I
For better or worse John Hodder had flung his treasured beliefs into the
crucible, and one by one he watched them crumble and consume away. None
but his own soul knew what it cost him to make the test; and some times,
in the early stages of it, he would cast down his book under the lamp
and walk for hours in the night. Curiosity, and the despair of one who
is lost impelled him to persist.
It had been said of him that he had a talent for the law, and he now
discovered that his mind, once freed, weighed the evidence with a
pitiless logic, paid its own tribute--despite the anguish of the
heart--to the pioneers of truth whose trail it followed into the
Unknown, who had held no Mystery more sacred than Truth itself, who had
dared to venture into the nothingness between the whirling worlds.
He considered them, those whirling worlds, at night. Once they had
been the candles of Jehovah, to light the path of his chosen nation,
to herald the birth of his Son. And now? How many billions of blind,
struggling creatures clung to them? Where now was this pin-point
of humanity, in the midst of an appalling spectacle of a grinding,
remorseless nature?
And that obscure Event on which he had staked his hopes? Was He, as John
had written, the First Born of the Universe, the Word Incarnate of a
system that defied time and space, the Logos of an outworn philosophy?
Was that Universe conscious, as Berkeley had declared, or the blind
monster of substance alone, or energy, as some modern scientists
brutally and triumphantly maintained? Where was the Spirit that breathed
in it of hope?
Such were some of the questions that thronged for solution. What was
mind, what spirit? an attenuated vapour of the all-pervading substance?
He could not permit himself to dwell on these thoughts--madness lay
that way. Madness, and a watching demon that whispered of substance, and
sought to guide his wanderings in the night. Hodder clung to the shell
of reality, to the tiny panorama of the visible and the finite, to the
infinitesimal gropings that lay recorded before him on the printed page.
Let him examine these first, let him discover--despite the price--what
warrant the mind of man (the only light now vouchsafed to him in his
darkness) gave him to speculate and to hope concerning the existence of
a higher, truer Reality than that which now tossed and wounded him. It
were better to know.
Scarcely had the body been lifted from the tree than the disputes
commenced, the adulterations crept in. The spontaneity, the fire and
zeal of the self-sacrificing itinerant preachers gave place to the
paralyzing logic then pervading the Roman Empire, and which had sent
its curse down the ages to the modern sermon; the geometrical rules of
Euclid were made to solve the secrets of the universe. The simple faith
of the cross which had inspired the martyr along the bloody way from
Ephesus to the Circus at Rome was formalized by degrees into philosophy:
the faith of future ages was settled by compromises, by manipulation,
by bribery in Councils of the Church which resembled modern political
conventions, and in which pagan Emperors did not hesitate to exert their
influence over the metaphysical bishops of the factions. Recriminations,
executions, murders--so the chronicles ran.
The prophet, the idealist disappeared, the priest with his rites and
ceremonies and sacrifices, his power to save and damn, was once more in
possession of the world.
The Son of Man was degraded into an infant in his mother's arms. An
unhealthy, degenerating asceticism, drawn from pagan sources, began with
the monks and anchorites of Egypt and culminated in the spectacle of
Simeon's pillar. The mysteries of Eleusis, of Attis, Mithras, Magna
Mater and Isis developed into Christian sacraments--the symbol became
the thing itself. Baptism the confession of the new life, following
the customs of these cults, became initiation; and from the same
superstitious origins, the repellent materialistic belief that to eat
of the flesh and drink of the blood of a god was to gain immortality:
immortality of the body, of course.
Ah, when the superstitions of remote peoples, the fables and myths,
were taken away; when the manufactured history and determinism of the
Israelites from the fall of man to the coming of that Messiah, whom the
Jews crucified because he failed to bring them their material Kingdom,
were discredited; when the polemic and literal interpretations of
evangelists had been rejected, and the pious frauds of tampering monks;
when the ascetic Buddhism was removed; the cults and mysteries, the
dogmas of an ancient naive philosophy discarded; the crude science of a
Ptolemy who conceived the earth as a flat terrestrial expanse and hell
as a smoking pit beneath proved false; the revelation of a Holy City of
jasper and gold and crystal, the hierarchy with its divine franchise to
save and rule and conquer,--when all these and more were eliminated from
Christianity, what was left?
