They are very proud of their beef here, and it is very good; for they

possess all the best English breeds, both here and across the river in

Kentucky. They stall-feed very fat, no doubt; but though generally very

good, I have never, in any part of the States, tasted beef equal to the

best in England. All the fat is on the outside; it is never marbled as

the best beef is with us. The price is very moderate, being about

fourpence a pound.

Monongahela whisky is a most important article of manufacture in the

neighbourhood, being produced annually to the value of 560,000l. There

are forty-four foundries, one-third of which are employed in the

stove-trade; as many as a thousand stoves have been made in one day. The

value of foundry products is estimated at 725,000l. annually.

If commerce be the true wealth and prosperity of a nation, there never

was a nation in the history of the world that possessed by nature the

advantages which this country enjoys. Take the map, and look at the

position of this city; nay, go two hundred miles higher up, to Marietta.

From that port, which is nearly two thousand miles from the ocean, the

"Muskingum," a barque of three hundred and fifty tons, went laden with

provisions, direct to Liverpool, in 1845, and various other vessels have

since that time been built at Cincinnati; one, a vessel of eight hundred

and fifty tons, called the "Minnesota:" in short, there is quite an

active business going on; shipbuilders from Maine coming here to carry

on their trade--wood, labour, and lodging being much cheaper than on

the Eastern coast.

It is now time to continue our journey, and as the water is high enough,

we will embark on the "Ohio," and steam away to Louisville. The place

you embark from is called the levee: and as all the large towns on the

river have a levee, I may as well explain the term at once. It is

nothing more nor less than the sloping off of the banks of a river, and

then paving them, by which operation two objects are gained:--first, the

banks are secured from the inroads of the stream; secondly, the boats

are thereby enabled at all times to land passengers and cargo with

perfect facility. These levees extend the whole length of the town, and

are lined with steamers of all kinds and classes, but all built on a

similar plan; and the number of them gives sure indication of the

commercial activity of Cincinnati. When a steamer is about to start,

book-pedlers crowd on board with baskets full of their--generally

speaking--trashy ware. Sometimes these pedlers are grown-up men, but

generally boys about twelve or fourteen years of age. On going up to one

of these latter, what was my astonishment to find in his basket, volume

after volume of publications such as Holywell-street scarce ever dared

to exhibit; these he offered and commended with the most unblushing

effrontery. The first lad having such a collection, I thought I would

look at the others, to see if their baskets were similarly supplied; I

found them all alike without exception, I then became curious to know if

these debauched little urchins found any purchasers, and, to ascertain

the fact, I ensconced myself among some of the freight, and watched one

of them. Presently a passenger came up, and these books were brought to

his notice: he looked cautiously round, and, thinking himself

unobserved, he began to examine them. The lad, finding the bait had

taken, then looked cautiously round on his side, and stealthily drew two

more books from his breast, evidently of the same kind, and it is

reasonable to suppose infinitely worse. After a careful examination of

the various volumes, the passenger pulled out his purse, paid his money,

and walked off with eight of these Holywell-street publications, taking

them immediately into his cabin. I saw one or two more purchasers,

before I left my concealment. And now I may as well observe, that the

sale of those works is not confined to one place; wherever I went on

board a steamer, I was sure to find boys with baskets of books, and

among them many of the kind above alluded to. In talking to an American

gentleman on this subject, he told me that it was indeed but too common

a practice, although by law nominally prohibited; and he further added,

that once asking a vendor why he had such blackguard books which nobody

would buy, he took up one of the worst, and said, "Why, sir, this book

is so eagerly sought after, that I have the utmost difficulty in keeping

up the requisite supply." It is a melancholy reflection, that in a

country where education is at every one's door, and poverty at no one's,

such unblushing exhibitions of immorality should exist.

We embarked in the "Lady Franklin," and were soon "floating down the

river of the O-hi-o." The banks are undulating, and prettily

interspersed with cottage villas, which peep out from the woods, and are

clotted about the more cultivated parts; but, despite this, the dreary

mantle of winter threw a cold churlishness over everything. The boat I

shall describe hereafter, when I have seen more of them, for their

general features are the same; but there was a specimen of the fair sex

on board, to whom I must introduce you, as I may never see her like

again.

The main piece was the counterpart of a large steamer's funnel cut off

at about four feet two inches high, a most perfect cylinder, and of a

dark greyish hue: a sombre coloured riband supported a ditto coloured

apron. If asked where this was fastened, I suppose she would have

replied, "Round the waist, to be sure;" yet, if Lord Rosse's telescope

had been applied, no such break in the smooth surface of the cylinder

could have been descried. The arms hung down on either side like the

funnel of a cabin stove, exciting the greatest wonder and the liveliest

curiosity to know how the skin of the shoulder obtained the elasticity

requisite to exhibit such a phenomenon. On the top of the cylinder was

a beautifully polished ebony pedestal, about two inches high on one

side, tapering away to nothing at the other, so that whatever might be

placed thereon, would lie at an angle of forty-five degrees. This

pedestal did duty for a neck; and upon it was placed a thing which,

viewed as a whole, resembled a demijohn. The lower part was pillowed on

the cylinder, no gleam of light ever penetrating between the two. Upon

the upper surface, at a proper distance from the extremity, two lips

appeared, very like two pieces of raw beefsteak picked up off a dusty

road.

While wrapt in admiration of this interesting spot, the owner thereof

was seized with a desire to yawn, to obtain which luxury it was

requisite to throw back the demijohn into nearly a horizontal line, so

as to relieve the lower end from its pressure on the cylinder. The aid

of both hands was called in to assist in supporting her intellectual

depository. This feat accomplished, a roseate gulf was revealed, which

would have made the stout heart of Quintus Curtius quail ere he took the

awful plunge. Time or contest had removed the ivory obstructions in the

centre, but the shores on each side of the gulf were terrifically

iron-bound, and appeared equal to crushing the hardest granite; the

shinbone of an ox would have been to her like an oyster to ordinary

mortals. She revelled in this luxurious operation so long, that I began

to fear she was suffering from the antipodes to a lockjaw, and that she

was unable to close the chasm; but at last the demijohn rose slowly and

solemnly from the horizontal, the gulf gradually closed until, obtaining

the old angle of forty-five degrees, the two dusty pieces of beefsteak

once more stood sentry over the abyss. Prosecuting my observations along

the upper surface, I next came to the proboscis, which suggested the

idea of a Bologna sausage after a passage through a cotton-press. Along

the upper part, the limits were invisible, so beautifully did it blend

with the sable cheek on each side; but the lower part seemed to have

been outside the press during the process, and therefore to have

obtained unusual rotundity, thanks to which two nostrils appeared, which

would, for size, have excited the envy of the best bred Arab that was

ever foaled; and the division between them was nearly equal to that of

the horse. I longed to hear her sneeze; it must have been something

quite appallingly grand. Continuing my examination, I was forced to the

conclusion that the poor delicate creature was bilious; for the dark

eyes gleamed from their round yellow beds like pieces of cannel-coal set

in a gum-cistus. The forehead was a splendid prairie of flat table-land,

beyond which stretched a jungle of curly locks, like horse-hair ready

picked for stuffing sofas, and being tied tightly round near the apex,

the neck of the bottle was formed, and the demijohn complete.

[Illustration: STEWARDESS OF "THE LADY FRANKLIN"]

I was very curious to see this twenty-five stone sylph in motion, and

especially anxious to have an opportunity of examining the pedestals by

which she was supported and set in motion. After a little patience, I

was gratified to a certain extent, as the stately mass was summoned to

her duties. By careful observation, I discovered the pedestals resembled

flounders, out of which grew, from their centre, two cylinders, the

ankles deeply imbedded therein, and in no way disturbing the smooth

surface. All higher information was of course wrapt in the mystery of

conjecture; but from the waddling gait and the shoulders working to and

fro at every step, the concealed cylinders doubtless increased in size

to such an extent, that the passing one before the other was a task of

considerable difficulty; and if the motion was not dignified, it was

imposingly slow, and seemed to call all the energies of the various

members into action to accomplish its end. Even the demijohn rolled as

if it were on a pivot, nodding grandly as the mighty stewardess of the

"Franklin" proceeded to obey the summons. I watched her receding form,

and felt that I had never before thoroughly realized the meaning of an

"armsful of joy," and I could not but wonder who was the happy possessor

of this great blessing.

Ibrahim Pacha, when in England, was said to have had an intense desire

to purchase two ladies, one aristocratic, the other horticultural, the

solidity of these ladies being their great point of attraction in his

estimation. Had he but seen my lovely stewardess, I am sure he would

instantly have given up negotiations for both, could he thereby have

hoped to obtain such a massive treasure as the "Sylph of the

'Franklin.'"

FOOTNOTES:

[Footnote J: Since I was there, General Cadwallader has taken the place

into his own hands.]

[Footnote K: In case the expression is new to the reader, I beg to

inform him that to "whittle" is to cut little chips of wood--if, when

the fit comes on, no stick is available, the table is sometimes operated

on.]

[Footnote L: I believe the plan of making the canal-boats in sections is

original; but the idea of dragging them up inclines to avoid expenses of

lockage, &c., is of old date, having been practised as far back as 1792,

upon a canal in the neighbourhood of Colebrook Dale, where the boats

were raised by stationary engines up two inclines, one of 207 feet, and

the other of 126 feet. I believe this is the first instance of the

adoption of this plan, and the engineers were Messrs. Reynolds and

Williams. The American inclines being so much greater, the dividing the

boat into sections appears to me an improvement.]

