FOREIGN TRAVEL.
It is time to say a few words as to what my father was like.
Intensely selfish, and hating trouble, he was also extremely
sociable, jovially disposed, easily amused, and endowed with an
enviable facility for shaking off whatever was disagreeable. He
seemed to consider everything unpleasant, dull, sad, or gloomy, as
a sort of poisonous external application which must be got rid of
promptly, lest it should get absorbed into the system. Consequently
he never allowed anything to make a deeper impression on him than
he could help. And in order to escape at once from the depressing
influences of his wife's death he resolved to go abroad immediately
after the funeral, and stay away for a good long time, wandering from
place to place where his fancy took him, so as to distract his mind
from all possibility of melancholy by a complete change of scene and
life.
As he did not see the use of keeping up an establishment in England
during his absence, he determined to let Castle Manor. Then came the
question of what was to be done with me under these circumstances?
His relations assured him that the best plan would be to send me to
school somewhere till he should again be settled in his own home.
After reflecting for a day on this suggestion, he considerably
astonished those who had made it by announcing that he meant to take
me abroad with him. Such a determination was certainly surprising on
the part of one who could not endure trouble, and had no affection
for me. But the fact was that since his marriage he had got so much
accustomed to the feeling that there was some one belonging to him
always within reach, that he did not now like to live quite alone
again; and therefore he thought he might as well have me handy as a
last resource to fall back upon for company when none other should be
attainable. Wherever he went, therefore, there I went also; and for
that reason we were supposed by many people to be wholly wrapped up
in one another, and a touching example of parental and filial
attachment. I accidentally overheard some remarks to that effect made
one day by a couple of compatriots staying at the same hotel as
ourselves at Naples; and, child as I was, I remember that I laughed
cynically to think how wide of the truth they were, and what fools
people were to be so ready to judge from appearances. For though he
chose to have me living under the same roof as himself, yet he never
had any wish for my society if he could pick up any one else to talk
to, and walk, ride, drive, or make expeditions with; and as his
sociability and geniality made it easy to him to make acquaintance
and fraternise with strangers, he was not often dependent upon me
for companionship; so that I was left very much to myself, and
spent the greater part of the time in solitude, or with my attendant
who was a sort of cross between nursery-governess and maid.
We moved about from place to place for two or three years, rarely
staying long anywhere, and not once returning to England. This roving
existence had a great charm for me, notwithstanding its frequent
loneliness, and was infinitely more to my taste than would have been
the orthodox schoolroom routine that falls to the lot of most girls
between the ages of twelve and fifteen. Doubtless, too, it had a
good deal of influence on the formation of my character; for the
perpetual motion and change of scene in which I delighted could
hardly fail to foster my inborn restlessness and love of adventure,
as well as to develop whatever natural tendencies I possessed towards
self-reliance, independence, and intolerance of restraint.
Meanwhile my education, as may be supposed, pursued a somewhat
erratic course, and my standard of attainments would, I fear, have
by no means been considered satisfactory by Mrs. Grundy. A life
passed in hotels, _pensions_, and lodgings is unfavourable to regular
studies; and, besides that, there was no one, after my mother's
death, who cared sufficiently about my intellectual or moral progress
to take the trouble of insisting on lessons being persevered with,
whether I liked them or not. Consequently I learnt anything that took
my fancy, and left alone everything else. On some out-of-the-way
subjects I was better informed than the majority of my contemporaries;
but then, on the other hand, I was ignorant of much that every
schoolgirl is expected to know. My ideas, for instance, as to
religious matters were extremely vague. I was but slightly acquainted
with the contents of either the Bible or Prayer Book; never thought
of religion as a thing with which I, personally, had to do; had not
a notion of what constituted the differences between one form of
religious belief and another; and never attended any place of worship
except when some grand function was to come off. All I cared for in
such a place was to listen to the music, and stare at the lights,
vestments, decorations, ceremonial, and crowd; therefore I only went
on great festivals, or when some especially prized relic was to be
exhibited, or other unusual attraction offered; and, of course, I
became more familiar with the interior of Roman Catholic churches
and chapels than any other.
