A PHOTOGRAPH.
There are two railway stations in Sparkton, which is a town of
sufficient size and importance to have two different railway
companies competing for its patronage; and this circumstance
rendered it all the easier for me to escape without leaving traces
for any pursuers to follow. The train by which I intended to go to
London would not leave until about two hours later than Miss Smith's
train to the north, and did not start from the same station. What,
therefore, I meant to do was to dismiss the coachman, John, and send
him home under the impression that I had gone away with my governess,
according to the announcement of my plans which I had made to our
Castle Manor household. Then, as soon as I had seen Miss Smith safely
off, I intended to take my bag in my hand, and proceed on foot to the
other station, there to await the departure of the London train.
It would, of course, never do for Miss Smith to see the carriage,
which she imagined was going to take me home again, drive straight
away directly that it had deposited us at the station; so, when we
got out, I told John to wait a minute, and then accompanied her to
the ticket-office. Some other travellers who had arrived before us
were blocking up the entrance, and she had to wait her turn to take
her ticket. This delay greatly increased her nervousness, and she
began to be in a desperate fidget lest she should be too late. I
showed her, by the station-clock overhead, that she had fully ten
minutes to spare, but she was too much upset to be calmed by reason.
Pulling out her purse she commenced fumbling at it hurriedly, and
was dismayed to find that she could not open it. "Oh, Ina!" she
exclaimed, helplessly, "what _am_ I to do? Something has happened to
my purse, and I can't get it open! Dear! dear! I _know_ I shall be
too late! Can you lend me some money?"
The purse would not open for the very excellent reason that she was
tugging at the hinges instead of at the clasp; I doubt whether she
would ever have found this out for herself in the condition in which
she then was; but I quickly saw what was the matter, and rectified it
for her. As soon as I had done so, I said, "By the by, there's a
parcel to be called for at a shop in the next street, which John will
have plenty of time to go and fetch whilst I'm waiting to see you
off. I forgot to tell him of it before I left the carriage, so I'm
just going to send him there. I won't be a minute, and shall be back
before you've got your ticket."
The poor woman looked at me with a bewildered air at first, as though
she had hardly understood what I said to her, and felt only alarmed
at the idea of being left alone in the crowded station. Then, seeming
to realise the position of affairs all of a sudden, she answered
quickly, "Oh, but I forgot, hadn't you better go and do your shopping
at once without waiting for me to start? I'm afraid if the horses
were to catch cold or anything, Lady Trecastle would be very much
vexed; and, perhaps, she might think it was my fault. Not that I want
to lose your help, only I shouldn't like to make her angry. If these
people in front will only be quick, I _may_ still be able to catch
the train perhaps!"
"Don't be afraid--you've heaps of time," I returned; "and I'm sure
there's no chance of the horses taking cold; besides, they'll be kept
moving by going on this errand that I'm going to send them off for.
I mean to stay and see the last of you, put you comfortably into your
carriage, get you some papers to amuse yourself with on the journey,
and see that you don't forget anything at the last moment."
In her then condition of mental disorganisation on account of her
anxiety about her sister, she was really hardly capable of looking
after herself. She seemed to be vaguely aware of this, and to regard
me as a sort of tower of strength which she could rely upon, and her
face brightened perceptibly at the assurance that she would have the
benefit of my protecting presence until she was fairly under weigh.
"Thank you, dear Ina," she said, gratefully. "I'm so _much_ obliged.
I can't tell you how kind and good I think it of you to give yourself
so much trouble about me."
"Oh, it's no trouble," I replied, repressing with difficulty an
inclination to laugh at the thoroughness with which she was being
humbugged. So saying I left her, and hurried away to give John his
instructions. Though the situation struck me as being ludicrous, yet
I had an uncomfortable sense of being in a false position, and did
not feel particularly anxious to listen to her expressions of earnest
gratitude. I had, for my own purposes, deliberately thrown her into a
state of serious distress caused by what was absolutely false, and I
was now staying with her merely because it suited me to do so, and
not at all out of regard to her necessities; considering all this, it
did seem a little strong for me to be posing in the character of her
especial friend, and receiving thanks as though I were remaining to
see her off out of pure good nature! Yet, after all, I could not help
acting as I had done. I was bound to clear the course for myself
somehow or other; and if the process of being swept aside happened to
be unpleasant to any obstacle, why, that was unfortunate for the
obstacle, but no reason why the sweeping aside should be given up.
Having told John that he need not wait any longer, I watched him
drive away, and then returned to my governess, who was, by that
time, again in need of assistance. She had paid for her ticket with
a £5 note, and received a considerable amount of change, which she
had managed to let slip through her trembling fingers as she was
transferring it to her purse, and it had rolled hither and thither on
the floor. Firmly convinced that the train was on the very point of
starting, she was, when I arrived, just about to hurry off and take
her seat, and abandon the money to its fate, though she could but ill
have afforded to lose it. Luckily I was in time to stop this folly,
and persuaded her to stay and join me in picking up the scattered
coins, which we soon accomplished. Whilst thus employed, I could not
help reflecting on how differently she and I were constituted, and
on how much the most fit I was to look after myself.