CHAPTER IX.

_Scenes Ashore and Afloat_.

A trip on a muddy river, whose banks are fringed with a leafless forest

resembling a huge store of Brobdignagian stable brooms, may be

favourable to reflection; but, if description be attempted, there is

danger lest the brooms sweep the ideas into the muddy water of dulness.

Out of consideration therefore to the reader, we will suppose ourselves

disembarked at Louisville, with the intention of travelling inland to

visit the leviathan wonder--the would-be rival to Niagara,--yclept "The

Mammoth Cave." Its distance from Louisville is ninety-five miles. There

is no such thing as a relay of horses to be met with--at all events, it

is problematical; therefore, as the roads were execrable, we were

informed it would take us two long days, and our informant strongly

advised us to go by the mail, which only employs twenty-one hours to

make the ninety-five miles' journey. There was no help for it; so, with

a sigh of sad expectation, I resigned myself to my fate, of which I had

experienced a short foretaste on my way to Pittsburg. I then inquired

what lions the town offered to interest a traveller. I found there was

little in that way, unless I wished to go through the pig-killing,

scalding, and cutting process again; but stomach and imagination

rebelled at the bare thought of a second edition of the bloody scene, so

I was fain to content myself with the novelty of the tobacco pressing;

and, as tobacco is the favourite _bonbon_ of the country, I may as well

describe the process which the precious vegetable goes through ere it

mingles with the human saliva.

A due admixture of whites and blacks assemble together, and, damping the

tobacco, extract all the large stems and fibres, which are then

carefully laid aside ready for export to Europe, there to be cooked up

for the noses of monarchs, old maids, and all others who aspire to the

honour and glory of carrying a box--not forgetting those who carry it in

the waistcoat-pocket, and funnel it up the nose with a goose-quill. How

beautifully simple and unanswerable is the oft-told tale, of the reply

of a testy old gentleman who hated snuff as much as a certain elderly

person is said to hate holy-water--when offered a pinch by an

"extensive" young man with an elaborate gold-box. "Sir," said the

indignant patriarch, "I never take the filthy stuff! If the Almighty had

intended my nostrils for a dust-pan, he would have turned them the other

way."--But I wander from the subject. We will leave the fibre to find

its way to Europe and its noses, and follow the leaf to America and its

mouths. In another apartment niggers and whites re-pick the fibres out

more carefully, and then roll up the pure loaf in a cylindrical shape,

according to the measure provided for the purpose. It is then taken to

another apartment, and placed in duly prepared compartments under a

strong screw-press, by which operation it is transformed from a loose

cylinder to a well squashed parallelogram. It is hard work, and the

swarthy descendants of Ham look as if they were in a vapour-bath, and

doubtless bedew the leaf with superfluous heat.

After the first pressing, it goes to a more artistic old negro, who,

with two buckets of water--one like pea-soup, the other as dark as if

some of his children had been boiled down in it--and armed with a sponge

of most uninviting appearance, applies these liquids with most

scientific touch, thereby managing to change the colour, and marble it,

darken it, or lighten it, so as to suit the various tastes. This

operation completed, and perspiring negroes screwing down frantically,

it is forced into the box prepared for its reception, which is imbedded

in a strong iron-bound outer case during the process, to prevent the

more fragile one from bursting under the pressure. All this over, and

the top fixed, a master-painter covers it with red and black paint,

recording its virtues and its charms. What a pity it could not lie in

its snug bed for ever! But, alas! fate and the transatlantic Anglo-Saxon

have decreed otherwise. Too short are its slumbers, too soon it bursts

again, to suffer fresh pressure under the molars of the free and

enlightened, and to fall in filthy showers over the length and breadth

of the land, deluging every house and every vehicle to a degree that

must be seen to be believed, and filling the stranger with much wonder,

but far more disgust. I really think it must be chewing tobacco which

makes the Americans so much more restless, so much more like armadillos

than any other nation. It often has excited my wonder, how the more

intelligent and civilized portion of the community, who do not generally

indulge in the loathsome practice, can reconcile themselves to the

annoyance of it as kindly as they do. Habit and necessity are powerful

masters.

Having finished this exhibition--which, by the way, kept me sneezing all

the time--I went next to see a steam sawing, planing, and fitting mill.

Labour being very expensive, these establishments are invaluable here;

such an establishment as I saw could supply, from the raw wood in logs,

all the doors and window-frames of "Stafford House" in three days,

barring the polish and paint. If Mr. Cubitt is not up to this machinery,

this hint may be the means of making his fortune double itself in

"quarter-less no time."[M] As we knew that our journey to-morrow must be

inexpressibly tedious, we beat an early retreat, requesting a cup of hot

tea or coffee might be ready for us half an hour before our departure.

Poor simple creatures that we were, to expect such a thing! The free and

enlightened get their breakfast after being two hours _en route_, and

can do without anything before starting--_ergo_, we must do the same:

thus, though there were literally servants enough in the house to form a

substantial militia regiment, a cup of tea was impossible to be obtained

for love or money. All we had for it was to bury our disappointment in

sleep.

Soon after three the next morning we were roused from our slumbers, and,

finishing our toilet, cheered our insides with an unadulterated draught

from the Ohio. All outside the door was dark, cheerless, solitary, and

still. Presently the silence was broken by some violent puffs from a

penny trumpet. "Dat's de mayle, massa," said a nigger in the hall,

accompanying his observation with a mysterious grin, evidently meant to

convey the idea, "You'll have enough of her before you've done." Up she

came to the door--I believe, by custom if not by grammar, a man-of-war

and a mail-coach are shes--a heavy, lumbering machine, with springs,

&c., apparently intended for scaling the Rocky Mountains. The inside

was about three feet broad and five feet long, and was intended for the

convenience (?) of nine people, the three who occupied the centre seat

having a moveable leather strap to support their backs. Outside, there

was one seat by the coachman; and if the correspondence was not great,

three more might sit behind the coachman, in all the full enjoyment of a

splendidly cramped position. The sides of the carriage were made of

leather, and fitted with buttons, for the purpose of opening in summer.

Being a nasty drizzling morning, we got inside, with our two servants,

and found we had it all to ourselves. "I am sure this is comfortable

enough," observed my companion, who was one of the mildest and most

contented of human beings. "Too good to last long," thought I.

The penny trumpet sounds, and off we go--not on our journey, but all

over the town to the different hotels, to pick up live freight. I

heartily hoped they might all oversleep themselves that morning. Alas!

no such luck. Jonathan and a weasel are two animals that are very rarely

caught napping. Passengers kept coming in until we were six, and

"comfortable enough" became a misnomer. A furious blast of the tin tube,

with a few spicy impromptu variations, portended something important,

and, as we pulled up, we saw it was the post-office; but, murder of

murders! we saw four more passengers! One got up outside; another was

following; Jarvey stopped him, with--"I guess there aint no room up here

for you; the mail's a-coming here." The door opened,--the three damp

bodkins in line commenced their assault,--the last came between my

companion and myself, I could not see much of him, it was so dark;

but--woe is me!--there are other senses besides sight, and my

unfortunate nostrils drank in a most foetid polecatty odour, ever

increasing as he drew nearer and nearer. Room to sit there was none;

but, at the blast of the tube, the rattle over the pitty pavement soon

shook the obnoxious animal down between us, squeezing the poisonous

exhalation out of him at each successive jolt. As dawn rose, we saw he

was a German, and doubtless the poor fellow was very hard-up for money,

and had been feeding for some time past on putrid pork. As for his hide

and his linen, it would have been an unwarrantable tax upon his memory

to have asked him when they had last come in contact with soap and

water. My stomach felt like the Bay of Biscay in an equinoctial gale,

and I heartily wished I could have dispensed with the two holes at the

bottom of my nose. I dreaded asking how far he was going; but another

passenger--under the influence of the human nosegay he was constrained

to inhale--summed up the courage to pop the question, and received a

reply which extinguished in my breast the last flickering ray of Hope's

dim taper--"Sair, I vosh go to Nashveele." Only conceive the horror of

being squashed into such a neighbour for twenty-one long hours, and over

a road that necessarily kept jerking the unwashed and polecatty head

into your face ten times in a minute! Who that has bowels of compassion

but must commiserate me in such "untoward circumstances?"

Although we had left the hotel at four, it was five before we left the

town, and about seven before we unpacked for breakfast, nine miles out

of town. The stench of my neighbour had effectually banished all idea of

eating or drinking from my mind; so I walked up and down outside,

smoking my cigar, and thinking "What can I do?" At last, the bright idea

struck me--I will get in next time with my cigar; what if we are nine

herrings in the barrel?--everybody smokes in this country--they won't

object--and I think, by keeping the steam well up, I can neutralize a

little of the polecat. So when the time came for starting, I got my big

cigar-case, &c., out on my knees--as getting at your pockets, when once

packed, was impossible--and entering boldly with my weed at high

pressure, down I sat. We all gradually shook into our places. Very soon

a passenger looked me steadily in the face; he evidently was going to

speak; I quailed inwardly, dreading he was going to object to the smell

of smoke. Oh, joyous sight! a cigar appeared between his fingers, and

the re-assuring words came forth--"A light, sir, if you please." I never

gave one more readily in my life. Gradually, passenger after passenger

produced cigars; the aroma filled the coach, and the fragrance of the

weed triumphed over the foetor of the polecat. Six insides out of nine

hard at it, and four of them with knock-me-down Virginia tobacco, the

single human odour could not contend against such powerful odds; as well

might a musquito sneeze against thunder. I always loved a cigar; but

here I learnt its true value in a desperate emergency.

