Mr. Vavasor Speaks to His Daughter.
Alice Vavasor returned to London with her father, leaving Kate at
Vavasor Hall with her grandfather. The journey was not a pleasant
one. Mr. Vavasor knew that it was his duty to do something,--to
take some steps with the view of preventing the marriage which his
daughter meditated; but he did not know what that something should
be, and he did know that, whatever it might be, the doing of it
would be thoroughly disagreeable. When they started from Vavasor he
had as yet hardly spoken to her a word upon the subject. "I cannot
congratulate you," he had simply said. "I hope the time may come,
papa, when you will," Alice had answered; and that had been all.
The squire had promised that he would consent to a reconciliation
with his grandson, if Alice's father would express himself satisfied
with the proposed marriage. John Vavasor had certainly expressed
nothing of the kind. "I think so badly of him," he had said, speaking
to the old man of George, "that I would rather know that almost any
other calamity was to befall her, than that she should be united
to him." Then the squire, with his usual obstinacy, had taken up
the cudgels on behalf of his grandson; and had tried to prove that
the match after all would not be so bad in its results as his son
seemed to expect. "It would do very well for the property," he said.
"I would settle the estate on their eldest son, so that he could
not touch it; and I don't see why he shouldn't reform as well as
another." John Vavasor had then declared that George was thoroughly
bad, that he was an adventurer; that he believed him to be a ruined
man, and that he would never reform. The squire upon this had waxed
angry, and in this way George obtained aid and assistance down at
the old house, which he certainly had no right to expect. When Alice
wished her grandfather good-bye the old man gave her a message to his
grandson. "You may tell him," said he, "that I will never see him
again unless he begs my pardon for his personal bad conduct to me,
but that if he marries you, I will take care that the property is
properly settled upon his child and yours. I shall always be glad to
see you, my dear; and for your sake, I will see him if he will humble
himself to me." There was no word spoken then about her father's
consent; and Alice, when she left Vavasor, felt that the squire was
rather her friend than her enemy in regard to this thing which she
contemplated. That her father was and would be an uncompromising
enemy to her,--uncompromising though probably not energetical,--she
was well aware; and, therefore, the journey up to London was not
comfortable.
Alice had resolved, with great pain to herself, that in this matter
she owed her father no obedience. "There cannot be obedience on one
side," she said to herself, "without protection and support on the
other." Now it was quite true that John Vavasor had done little in
the way of supporting or protecting his daughter. Early in life,
before she had resided under the same roof with him in London, he
had, as it were, washed his hands of all solicitude regarding her;
and having no other ties of family, had fallen into habits of life
which made it almost impossible for him to live with her as any other
father would live with his child. Then, when there first sprang
up between them that manner of sharing the same house without any
joining together of their habits of life, he had excused himself
to himself by saying that Alice was unlike other girls, and that
she required no protection. Her fortune was her own, and at her own
disposal. Her character was such that she showed no inclination to
throw the burden of such disposal on her father's shoulders. She was
steady, too, and given to no pursuits which made it necessary that he
should watch closely over her. She was a girl, he thought, who could
do as well without surveillance as with it,--as well, or perhaps
better. So it had come to pass that Alice had been the free mistress
of her own actions, and had been left to make the most she could of
her own hours. It cannot be supposed that she had eaten her lonely
dinners in Queen Anne Street night after night, week after week,
month after month, without telling herself that her father was
neglecting her. She could not perceive that he spent every evening in
society, but never an evening in her society, without feeling that
the tie between her and him was not the strong bond which usually
binds a father to his child. She was well aware that she had been
ill-used in being thus left desolate in her home. She had uttered no
word of complaint; but she had learned, without being aware that she
was doing so, to entertain a firm resolve that her father should not
guide her in her path through life. In that affair of John Grey they
had both for a time thought alike, and Mr. Vavasor had believed that
his theory with reference to Alice had been quite correct. She had
been left to herself, and was going to dispose of herself in a way
than which nothing could be more eligible. But evil days were now
coming, and Mr. Vavasor, as he travelled up to London, with his
daughter seated opposite to him in the railway carriage, felt that
now, at last, he must interfere. In part of the journey they had the
carriage to themselves, and Mr. Vavasor thought that he would begin
what he had to say; but he put it off till others joined them, and
then there was no further opportunity for such conversation as that
which would be necessary between them. They reached home about
eight in the evening, having dined on the road. "She will be tired
to-night," he said to himself, as he went off to his club, "and I
will speak to her to-morrow." Alice specially felt his going on this
evening. When two persons had together the tedium of such a journey
as that from Westmoreland up to London, there should be some feeling
between them to bind them together while enjoying the comfort of the
evening. Had he stayed and sat with her at her tea-table, Alice would
at any rate have endeavoured to be soft with him in any discussion
that might have been raised; but he went away from her at once,
leaving her to think alone over the perils of the life before her. "I
want to speak to you after breakfast to-morrow," he said as he went
out. Alice answered that she should be there,--as a matter of course.