It must be a queer sensation, thought I, to care for any one to such
a pitch as she does. Fancy being in such a state of mind as she is at
the mere idea of some other person's being ill, or in trouble of some
kind or other! Well, I thank my stars I am somewhat tougher than
that, and not _quite_ such a softy. Precious little chance I should
have, else, of shifting for myself, and fighting my own way in the
world, as I mean to do!
It was with a sense of pity, wherein (as is often the case) there was
a strong admixture of contempt, that I escorted her to the train,
found her the right carriage, established her in it with such
travelling comforts as were to be had, repeated over and over the
names of the places where she would have to change before reaching
Carlisle, for fear of her forgetting them, and paid her whatever
other little attentions I could think of. She, poor woman, was quite
overwhelmed at such thoughtful politeness on my part, and received it
with the utmost gratitude, without dreaming for an instant of the
desire to make some kind of amends for the anxiety I had brought upon
her, which was the real motive of my unwontedly civil behaviour.
I tried hard to raise her spirits, and when the train began to move I
walked beside it for a step or two saying cheerful parting words to
her. Faster and faster did the long line of carriages slip along by
the platform, and I stood still, watching her wave me a farewell with
her tear-besprinkled handkerchief. In a minute more she had passed
out of sight, and I felt, that now the last link of my chain was
indeed broken, that I had got rid of all the authorities whom I
detested, and that I was in very truth my own mistress.
The first thing for me to do now was to make my way to the other
station, and there await the starting of my train for London. In
order to avoid the risk of being recognised by any one in traversing
the town, I had, before leaving home, put into my pocket a thick
veil; this I now donned, and then, with my bag in my hand, issued
out into the streets. Here I soon had cause to congratulate myself on
having taken the precaution to wear a veil, for, on turning a corner,
I suddenly found myself confronted by our own carriage, with John on
the box, drawn up close to the pavement. John was profiting by the
absence of his master's family to do some shopping on his own
account, and also to enjoy the society of a female acquaintance, who
was perched up on the seat beside him, displaying manifold and
gaudy ribbons from that point of vantage with an air of immense
complacency. Though he glanced at me as I passed, he did not
recognise me through my thick veil, and I reached my destination in
safety, without meeting any one else whom I knew.
The train by which I was going was not due to start for some time to
come, and I could not take a ticket for it yet. As I was anxious not
to attract observation by being seen hanging about the station, I
withdrew into the waiting-room with a book in my hand, and settled
myself there quietly, as if to pass the time in reading. I was,
in truth, too much excited to fix my attention on my book, but I
wished to _appear_ to be engrossed in it all the same; and as it is
obviously impossible to read much through a thick veil, I threw mine
back when I began to pretend to study the volume which I held.
I was undisturbed in my seclusion for a considerable while; but just
as I was beginning to think that it was getting near time for the
train to start, and that the ticket-office would soon be open, two
ladies entered the room, attended by a footman laden with their
rugs, bags, and etceteras. These he deposited on the table and then
retired, touching his hat respectfully, and saying that the tickets
would not be given out for another five minutes.
The lady nearest me was a middle-aged person. I saw at a glance, as
she entered the room, that she was a complete stranger to me, and I
looked at her carelessly, without at first noticing her younger
companion. I had, for the moment, forgotten that my veil was up; but
then, suddenly remembering it, and also the expediency of concealing
my face before going to take my ticket, I was just about to lower the
odious stifling mass of thick gauze, when the younger lady moved
towards the table to take something out of her travelling-bag. She
looked at me in passing, and as our eyes met I felt a thrill of
alarm, and a conviction that she was some one I had met before,
though I could not recollect where or how, or what her name was.
Luckily she had evidently no recollection of me, but passed on
without a gleam of recognition in her face, got what she wanted out
of the bag, and returned to her seat. None the less, I was perfectly
certain I knew her, and all at once it flashed across me who she was.
She must be Kitty Mervyn, the girl whom I had met and taken a strong
fancy to at Lugano four years ago. Since then we had both of us grown
and altered considerably in appearance, and she had developed into a
tall, handsome, stately-looking young woman. But it was so uncommon
an event for any one to make any great impression on me, that I was
not likely to forget whoever had been able to work that miracle, and
I felt positive that I could not now be mistaken as to Kitty's
identity. I perceived, also, that she had no idea whatever of who I
was, which was most fortunate for me, as it would have greatly
interfered with my plans to be seen there by any one who knew me.