On we went, puffing, pumping, and jolting, till at last we came to a

stand on the banks of a river. As there was a reasonable probability of

the mail shooting into the stream on its descent, we were told to get

out, on doing which we found ourselves pleasantly situated about a foot

deep in mud; the mail got down safe into an open ferry-boat with two

oars, and space for passengers before the horses or behind the coach.

The ferry was but for a few minutes, and we then had to ascend another

bank of mud, at the top of which we retook our seats in the mail,

bringing with us in the aggregate, about a hundredweight of fine clay

soil, with which additional cargo we continued our journey. One o'clock

brought us to Elizabeth Town, and dinner; the latter was very primitive,

tough, and greasy.

Once more we entered our cells, and continued our route, the bad road

getting worse and worse, rarely allowing us to go out of a walk. Two of

our fellow-passengers managed to make themselves as offensive as

possible. They seemed to be travelling bagmen of the lowest class.

Conversation they had none, but by way of appearing witty, they kept

repeating over and over again some four or five stories, laughing at one

another's tales, which were either blasphemous or beastly--so much so,

that I would most willingly have compounded for two more human polecats

in lieu of them. I must say, that although all classes mix together in

public conveyances, this was the first time I had ever found people

conduct themselves in so disgusting a manner. We soon came to another

river, and getting out, enjoyed a second mud walk, bringing in with us

as before a rich cargo of clay soil; and after a continuous and

increasing jolting, which threatened momentary and universal

dislocation, we arrived, after a drive of twenty-one hours, at our

journey's end--i.e., at "Old Bell's," so called from the proprietor of

the inn. Here we were to pass the night, or rather the remainder of it,

the mail going on to Nashville, and taking our foetid bodkin on with it.

But, alas! the two more disagreeable passengers before alluded to

remained, as they had suddenly made up their minds to stay and visit the

Mammoth Cave.

Old Bell is a venerable specimen of seventy odd years of age, and has

been here, I believe, half a century nearly. One of his daughters, I am

told, is very pretty. She is married to a senator of the United States,

and keeps one of the most agreeable houses in Washington. The old

gentleman is said to be worth some money, but he evidently is determined

to die in harness. As regularly as the mail arrives, about one in the

morning, so regularly does he turn out and welcome the passengers with a

glass of mixed honey, brandy, and water. The beverage and the donor

reminded me forcibly of "Old Crerer," and the "Athole Brose," with which

he always welcomed those who visited him in his Highland cottage. Having

got beds to ourselves--after repeated requests to roost two in a nest,

as the house was small--I soon tumbled into my lair, and in the blessed

forgetfulness of sleep the miseries of the day became mingled with the

things that were. The next morning, after breakfast, we got a conveyance

to take the party over to the Cave, a distance of seven miles. One may

really say there is no road. For at least one half of the way there is

nothing but a rugged track of rock and roots of trees, ever threatening

the springs of the carriage and the limbs of the passenger with

frightful fractures. However, by walking over the worst of it, you

protect the latter and save the former, thus rendering accidents of rare

occurrence.

The hotel is a straggling building, chiefly ground floor, and with a

verandah all round. The air is deliriously pure, and in summer it must

be lovely. It is situated on a plateau, from the extremity of which the

bank descends to the Green River. On both sides is the wild forest, and

round the giant trunks the enamoured vine twines itself with the

affectionate pertinacity of a hungry boa-constrictor, and boars its head

in triumph to the topmost branches. But vegetable life is not like a

Venus who, "when unadorned, is adorned the most;" and, the forest having

cast off its summer attire, presents an uninviting aspect in the cold

nudity of winter. When the virgin foliage of spring appears, and ripens

into the full verdure of summer, the shade of these banks must be

delicious; the broad-leaved and loving vine extending its matrimonial

embrace as freely and universally through the forest as Joe Smith and

his brethren do theirs among the ladies at the Salt Lake; and when

autumn arrives, with those gorgeous glowing tints unknown to the Old

World, the scene must be altogether lovely; then the admirer of nature,

floating between the banks on the light-green bosom of the stream below,

and watching the ever-changing tints, as the sun dropped softly into his

couch in the west, would enjoy a feast that memory might in vain try to

exhaust itself in recalling.

There are guides appointed who provide lanterns and torches for visitors

who wish to examine the Mammoth Cave; and its interior is such a

labyrinth, that, without their aid, the task would be a dangerous one.

Rough clothing is provided at the hotel, the excursion being one of

scramble and difficulty.

Thus prepared, we started on our exploring expedition, passing at the

entry the remnants of old saltpetre works, which were established here

during the struggle at New Orleans. The extent of this cave would render

a detail tedious, as there are comparatively few objects of interest.

The greatest marvel is a breed of small white fish without eyes, several

of which are always to be seen. Like all similar places, it varies in

size in the most arbitrary manner. At one minute you are struggling for

space, and suddenly you emerge upon a Gothic-looking hall, full of

gracefully pendent stalactites. Again you proceed along corridors, at

one time lofty, at another threatening your head, if pride do not give

way to humility. Then you come to rivers, of which there are two. At one

time you are rowing under a magnificent vault, and then, anon, you are

forced to lie flat down in the boat, or leave your head behind you, as

you float through a passage, the roof whereof grazes the gunwale of the

boat. My guide informed me that there was a peculiarity in these rivers

nobody could satisfactorily account for, viz., that the more it rained,

the lower these waters fell. I expect the problem resembled that which

is attributed to King Charles, viz., "How it was, that if a dead fish

was put into a vessel full of water it immediately overflowed, but that,

if a live fish was put in, it did not do so;" and I have some suspicion

the solution is the same in both cases. Among other strange places, is

one which rejoices in the name of "Fat Man's Misery." At one minute the

feet get fixed as in the stocks; at another, the upper portion of the

body is called upon to make a right angle with the lower; even then, a

projecting point of the rock above will sometimes prod you upon the

upturned angle, in endeavouring to save which, by a too rapid act of

humility, you knock all the skin off the more vulnerable knee. Emerging

from this difficulty, and, perhaps, rising too hastily, a crack on the

head closes your eyes, filling them with a vision of forked lightning.

Recovering from this agreeable sensation, you find a gap like the edge

of a razor, in going through which, you feel the buttons of your

waistcoat rubbing against your backbone. It certainly would be no bad

half-hour's recreation to watch a rotund Lord Mayor, followed by a court

of aldermen to match, forcing their way through this pass after a turtle

dinner.

The last place I shall mention is the one which, to me, afforded the

greatest pleasure: it is a large hall, in which, after being placed in a

particular position, the guide retires to a distance, taking with him

all the lights; and knowing by experience what portion of them to

conceal, bids you, when he is ready, look overhead. In a few seconds it

has the appearance of the sky upon a dark night; but, as the eye becomes

accustomed to the darkness, small spots are seen like stars; and they

keep increasing till the vaulted roof has the appearance of a lovely

star-light night. I never saw a more pleasing or perfect illusion. It

would be difficult to estimate correctly the size of the Mammoth Cave.

The American gazetteers say it extends ten or twelve miles, and has

lateral branches, which, altogether, amount to forty miles. It is, I

imagine, second in size only to the Cacuhuainilpa, in Mexico, which, if

the accounts given are accurate, would take half a dozen such as the

Mammoth inside. I fear it is almost superfluous to inform the reader,

that the Anglo-Saxon keeps up his unenviable character for disfiguring

every place he visits; and you consequently see the names of Smith,

Brown, Snooks, &c., smoked on the rocks in all directions--an

appropriate sooty record of a barbarous practice.[N]

Having enjoyed two days in exploring this "gigantic freak of Nature,"

we commenced our return about half-past four in the afternoon, so as to

get over the break-neck track before dark. Old Bell[O] welcomed us as

usual with his honey, brandy, and water. He then prepared us some

dinner, as we wished to snatch a few hours' sleep before commencing our

return to Louisville, with its twenty-one hours of pleasure. About

half-past ten at night, a blast in the breeze, mixed with a confused

slushy sound, as sixteen hoofs plashed in the mud, rang the knell in our

ears, "Your time has come!" I anxiously looked as the mail pulled up in

the middle of the road opposite to the door--they always allow the

passengers the privilege of wading through the mud to the door of the

inn--to see if by any chance it was empty, having been told that but few

people comparatively travelled the back route--no wonder, if they could

help it. Alas! the steam on the window announced, with fatal certainty,

some humanities inside. The door opened; out they came, one, two, three,

four. It was a small coach, with three seats, having only space for two

persons on each, thus leaving places inside for my friend and myself.

"Any room outside, there?"

"Room for one, sir!"

There was no help for it, and we were therefore obliged to leave one

servant behind, to follow next night.

Horses changed, honey-toddy all drank, in we got into the centre seat.

