[A Gentleman advertises for an old house, and says, "Harmless
Ghost not objected to."]
_A Spectre speaks_:--
TELL us, good Sir, what is a Harmless Ghost?
One who walks quietly at dead of night,
For just a single hour or so at most,
And never gives folks what is termed a fright?
Is it a Ghost that never clanks his chains,
That never gibbers, and that bangs no door:
But quietly and peacefully remains
In calm possession of some upper floor?
A Harmless Ghost is not a Ghost at all,
Unworthy of the name; no Headless Man,
Or other spectre that could men appal,
Would condescend to live 'neath such a ban.
No phantom with a grain of self-respect
Would make a promise never to do harm.
Find your old house, but please to recollect,
A Ghost who knows his business _must_ alarm.
* * * * *