I was quite aware of this, and rejoiced at my good luck; and
yet--strange creatures that we are!--even whilst I rejoiced, I
suffered a pang of keen mortification. Hardly ever in my life had I
felt disposed to honour one of my fellow-creatures with any especial
degree of liking or approval; and when, for once, I had been moved to
do so, it seemed as if the individual thus distinguished ought
certainly to have felt some corresponding amount of inclination for
me. Yet this had not been the case, since Kitty Mervyn had forgotten
me, though I had not forgotten her. And therefore I had a sense of
annoyance and humiliation at this forgetfulness, notwithstanding its
opportuneness, and the inconvenience that it would have been to me to
be recognised just then, when it was my great object to leave no
trace that could show what had become of me after the time that I had
parted from Miss Smith.
As soon as the ticket-office was open, the footman returned to inform
the ladies of that fact; then they left the waiting-room attended by
the man carrying their _impedimenta_ for them as before. Having
stayed a minute longer to let them get out of the way, I was on the
point of following them, when I noticed a small article lying under
the table, and picked it up. It was one of those purses that are
purse and pocket-book combined, and I guessed that it had probably
fallen out of Miss Mervyn's bag when she had opened it just now to
take out something else. What should I do with the purse? I had
little doubt of who the rightful owner was, and could easily restore
it to her if I chose. Only the question was whether I _did_ choose,
for there was no one near to see me find it, and I was free to do as
I pleased. At some other time I might, perhaps, have followed the
dictates of honesty, but at the present moment I was out of charity
with Kitty. I had not forgiven her for the wound which she had
unconsciously inflicted on my self-esteem, and was much more inclined
to spite her, if I had a chance, than to do her a good turn;
therefore, after hesitating for a few moments, I pocketed what I
had found, postponing the examination of its contents to the first
opportunity when I should be at leisure and unobserved.
Now that I was going to trust to my own resources for a livelihood,
money was a most important object to me, and as I had no intention of
wasting it in needless luxury, I contented myself with a humble
third-class ticket. Having secured this, I took my seat in the
London train, and was, in due course of time, whirled away from
Sparkton towards the metropolis, where I meant to seek my fortune.
At starting there were two or three other passengers in the carriage
with me, but they got out at the first few stations where we stopped,
and when I found myself alone I thought I might as well take that
opportunity of seeing what Miss Mervyn's purse contained.
I was glad to find in it several pounds in gold and silver. Some
extra cash would be extremely handy to me in present circumstances,
and would no doubt be far more useful to me than to her, I thought.
Then I turned to the pocket-book half of the purse, and began to
explore that also. Here there were some postage stamps, a set of
directions for some kind of fancy-work that was just then all the
fashion, and a letter addressed to the Hon. Katherine Mervyn--which
last was a conclusive proof that my conjecture as to the ownership of
the purse was right. I took the liberty of unfolding and reading the
letter, which was a heavy bill for gloves and fans. The largeness of
the amount caused me a surprise, which was soon changed into envy as
I reflected that I, too, might have been in a state to require a
similar profusion of these articles, if my step-mother had not
unjustly shut me off from the privileges of my age and rank in life.
It was strange how the perusal of that bill, and the thought that it
had been incurred by a girl no older than myself, irritated me afresh
against Lady Trecastle, and increased my former sense of being a much
injured and aggrieved mortal!
The bill, stamps, and work directions appeared at first sight to
comprise the whole contents of the pocket-book; I was about to shut
it up under that impression, when I bethought me that I was in want
of a new purse, as mine was a good deal worn, and that if Kitty's
was in good condition I had better substitute it for my own. This
idea made me take up again the one I had found, and look it over
carefully. The close inspection revealed an inner pocket underneath
the flap of the other, and ingeniously contrived so as not to attract
notice. Within this sly hiding-place was a piece of cardboard wrapped
in silver paper, which, on being opened, disclosed the photograph of
a very good-looking young man in military uniform. My curiosity was
aroused as to who the original might be, and I turned it round and
round in hopes of discovering some name or initial; there was,
however, nothing of the kind except the name of the photographer to
be found, and so my curiosity remained unsatisfied.
Whoever could that young man be? I wondered, and why was he so
interesting to Kitty that she carried his picture about with her,
done up and concealed with such care? It was not a brother, as I knew
that she had none. Was she engaged to be married, and was it the
likeness of her future husband? Only in that case the portrait would
be more likely to be carried openly than to be thus hidden away in
the inmost recess of her purse, as if it were a thing to be ashamed
of.
As I mused over it, and over the desire for secrecy that seemed to be
conveyed by the place where I had found it, the thought crossed my
mind whether it could be some unacknowledged lover, whose addresses
were being paid against the wishes of her parents. Yet somehow I
could hardly fancy that to be very probable either. There was a
stateliness and haughtiness about her that gave the impression of a
person who would be most unlikely ever to condescend to anything so
mean and underhand as a clandestine love affair; she would have too
much self-respect and sense of dignity. Well! be the young man who he
might, I had no clue to his identity or to his connection with her,
and it was no use my bothering myself with vain speculations on the
subject. At all events, she would have to get a new copy of his
photograph, as I had no intention of returning the one that had
fallen into my hands. And with that reflection I dismissed the matter
from my mind, and applied myself to the more practical consideration
of what my immediate future was to be.