On Hannah's depositing my long letter, (begun yesterday, but by reason
of several interruptions not finished till within this hour,) she found
and brought me yours of this day. I thank you, my dear, for this kind
expedition. These few lines will perhaps be time enough deposited, to be
taken away by your servant with the other letter: yet they are only to
thank you, and to tell you my increasing apprehensions.
I must take or seek the occasion to apply to my mother for her
mediation; for I am in danger of having a day fixed, and antipathy taken
for bashfulness.--Should not sisters be sisters to each other? Should
not they make a common cause of it, as I may say, a cause of sex, on
such occasions as the present? Yet mine, in support of my brother's
selfishness, and, no doubt, in concert with him, has been urging in full
assembly it seems, (and that with an earnestness peculiar to herself
when she sets upon any thing,) that an absolute day be given me; and if
I comply not, to be told, that it shall be to the forfeiture of all my
fortunes, and of all their love.
She need not be so officious: my brother's interest, without hers, is
strong enough; for he has found means to confederate all the family
against me. Upon some fresh provocation, or new intelligence concerning
Mr. Lovelace, (I know not what it is,) they have bound themselves, or
are to bind themselves, by a signed paper, to one another [The Lord
bless me, my dear, what shall I do!] to carry their point in favour of
Mr. Solmes, in support of my father's authority, as it is called, and
against Mr. Lovelace, as a libertine, and an enemy to the family: and if
so, I am sure, I may say against me.--How impolitic in them all, to join
two people in one interest, whom they wish for ever to keep asunder!
What the discharged steward reported of him is surely bad enough: what
Mrs. Fortescue said, not only confirms that bad, but gives room to think
him still worse. And yet the something further which my friends have
come at, is of so heinous a nature (as Betty Barnes tells Hannah) that
it proves him almost to be the worst of men.--But, hang the man, I
had almost said--What is he to me? What would he be--were not this Mr.
Sol----O my dear, how I hate the man in the light he is proposed to me!
All of them, at the same time, are afraid of Mr. Lovelace; yet not
afraid to provoke him!--How am I entangled!--to be obliged to go on
corresponding with him for their sakes--Heaven forbid, that their
persisted-in violence should so drive me, as to make it necessary for my
own!
But surely they will yield--Indeed I cannot.
I believe the gentlest spirits when provoked (causelessly and cruelly
provoked) are the most determined. The reason may be, that not taking
up resolutions lightly--their very deliberation makes them the more
immovable.--And then when a point is clear and self-evident, how can
one with patience think of entering into an argument or contention upon
it?--
An interruption obliges me to conclude myself, in some hurry, as well as
fright, what I must ever be,
Yours more than my own, CLARISSA HARLOWE.