Hodder surveyed the ruins. And his mind recalled, that Sunday of rain
in New York which had been the turning-point in his life, when he had
listened to the preacher, when he had walked the streets unmindful
of the wet, led on by visions, racked by fears. And the same terror
returned to him now after all the years of respite, tenfold increased,
of falling in the sight of man from the topmost tower.
What was to become of him, now that the very driving power of life was
gone? Where would he go? to what might he turn his hand, since all were
vanity and illusion? Careers meant nothing, had any indeed been possible
to a man forty, left staring at stark reality after the rainbow had
vanished. Nineveh had mocked and conquered him who had thought himself
a conqueror. Self flew back and swung on its central pivot and took
command. His future, his fate, what was to become of him. Who else now
was to be considered? And what was to restrain him from reaching out his
hand to pluck the fruit which he desired?...
II
What control from the Unknown is this which now depresses and now
releases the sensitive thing called the soul of man, and sends it upward
again until the green light of hope shines through the surface water?
He might have grown accustomed, Holder thought, to the obscurity of
the deeps; in which, after a while, the sharp agony of existence became
dulled, the pressure benumbing. He was conscious himself, at such times,
of no inner recuperation. Something drew him up, and he would find
himself living again, at length to recognize the hand if not to
comprehend the power.
The hand was Horace Bentley's.
What was the source of that serenity which shone on the face of his
friend? Was it the light of faith? Faith in--what? Humanity, Mr. Bentley
had told him on that first evening when they had met: faith in a world
filled with cruelties, disillusionments, lies, and cheats! On what
Authority was it based? Holder never asked, and no word of theology ever
crossed Mr. Bentley's lips; not by so much as a sign did he betray any
knowledge he may have had of the drama taking place in Holder's soul; no
comment escaped him on the amazing anomalies of the life the rector was
leading, in the Church but not of it.
It was only by degrees Holder came to understand that no question would
be asked, and the frequency of his visits to Dalton Street increased. He
directed his steps thither sometimes hurriedly, as though pursued, as to
a haven from a storm. And a haven it was indeed! At all hours of the
day he came, and oftener in the night, in those first weeks, and if
Mr. Bentley were not at home the very sight of the hospitable old darky
brought surging up within him a sense of security, of, relief; the
library itself was filled with the peace of its owner. How many
others had brought their troubles here, had been lightened on the very
threshold of this sanctuary!
Gradually Hodder began to realize something of their numbers. Gradually,
as he was drawn more and more into the network of the relationships of
this extraordinary man,--nay, as he inevitably became a part of that
network,--a period of bewilderment ensued. He found himself involved,
and quite naturally, in unpremeditated activities, running errands,
forming human ties on a human basis. No question was asked, no
credentials demanded or rejected. Who he was made no difference--he was
a friend of Horace Bentley's. He had less time to read, less time to
think, to scan the veil of his future.
He had run through a score of volumes, critical, philosophical,
scientific, absorbing their contents, eagerly anticipating their
conclusions; filled, once he had begun, with a mania to destroy, a
savage determination to leave nothing,--to level all....
And now, save for the less frequent relapsing moods, he had grown
strangely unconcerned about his future, content to live in the presence
of this man; to ignore completely the aspects of a life incomprehensible
to the few, besides Mr. Bentley, who observed it.
What he now mostly felt was relief, if not a faint self-congratulation
that he had had the courage to go through with it, to know the worst.
And he was conscious even, at times, of a faint reviving sense of
freedom he had not known since the days at Bremerton. If the old dogmas
were false, why should he regret them? He began to see that, once he had
suspected their falsity, not to have investigated were to invite decay;
and he pictured himself growing more unctuous, apologetic, plausible.
He had, at any rate, escaped the more despicable fate, and if he went to
pieces now it would be as a man, looking the facts in the face,--not as
a coward and a hypocrite.
Late one afternoon, when he dropped in at Mr. Bentley's house, he was
informed by Sam that a lady was awaiting Mr. Bentley in the library. As
Hodder opened the door he saw a tall, slim figure of a woman with her
back toward him. She was looking at the photographs on the mantel.
It was Alison Parr!