"What is this all round?" "Thick drugget, sir; they nail it round in

winter to keep the cold out."--Thank Heaven, it is only nailed at the

bottom. Suffocation began; down goes my window. Presently a

sixteen-stone kind of overgrown Pickwickian "Fat Boy," sitting opposite

me, exclaims aloud, with a polar shudder, "Ugh! it's very cold!" and

finding I was inattentive, he added, "Don't you find it very cold?" "Me,

sir? I'm nearly fainting from heat," I replied; and then, in charity, I

lent him a heavy full-sized Inverness plaid, in which he speedily

enveloped his fat carcass. What with the plaids, and his five inches

deep of fat, his bones must have been in a vapour bath. The other

_vis-à-vis_ was a source of uneasiness to me on a different score. He

kept up a perpetual expectorating discharge; and, as my open window

was the only outlet, and it did not come that way, I naturally felt

anxious for my clothes. Daylight gradually dawned upon the scene, and

then the ingenuity of my friend was made manifest in a way calculated to

move any stomach not hardened by American travelling. Whenever he had

expressed the maximum quantity of juice from the tobacco, the drugget

lining was moved sufficiently for him to discharge his cargo against the

inside of the carriage; after which, the drugget was replaced, and the

effect of the discharge concealed thereby. This drugget lining must have

been invaluable to him; for upon another occasion, it did duty for a

pocket-handkerchief. I must say, that when I saw the otherwise

respectable appearance of the culprit, his filthy practices astounded

me. Behind us were two gentlemen who were returning to Louisville, and

whom we found very agreeable.

We stopped for breakfast at a wayside pot-house sort of place; but,

before feasting, we wanted to wash ourselves. The conveniences for that

purpose were a jug, a basin, and a piece of soap, on a bench in the open

court, which, as it was raining pretty smartly, was a very ingenious

method of dissuasion, particularly as your pocket-handkerchief, or the

sleeve of your shirt, had to supply the place of a towel. The meal was

as dissuasive as the washing arrangements, and I was glad when the

trumpet summoned us to coach. I made an effort to sleep, for which

purpose I closed my eyes, but in vain; however, the expectorating

_vis-à-vis,_ who was also a chilly bird, thought he had caught me

napping, and said to his fat neighbour,--"I say, the old gentleman's

asleep, pull up the window." The fat 'un did so, and I kept perfectly

quiet. In a few minutes I began to breathe heavily, and then, awaking as

it were with a groan, I complained of suffocation, and, dashing down the

window, poked out my head and panted for fresh air: they were very civil

all the rest of the journey, and never asked for the window to be shut

again. In the course of the day, I found out that the fat boy opposite

was connected with a circus company, and from him I gleaned something of

their history, which I hope may not be uninteresting to the reader.

Each company has a puffer, or advertiser, who is sent on a week before

the company, to get bills printed, and see them posted up and

distributed to the best advantage, in the places at which the company

intend to perform. This was the fat boy's occupation, and for it he

received eight pounds a month and his travelling expenses.

His company consisted of seventy-five bipeds and one hundred and

twenty-five quadrupeds. Of the bipeds, twelve were performers, two being

women; the pay varied from sixteen pounds a month to the chief Amazonian

lady, down as low as five pounds a month to the least efficient of the

corps. They work all the year round, sucking their cents from the North

in summer, and from the South in winter. They carry everything with

them, except it may be fuel and provisions. Each has his special duty

appointed. After acting at night they retire to their tents to sleep,

and the proper people take the circus-tent down, and start at once for

the next place they are to appear at; the performers and their tent-men

rise early in the morning, and start so as to reach the ground about

eleven; they then rest and prepare, so as to be ready, after the people

of the village have dined, to give their first performance; then they

rest and refresh ready for their evening repetition. Some companies used

to make their own gas, but experience has proved that wax-lights are

sweeter and cheaper in the long run, so gas making is nearly exploded.

After this second performance they retire to rest; the circus tent-men

strike and pack the tent, then start off for the next place of

exhibition, the actors and their tents following as before mentioned:

thus they go on throughout the year, bipeds and quadrupeds scarcely ever

entering a house.

There are numbers of these circus companies in the States, of which the

largest is the one to which Van Amburgh is attached, and which, the fat

boy told me, is about three times the size of his own--Van Amburgh

taking always upwards of a dozen cages of his wild beasts. The work, he

says, is very hard, but the money comes in pretty freely, which I can

readily believe, as the bump of Inquisitiveness grows here with a

luxuriance unknown elsewhere, and is only exceeded by its sister bump of

Acquisitiveness, which two organs constitute audience and actors.

I give you no account of scenery on the road for two reasons: first,

because there are no striking features to relieve the alternations of

rude cultivation and ruder forest; and secondly, because in winter,

Nature being despoiled of the life-giving lines of herbage and foliage,

a sketch of dreariness would be all that truth could permit. I will

therefore beg you to consider the twenty-one hours past, and Louisville

reached in safety, where hot tea and "trimmings"--as the astute young

Samivel hath it--soon restored us from the fatigues of a snail-paced

journey, over the most abominable road a man can imagine, although it is

the mail route between the flourishing towns of Louisville and

Nashville. Should any ambitious spirit feel a burning desire to visit

the Mammoth Cave, let me advise him to slake the said flame with the

waters of Patience, and take for his motto--"I bide my time." Snoring

has been the order of the day in these parts for many years; but the

kettle-screaming roads of the North have at last disturbed the Southern

slumberers, and, like giants refreshed, they are now working vigorously

at their own kettle, which will soon hiss all the way from Louisville to

Nashville. Till then, I say, Patience.--One of our companions in the

stage very kindly offered to take us to the club, which is newly formed

here, and which, if not large, is very comfortable. I mention this as

one among the many instances which have occurred to me while travelling

in this country, of the desire exhibited by the better classes to show

civility and attention to any gentleman who they observe is a stranger

among them.

The following morning we were obliged to continue our route, for which

purpose it was necessary to embark two miles below the town, as the

river was not high enough to allow the steamers to pass over a kind of

bar called "The Falls." The road was one continuous bog of foot-deep

mud, but that difficulty concerned the horses, and they got over it with

perfect ease, despite the heavy drag. Once more we were floating down

the Ohio, and, curiously enough, in, another "Franklin;" but she could

not boast of such a massive cylindrical stewardess as her sister

possessed. A host of people, as usual, were gathered round the bar,

drinking, smoking, and arguing. Jonathan is "first-chop" at an argument.

Two of them were hard at it as I walked up.

Says the Colonel--"I tell you, Major, it is more than a hundred miles."

Major--"Well, but I tell you, Colonel, it aint not no such thing."

Colonel--"But, sir'ree, I know it is."

Judge--"Well, Colonel, I tell you what it is; I reckon you're wrong."

Colonel--getting evidently excited--"No, sir'ree, I aint, and,"--holding

out a brawny hand capable of scrunching a nine-pound shot into infant

pap--"darned if I wont lay you, or any other gentleman, six Kentucky

niggers to a julep I'm right."

After offering these tremendous odds, he travelled his fiery eagle eyes

from the major to the judge, and from the judge to the major, to

ascertain which of them would have it; and as they were silent, he

extended the radius of his glance to the company around, chucking his

head, and looking out of the corner of his eye, from time to time,

towards major and judge with a triumphant sneer, as much as to say,

"I've fixed you, anyhow." The argument was over; whether the major and

the judge were right about the distance, or not, I cannot decide; but if

the bet, when accepted, had to be ratified in the grasp of the muscular

hand which the colonel extended, they were decidedly right in not

accepting it, as some painful surgical operation must have followed such

a crushing and dislocation as his gripe inevitably portended. I would as

soon have put my hand between the rollers of a cane-press.

The feeding arrangements for the humanities on board were, if

disagreeable, sufficiently amusing once in a way. A table extends nearly

the whole length of the gentlemen's saloon; on each side are ranged low

wooden straight-back arm-chairs, of a breadth well suited for the ghost

_qui n'avait pas de quoi_. But the unfortunate man who happened to be

very well supplied therewith, ran considerable risk of finding the chair

a permanent appendage. At the sound of the bell, all the seats being

arranged opposite the respective places, the men rush forward and place

themselves behind the said chairs, and, like true cavaliers, stand there

till the ladies are seated. I was standing waiting among the rest, and

getting impatient as time flew on. One lady had not yet arrived. At last

the steward came with the said article on his arm, and having deposited

her in the seat nearly opposite mine, at a knowing wink from him, a

second steward sounded another bell, and the men dropped into their

seats like magic. Soup having been already served, the spoons rattled

away furiously. I was wondering who the lady--all females are ladies

here--could be, for whom we had been so long waiting, and who had

eventually come in with the steward, or gentleman--all men are gentlemen

here--in so friendly a manner. She did not appear burdened with any

refined manners, but, judge of my astonishment when, after she had got

quit of her soup-plate and was waiting for her next helping, I observed

the lady poking the point of her knife into a sweet dish near her, and

sucking off the precious morsel she had captured, which interesting

operation she kept repeating till her roast turkey arrived. There was an

air of such perfect innocence about her, as she was employed in the

sucking process, that you could not help feeling she was unconscious any

eye fixed upon her could find her occupation offensive or extraordinary.