What accomplishments I possessed were such as would have qualified
me well enough for a courier, and I think that I could have earned
my livelihood in that line of business without much difficulty after
I had been abroad for a while. I could speak several languages
fluently, besides having a smattering of a few more, and of two or
three _patois_; I was well up in the relative values of foreign
coins, and capable of making a bargain even with such slippery
individuals as drivers, jobmasters, _laquais-de-place_, or boatmen.
Besides that, I was so thoroughly at home in railway stations that I
could find my way about in any hitherto-unvisited one almost by
instinct; I could usually tell, to within a few minutes, the exact
time when any _rapide_ or _grande-vitesse_ was due to start from
Paris for Spain, Germany, Italy, or the Mediterranean; when it ought
to reach its destination; and at about what hour it would be at the
more important towns on its route; and I had quite mastered the
intricacies of the _English and Foreign Bradshaw_, _Livret-Chaix_,
and works of a similarly perplexing kind, so as to be able to
discover easily whatever information they could afford. My expertness
in this way was chiefly owing to a happy thought that came into my
head at Bayonne one day when I happened to be left alone for the
afternoon with nothing to do, and no book whatever available except
a railway guide. The prospect till night was not an exhilarating one,
and I was disconsolately wondering how to get through the time, when
it suddenly occurred to me that I would play at being about to start
for St. Petersburg, or some other remote place, and obliged to look
out the best and fastest way of getting there. I set to work
accordingly with the railway guide, and became so engrossed in the
game I had invented that I forgot all about the passage of time, and
was quite astonished to find how quickly the afternoon slipped away
whilst I was settling various journeys to my satisfaction. Such an
easily-attainable means of amusement was a glorious discovery to me,
and one which I commend to the notice of other travellers as a
resource for wet weather and dull moments. Henceforth I had no dread
of lacking amusement, provided I had a time-table; and many a long
hour have I beguiled in planning skeleton tours to all kinds of
places--poring over the times of arrival and departure of trains,
diligences, steamers, and other public conveyances, and weighing in
my own mind the prices and comparative merits of various routes with
every bit as much care and attention as though the imaginary journey
under consideration were a reality, and I were the sole person
responsible to make arrangements for it. This employment had for me
something of the same sort of fascination that working out a problem
in algebra has for some people--indeed I do not think the two things
are greatly unlike each other in their natures.
Besides the accomplishments I have mentioned, I had also some ideas
as to foreign cookery, which I picked up here and there on our
travels--chiefly on the rare occasions when we were in lodgings
anywhere. I do not think I ever met any mistress of a lodging-house
abroad who did not pride herself particularly upon her cooking of
some one dish (sometimes more than that, but at least one), and who
was not willing to initiate into its mysteries any lodger who evinced
a proper appreciation of its excellence. There was an old woman at
Genoa, I remember, at whose house we stayed for some weeks, who knew
several delicious ways of dressing macaroni and vegetables, and who
not only allowed me to watch her whilst she cooked, and gave me her
favourite recipes, but even stretched her good nature so far as to
let me try my own hand in the kitchen till I could join practice to
theory, and produce a tolerably successful result for my labours. She
was a kindly, motherly old soul, who was impressed with the notion
that there was something peculiarly forlorn and provocative of pity
in my condition; she generally called me _poverina_ (to my amusement),
and took me under her protection from an early stage of our
acquaintance.
"See, _Signorina_," she said to me on the second morning of our
occupying her apartments, "you will no doubt wish to buy velvet
here--as all the English do--and many other things also. But be
guided by me, and go not to buy alone, or you will most certainly be
cheated. No! when you see the thing that you desire, come to me--take
me to where it is--point it out to me quietly. Then will I go forward
as though to buy it for myself, and so shall you procure it at a
reasonable price. You who understand not the modes of our merchants,
would pay nearly, or perhaps even altogether--for there is no saying
how far the folly of an English person may go!--the amount that they
demand for their goods. But as for me!--ah! _I_ know how to arrange
these people, and you shall see what I will do! I dare to flatter
myself that there is not a man or woman in the whole of Genoa who
can get the better of me in a bargain!"