He remembered now that she had asked for Mr. Bentley's number, but it
had never occurred to him that he might one day find her here. And as
she turned he surprised in her eyes a shyness he had never seen in them
before. Thus they stood gazing at each other a moment before either
spoke.
“Oh, I thought you were Mr. Bentley,” she said.
“Have you been waiting long?” he asked.
“Three quarters of an hour, but I haven't minded it. This is such an
interesting room, with its pictures and relics and books. It has a
soothing effect, hasn't it? To come here is like stepping out of the
turmoil of the modern world into a peaceful past.”
He was struck by the felicity of her description.
“You have been here before?” he asked.
“Yes.” She settled herself in the armchair; and Hodder, accepting the
situation, took the seat beside her. “Of course I came, after I had
found out who Mr. Bentley was. The opportunity to know him again--was
not to be missed.”
“I can understand that,” he assented.
“That is, if a child can even be said to know such a person as Mr.
Bentley. Naturally, I didn't appreciate him in those days--children
merely accept, without analyzing. And I have not yet been able to
analyze,--I can only speculate and consider.”
Her enthusiasm never failed to stir and excite Hodder. Nor would he have
thought it possible that a new value could be added to Mr. Bentley in
his eyes. Yet so it was.
He felt within him, as she spoke, the quickening of a stimulus.
“When I came in a little while ago,” Alison continued, “I found a woman
in black, with such a sweet, sad face. We began a conversation. She had
been through a frightful experience. Her husband had committed suicide,
her child had been on the point of death, and she says that she lies
awake nights now thinking in terror of what might have happened to
her if you and Mr. Bentley hadn't helped her. She's learning to be a
stenographer. Do you remember her?--her name is Garvin.”
“Did she say--anything more?” Hodder anxiously demanded.
“No,” said Alison, surprised by his manner, “except that Mr. Bentley
had found her a place to live, near the hospital, with a widow who was
a friend of his. And that the child was well, and she could look life
in the face again. Oh, it is terrible to think that people all around us
are getting into such straits, and that we are so indifferent to it!”
Hodder did not speak at once. He was wondering, now that she had renewed
her friendship with Mr. Bentley, whether certain revelations on her part
were not inevitable....
She was regarding him, and he was aware that her curiosity was aflame.
Again he wondered whether it were curiosity or--interest.
“You did not tell me, when we met in the Park, that you were no longer
at St. John's.”
“Did Mr. Bentley tell you?”
“No. He merely said he saw a great deal of you. Martha Preston told
me. She is still here, and goes to church occasionally. She was much
surprised to learn that you were in the city.
“I am still living in the parish house,” he said. “I am--taking my
vacation.”
“With Mr. Bentley?” Her eyes were still on his face.
“With Mr. Bentley,” he replied.
He had spoken without bitterness. Although there had indeed been
bitterness in his soul, it passed away in the atmosphere of Mr.
Bentley's house. The process now taking place in him was the same
complication of negative and positive currents he had felt in her
presence before. He was surprised to find that his old antipathy to
agnosticism held over, in her case; to discover, now, that he was by
no means, as yet, in view of the existence of Horace Bentley, to go the
full length of unbelief! On the other hand, he saw that she had divined
much of what had happened to him, and he felt radiating from her a
sympathetic understanding which seemed almost a claim. She had a claim,
although he could not have said of what it was constituted. Their
personal relationship bore responsibilities. It suddenly came over him,
in fact, that the two persons who in all the world were nearest him were
herself and Mr. Bentley! He responded, scarce knowing why he did so, to
the positive current.
“With Mr. Bentley,” he repeated, smiling, and meeting her eyes, “I have
been learning something about the actual conditions of life in a modern
city.”
She bent a little toward him in one of those spontaneous movements that
characterized her.
“Tell me--what is his life?” she asked. “I have seen so little of it,
and he has told me nothing himself. At first, in the Park, I saw only
a kindly old gentleman, with a wonderful, restful personality, who had
been a dear friend of my mother's. I didn't connect those boys with him.
But since then--since I have been here twice, I have seen other things
which make me wonder how far his influence extends.” She paused.