A gentleman seated near me next attracted my attention. They had helped

him to a piece of meat the size and shape of a Holborn-hill

paving-stone. How insulted he must be at having his plate filled in that

way. Look! look! how he seizes vegetable after vegetable, building his

plate all round, like a fortification, the junk of beef in the middle

forming the citadel. It would have taken Napoleon a whole day to have

captured such a fortress; but, remember, poor Napoleon did not belong to

the nation that can "whip creation." See how Jonathan batters down

bastion after bastion! Now he stops!--his piercing eye scrutinizes

around!--a pie is seen! With raised body and lengthened arm, he pounces

on it, and drags it under the guns of his fortress. Knives and forks are

scarce--his own will do very well. A breach is made--the pastry parapet

is thrown at the foot of the half-demolished citadel; spoons are not at

hand, the knife plunges into the abyss, the fork follows--'tis a chicken

pie--pillage ensues; all the white meat is captured, the dish is raised

on high, from the horizontal it is turned to the "slantindicular," and

the citadel is deluged in the shower. "Catch who can," is not confined

to school-boys, I see. I was curious to witness the end of this attack,

and, as he had enough to occupy his ivories for half an hour--if they

did not give in before--I turned quietly to my own affairs, and began

eating my dinner; but, curiosity is impatient. In a few minutes, I

turned back to gaze on the fortress. By Jupiter Tonans! the plate lay

before him, clean as if a cat had licked it; and, having succeeded in

capturing another plate, he was organizing on this new plateau various

battalions of sweets, for which he skirmished around with incomparable

skill.

The parade-ground being full, I expected to see an instant attack; but

he was too knowing to be caught napping in that way. He looked around,

and with a masterly eye scanned apples, oranges, and nuts. The two

former he selected with great judgment; the latter he brought home in

quantities sufficient to secure plenty of good ones. Then pouncing upon

a pair of nutcrackers, and extending them like a chevaux-de-frise round

his prizes, he began his onslaught upon the battalion of sweets before

him.

The great general now set seriously to work. Scarce had he commenced,

when an innocent young man, who had finished his sweets and was

meditating an attack on some nuts, espied the crackers lying idle before

the gastronomic general, and said, "Will you lend me the nutcrackers,

sir?" The great general raised his head, and gave the youth one of those

piercing looks with which Napoleon used to galvanize all askers of

impertinent questions. The youth, understanding the refusal conveyed in

that terrible glance, had however enough courage to add, "You don't want

them, sir!" This was too much to bear in silence; so he replied with

awful distinctness, "But I reckon I shall, sir!" Then dropping his head

to the original position, he balanced a large piece of pumpkin-pie on

the point of his knife, and gallantly charged with it down his throat.

Poor youth! a neighbour relieved his distress, and saved his ivories.

Nearly a quarter of an hour has elapsed; dinner is all over, the nuts

are all cracked and put in the pockets, and away the company go either

to the other end of the saloon, where the stove is placed, round which

they eat their nuts and smoke their cigars, or to drink at the bar. When

the smoking is over, clasp-knives are opened. Don't be alarmed; there is

no bloodshed intended, although half a dozen people strolling about with

these weapons may appear ominous. Watch their faces; the lower part of

their cheeks goes in with high-sucking pressure, then swells again, and

the active tongue sweeps with restless energy along and around the

ivory barriers within its range. In vain--in vain it strives to

dispossess the intruders; rebellious particles of nut burrow deep

between the ivories, like rabbits in an old stone dike. The knife comes

to the rescue, and, plunging fearlessly into the dark abyss, the victory

is won. Then the victors commence chewing _à l'outrance,_ and

expectorate on the red-hot stove, till it hisses like a steam-engine, or

else they deluge the floor until there is no alternative but thick shoes

or damp feet. The fumes of every known alcohol exhale from the bar, and

mix with the head-bursting fragrance of the strongest "Warginny." Some

seek safety in flight; others luxuriate in the poisonous atmosphere, and

scream out, like deeply-injured men, if any door by chance be left open.

Behold! the table is laid again for dinner; piles of food keep coming

in; the company arrive--some in coats, some in waistcoats only; some in

coloured shirts, some in red flannel shirts; one, with sleeves turned up

to the elbow. "Who on earth are these?" I ask, in my ignorance. "Oh!

those, I guess, are the officers of the ship." Truly, they are "free,"

but whether "enlightened" also I had no opportunity of ascertaining. A

short ten minutes, and they are all scattered, and the piles of food

with them. Once more I look, and, behold! the table is again preparing.

Who can this be for? Doubts are speedily solved, as a mixture of niggers

and whites sit down to the festive hoard; it is the boys--_alias_

waiters--whose turn has come at last. Their meal over, the spare leaves

of the table are removed, half a dozen square tables dot the centre line

of the saloon, and all is comparatively quiet. This process takes place

at every meal--8 A.M., 1 P.M., and 5 P.M.--with the most rigid

punctuality.

Fancy my distress one evening, when, on opening my cabin-door, I beheld

a fellow-creature doubled up at the entry of the door opposite. I

thought the poor sufferer had a fit of cholera, and I was expecting each

instant to hear his screams; but hearing nothing, I examined the person

in question more minutely. It was merely a gentleman, who had

dispossessed himself of his jacket, waistcoat, trousers, and boots, not

forgetting his stockings; and then deliberately planting his chair in

the open entry of the door, and gathering up one foot on the seat

thereof, was amusing himself by cutting and picking the horny

excrescences of his pedal digits, for the benefit of the passengers in

the gentlemen's saloon; and, unfortunately, you could not be sure that

his hands would be washed before he sat next to you at breakfast in the

morning,--for I can testify that I have, over and over again, sat next

to people, on these Western waters, whose hands were scarce fit to take

coals out of a scuttle.

There is nothing I have here set down but what actually passed under my

own eye. You will, of course, find gentlemen on board, and many whose

manners there is nothing to complain of, and whose conversation is both

instructive and amusing; but you evidently are liable to find others to

realize the picture I have given of scenes in the gentlemen's saloon,

and, unless you have some acquaintance among the ladies, their saloon is

as sacred from a gentleman as the Sultan's harem. And whence comes all

this, except from that famous bugbear "equality?" Is there any real

gentleman throughout the Empire State who would, in his heart, approve

of this ridiculous hustling together of well-bred and ill-bred? But it

pleases the masses, and they must submit to this incongruous herding and

feeding, like the hungry dogs of a "Dotheboys Hall" kennel.

It may be useful information for the traveller, and is only fair to the

Mississippi boat proprietors, to observe, that if you succeed in getting

a passage in a perfectly new boat, there is always more care, more

safety, better living, and better company. In all the boats there is one

brush and comb for the use of the passengers.

By the aid of steam and stream, we at last reached Cairo, which is on

the southern bank of the Ohio and the eastern of the Mississippi; its

advantageous position has not passed unnoticed, but much money has been

thrown away upon it, owing to the company's not sitting down and

counting the cost before they began. There can be no question that,

geographically, it is _par excellence_ the site for the largest inland

town of America, situated as it is at the confluence of the two giant

arteries; and not merely is its position so excellent but mountains of

coal are in its neighbourhood. The difficulty which has to be contended

against is the inundation of these rivers. Former speculators built up

levees; but either from want of pluck or purse, they were inefficiently

constructed; the Mississippi overflowed them and overwhelmed the

speculators. Latterly, however, another company has taken the task in

hand, and having sufficient capital, it embraces the coal mines as well

as the site, &c., of the new town, to which the coal will of course be

brought by rail, and thus be enabled to supply the steamers on both

rivers at the cheapest rate, and considerably less than one-third the

price of wood; and if the indefatigable Swede's calorie-engine should

ever become practicable, every steamer will easily carry sufficient coal

from Cairo to last till her return; in short, I think it requires no

prophetic eye to foresee that Cairo in fifty years, if the Union

continues, will be one of the greatest, most important, and most

flourishing inland towns in America; and curiously enough, this effect

will be essentially brought about by the British capital embarked in the

enterprise.

A few hours' run up the river brought us to St. Louis, whose nose, I

prophesy, is to be put out of joint by Cairo some future day.

Nevertheless, what a wonderful place is this same St. Louis; its rapid

increase is almost as extraordinary as that of Cincinnati, and perhaps

more so, when you consider, not only that it is further west by hundreds

of miles, but that it has to contend with the overflowing of the

Mississippi, which has, on more than one occasion, risen to the first

floor of the houses and stores built on the edge of the levee;

fortunately, the greater part of the town, being built on higher ground,

escapes the ruinous periodical duckings. It is situated seven hundred

and fifty miles below the falls of St. Anthony, and twelve hundred miles

above New Orleans.

Le Clede and his party appreciated the value of its position as early as

1764, and named it in honour of Louis the Fifteenth. Subsequently it was

transferred to the Spaniards, in 1768: however, it made but little

progress until it passed into the hands of the United States, in 1804.

The energy of the American character soon changed the face of affairs,

and there are now 3000 steam-boats arriving annually, which I believe to

be a greater number than there were inhabitants at the date of its

cession to them. But the more active impulse seems to have commenced in

1830, at which time the population was under 7000, since which date it

has so rapidly increased, that in 1852 its population was bordering on

100,000. The natives of the United States form about one-half of the

community, and those of Germany one-fourth; the remainder are chiefly

Irish. There are twenty newspapers, of which four are published in

German. There are forty churches, one-fourth of which are Roman

Catholic, and a liberal provision is made for education; the material

prosperity of this thriving community is evidenced by the fact, that the

annual value of the produce of their manufacturing-establishments

exceeds 3,000,000l.; flour-mills, sugar refineries, and carpenters,

contributing more largely than other occupations; after which come the

tailors, thanks probably to the Germans, who appear to have a strong

predilection for this trade, at which there are more hands employed than

at any other.

