TO: Lucius Darby, Physician Grade I, Black Service Director of Galactic
Periphery Services, Hospital Earth
FROM: Samuel B. Jenkins, Physician Grade VI, Red Service General
Practice Patrol Ship _Lancet_ (Attached GSS _Mercy_ pro tem)
SIR: The following communication is directed to your attention in hopes
that it may anticipate various charges which are certain to be placed
against me as a Physician of the Red Service upon the return of the
General Survey Ship _Mercy_ to Hospital Earth (expected arrival four
months from above date).
These charges will undoubtedly be preferred by one Turvold Neelsen,
Physician Grade II of the Black Service, and Commander of the _Mercy_ on
its current survey mission into the Vorochislov Sector. Exactly what the
charges will be I cannot say, since the Black Doctor in question refuses
either audience or communication with me at the present time; however,
it seems likely that treason, incompetence and mutinous insubordination
will be among the milder complaints registered. It is possible that even
Malpractice might be added, so you can readily understand the reasons
for this statement--
The following will also clarify my attached request that the GSS
_Mercy_, upon arrival in orbit around Hospital Earth, be met immediately
by a decontamination ship carrying a vat of hydrochloric acid,
concentration 3.7%, measuring no less than twenty by thirty by fifty
feet, and that Quarantine officials be prepared to place the entire crew
of the _Mercy_ under physical and psychiatric observation for a period
of no less than six weeks upon disembarkation.
The facts, in brief, are as follows:
Three months ago, as crew of the General Practice Patrol Ship _Lancet_,
my colleague Green Doctor Wallace Stone and myself began investigating
certain peculiar conditions existing on the fourth planet of Mauki,
Vorochislov Sector (Class I Medical Service Contract.) The entire
population of that planet was found to be suffering from a mass
psychotic delusion of rather spectacular proportions: namely, that they
and their entire planet were in imminent danger of being devoured, in
toto, by an indestructible non-humanoid creature which they called a
_hlorg_. The Maukivi were insistent that a _hlorg_ had already totally
consumed a non-existent outer planet in their system, and was now hard
at work on neighboring Mauki V. It was their morbid fear that Mauki IV
was next on its list. No amount of reassurance could convince them of
the foolishness of these fears, although we exhausted our energy, our
patience, and our food and medical supplies in the effort. Ultimately we
referred the matter to the Grey Service, feeling confident that it was a
psychiatric problem rather than medical or surgical. We applied to the
GSS _Mercy_ to take us aboard to replenish our ship's supplies, and
provide us a much-needed recovery period. The Black Doctor in command
approved our request and brought us aboard.
The trouble began two days later....
* * * * *
There were three classes of dirty words in use by the men who travelled
the spaceways back and forth from Hospital Earth.
There were the words you seldom used in public, but which were colorful
and descriptive in private use.
Then there were the words which you seldom used even in private, but
which effectively relieved feelings when directed at mirrors, inanimate
objects, and people who had just left the room.
Finally, there were the words that you just didn't use, period. You knew
they existed; you'd heard them used at one time or another, but to hear
them spoken out in plain Earth-English was enough to rock the most
space-hardened of the Galactic Pill Peddlers back on his well-worn
heels.
Black Doctor Turvold Neelsen's Earth-English was spotty at best, but the
word came through without any possibility of misinterpretation. Red
Doctor Sam Jenkins stared at the little man and felt his face turning as
scarlet as the lining of his uniform cape.
"But that's ridiculous!" he finally stammered. "Quite aside from the
language you use to suggest it."
"Ah! So the word still has some punch left, eh? At least you puppies
bring something away from your Medical Training, even if it's only
taboos." The Black Doctor scowled across the desk at Jenkins' lanky
figure. "But sometimes, my good Doctor, it is better to face a fact than
to wait for the fact to face you. Sometimes we have to crawl out of our
ivory towers for a minute or two--you know?"
Jenkins reddened again. He had never had any great love for physicians
of the Black Service--who did?--but he found himself disliking this
short, blunt-spoken man even more cordially than most. "Why implicate
the _Lancet_?" he burst out. "You've landed the _Mercy_ on plenty of
planets before we brought the _Lancet_ aboard her--"
"But we did not have it with us before the _Lancet_ came aboard, and we
do have it now. The implication is obvious. You have brought aboard a
contaminant."
He'd said it again.
Red Doctor Jenkins' face darkened. "The Green Doctor and I have
maintained the _Lancet_ in perfect conformity with the Sterility Code.
We've taken every precaution on both landing and disembarking
procedures. What's more, we've spent the last three months on a planet
with _no_ mutually compatible flora or fauna. From Hospital Earth
viewpoint, Mauki IV is sterile. We made only the briefest check-stop on
Mauki V before joining you. It was a barren rock, but we decontaminated
again after leaving. If you have a--a _contaminant_ on board your ship,
sir, it didn't come from the _Lancet_. And I won't be held responsible."
It was strong language to use to a Black Doctor, and Sam Jenkins knew
it. There were doctors of the Green and Red Services who had spent their
professional lives on some god-forsaken planetoid at the edge of the
Galaxy for saying less. Red Doctor Sam Jenkins was too near the end of
his Internship, too nearly ready for his first Permanent Planetary
Appointment with the rank, honor, and responsibility it carried to
lightly risk throwing it to the wind at this stage--
But a Red Doctor does not bring a contaminant aboard a survey ship, he
thought doggedly, no matter what the Black Doctor says--
Neelsen looked at the young man slowly. Then he shrugged. "Of course,
I'm merely a pathologist. I realize that we know nothing of medicine,
nor of disease, nor of the manner in which disease is spread. All this
is beyond our scope. But perhaps you'll permit one simple question from
a dull old man, just to humor him."