Life is measured, not by time, but by experience.
Her father's sudden death left Venna an heiress, but never having known
anything but luxury, she did not value her wealth. In fact, it might
have been a considerable burden to both Venna and her aunt, both of
whom were entirely ignorant of business, but Mr. Hadly took everything
in hand, attending to details, and leaving as little as possible to the
lawyers. This, he assured them, was the only safe way, and gratefully
they accepted his services.
Both Venna and Emily Hastings were almost inconsolable in their grief.
The latter found some consolation in Dr. Hansom's visits, but to Venna
these were no comfort. She naturally turned to him, but his faith was
the kind that handled the world's troubles _en masse_, and in personal
grief, he had few words to say.
Venna asked him many questions about the hereafter, to which he gave
many vague answers.
"It is not for us to know anything definitely. Faith leaves it all to
God," he assured her in conclusion.
"But surely the Bible gives us some certainties, Dr. Hansom," she
pleaded, hungry for spiritual truths.
"So much depends on how you interpret the Bible, my dear. I declare
very few certainties to my people, because there are very brainy men
who all differ. Of course there's a hereafter, and your father was a
good member of the Church, so we know he is happy. I'm very glad he
joined the Church before it was too late."
"Do you mean my dear father would not have been saved if he had _not_
joined the Church?" Venna asked credulously.
Dr. Hansom had to clear his throat before answering.
"Really, my dear, I don't like to hurt you. I loved your dear father
always, but if he had not joined himself to the House of the Lord, I
would be forced to believe he was lost."
"Then God loved my father less than you or I did--we wouldn't see him
lost, would we? Oh, Dr. Hansom, religion teaches many a paradox today.
I don't wonder there is so little spirituality in the Churches."
Dr. Hansom turned the subject with a fatherly pat of her curls and the
admonition,
"Don't judge, little girl, don't judge. There may be a hidden life in
the Church which you cannot see!"
But Venna decided the "hidden life" brought her no satisfaction or
comfort and gradually she drifted away from the Church.
Hadly took this opportunity to show his devotion at every turn.
Her aunt thought him about perfect and spoke in his praise continually.
Venna acquiesced in all she said, but for a long time refused to marry
him. However, he had determined to win out and persisted constantly,
asking no love of Venna in return for his.
At last her aunt's persuasions and Hadly's determination won out, and
one year after her father's death, they were quietly married. Venna
felt a certain satisfaction that she was delighting her aunt and also
making happy the greatest friend she had known through her sorrow.
Many times she puzzled over the fact that her coldness did not worry
Hadly at all. But she decided that men were unfathomable in their
affections, and such devotion as his was certainly noble. She wished
she could love him--perhaps some day she would.
She made all kinds of plans for her married life. Hadly had promised
to let her work among the poor to her heart's content. No plan of
hers ever met with the slightest objection, and her aunt continually
reminded her what an ideal husband he was.
"But am I an ideal wife?" Venna asked doubtfully.
"Anyone should be glad to win _you_, dearie," was always her aunt's
proud answer.
She longed to live in the old home, so Hadly, as usual, consented.
It was just six months after her marriage.
Venna was in the dear old library sorting out some books to use in
her settlement work. Her husband's business caused him to travel so
much that she had practically all her time to herself. After all, her
married life had been a very smooth, contented affair.
When at home, her husband was completely devoted to Venna and her aunt.
But when he was away she felt a joyous relief at her freedom and worked
with zeal.
It never occurred to her to inquire into his many business trips. All
business was a bore to her, and she was glad to leave it entirely in
his hands. She hoped she would never show her pleasure at his absence,
for she earnestly longed to please him as he deserved.
Today she was rather wishing her husband were home. There were some
important business details to be attended to and she needed his advice.
But this trip would be an unusually long one for him. He had written
only this morning that he could not be home for another week.
Just as she finished her work in the library, Stella brought in a card
announcing a caller--"Miss Hedgeway."
"But I don't know her, Stella," said Venna, wonderingly. "Ask her her
business, please."
Stella obeyed and soon returned with the short reply, "Very personal.
That's all she would say."
"That is the method all the agents use. Tell her I'm sorry, but too
busy today to see strangers."
"All right, ma'am," replied the girl.
Venna left the library and was going upstairs when she heard voices
below.
"I tell you I _must_ see her. It's important. I won't leave this house
until you take me to Mrs. Hadly."
"But, madam, I have to obey orders. She refuses to see anyone at
present."
"Tell your mistress what I say," came the confident answer.
Stella ascended the stairs reluctantly and Venna met her half way.
"I heard her, Stella. I will see her for a few moments--in the library."
"You wish to see me?" Venna asked pleasantly as she re-entered the
library.
The woman, still standing, eyed Venna from head to foot critically
before speaking.
Venna had the impression of a rather good looking, stout brunette with
small, restless dark eyes. She was fashionably dressed, with a style
more attractive than refined.