FOOTNOTES:

[Footnote M: Messrs. Wallis and Whitworth, in their Report on the

Industry of the United States, remark at Chapter V.--"In no branch of

manufacture does the application of labour-saving machinery produce, by

simple means, more important results than in the working of wood."]

[Footnote N: Since my return to England, I have seen it asserted, by a

correspondent in the _Morning Chronicle_, that Colonel Crogan, of

Louisville, purchased this cave for 2000l., and that, shortly after,

he was offered 20,000l. for his bargain. It is further stated that,

in his will, he tied it up in his family for two generations. If this

latter be true, it proves that entails are not quite unknown even in the

Democratic Republic.]

[Footnote O: I have heard, since my return to England, that old Mr. Bell

is dead.]

CHAPTER X.

_River Scenes_.

I felt very anxious to make an excursion from St. Louis, and get a

little shooting, either to the north-west or down near Cairo, where

there are deer; but my companion was dying to get to New Orleans, and

strongly urged me not to delay, "fiddling after sport." I always looked

upon myself as a model of good-natured easiness, ever ready to sacrifice

self for a friend; but I have been told by some intimates, that such is

not my character, and some have even said, "You're a obstinate follow."

If they were wrong, I suffered enough for my easiness; if they were

right, I must have yielded the only time that I ought to have been firm;

at all events, I gave up my shooting expedition, which I had intended to

occupy the time with till a first-class boat started for New Orleans;

and, in an evil hour, I allowed myself to be inveigled on board the

"Western World." The steam was up, and we were soon bowling down the

leviathan artery of the North American continent. Why the said artery

should keep the name of the Mississippi, I cannot explain; for, not only

is the Missouri the larger river above the confluence, but the

Mississippi is a clear stream, with solid, and, in some instances,

granite-bound shores, and perfectly free from "snags;" whereas the

Missouri has muddy banks, and revels in snags, which, as many have sadly

experienced, is the case with the stream on which they are borne

throughout its whole length, thereby fully evincing its true parentage,

and painfully exhibiting its just right to be termed Missouri; but the

rights of men and women are difficult enough to settle, without entering

into the rights of rivers, although from them, as from men and women,

flow both good and evil. A truce to rights, then, especially in this

"Far West," where every one is obliged to maintain his own for himself.

This river is one of the places assigned as the scene of the

conversation between the philosopher and the boatman--a tale so old,

that it had probably died out before some of my younger readers were

born; I therefore insert it for their benefit exclusively.--A

philosopher, having arrived at a ferry, entered a boat, rowed by one of

those rare articles in this enlightened Republic--a man without any

education.

PHILOSOPHER _(loquitur)._--Can you write?

BOATMAN.--I guess I can't.

PHILOSOPHER.--How sad! why, you've lost one-third of your life! Of

course you can read?

BOATMAN,--Well, I guess I can't that neither.

PHILOSOPHER.--Good gracious me! why, you've lost two-thirds of your

life.

When the conversation had proceeded thus far, the boatman discovered

that, in listening to his learned passenger, he had neglected that

vigilance which the danger of the river rendered indispensable. The

stream was hurrying them into a most frightful snag; escape was

hopeless; so the boatman opened the conversation with this startling

question:

BOATMAN.--Can you swim, sir?

PHILOSOPHER.--No, that I can't.

BOATMAN.--Then, I guess, you've lost all your life.

Ere the sentence was finished, the boat upset; the sturdy rower

struggled manfully, and reached the shore in safety. On looking round,

nought was to be seen of the philosopher save his hat, floating down to

New Orleans. The boatman sat down on the bank, reflecting on the fate of

the philosopher; and, as the beaver disappeared in the bend of the

river, he rose up and gave vent to his reflections in the following

terms: "I guess that gentleman was never taught much of the useful;

learning is a good thing in its place, but I guess swimming is the thing

on the Mississippi, fix it how you will."

As I have alluded to that _rara avis_ in the United States, a totally

uneducated man, I may as well give an amusing specimen of the production

of another Western, whose studies were evidently in their infancy. It is

a certificate of marriage, and runs thus:--

"State of Illenois Peoria County ss

"To all the world Greeting. Know ye that John Smith and Peggy Myres is

hereby certified to go together and do as old folks does, anywhere

inside coperas precinct, and when my commission comes I am to marry em

good, and date em back to _kivver accidents_.

"O---- M---- R---- [ss]

"Justice of the Peace."

Let us now return to the "Western World."

Having committed the indiscretion of taking my passage on board of her,

the next step I took--i.e., paying for it--was worse, and proclaimed

me a griffin. The old stagers know these waters too well to think of

paying before they are at, or about, the end of their journey. Having,

however, both taken and paid for my passage, and committed what old

maids and sailors would call the audacious folly of starting upon a

Friday, I may as well give you a description of the boat.

The river at many places and in many seasons being very low, these

steamers are built as light as possible; in short, I believe they are

built as light as any company can be found to insure them. Above the

natural load-line they flam out like the rim of a washing-basin, so as

to give breadth for the superstructure; on the deck is placed the engine

and appurtenances, fuel, &c.; whatever is not so occupied is for

freight. This deck is open all round, and has pillars placed at

convenient distances, about fifteen to twenty feet high, to support the

cabin deck. The cabin deck is occupied in the centre by a saloon,

extending nearly the whole length of the vessel, with sleeping

cabins--two beds in each--opening off it on both sides. The saloon is

entered from forward; about one-third of its length at the after-end is

shut off by doors, forming the ladies' sanctum, which is provided with

sofas, arm-chairs, piano, &c.; about one-fifth of the length at the

foremost-end, but not separated in any way, is the smoking-place, with

the bar quite handy, and the stove in the centre. The floor of this

place may with propriety be termed the great expectorating deposit,

owing to the inducements it offers for centralization, though, of

course, no creek or cranny of the vessel is free from this American

tobacco-tax--if I may presume so to dignify and designate it. Having

thus taken off one-third and one-fifth, the remaining portion is the

"gentlemen's share"--how many 'eenths it may be, I leave to fractional

calculators. Their average size is about sixteen feet broad, and from

seven and a half to eight and a half feet high; the centre part is

further raised about eighteen inches, having glass along the sides

thereof, to give light; they are always well painted and elaborately

gilt--in some vessels, such as the "Eclipse," of Louisville, they are

quite gorgeous. The cabins are about six feet by seven, the same height

as the saloon, and lit by a door on the outside part, the upper portion

of which is glass, protected, if required, by folding _jalousies_,

intended chiefly for summer use. Outside these cabins a gallery runs

round, covered at the top, and about four feet broad, and with entries

to the main cabin on each side. The box which covers the paddle-wheel,

&c., helps to make a break in this gallery, separating the gentlemen

from the ladies.

Some boats have a narrow passage connecting the two galleries, but

fitted with a _grille_ door, to prevent intrusion into the harem

gallery; before, the paddle-box, on one side, is the steward's pantry,

and on the other, that indispensable luxury to an American, the barber's

shop; where, at all hours of the day, the free and enlightened, mounted

on throne-like chairs and lofty footstools, stretch their carcases at

full length, to enjoy the tweaking of their noses and the scraping of

their chins, by the artistic nigger who officiates. This distinguished

official is also the solo dispenser of the luxury of oysters, upon which

fish the Anglo-Saxon in this hemisphere is intensely ravenous. It looks

funny enough to a stranger, to see a notice hung up (generally near the

bar), "Oysters to be had in the barber's saloon." Everything is saloon

in America. Above this saloon deck, and its auxiliaries of barber-shop,

gallery, &c., is the hurricane-deck, whereon is a small collection of

cabins for the captain, pilots, &c.--there are always two of the latter,

and their pay each, the captain told me, is forty pounds a month--and

towering above these cabins is the wheel-house, lit all round by large

windows, whence all orders to the engineers are readily transmitted by

the sound of a good bell. The remainder of the deck--which is, in

fact, only the roof of the saloon-cabins and gallery--is open to all

those who feel disposed to admire distant views under the soothing

influence of an eternal shower of wood-cinders and soot. These vessels

vary in breadth from thirty-five to fifty feet, and from one hundred and

fifty to--the "Eclipse"--three hundred and sixty-five feet in length;

the saloons extending the whole length, except about thirty feet at each

end. They have obtained the name of "palace-steamers," and at a _coup

d'oeil_ they appear to deserve it, for they are grand and imposing, both

outside and inside; but many an European who has travelled in them will

agree with me in the assertion, that they might, with more propriety, be

termed "palace sepulchres;" not merely from the loss of life to which

their constant disasters give rise, but also from the contrast between

the grandeur outside and the uncleanliness within, of which latter I

have already given a sketch in my trip from Louisville.

Some idea may be formed of their solidity, when I tell you they are only

calculated to last five years; but at the end of three, it is generally

admitted that they have paid for themselves, with good interest. I give

you this, on the information derived from a captain who was sole owner,

and I have also heard many others repeat the same thing; and yet the

"Eclipse" cost 120,000 dollars, or about 25,000l. In the saloon you

will always see an account of the goodness of the hull and the soundness

of the boilers hung up, and duly attested by the proper inspectors of

the same. The way these duties of the inspectors are performed makes it

a perfect farce, at least on most occasions.

The inspector comes on board; the captain and engineer see him, and, of

course, they shake hands, for here everybody shakes hands with everybody

the moment they meet, if only for the first time; the only variation

being in the words addressed: if for the first time, it may run

thus:--"Sir, I'm happy to make your acquaintance;" which may be replied

to by an additional squeeze, and perhaps a "Sir, I reciprocate."