She scorned to tell him that she was always there,--always alone at
home. She had never uttered a word of complaint, and she would not
begin now.
The discussion after breakfast the next day was commenced with
formal and almost ceremonial preparation. The father and daughter
breakfasted together, with the knowledge that the discussion was
coming. It did not give to either of them a good appetite, and very
little was said at table.
"Will you come up-stairs?" said Alice, when she perceived that her
father had finished his tea.
"Perhaps that will be best," said he. Then he followed her into the
drawing-room in which the fire had just been lit.
"Alice," said he, "I must speak to you about this engagement of
yours."
"Won't you sit down, papa? It does look so dreadful, your standing up
over one in that way." He had placed himself on the rug with his back
to the incipient fire, but now, at her request, he sat himself down
opposite to her.
"I was greatly grieved when I heard of this at Vavasor."
"I am sorry that you should be grieved, papa."
"I was grieved. I must confess that I never could understand why you
treated Mr. Grey as you have done."
"Oh, papa, that's done and past. Pray let that be among the bygones."
"Does he know yet of your engagement with your cousin?"
"He will know it by this time to-morrow."
"Then I beg of you, as a great favour, to postpone your letter to
him." To this Alice made no answer. "I have not troubled you with
many such requests, Alice. Will you tell me that this one shall be
granted?"
"I think that I owe it to him as an imperative duty to let him know
the truth."
"But you may change your mind again." Alice found that this was
hard to bear and hard to answer; but there was a certain amount of
truth in the grievous reproach conveyed in her father's words, which
made her bow her neck to it. "I have no right to say that it is
impossible," she replied, in words that were barely audible.
"No;--exactly so," said her father. "And therefore it will be better
that you should postpone any such communication."
"For how long do you mean?"
"Till you and I shall have agreed together that he should be told."
"No, papa; I will not consent to that. I consider myself bound to let
him know the truth without delay. I have done him a great injury, and
I must put an end to that as soon as possible."
"You have done him an injury certainly, my dear;--a very great
injury," said Mr. Vavasor, going away from his object about the
proposed letter; "and I believe he will feel it as such to the last
day of his life, if this goes on."
"I hope not. I believe that it will not be so. I feel sure that it
will not be so."
"But of course what I am thinking of now is your welfare,--not his.
When you simply told me that you intended to--." Alice winced,
for she feared to hear from her father that odious word which her
grandfather had used to her; and indeed the word had been on her
father's lips, but he had refrained and spared her--"that you
intended to break your engagement with Mr. Grey," he continued, "I
said little or nothing to you. I would not ask you to marry any man,
even though you had yourself promised to marry him. But when you
tell me that you are engaged to your cousin George, the matter is
very different. I do not think well of your cousin. Indeed I think
anything but well of him. It is my duty to tell you that the world
speaks very ill of him." He paused, but Alice remained silent. "When
you were about to travel with him," he continued, "I ought perhaps to
have told you the same. But I did not wish to pain you or his sister;
and, moreover, I have heard worse of him since then,--much worse than
I had heard before."
"As you did not tell me before, I think you might spare me now," said
Alice.
"No, my dear; I cannot allow you to sacrifice yourself without
telling you that you are doing so. If it were not for your money he
would never think of marrying you."
"Of that I am well aware," said Alice. "He has told me so himself
very plainly."
"And yet you will marry him?"
"Certainly I will. It seems to me, papa, that there is a great deal
of false feeling about this matter of money in marriage,--or rather,
perhaps, a great deal of pretended feeling. Why should I be angry
with a man for wishing to get that for which every man is struggling?
At this point of George's career the use of money is essential to
him. He could not marry without it."