"So you are Mrs. Hadly!" she exclaimed rather than asked.
"I am Mrs. Hadly," replied Venna with dignity, "Why did you wish so to
see me?"
"When you know what I have to say, you'll be glad you let me speak with
you," the woman replied in a low, even tone. "Are we entirely alone?
Sit near to me, please," she added, seating herself and drawing a chair
close to her own for Venna.
"Is your business so private?" Venna asked curiously, as she seated
herself, calmly amused at her visitor's impertinence.
The woman's face softened.
"You look rather young and innocent. I thought somehow you would be
different. More like one of the haughty society women who wouldn't cast
a glance at anyone outside their set!"
"All society women are not so," returned Venna, smiling. "But why
should you picture _me_ like that?"
"Only as his wife," the woman replied bitterly. "You're not his style,
believe me. But the money did it--always the money does it."
"I don't understand you," returned Venna, rising indignantly. "If you
have come here to insult me, whatever your motive, I must ask you to
leave."
The woman rose, too, and laid a hand on Venna's arm.
"I tell you, I'm sorry for you. I don't want to hurt a girl like you.
But now I'm here, I'll have it out. I came to hurt _him_, not you. I
hate him. You understand? I _hate_ him. I gave him five years of my
youth, and we--yes, your husband and myself--have a little girl. I
loved him--my God! How I loved him! I gave him more than _you_ ever
gave. And then he threw me over to marry _money_. Not you, girl, but
your money! And I searched him out. I came to New York to find his wife
and ruin _him_. Here, girl! Don't take it so hard; sit down. You're
faint, aren't you? I'm sorry I let it out so blunt. I should have gone
easier--yes, you've got to suffer, too, poor thing!" And she put her
arm around Venna for support.
But Venna, recovering, drew herself up haughtily.
"How dare you come here with such falsehoods!" she exclaimed
indignantly. "Leave my house at once."
"That is how we all act, until we find out what men really are,"
replied the woman with a scornful pity. "It's hard to wake up to what
the world really is, isn't it? Perhaps you don't think I'm sorry for
you!"
"I will not listen to you," exclaimed Venna proudly. "Will you please
go?"
The woman scrutinized Venna keenly. "No, you are not acting," she
said coolly. "You'd rather believe in _him_ than in _me_--naturally.
But he'll soon run through all your money as he did his own, and then
you'll be glad to have me tell you a little more about your ideal. Here
is my card," she added, laying one upon the table. "I will come when
you send for me," and with a smile, half contempt, half compassion, she
was gone.
For a moment, Venna stood, deep in troubled thought. Who was this
woman? What did it all mean? As her anger cooled, awful doubts crept
into her mind and she trembled with fear. Could there be any truth
in it? Had she been unwise not to listen? Yet that would have been
treachery to Will. But suppose--she heard her aunt's voice calling her.
Hastily she put the woman's card in her dress.
"Auntie must not know of this," she determined. A dull, heavy
depression seized her. This was her first experience with a hidden
trial, for trial it would be until Will could explain--of course, he
would explain--but she would have to ponder over the mystery of it for
a week.
It seemed unbearable. She decided to write to Will and ask him to come
sooner.
She took up a pen and tried to write, but couldn't. Was it not wrong to
doubt him that much even? Was it possible she could be so disloyal? In
her self-condemnation, she was as unhappy as in her doubt.
Unobserved, her aunt entered.
"Why, Venna, how troubled you look! What is the matter, child?"
Venna was startled. Calm and pale, she faced her aunt.
"Nothing much, auntie dear. My head bothers me to-day, and there are
some business details that need attending to."
"Business? Why, don't worry over that. Will will attend to everything
when he returns."
"Yes, of course, it's foolish of me to bother," returned Venna. Her
aunt's complete trust seemed to make her feel surer ground.
Emily Hastings, putting both arms around her niece, kissed her fondly.
"Girlie dear, I have a great secret to tell you," she said, gently
smiling, her mild face flushed.
"At last?" asked Venna, smiling back knowingly.
One month after John Hastings' death. Dr. Hansom had lost his faithful
little wife. It was a real sorrow to the great preacher, for not many
women were to be found with a character so suited to meet all his
requirements in a wife. After her death, he was a very frequent visitor
at the old Hastings house. Gradually it dawned upon him that the mild,
gentle Emily Hastings had a temperament most wonderfully like the dear
woman he had lost. She was so unaggressive, so gentle, so adoringly
submissive to whomsoever she loved. She would make a fine minister's
wife.
It didn't take Dr. Hansom long to make up his mind. He doubled his
attentions and visits, keeping silence, however, until the proper time
had elapsed.
And now the wonderful hour had come.
It seemed an impossible joy laid at Emily Hastings' feet.
"If only your dear father could know!" she exclaimed, looking young in
her new happiness.
"He does," returned Venna softly. "He knows all that happens to us,"
she added with a sudden pang at the thought of her own trouble.