N.B.--Hats off always the first time. If it is a previous acquaintance,

then a "Glad to see you, sir," is sufficient.--But to return from this

digression. The captain and engineer greet the inspector--"I s'pose

you're come to look at our bilers, sir?" "Yes, sir, I am." The parties

all instinctively drawing nearer and nearer to the bar. "Well, sir,

let's have a drink."--"Well, sir, let's."--"A cigar, sir?"--"Thank'ee,

sir!" Parties smoke and drink. Ingeniously enough, the required document

and pen and ink are all lying handy: the obdurate heart of the inspector

is quite melted by kindness. "Well, sir, I s'pose your bilers are all

right?"--"I guess they are that, sir, and nurthin else; you can't go and

for to bust them bilers of mine, fix it anyhow you will; you can't that,

I do assure you, sir."--What inspector can doubt such clear

evidence.--"Take another glass, sir, do."--"Thank'ee, I'll sign this

paper first." The inspection is over, all except the "glass" and the

"'bacco," which continue to flow and fume. The skippers of these boats

are rough enough; but I always found them very civil, plain spoken, and

ready to give all the information in their power; and many of them have

confessed to me that the inspection was but too often conducted in the

manner above described.

There is little to interest in the account of a trip down the river. The

style of society met with on board these vessels, I have already given

you a sketch of; it may sometimes be better, and sometimes worse. One of

my "messmates" in this boat, was a young fellow who had been second

captain of the mizen-top on board of H.M.S. "Vengeance;" but not liking

the style of discipline, especially--as he said--the irritating

substitutes for flogging which have been introduced of late years into

the Navy, to suit the mawkish sensibility of public opinion in England,

as well as the clamours of the all-ruling Press, he took the first

opportunity of running away, to seek his fortune in the Far West. He

observed to me one day, "Those chaps who kick up such a devil of a row

about flogging in the Navy, whatever their intentions may be, are no

real friends to the sailor or the service."

As a slight illustration of the truth of his remarks, I may here observe

that a purser in the American Navy, in which service they have lately

abolished flogging, told me, that soon after the paying off of a

line-of-battle ship in which he had been serving, he happened to meet

fifty of his old shipmates in the port, and asking them what they were

going to do, they told him they were about to embark for England, to

take service in the English Navy; for said they, "Since corporal

punishment has been abolished, the good men have to do all the work, and

that wont pay." Only three of the fifty had ever been in the English

service. There can be no doubt that many gentlemen of sensitive minds,

seeing the names of their brother officers dragged before the public,

through the House of Commons or the columns of an anonymous Press,

endeavour to keep up discipline by other means, which annoy Jack far

more, or else, slackening the bonds of discipline, leave all the work to

be done by the willing and the good; anything, rather than be branded as

a tyrant in every quarter of the globe by an anonymous assailant,

knowing full well that, however explicit a denial may be inserted, ten

people will read the charge for every one that reads its contradiction.

But I am wandering from my young friend, the captain of the mizen-top.

If he did not look very well "got up" in his red shirt, at all events he

was clean in his person, thus forming a pleasing contrast to a young

chap who came in the evening, and seated himself on the table, where I

was playing a game at écarté with my companion. His hands absolutely

appeared the hands of a nigger, though his voice was the voice of a

white; travelling my eyes up to and beyond his face, I found it was all

in keeping; his hair looked like an Indian jungle. If some one could

only have caught him by the heels, and swung him round and round on a

carding machine, like a handful of hemp, it would have improved him

immensely; especially if, after going through that process, he had been

passed between two of the pigs through the scalding-trough at

Cincinnati. Among others of our fellow-voyagers, we found one or two

very agreeable and intelligent American gentlemen, who, though more

accustomed to the _désagréments_ of travel, were fully alive to it, and

expressed their disgust in the freest manner.

Let us now turn from company to scenery.--What is there to be said on

this latter subject? Truly it is nought but sameness on a gigantic

scale. What there is of grand is all in the imagination, or rather the

reflection, that you are on the bosom of the largest artery of commerce

in the world. What meets the eye is an average breadth of from half a

mile to a mile of muddy water, tenanted by uprooted trees, and bristling

with formidable snags. On either side a continuous forest confines the

view, thus depriving the scene of that solemn grandeur which the

horizonless desert or the boundless main is calculated to inspire. The

signs of human life, like angels' visits, are few and far between. No

beast is seen in the forest, no bird in the air, except from time to

time a flight of water-fowl. At times the eye is gratified by a

convocation of wild swans, geese, and ducks, assembled in conclave upon

the edge of some bank; or, if perchance at sunrise or sunset you happen

to come to some broad bend of the river, the gorgeous rays light up its

surface till it appears a lake of liquid fire, rendered brighter by the

surrounding darkness of the dense and leafless forest. Occasionally the

trumpet-toned pipe of the engine--fit music for the woods--bursts forth;

but there are no mountains or valleys to echo its strains far and wide.

The grenadier ranks of vegetable life, standing like sentries along the

margin of the stream, refuse it either an entry or an answer, and the

rude voice of mechanism finds a speedy and certain sepulture in the

muddy banks. This savage refusal of Nature to hold converse is

occasionally relieved by the sight of a log hut, surrounded with cords

of wood[P] prepared for sale to the steamers. At other times a few

straggling huts, and piles of goods ready for transport, vary the scene.

Sometimes you come to a real village, and there you generally find an

old steamer doing duty for wharf-boat and hotel, in case of passengers

landing at unseasonable hours of the night. Thanks also to the great

commercial activity of the larger towns above, the monotony of the river

is occasionally relieved by the sight of steam-boats, barges,

coal-boats, salt-boats, &c. Now and then one's heart is cheered and

one's spirits fortified by the sight of a vessel or two that has been

snagged, and which the indignant stream appears to have left there as a

gentle hint for travellers.

Thus the day passes on, and, when night closes in, you bid adieu to your

friends, not with "Pleasant dreams to you!" but with a kind of

mysterious smile, and a "I hope we sha'n't be snagged to-night!" You

then retire to your cabin, and ... what you do there depends on

yourself; but a man whose mind is not sobered when travelling on these

waters is not to be envied.

When you leave your cabin in the morning, as you enter the saloon, you

fancy a cask of spirits has burst. A little observation will show you

your mistake, and the cause of it; which is merely that the free and

enlightened are taking their morning drink at the bar. Truly they are a

wonderful race; or, as they themselves sometimes express it, "We are a

tall nation, sir; a big people." Though they drink on all occasions,

whether from sociability or self-indulgence, and at all times, from rosy

morn to dewy eve, and long after;--though breath and clothes are "alive"

with the odour of alcohol, you will scarcely ever see a passenger drunk.

Cards are also going all day long, and there is generally a

Fancy-man--or blackleg--ready to oblige a friend. These card-playings

are conducted quietly enough at present; but an old traveller told me he

remembered, some fifteen years ago, when things were very different, and

when every player came armed with a pistol and bowie-knife, by which all

little difficulties as to an odd trick or a bet were speedily settled on

the spot. In those days the sun never rose and set without witnessing

one or more of these exciting little adjustments of difficulties, with

which the bystanders were too good judges ever to interfere. In fact,

they seem to have been considered as merely pleasing little breaks in

the monotony of the trip.

As it may interest some of _my_ readers, I will endeavour to retail for

their amusement a sketch which was given me of a scene of boat-racing in

the olden time. The "Screecher" was a vessel belonging to Louisville,

having a cargo of wild Kentuckians and other passengers on board, among

whom was an old lady, who, having bought a winter stock of bacon, pork,

&c., was returning to her home on the banks of the Mississippi. The

"Burster" was a St. Louis boat, having on board a lot of wild

back-woodsmen, &c. The two rivals met at the confluence of the Ohio and

the Mississippi. Beat or burst was the alternative. Victory hung in one

scale; in the other, defeat and death. The "Screecher" was a little

ahead; gradually the "Burster" closes. The silence of a death-struggle

prevails. The Screechers put on more wood, and place more weight on the

safety-valve; she bounds ahead. Slowly, but surely, the "Burster" draws

nearer. The captain of the "Screecher" looks wistfully at the fires, for

the boilers are well-nigh worn out. The "Burster" is almost abreast. The

enraged Kentuckians gather round the captain, and, in fury, ask--"Why

don't you put more weight on?"

CAPTAIN--"Boilers are done; can't bear it nohow."

KENTUCKIANS--"Can't bear it? You chicken-hearted coward--"

Knives are drawn, pistols click, a hundred voices exclaim, "Get on it

yourself, or I'll bury this knife below your outer skin." Their eyes

gleam--their hands are raised for the deadly blow. Wild boys, these

Kentuckians; the captain knows it too well. A choice of deaths is before

him; excitement decides--he mounts the breach. The "Screecher" shoots

through the waters, quivering from head to stern. The Kentucky boys yell

with delight and defiance. Again the "Burster" closes on her rival.

