He begs, 'That I will not think he is endeavouring to make to himself
a merit at any man's expense, since he hopes to obtain my favour on the
foot of his own; nor that he seeks to intimidate me into a consideration
for him. But declares, that the treatment he meets with from my family
is of such a nature, that he is perpetually reproached for not resenting
it; and that as well by Lord M. and Lady Sarah, and Lady Betty, as by
all his other friends: and if he must have no hope from me, he cannot
answer for what his despair will make him do.'
Indeed, he says, 'his relations, the ladies particularly, advise him to
have recourse to a legal remedy: But how, he asks, can a man of honour
go to law for verbal abuses given by people entitled to wear swords?'
You see, my dear, that my mother seems as apprehensive of mischief as
myself; and has indirectly offered to let Shorey carry my answer to the
letter he sent me before.
He is full of the favours of the ladies of his family to me: to whom,
nevertheless, I am personally a stranger; except, that I once saw Miss
Patty Montague at Mrs. Knolly's.
It is natural, I believe, for a person to be the more desirous of making
new friends, in proportion as she loses the favour of old ones. Yet had
I rather appear amiable in the eyes of my own relations, and in your
eyes, than in those of all the world besides--but these four ladies of
his family have such excellent characters, that one cannot but wish to
be thought well of by them. Cannot there be a way to find out, by Mrs.
Fortescue's means, or by Mr. Hickman, who has some knowledge of Lord M.
[covertly, however,] what their opinions are of the present situation of
things in our family; and of the little likelihood there is, that ever
the alliance once approved of by them, can take effect?
I cannot, for my own part, think so well of myself, as to imagine, that
they can wish their kinsman to persevere in his views with regard to me,
through such contempts and discouragements.--Not that it would concern
me, should they advise him to the contrary. By my Lord's signing Mr.
Lovelace's former letter; by Mr. Lovelace's assurances of the continued
favour of all his relations; and by the report of others; I seem still
to stand high in their favour. But, methinks, I should be glad to have
this confirmed to me, as from themselves, by the lips of an indifferent
person; and the rather, because of their fortunes and family; and take
it amiss (as they have reason) to be included by ours in the contempt
thrown upon their kinsman.
Curiosity at present is all my motive: nor will there ever, I hope, be a
stronger, notwithstanding your questionable throbs--even were the merits
of Mr. Lovelace much greater than they are.
***
I have answered his letters. If he takes me at my word, I shall need to
be less solicitous for the opinions of his relations in my favour: and
yet one would be glad to be well thought of by the worthy.
This is the substance of my letter:
'I express my surprise at his knowing (and so early) all that passes
here.'
I assure him, 'That were there not such a man in the world as himself, I
would not have Mr. Solmes.'
I tell him, 'That to return, as I understand he does, defiances for
defiances, to my relations, is far from being a proof with me, either of
his politeness, or of the consideration he pretends to have for me.
'That the moment I hear he visits any of my friends without their
consent, I will make a resolution never to see him more, if I can help
it.'
I apprize him, 'That I am connived at in sending this letter (although
no one has seen the contents) provided it shall be the last I will ever
write to him: that I had more than once told him, that the single life
was my choice; and this before Mr. Solmes was introduced as a visitor
in our family: that Mr. Wyerley, and other gentlemen, knew it to be my
choice, before himself was acquainted with any of us: that I had never
been induced to receive a line from him on the subject, but that I
thought he had not acted ungenerously by my brother; and yet had not
been so handsomely treated by my friends, as he might have expected:
but that had he even my friends on his side, I should have very great
objections to him, were I to get over my choice of a single life, so
really preferable to me as it is; and that I should have declared as
much to him, had I not regarded him as more than a common visiter. On
all these accounts, I desire, that the one more letter, which I will
allow him to deposit in the usual place, may be the very last; and that
only, to acquaint me with his acquiescence that it shall be so; at least
till happier times.'
This last I put in that he may not be quite desperate. But, if he take
me at my word, I shall be rid of one of my tormentors.
I have promised to lay before you all his letters, and my answers: I
repeat that promise: and am the less solicitous, for that reason, to
amplify upon the contents of either. But I cannot too often express my
vexation, to be driven to such streights and difficulties, here at
home, as oblige me to answer letters, (from a man I had not absolutely
intended to encourage, and to whom I had really great objections,)
filled as his are with such warm protestations, and written to me with a
spirit of expectation.
For, my dear, you never knew so bold a supposer. As commentators find
beauties in an author, to which the author perhaps was a stranger; so he
sometimes compliments me in high strains of gratitude for favours, and
for a consideration, which I never designed him; insomuch that I am
frequently under a necessity of explaining away the attributed goodness
to him, which, if I shewed, I should have the less opinion of myself.
In short, my dear, like a restiff horse, (as I have heard described by
sportsmen,) he pains one's hands, and half disjoints one's arms, to rein
him in. And, when you see his letters, you must form no judgment upon
them, till you have read my answers. If you do, you will indeed think
you have cause to attribute self-deceit, and throbs, and glows, to your
friend: and yet, at other times, the contradictory nature complains,
that I shew him as little favour, and my friends as much inveteracy,
as if, in the rencontre betwixt my brother and him, he had been the
aggressor; and as if the catastrophe had been as fatal, as it might have
been.
If he has a design by this conduct (sometimes complaining of my shyness,
at others exalting in my imaginary favours) to induce me at one time to
acquiesce with his compliments; at another to be more complaisant
for his complaints; and if the contradiction be not the effect of his
inattention and giddiness; I shall think him as deep and as artful (too
probably, as practised) a creature, as ever lived; and were I to be sure
of it, should hate him, if possible, worse than I do Solmes.
But enough for the present of a creature so very various.