“I, too, have wondered,” said the rector, thoughtfully. “When I met
him, I supposed he were merely living in simple relationships with his
neighbours here in Dalton Street, but by degrees I have discovered that
his relationships are as wide as the city itself. And they have grown
naturally--by radiation, as it were. One incident has led to another,
one act of kindness to another, until now there seems literally no end
to the men and women with whom he is in personal touch, who are ready to
do anything in their power for him at any time. It is an institution,
in fact, wholly unorganized, which in the final analysis is one man. And
there is in it absolutely nothing of that element which has come to be
known as charity.”
Alison listened with parted lips.
“To give you an example,” he went on, gradually be coming fired by his
subject, by her absorption, “since you have mentioned Mrs. Garvin, I
will tell you what happened in that case. It is typical of many. It was
a question of taking care of this woman, who was worn out and crushed,
until she should recover sufficiently to take care of herself. Mr.
Bentley did not need any assistance from me to get the boy into the
hospital--Dr. Jarvis worships him. But the mother. I might possibly have
got her into an institutional home--Mr. Bentley did better than that,
far better. On the day of the funeral we went directly from the cemetery
to the house of a widow who owns a little fruit farm beyond the Park.
Her name is Bledsoe, and it is not an exaggeration to say that her
house, small as it is, contains an endowed room always at Mr. Bentley's
disposal.
“Mrs. Garvin is there now. She was received as a friend, as a guest--not
as an inmate, a recipient of charity. I shall never forget how that
woman ran out in the sun when she saw us coming, how proud she was to be
able to do this thing, how she ushered us into the little parlour, that
was all swept and polished, and how naturally and warmly she welcomed
the other woman, dazed and exhausted, and took her hat and veil and
almost carried her up the stairs. And later on I found out from Miss
Grower, who lives here, Mrs. Bledsoe's history. Eight or nine years ago
her husband was sent to prison for forgery, and she was left with four
small children, on the verge of a fate too terrible to mention. She was
brought to Mr. Bentley's attention, and he started her in life.
“And now Mrs. Garvin forms another link to that chain, which goes on
growing. In a month she will be earning her own living as stenographer
for a grain merchant whom Mr. Bentley set on his feet several years ago.
One thing has led to the next. And--I doubt if any neighbourhood could
be mentioned, north or south or west, or even in the business portion of
the city itself, where men and women are not to be found ready and
eager to do anything in their power for him. Of course there have been
exceptions, what might be called failures in the ordinary terminology of
charity, but there are not many.”
When he had finished she sat quite still, musing over what he had told
her, her eyes alight.
“Yes, it is wonderful,” she said at length, in a low voice. “Oh, I can
believe in that, making the world a better place to live in, making
people happier. Of course every one cannot be like Mr. Bentley, but all
may do their share in their own way. If only we could get rid of this
senseless system of government that puts a premium on the acquisition of
property! As it is, we have to depend on individual initiative. Even the
good Mr. Bentley does is a drop in the ocean compared to what might
be done if all this machinery--which has been invented, if all these
discoveries of science, by which the forces of an indifferent nature
have been harnessed, could be turned to the service of all mankind.
Think of how many Mrs. Garvins, of how many Dalton Streets there are in
the world, how many stunted children working in factories or growing up
into criminals in the slums! I was reading a book just the other day
on the effect of the lack of nutrition on character. We are breeding
a million degenerate citizens by starving them, to say nothing of the
effect of disease and bad air, of the constant fear of poverty that
haunts the great majority of homes. There is no reason why that fear
should not be removed, why the latest discoveries in medicine and
science should not be at the disposal of all.”
The genuineness of her passion was unmistakable. His whole being
responded to it.
“Have you always felt like this?” he asked.
“Like what?”
“Indignant--that so many people were suffering.”
His question threw her into reflection.
“Why, no,” she answered, at length, “I never thought----I see what you
mean. Four or five years ago, when I was going to socialist lectures, my
sense of all this--inequality, injustice was intellectual. I didn't get
indignant over it, as I do now when I think of it.”
“And why do you get indignant now?”
