I AM very much obliged to you, my dear Fanny, for your letter, and I
hope you will write again soon, that I may know you to be all safe and
happy at home.
Our visit to Hendon will interest you, I am sure; but I need not enter
into the particulars of it, as your papa will be able to answer almost
every question. I certainly could describe her bedroom and her drawers
and her closet better than he can, but I do not feel that I can stop to
do it. I was rather sorry to hear that she is to have an instrument; it
seems throwing money away. They will wish the twenty-four guineas in the
shape of sheets and towels six months hence; and as to her playing, it
never can be anything.
Her purple pelisse rather surprised me. I thought we had known all
paraphernalia of that sort. I do not mean to blame her; it looked very
well, and I dare say she wanted it. I suspect nothing worse than its
being got in secret, and not owned to anybody. I received a very kind
note from her yesterday, to ask me to come again and stay a night with
them. I cannot do it, but I was pleased to find that she had the power
of doing so right a thing. My going was to give them both pleasure very
properly.
I just saw Mr. Hayter at the play, and think his face would please me on
acquaintance. I was sorry he did not dine here. It seemed rather odd to
me to be in the theatre with nobody to watch for. I was quite composed
myself, at leisure for all the agitated Isabella could raise.
Now, my dearest Fanny, I will begin a subject which comes in very
naturally. You frighten me out of my wits by your reference. Your
affection gives me the highest pleasure, but indeed you must not let
anything depend on my opinion; your own feelings, and none but your own,
should determine such an important point. So far, however, as answering
your question, I have no scruple. I am perfectly convinced that your
present feelings, supposing that you were to marry now, would be
sufficient for his happiness; but when I think how very, very far it is
from a "now," and take everything that may be into consideration, I dare
not say, "Determine to accept him;" the risk is too great for you,
unless your own sentiments prompt it.
You will think me perverse, perhaps; in my last letter I was urging
everything in his favor, and now I am inclining the other way, but I
cannot help it; I am at present more impressed with the possible evil
that may arise to you from engaging yourself to him--in word or
mind--than with anything else. When I consider how few young men you
have yet seen much of, how capable you are (yes, I do still think you
very capable) of being really in love, and how full of temptation the
next six or seven years of your life will probably be (it is the very
period of life for the strongest attachments to be formed),--I cannot
wish you, with your present very cool feelings, to devote yourself in
honor to him. It is very true that you never may attach another man his
equal altogether; but if that other man has the power of attaching you
more, he will be in your eyes the most perfect.
I shall be glad if you can revive past feelings, and from your unbiassed
self resolve to go on as you have done, but this I do not expect; and
without it I cannot wish you to be fettered. I should not be afraid of
your marrying him; with all his worth you would soon love him enough for
the happiness of both; but I should dread the continuance of this sort
of tacit engagement, with such an uncertainty as there is of when it may
be completed. Years may pass before he is independent; you like him well
enough to marry, but not well enough to wait; the unpleasantness of
appearing fickle is certainly great; but if you think you want
punishment for past illusions, there it is, and nothing can be compared
to the misery of being bound without love,--bound to one, and preferring
another; that is a punishment which you do not deserve.
I know you did not meet, or rather will not meet, to-day, as he called
here yesterday; and I am glad of it. It does not seem very likely, at
least, that he should be in time for a dinner visit sixty miles off. We
did not see him, only found his card when we came home at four. Your
Uncle H. merely observed that he was a day after "the fair." We asked
your brother on Monday (when Mr. Hayter was talked of) why he did not
invite him too; saying, "I know he is in town, for I met him the other
day in Bond St." Edward answered that he did not know where he was to be
found. "Don't you know his chambers?" "No."
I shall be most glad to hear from you again, my dearest Fanny, but it
must not be later than Saturday, as we shall be off on Monday long
before the letters are delivered; and write something that may do to be
read or told. I am to take the Miss Moores back on Saturday, and when I
return I shall hope to find your pleasant little flowing scrawl on the
table. It will be a relief to me after playing at ma'ams, for though I
like Miss H. M. as much as one can at my time of life after a day's
acquaintance, it is uphill work to be talking to those whom one knows so
little.
Only one comes back with me to-morrow, probably Miss Eliza, and I rather
dread it. We shall not have two ideas in common. She is young, pretty,
chattering, and thinking chiefly, I presume, of dress, company, and
admiration. Mr. Sanford is to join us at dinner, which will be a
comfort, and in the evening, while your uncle and Miss Eliza play chess,
he shall tell me comical things and I will laugh at them, which will be
a pleasure to both.
I called in Keppel Street and saw them all, including dear Uncle
Charles, who is to come and dine with us quietly to-day. Little Harriot
sat in my lap, and seemed as gentle and affectionate as ever, and as
pretty, except not being quite well. Fanny is a fine stout girl, talking
incessantly, with an interesting degree of lisp and indistinctness, and
very likely may be the handsomest in time. Cassy did not show more
pleasure in seeing me than her sisters, but I expected no better. She
does not shine in the tender feelings. She will never be a Miss O'Neil,
more in the Mrs. Siddons line.
Thank you, but it is not settled yet whether I do hazard a second
edition. We are to see Egerton to-day, when it will probably be
determined. People are more ready to borrow and praise than to buy,
which I cannot wonder at; but though I like praise as well as anybody, I
like what Edward calls "Pewter" too. I hope he continues careful of his
eyes, and finds the good effect of it. I cannot suppose we differ in our
ideas of the Christian religion. You have given an excellent description
of it. We only affix a different meaning to the word _evangelical_.
Yours most affectionately,
J. AUSTEN.
Miss KNIGHT,
Godmersham Park, Faversham, Kent.