to
have knocked the wind out of you, whatever it is. Have a drink."
He poured out a stiff whisky and soda and brought it over to Bill, who
took it obediently. His face still bore the same dazed expression.
"It's what's in the letter," he said. "I simply can't believe it,
that's all."
"Oh, nonsense," said Jimmy. "You must get into the habit of believing
six impossible things before breakfast. I do it regularly. Now then,
let's hear all about it. Wait a minute."
He went outside.
"Stevens?"
"Yes, sir."
"Just go out and get me some cigarettes, will you? I've run out."
"Very good, sir."
Jimmy waited till he heard the front door close. Then he came back into
the sitting-room. Bill was just in the act of setting down his empty
glass. He looked better, more purposeful and more master of himself.
"Now then," said Jimmy. "I've sent Stevens out so that we can't be
overheard. Are you going to tell me all about it?"
"It's so incredible."
"Then it's sure to be true. Come on, out with it."
Bill drew a deep breath.
"I will. I'll tell you everything."