Experience soon showed me that this was no idle vaunt. Though--to her
great disappointment--I declined to buy any velvet, yet I gladly
availed myself of her services for other purchases, and never in my
life, either before or since, have I met with any one who was her match
in bargaining. She never bought anything at a shop or stall without
having taken a final farewell and departed from it at least twice,
and then suffered herself to be brought back by the persuasions of
the owner; I think she regarded this going away and returning as
quite a necessary part of the negotiation, without which it could not
possibly come to a proper conclusion. At all events her efforts were
invariably successful, and she forced shopkeepers, market-people,
and sellers of every sort with whom she had dealings, to accept
reductions of price which seemed to me almost incredible. Meanwhile
I, in whose behalf she was exerting herself, used merely to assist
as a passive spectator, feeling that my knowledge of mankind was
being enlarged, and that I was gaining a valuable insight into the
amount of dishonesty and cunning that was latent in human beings in
general, and Italians in particular. This was especially my feeling
when, as more than once happened, I perceived that my friend herself
was not altogether exempt from the failings of her country-people;
and that, relying on my knowledge of Italian being less than it
really was, she was making a little profit at my expense out of the
transaction she was conducting for me. This was a fresh revelation
of the depravity of human nature, and impressed upon my youthful mind
the folly of trusting absolutely to any professions of friendship,
however genuine they might appear. But, after all, it was not to be
expected that she would take a great deal of trouble for a stranger
gratuitously and out of pure love; besides that, she allowed no one
except herself to cheat me, so that in the end my pocket was saved,
notwithstanding the commissions that she managed adroitly to retain
for her own benefit; and as, furthermore, I derived much instruction
from her in the art of bargaining, I saw that on the whole I was a
gainer by her help, and had nothing to complain of. So I let her act
for me as before, chuckling inwardly at her vehement denunciations
of the roguery that surrounded us, and not telling her of what I had
discovered regarding her own.
I remember but little of most of the innumerable people with whom my
father was continually making acquaintance; they seemed to me to come
and go in endless succession, having to do with us only for a few
days or hours, and then vanishing into space, with about as much
likelihood of our ever seeing them again as though we had all been so
many dead leaves whirled away by gales from opposite directions. But
there was one of these stray acquaintances who made more impression
on me than the rest, and whom I mention here because of the relations
which she and I were destined to have together in the future--little
as we then suspected it.
Kitty Mervyn, the individual in question, was a girl of about a year
older than myself, clever, vivacious, and agreeable, and promising to
be very good-looking by the time she should be seventeen. She and I
were cousins in some far-off degree, because her father, Lord Mervyn,
was a cousin many times removed of my grandfather, Lord Gilbert. The
cousinship, however, was so remote that we did not know of each
other's existence; and my father and the Mervyns had never happened
to meet until they arrived one evening at the hotel at which we
were staying at Lugano. Then the distant connection served as an
introduction between us; and as the next day was a dreary wet Sunday,
the feeling of ennui and desire to kill time that was common to us
all, led to our seeing more of one another than we should probably
have done otherwise. Kitty and I paired off together naturally, as
being nearly of the same age. As far as I can recollect, we spent
most of the day in watching and laughing at the performances of
some embryo bicyclists, who were too enthusiastic to be deterred
by either rain or frequent tumbles, and who went on grinding
perseveringly on their bicycles up and down a bit of road in sight
of our windows which was their practice-ground. We did not find it
very lively, certainly; but then there was nothing else to do, unless
we had struck up a romantic friendship and exchanged sentimental
confidences--as some girls thus situated would have done--and
neither she nor I were at all disposed for that sort of thing. Our
intercourse lasted only for that one day, as next morning the Mervyns
departed south, whilst we went to Como. But in the short time I had
been with Kitty she had somehow made a stronger impression than usual
on my unimpressionable mind, and the recollection of her lingered in
my memory longer than that of any one else whom we met. Her good
looks attracted me; her cleverness and liveliness made her very good
company. Notwithstanding an incipient haughtiness about her, which
might develop as she grew older, perhaps, she seemed at present
to have a decided capacity for being what I called jolly; and,
altogether, she had given me the idea of being remarkably likeable. I
was sorry that the chances of travel made us separate so soon, and
wondered if she was at all inclined to return the liking which I had
taken to her. But she passed out of my head after a while; and it was
only now and then that I recollected her existence, and thought how
pleasant it would be if we happened to meet again some day.