"But, dearie. Dr. Hansom wishes us to marry very soon--of course, it
will be a very quiet wedding. Do you think it is too soon?"
"No," returned Venna, lovingly patting her aunt's cheek. "The sooner
you are made happy the better. I shall certainly hurry you off!"
"O Venna, if you were not married, I would never leave you. But now you
have such a perfect husband, and he must give up his traveling when I
go. I wouldn't have you lonesome for the world. Of course, we'll see
one another all the time, but it won't seem just like living together,
will it?"
Looking around the old familiar room her eyes suddenly filled with
tears.
"Every rose has its thorn, but let's forget the sting and think only of
the joy of it all," replied Venna, bravely choking back a sob.
There is a time in every girl's life when she finds herself suddenly a
woman. The time of this change from girlhood to womanhood is not marked
by the marriage ceremony. No, the period of happy girlhood extends to
that time when some sharp experience awakens her soul to the realities
of life. Then the illusions vanish and the woman in her lives. Not less
capable of joy does she become, but absolutely and forever lost to the
fantastic, unreal dreams of early youth.
Venna's awakening came simultaneously with her aunt's rejuvenating
engagement announcement, which occurred one week after Dr. Hansom's
proposal.
As soon as Hadly returned, Venna lost no time in asking him for an
explanation of Miss Hedgeway's visit.
At first he denied knowing the woman, but his nervousness convinced his
wife that he was not telling the truth.
"Will," she said, suddenly indignant, "if you do not tell me the truth,
I shall find it out myself. What is this woman to you?"
He had never seen scorn in her eyes before and it was confoundedly
unpleasant. Quickly he decided there was only one way--to make a clean
breast of it.
"Yes, Venna," he said, frankly, "I have lied to you,--because I didn't
like to destroy your innocent trust in me. She's _nothing_ to me now,
but she _was_ an escapade of the past. I treated her fair enough--she
always had money of her own--never wanted for anything. I didn't
deceive her--she went into it with her eyes open like all those women
do--I never deceived _any_ woman. It was just a case of give and take.
She's meaner than I thought to rake up a man's past before his wife's
eyes. As a rule, they don't do that sort of thing."
He paused for a moment, but Venna made no remark. She was earnestly
listening to his every word.
"Now, my dear," he continued more confidently, "you have, of course,
always been sheltered so by your father, that you are ignorant of life
in many respects. Please don't think your husband a monstrosity. I'm no
better than the next man--no worse, either. I've lived in the world,
seen all sides of it, too, but that is why I am all the more able to
appreciate a girl like you--by contrast, you know, dear."
"I suppose, then, there were other women, too?" Venna demanded in a
sharp, unnatural voice.
"Don't use that tone, Venna," he said impatiently. "It isn't like
you. It's not becoming. Yes, I'll treat you fair and hide nothing. My
extreme youth was rather wild, but that's all past now. From the day
I first called upon you, I've led a clean, straight life--that was my
duty toward you."
Venna gave a hard little laugh.
"What about your duty toward the other women?" she asked coldly.
"I don't understand you," he replied angrily. "If you are going to play
censor with me, young lady, you have the wrong party. I've been frank
with you, which every man is not, and you return it with rudeness."
Without a word Venna quietly arose and left the room.
"Well, if women aren't incorrigible!" he exclaimed in disgust, lighting
a cigarette to calm his perturbed thoughts.
Venna sought her own room, dismayed at her state of mind. She felt as
though some one had roughly shaken her and awakened her from the dream
of one world to the stern realities of another.
With the awakening came an alarming disgust and hatred for her husband.
She stood alone, reasoning, struggling with her new thoughts. Her
ideas, at first confused, began to shape themselves definitely and
bitterly. Three hours later she came from her room, a pale, determined
woman.
When she calmly informed Hadly that from then on they would be as
entire strangers, his first sensation of genuine surprise gave way to
angry fear.
"You're not going to make fools of both of us, are you? What on earth
are you making such a fuss about? Are you looking for a divorce? You
can't get one. I'll tell you that right now. And your business affairs
are tight in my hands, so don't try to be _too_ independent."
"You refuse to let me go?" asked Venna, pale but unwavering.
"You can go anywhere and everywhere you please," he returned with
sarcasm. "Considering what a loving wife you've been, the parting of
the ways will not be so difficult to bear. But I warn you, if you make
a fool of me in society by repeating this foolish gossip--even to your
aunt--it won't go easy with you."
"Never fear," returned Venna bitterly. "No one shall suffer but myself.
It is plain to be seen you will not. I shall leave town for the summer
as soon as aunt is married, in a few weeks. As to money matters my
lawyer will consult you."
Venna ostensibly busied herself with her aunt's rushed preparations for
her quiet wedding, and Hadly found occasion to disappear on another
business trip.
With the advent of her womanhood, came the power to smile and laugh
with a breaking heart, and to hide from all her friends her sadness and
trial.
The heart of a girl is easily read, but the heart of a woman is a
hidden mystery.