"You had better then give him your money without yourself," said her
father, speaking in irony.
"That is just what I mean to do, papa," said Alice.
"What!" said Mr. Vavasor, jumping up from his seat. "You mean to give
him your money before you marry him?"
"Certainly I do;--if he should want it;--or, I should rather say, as
much as he may want of it."
"Heavens and earth!" exclaimed Mr. Vavasor. "Alice, you must be mad."
"To part with my money to my friend?" said she. "It is a kind of
madness of which I need not at any rate be ashamed."
"Tell me this, Alice; has he got any of it as yet?"
"Not a shilling. Papa, pray do not look at me like that. If I had no
thought of marrying him you would not call me mad because I lent to
my cousin what money he might need."
"I should only say that so much of your fortune was thrown away, and
if it were not much that would be an end of it. I would sooner see
you surrender to him the half of all you have, without any engagement
to marry him, than know that he had received a shilling from you
under such a promise."
"You are prejudiced against him, sir."
"Was it prejudice that made you reject him once before? Did you
condemn him then through prejudice? Had you not ascertained that he
was altogether unworthy of you?"
"We were both younger, then," said Alice, speaking very softly, but
very seriously. "We were both much younger then, and looked at life
with other eyes than those which we now use. For myself I expected
much then, which I now seem hardly to regard at all; and as for him,
he was then attached to pleasures to which I believe he has now
learned to be indifferent."
"Psha!" ejaculated the father.
"I can only speak as I believe," continued Alice. "And I think I may
perhaps know more of his manner of life than you do, papa. But I am
prepared to run risks now which I feared before. Even though he were
all that you think him to be, I would still endeavour to do my duty
to him, and to bring him to other things."
"What is it you expect to get by marrying him?" asked Mr. Vavasor.
"A husband whose mode of thinking is congenial to my own," answered
Alice. "A husband who proposes to himself a career in life with which
I can sympathize. I think that I may perhaps help my cousin in the
career which he has chosen, and that alone is a great reason why I
should attempt to do so."
"With your money?" said Mr. Vavasor with a sneer.
"Partly with my money," said Alice, disdaining to answer the sneer.
"Though it were only with my money, even that would be something."
"Well, Alice, as your father, I can only implore you to pause before
you commit yourself to his hands. If he demands money from you, and
you are minded to give it to him, let him have it in moderation.
Anything will be better than marrying him. I know that I cannot
hinder you; you are as much your own mistress as I am my own
master,--or rather a great deal more, as my income depends on my
going to that horrid place in Chancery Lane. But yet I suppose you
must think something of your father's wishes and your father's
opinion. It will not be pleasant for you to stand at the altar
without my being there near you."
To this Alice made no answer; but she told herself that it had not
been pleasant to her to have stood at so many places during the last
four years,--and to have found herself so often alone,--without her
father being near to her. That had been his fault, and it was not now
in her power to remedy the ill-effects of it.
"Has any day been fixed between you and him?" he asked.
"No, papa."
"Nothing has been said about that?"
"Yes; something has been said. I have told him that it cannot be for
a year yet. It is because I told him that, that I told him also that
he should have my money when he wanted it."
"Not all of it?" said Mr. Vavasor.
"I don't suppose he will need it all. He intends to stand again for
Chelsea, and it is the great expense of the election which makes
him want money. You are not to suppose that he has asked me for it.
When I made him understand that I did not wish to marry quite yet,
I offered him the use of that which would be ultimately his own."
"And he has accepted it?"
"He answered me just as I had intended,--that when the need came he
would take me at my word."
"Then, Alice, I will tell you what is my belief. He will drain you of
every shilling of your money, and when that is gone, there will be no
more heard of the marriage. We must take a small house in some cheap
part of the town and live on my income as best we may. I shall go
and insure my life, so that you may not absolutely starve when I
die." Having said this, Mr. Vavasor went away, not immediately to the
insurance office, as his words seemed to imply, but to his club where
he sat alone, reading the newspaper, very gloomily, till the time
came for his afternoon rubber of whist, and the club dinner bill for
the day was brought under his eye.
Alice had no such consolations in her solitude. She had fought her
battle with her father tolerably well, but she was now called upon
to fight a battle with herself, which was one much more difficult
to win. Was her cousin, her betrothed as she now must regard him,
the worthless, heartless, mercenary rascal which her father painted
him? There had certainly been a time, and that not very long distant,
in which Alice herself had been almost constrained so to regard him.
