I have been down. I am to be unlucky in all I do, I think, be my
intentions ever so good. I have made matters worse instead of better: as
I shall now tell you.
I found my mother and sister together in my sister's parlour. My mother,
I fear, by the glow of her fine face, (and as the browner, sullener glow
in her sister's confirmed,) had been expressing herself with warmth,
against her unhappier child: perhaps giving such an account of what had
passed, as should clear herself, and convince Bella, and, through her,
my brother and uncles, of the sincere pains she had taken with me.
I entered like a dejected criminal; and besought the favour of a private
audience. My mother's return, both looks and words, gave but too much
reason for my above surmise.
You have, said she [looking at me with a sternness that never sits well
on her sweet features] rather a requesting than a conceding countenance,
Clarissa Harlowe: if I am mistaken, tell me so; and I will withdraw with
you wherever you will.--Yet whether so, or not, you may say what you
have to say before your sister.
My mother, I thought, might have withdrawn with me, as she knows that I
have not a friend in my sister.
I come down, Madam, said I, to beg of you to forgive me for any thing
you may have taken amiss in what passed above respecting your honoured
self; and that you will be pleased to use your endeavours to soften my
papa's displeasure against me, on his return.
Such aggravating looks; such lifting up of hands and eyes; such a
furrowed forehead, in my sister!
My mother was angry enough without all that; and asked me to what
purpose I came down, if I were still so intractable.
She had hardly spoken the words, when Shorey came in to tell her, that
Mr. Solmes was in the hall, and desired admittance.
Ugly creature! What, at the close of day, quite dark, brought him
hither?--But, on second thoughts, I believe it was contrived, that he
should be here at supper, to know the result of the conference between
my mother and me, and that my father, on his return, might find us
together.
I was hurrying away, but my mother commanded me (since I had come down
only, as she said, to mock her) not to stir; and at the same time see
if I could behave so to Mr. Solmes, as might encourage her to make the
favourable report to my father which I had besought her to make.
My sister triumphed. I was vexed to be so caught, and to have such an
angry and cutting rebuke given me, with an aspect much more like the
taunting sister than the indulgent mother, if I may presume to say so:
for she herself seemed to enjoy the surprise upon me.
The man stalked in. His usual walk is by pauses, as if (from the same
vacuity of thought which made Dryden's clown whistle) he was telling
his steps: and first paid his clumsy respects to my mother; then to my
sister; next to me, as if I was already his wife, and therefore to be
last in his notice; and sitting down by me, told us in general what
weather it was. Very cold he made it; but I was warm enough. Then
addressing himself to me: And how do you find it, Miss? was his
question; and would have taken my hand.
I withdrew it, I believe with disdain enough. My mother frowned. My
sister bit her lip.
I could not contain myself: I was never so bold in my life; for I went
on with my plea, as if Mr. Solmes had not been there.
My mother coloured, and looked at him, at my sister, and at me. My
sister's eyes were opener and bigger than ever I saw them before.
The man understood me. He hemmed, and removed from one chair to another.
I went on, supplicating for my mother's favourable report: Nothing but
invincible dislike, said I--
What would the girl be at, interrupted my mother? Why, Clary! Is this a
subject!--Is this!--Is this!--Is this a time--And again she looked upon
Mr. Solmes.
I am sorry, on reflection, that I put my mamma into so much
confusion--To be sure it was very saucy in me.
I beg pardon, Madam, said I. But my papa will soon return. And since
I am not permitted to withdraw, it is not necessary, I humbly presume,
that Mr. Solmes's presence should deprive me of this opportunity to
implore your favourable report; and at the same time, if he still visit
on my account [looking at him] to convince him, that it cannot possibly
be to any purpose--
Is the girl mad? said my mother, interrupting me.
My sister, with the affectation of a whisper to my mother--This is--This
is spite, Madam, [very spitefully she spoke the word,] because you
commanded her to stay.
I only looked at her, and turning to my mother, Permit me, Madam, said
I, to repeat my request. I have no brother, no sister!--If I ever lose
my mamma's favour, I am lost for ever!
Mr. Solmes removed to his first seat, and fell to gnawing the head of
his hazel; a carved head, almost as ugly as his own--I did not think the
man was so sensible.
My sister rose, with a face all over scarlet; and stepping to the table,
where lay a fan, she took it up, and, although Mr. Solmes had observed
that the weather was cold, fanned herself very violently.
My mother came to me, and angrily taking my hand, led me out of that
parlour into my own; which, you know, is next to it--Is not this
behaviour very bold, very provoking, think you, Clary?
I beg your pardon, Madam, if it has that appearance to you. But indeed,
my dear Mamma, there seem to be snares laying in wait for me. Too well
I know my brother's drift. With a good word he shall have my consent for
all he wishes to worm me out of--neither he, nor my sister, shall need
to take half this pains--
My mother was about to leave me in high displeasure.
I besought her to stay: One favour, but one favour, dearest Madam, said
I, give me leave to beg of you--
What would the girl?
I see how every thing is working about.--I never, never can think of Mr.
Solmes. My papa will be in tumults when he is told that I cannot. They
will judge of the tenderness of your heart to a poor child who seems
devoted by every one else, from the willingness you have already shewn
to hearken to my prayers. There will be endeavours used to confine me,
and keep me out of your presence, and out of the presence of every one
who used to love me [this, my dear Miss Howe, is threatened]. If this
be effected; if it be put out of my power to plead my own cause, and to
appeal to you, and to my uncle Harlowe, of whom only I have hope; then
will every ear be opened against me, and every tale encouraged--It
is, therefore, my humble request, that, added to the disgraceful
prohibitions I now suffer under, you will not, if you can help it, give
way to my being denied your ear.
Your listening Hannah has given you this intelligence, as she does many
others.