“You mean,” she asked, “that I have no right to be indignant, since I do
nothing to attempt to better conditions?--”
“Not at all,” Hodder disavowed. “Perhaps my question is too personal,
but I didn't intend it to be. I was merely wondering whether any event
or series of events had transformed a mere knowledge of these conditions
into feeling.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed, but not in offence. Once more she relapsed into
thought. And as he watched her, in silence, the colour that flowed and
ebbed in her cheeks registered the coming and going of memories; of
incidents in her life hidden from him, arousing in the man the torture
of jealousy. But his faculties, keenly alert, grasped the entire
field; marked once more the empirical trait in her that he loved her
unflinching willingness to submit herself to an experiment.
“I suppose so,” she replied at length, her thoughts naturally assuming
speech. “Yes, I can see that it is so. Yet my experience has not been
with these conditions with which Mr. Bentley, with which you have been
brought in contact, but with the other side--with luxury. Oh, I am sick
of luxury! I love it, I am not at all sure that I could do without it,
but I hate it, too, I rebel against it. You can't understand that.”
“I think I can,” he answered her.
“When I see the creatures it makes,” she cried, “I hate it. My
profession has brought me in such close contact with it that I rebelled
at last, and came out here very suddenly, just to get away from it
in the mass. To renew my youth, if I could. The gardens were only an
excuse. I had come to a point where I wanted to be quiet, to be alone,
to think, and I knew my father would be going away. So much of my
girlhood was spent in that Park that I know every corner of it, and
I--obeyed the impulse. I wanted to test it.”
“Yes,” he said, absorbed.
“I might have gone to the mountains or the sea, but some one would have
come and found me, and I should have been bound again--on the wheel.
I shouldn't have had the strength to resist. But here--have you ever
felt,” she demanded, “that you craved a particular locality at a certain
time?”
He followed her still.
“That is how I felt. These associations, that Park, the thought of my
girlhood, of my mother, who understood me as no one else has since,
assumed a certain value. New York became unbearable. It is just there,
in the very centre of our modern civilization, that one sees the
crudest passions. Oh, I have often wondered whether a man, however
disillusioned, could see New York as a woman sees it when the glamour
is gone. We are the natural prey of the conqueror still. We dream of
independence--”
She broke off abruptly.
This confession, with the sudden glimpse it gave him of the fires within
her that would not die down, but burned now more fiercely than ever,
sent the blood to his head. His face, his temples, were hot with the
fierceness of his joy in his conviction that she had revealed herself
to him. Why she had done so, he could not say... This was the woman
whom the world thought composed; who had triumphed over its opposition,
compelled it to bow before her; who presented to it that self-possessed,
unified personality by which he had been struck at their first meeting.
Yet, paradoxically, the personality remained,--was more elusive than
before. A thousand revelations, he felt, would not disclose it.
He was no nearer to solving it now.. Yet the fires burned! She, too,
like himself, was aflame and unsatisfied! She, too, had tasted success,
and had revolted!
“But I don't get anywhere,” she said wearily. “At times I feel this
ferment, this anger that things are as they are, only to realize what
helpless anger it is. Why not take the world as it appears and live and
feel, instead of beating against the currents?”
“But isn't that inconsistent with what you said awhile ago as to a new
civilization?” Hodder asked.
“Oh, that Utopia has no reality for me. I think it has, at moments, but
it fades. And I don't pretend to be consistent. Mr. Bentley lives in a
world of his own; I envy him with all my heart, I love and admire him,
he cheers and soothes me when I am with him. But I can't see--whatever
he sees. I am only aware of a remorseless universe grinding out its
destinies. We Anglo-Saxons are fond of deceiving ourselves about life,
of dressing it up in beautiful colours, of making believe that it
actually contains happiness. All our fiction reflects this--that is
why I never cared to read English or American novels. The Continental
school, the Russians, the Frenchmen, refuse to be deluded. They are
honest.”
“Realism, naturalism,” he mused, recalling a course in philosophy,
“one would expect the Russian, in the conditions under which he lives,
possessing an artistic temperament combined with a paralysis of the
initiative and a sense of fate, to write in that way. And the
Frenchmen, Renan, Zola, and the others who have followed, are equally
deterministic, but viewing the human body as a highly organized machine
with which we may amuse ourselves by registering its sensations. These
literatures are true in so far as they reflect the characteristics
of the nations from which they spring. That is not to say that the
philosophies of which they are the expressions are true. Nor is it to
admit that such a literature is characteristic of the spirit of America,
and can be applied without change to our life and atmosphere. We have
yet, I believe, to develop our own literature; which will come gradually
as we find ourselves.”