Since that any change for the better in her opinion of him had been
grounded on evidence given either by himself or by his sister Kate.
He had done nothing to inspire her with any confidence, unless his
reckless daring in coming forward to contest a seat in Parliament
could be regarded as a doing of something. And he had owned himself
to be a man almost penniless; he had spoken of himself as being
utterly reckless,--as being one whose standing in the world was and
must continue to be a perch on the edge of a precipice, from which
any accident might knock him headlong. Alice believed in her heart
that this last profession or trade to which he had applied himself,
was becoming as nothing to him,--that he received from it no certain
income;--no income that a man could make to appear respectable to
fathers or guardians when seeking a girl in marriage. Her father
declared that all men spoke badly of him. Alice knew her father to be
an idle man, a man given to pleasure, to be one who thought by far
too much of the good things of the world; but she had never found him
to be either false or malicious. His unwonted energy in this matter
was in itself evidence that he believed himself to be right in what
he said.
To tell the truth, Alice was frightened at what she had done, and
almost repented of it already. Her acceptance of her cousin's
offer had not come of love;--nor had it, in truth, come chiefly of
ambition. She had not so much asked herself why she should do this
thing, as why she should not do it,--seeing that it was required
of her by her friend. What after all did it matter? That was her
argument with herself. It cannot be supposed that she looked back
on the past events of her life with any self-satisfaction. There was
no self-satisfaction, but in truth there was more self-reproach than
she deserved. As a girl she had loved her cousin George passionately,
and that love had failed her. She did not tell herself that she had
been wrong when she gave him up, but she thought herself to have been
most unfortunate in the one necessity. After such an experience as
that, would it not have been better for her to have remained without
further thought of marriage?
Then came that terrible episode in her life for which she never could
forgive herself. She had accepted Mr. Grey because she liked him and
honoured him. "And I did love him," she said to herself, now on this
morning. Poor, wretched, heart-wrung woman! As she sat there thinking
of it all in her solitude she was to be pitied at any rate, if not to
be forgiven. Now, as she thought of Nethercoats, with its quiet life,
its gardens, its books, and the peaceful affectionate ascendancy of
him who would have been her lord and master, her feelings were very
different from those which had induced her to resolve that she would
not stoop to put her neck beneath that yoke. Would it not have been
well for her to have a master who by his wisdom and strength could
save her from such wretched doubtings as these? But she had refused
to bend, and then she had found herself desolate and alone in the
world.
"If I can do him good why should I not marry him?" In that feeling
had been the chief argument which had induced her to return such
an answer as she had sent to her cousin. "For myself, what does it
matter? As to this life of mine and all that belongs to it, why
should I regard it otherwise than to make it of some service to
some one who is dear to me?" He had been ever dear to her from her
earliest years. She believed in his intellect, even if she could not
believe in his conduct. Kate, her friend, longed for this thing. As
for that dream of love, it meant nothing; and as for those arguments
of prudence,--that cold calculation about her money, which all people
seemed to expect from her,--she would throw it to the winds. What if
she were ruined! There was always the other chance. She might save
him from ruin, and help him to honour and fortune.
But then, when the word was once past her lips, there returned to her
that true woman's feeling which made her plead for a long day,--which
made her feel that that long day would be all too short,--which made
her already dread the coming of the end of the year. She had said
that she would become George Vavasor's wife, but she wished that the
saying so might be the end of it. When he came to her to embrace
her how should she receive him? The memory of John Grey's last kiss
still lingered on her lips. She had told herself that she scorned the
delights of love; if it were so, was she not bound to keep herself
far from them; if it were so,--would not her cousin's kiss pollute
her?
"It may be as my father says," she thought. "It may be that he wants
my money only; if so, let him have it. Surely when the year is over
I shall know." Then a plan formed itself in her head, which she did
not make willingly, with any voluntary action of her mind,--but which
came upon her as plans do come,--and recommended itself to her in
despite of herself. He should have her money as he might call for
it,--all of it excepting some small portion of her income, which
might suffice to keep her from burdening her father. Then, if he were
contented, he should go free, without reproach, and there should be
an end of all question of marriage for her.
As she thought of this, and matured it in her mind, the door opened,
and the servant announced her cousin George.