What my brother and sister have said against me I cannot tell:--but I am
in heavy disgrace with my father.
I was sent for down to tea. I went with a very cheerful aspect: but had
occasion soon to change it.
Such a solemnity in every body's countenance!--My mother's eyes were
fixed upon the tea-cups; and when she looked up, it was heavily, as if
her eye-lids had weights upon them; and then not to me. My father sat
half-aside in his elbow-chair, that his head might be turned from me:
his hands clasped, and waving, as it were, up and down; his fingers,
poor dear gentleman! in motion, as if angry to the very ends of them. My
sister was swelling. My brother looked at me with scorn, having measured
me, as I may say, with his eyes as I entered, from head to foot. My aunt
was there, and looked upon me as if with kindness restrained, bending
coldly to my compliment to her as she sat; and then cast an eye first on
my brother, then on my sister, as if to give the reason [so I am willing
to construe it] of her unusual stiffness.--Bless me, my dear! that they
should choose to intimidate rather than invite a mind, till now, not
thought either unpersuadable or ungenerous!
I took my seat. Shall I make tea, Madam, to my mother?--I always used,
you know, my dear, to make tea.
No! a very short sentence, in one very short word, was the expressive
answer. And she was pleased to take the canister in her own hand.
My brother bid the footman, who attended, leave the room--I, he said,
will pour out the water.
My heart was up in my mouth. I did not know what to do with myself. What
is to follow? thought I.
Just after the second dish, out stept my mother--A word with you, sister
Hervey! taking her in her hand. Presently my sister dropt away. Then my
brother. So I was left alone with my father.
He looked so very sternly, that my heart failed me as twice or thrice
I would have addressed myself to him: nothing but solemn silence on all
hands having passed before.
At last, I asked, if it were his pleasure that I should pour him out
another dish?
He answered me with the same angry monosyllable, which I had received
from my mother before; and then arose, and walked about the room. I
arose too, with intent to throw myself at his feet; but was too much
overawed by his sternness, even to make such an expression of my duty to
him as my heart overflowed with.
At last, as he supported himself, because of his gout, on the back of a
chair, I took a little more courage; and approaching him, besought him
to acquaint me in what I had offended him?
He turned from me, and in a strong voice, Clarissa Harlowe, said he,
know that I will be obeyed.
God forbid, Sir, that you should not!--I have never yet opposed your
will--
Nor I your whimsies, Clarissa Harlowe, interrupted he.--Don't let me
run the fate of all who shew indulgence to your sex; to be the more
contradicted for mine to you.
My father, you know, my dear, has not (any more than my brother) a kind
opinion of our sex; although there is not a more condescending wife in
the world than my mother.
I was going to make protestations of duty--No protestations, girl! No
words! I will not be prated to! I will be obeyed! I have no child, I
will have no child, but an obedient one.