“Find ourselves?” she repeated.
“Yes. Isn't that what we are trying to do? We are not determinists or
fatalists, and to condemn us to such a philosophy would be to destroy
us. We live on hope. In spite of our apparent materialism, we are
idealists. And is it not possible to regard nature as governed by
laws--remorseless, if you like the word--and yet believe, with Kant and
Goethe, that there is an inner realm? You yourself struggle--you cling
to ideals.”
“Ideals!” she echoed. “Ideals are useless unless one is able to see, to
feel something beyond this ruthless mechanism by which we are surrounded
and hemmed in, to have some perception of another scheme. Why struggle,
unless we struggle for something definite? Oh, I don't mean heavenly
rewards. Nothing could be more insipid and senseless than the orthodox
view of the hereafter. I am talking about a scheme of life here and
now.”
“So am I,” answered Hodder. “But may there not be a meaning in this very
desire we have to struggle against the order of things as it appears to
us?”
“A meaning?”
“A little while ago you spoke of your indignation at the inequalities
and injustices of the world, and when I asked you if you had always felt
this, you replied that this feeling had grown upon you. My question is
this: whether that indignation would be present at all if it were not
meant to be turned into action.”
“You believe that an influence is at work, an influence that impels us
against our reason?”
“I should like to think so,” he said. “Why should so many persons be
experiencing such a feeling to-day, persons who, like yourself, are the
beneficiaries of our present system of privilege? Why should you, who
have every reason to be satisfied, materially, with things as they are,
be troubling yourself with thoughts of others who are less-fortunate?
And why should we have the spectacle, today, of men and women all over
this country in social work, in science and medicine and politics,
striving to better conditions while most of them might be much more
comfortable and luxurious letting well enough alone?”
“But it's human to care,” she objected.
“Ah--human!” he said, and was silent. “What do we mean by human, unless
it is the distinguishing mark of something within us that the natural
world doesn't possess? Unless it is the desire and willingness to strive
for a larger interest than the individual interest, work and suffer
for others? And you spoke of making people happier. What do you mean
by happiness? Not merely the possession of material comforts, surely.
I grant you that those who are overworked and underfed, who are burning
with the consciousness of wrongs, who have no outlook ahead, are
essentially hopeless and miserable. But by 'happiness' you, mean
something more than the complacency and contentment which clothing and
food might bring, and the removal of the economic fear,--and even the
restoration of self-respect.”
“That their lives should be fuller!” she exclaimed.
“That drudgery and despair should be replaced by interest and hope,” he
went on, “slavery by freedom. In other words, that the whole attitude
toward life should be changed, that life should appear a bright thing
rather than a dark thing, that labour should be willing vicarious
instead of forced and personal. Otherwise, any happiness worth having is
out of the question.”
She was listening now with parted lips, apparently unconscious of the
fixity of her gaze.
“You mean it is a choice between that or nothing,” she said, in a low
voice. “That there is no use in lifting people out of the treadmill--and
removing the terror of poverty unless you can give them something
more--than I have got.”
“And something more--than I have got,”--he was suddenly moved to
reply...
Presently, while the silence still held between them, the door opened
and startled them into reality. Mr. Bentley came in.
The old gentleman gave no sign, as they rose to meet him, of a sense of
tension in the atmosphere he had entered--yet each felt--somehow, that
he knew. The tension was released. The same thought occurred to both as
they beheld the peaceful welcome shining in his face, “Here is what we
are seeking. Why try to define it?”
“To think that I have been gossiping with Mrs. Meyer, while you were
waiting for me!” he said. “She keeps the little florist's shop at the
corner of Tower Street, and she gave me these. I little guessed what
good use I should have for them, my dear.”
He held out to her three fragrant, crimson roses that matched the
responsive colour in her cheeks as she thanked him and pinned them on
her gown. He regarded her an instant.
“But I'm sure Mr. Hodder has entertained you,” Mr. Bentley turned, and
laid his hand on the rector's shoulder.
“Most successfully,” said Alison, cutting short his protest. And she
smiled at Hodder, faintly.