Kentuckians brandish their knives, and call to the negroes, who are

already half-roasted, "Pile on the wood; pile like agony; I'll ram a

nigger into the fire for every foot the 'Burster' gains." Soon a cry of

exultation is heard on board the "Burster," as she shoots up close to

her rival. The enraged Kentuckians shout out, "Oil, I swear!--oil, by

all creation!" "I smell it!" exclaims the old lady with the store of

bacon. Her eyes flash fire; a few words to her slaves Pompey and Caesar,

and casks of bacon, smashed quick as thought, lay before the furnace. In

it all goes; the "Screecher" is wild; the captain bounds up and down

like a parched pea on a filing-pan; once more she flies ahead of her

rival "like a streak of greased lightning." Suddenly--horror of

horrors!--the river throbs beneath; the forest trees quake like aspen

leaves; the voice of many thunders rends the air; clouds of splinters

and human limbs darken the sky. The "Burster" is blown to atoms! The

captain jumps down, and joins the wild Kentucky boys in a yell of

victory, through the bass notes of which may be heard the shrill voice

of the old lady, crying, "I did it, I did it--it's all my bacon!"

The struggle over, and the excitement passed, they return and pick up

such portions of the human frame as may be found worth preserving.--To

resume.

Our captain was overtaken by a telegraphic message, requiring his

appearance on a certain day to answer a charge of libel. From what I

could glean, it seems that the captain, considering himself cheated by a

person with whom he had been transacting business, took the liberty of

saying to him, "Well, you're a darned infernal rascal, fix it anyhow you

will!" The insulted person sued for 2500 dollars damages, and the

captain was obliged to leave us, that he might go and defend his cause.

He was a good type of a "hard-a-weather-bird," and I was sorry to see

him obliged to quit the ship. I told him so, adding, that if he deserted

us, we should be sure to get snagged, or something worse. He

replied,--"Oh, no, sir; I guess you'll be safe enough; I shall leave my

clerk in charge; he's been a captain of these boats; you'll be right

enough, sir." And away he went ashore at Memphis, leaving us to continue

our course to New Orleans.

Night came on, and we all toddled off to roost. I am habitually a very

sound sleeper, dropping off the moment I turn in, and never awaking till

daylight. On this occasion, however, I awoke about two o'clock A.M.,

and, do what I would, I could not coax myself to sleep again. While

tossing from side to side, I felt the vessel strike as if gently

touching a bank; and wood being a good conductor of sound, I heard the

water, as it were, gurgling in. My first idea was, "We are snagged;"

then, remembering how slight the concussion had been, I calmed my fears

and turned over on my side, determined to bottle off a little more sleep

if possible. Scarce had the thought crossed the threshold of my mind,

when men with hasty steps rushed into the saloon, banging frantically at

the cabin-doors, and the piercing cry was heard--"Turn out! turn

out!--we're sinking!" Passengers flew from their beds, and opened their

doors to get what scanty light the lamps in the saloon might afford. A

mysterious and solemn silence prevailed; all was action; no time for

words; dress, catch up what you can, and bolt for your life. As I got to

the side of the vessel, I saw a steamer alongside, and felt the boat I

was in careening over. A neighbour, in fear and desperation, caught hold

of me as a drowning man catches at a straw; no time for compliments

this, when it is neck or nothing; so, by a right-hander in the pit of

the stomach, I got quit of his clutch, and, throwing my desk over to the

other boat, I grasped the wooden fender and slid down. Thank God, I was

safe!--my companion was already safe also.

It was about half-past four A.M., a drizzly, wet morning, quite dark,

except the flame of the torches. A plank was got on board of the sinking

boat, along which more passengers and even some luggage were saved. The

crew of the sound boat had hard work to keep people from trying to

return and save their luggage, thus risking not only their own lives but

at the same time impeding the escape of others. From the gallery above

I was looking down upon the wreck, lit up by the lurid light of some

dozen torches, when, with a crash like thunder, she went clean over and

broke into a thousand pieces; eighty head of cattle, fastened by the

horns, vainly struggled to escape a watery grave. It was indeed a

terrific and awful scene to witness. From the first striking till she

went to pieces, not a quarter of an hour had elapsed; but who was saved?

Who knew, and--alas! that I must add--who cared?

The crew worked hard enough to rescue all, and to them be every credit

for their exertions; but the indifference exhibited by those who had

been snatched from the jaws of death was absolutely appalling. The

moment they escaped, they found their way to the bar and the stove, and

there they were smoking, drinking, and passing the ribald jest, even

before the wreck had gone to pieces, or the fate of one-half of their

companions been ascertained. Yet there was a scene before their eyes

sufficient, one would have imagined, to have softened the hardest heart

and made the most thoughtless think. There, among them, at the very

stove round which they were gathered, stood one with a haggard eye and

vacant gaze, and at his feet clung two half-naked infants; a quarter of

an hour before he was a hale man, a husband, with five children; now, he

was an idiot and a widower, with two. No tear dimmed his eye, no trace

of grief was to be read in his countenance; though the two pledges of

the love of one now no more hung helplessly round his legs, he heeded

them not; they sought a father's smile--they found an idiot's stare.

They cried: was it for their mother's embrace, or did they miss their

brother and sisters? Not even the piteous cry of motherless infancy

could light one spark of emotion in the widowed husband's breast--all

was one awful blank of idiocy. A wife and three children, buried beneath

piles of freight, had found a wretched grave; his heart and his reason

had fled after them--never, apparently, to return.

Surely this was a scene pre-eminently calculated to excite in those who

wore, by their very escape, living monuments of God's mercy, the deepest

feelings of gratitude and commiseration; yet, there stood the poor

idiot, as if he had not been; and the jest, the glass, and cigar went on

with as much indifference as if the party had just come out of a

theatre, instead of having providentially escaped from a struggle

between life and death. A more perfect exhibition of heartlessness

cannot be conceived, nor do I believe any other part of the world could

produce its equal.

The immediate cause of the wreck was the steamer "H.R.W. Hill" running

into us, owing to misunderstanding the bell signal; most providentially

she caught alongside of us after striking; if she had not done so, God

alone knows who could have been saved. As far as I could ascertain, all

the first-class passengers were saved. Do not stare at the word

first-class, for although in this country of so-called equality no

difference of classes is acknowledged, poor helpless emigrants are taken

as deck-passengers, and, as freight is the great object, no space is set

apart for them; they are stowed away among the cargo as best they can

be, with no avenue of escape in case of accidents, and with the

additional prospect of being buried beneath bales and barrels. I believe

fifteen passengers perished in this way: one poor English-woman among

the deck-passengers fought her way through the freight, and, after being

nearly drowned and trampled to death under the hoofs of the cattle,

succeeded in escaping. A slave-merchant with a dozen negroes managed to

save all of them, inasmuch as, being valuable, he had them stowed away

in a better place. The moment the wreck was completed, we proceeded up

the river, wasting no time in trying to save any part of the cargo or

luggage. My own position was anything but a pleasant one, though I trust

I was truly thankful for my preservation. I found I had managed to throw

my desk between the two steamers, and it was therefore irrecoverably

lost, with all my papers, letters of credit, journal, &c. I had also

lost everything else except what T had on,--rifle, guns, clothes,--all

were gone. A few things, such as money, watch, note-book, which I always

kept in my pockets, were all my stock in trade. Fortunately, my friend

had saved his papers, and thus our identity could be established at New

Orleans. In the course of a few hours we saw a fine steamer coming down

the river, in which we embarked, and again pursued our journey south.

In the afternoon we passed several pieces of the wreck: the shores were

covered with the casks of pork and mustang liniment which had formed a

great part of our freight. At one place, a large portion of the wreck,

was made fast ashore, and being plundered by the settlers on the bank;

boxes and trunks were all broken open and cleaned out; little boats were

flying across the river full of pork and other prizes: it was an

universal scramble in all directions, and appeared to be considered as

lawful plunder by them as if they had been Cornish wreckers. It was

hopeless to try and recover anything, so we continued our journey, and

left our goods to the tender mercies of the landsharks on the banks.

Having lost all my papers, I was obliged to forego the pleasure I had

anticipated from a visit to Natchez, or rather to the gentlemen and

plantations in the neighbourhood.

As you approach the lower part of the river, signs of human life become

more frequent; the forest recedes, the banks of the river are leveed up,

and legions of Uncle Tom's Cabins stud the banks; some, clustered near

the more luxurious but still simple building wherein dwells the

proprietor, surrounded by orange groves and the rich flowers and foliage

of southern climes. These little spots appear like bright oases in the

otherwise dreary, uninteresting flats, which extend from the banks on

either side; yet it is only as a scene they are uninteresting; as a

reality, they have a peculiar interest. On these Hats the negro slave

expends his labour and closes his life, and from the bitter of his

career the white man draws the sweet luxury of his own. How few reflect

upon this, even for as many seconds as it takes to melt the clarified

lump in the smoking bohea. But here we are at La Fayette, which is the

upper or American end of New Orleans, where steamers always stop if

there are any cattle on board, which being our case, we preferred

landing and taking an omnibus, to waiting for the discharge of the

live-stock. Half an hour brought us to the St. Louis Hotel, and there

you may sit down a minute or two while I make some observations on the

steaming in Western rivers.

The whole system and management is a most grievous reproach to the

American nation. I speak not of the architecture, which is good, nor of

the absurd inconsistency in uniting such palatial appearance with such

absolute discomfort, which perhaps, with their institutions and ideas,

it would be very difficult to remedy. My observations refer more to

that by which human life is endangered, and the valuable produce of

human labour recklessly destroyed. The following extract from a

Louisville paper will more than justify any animadversions which I may

make:--

DISASTERS ON WESTERN RIVERS.--The Louisville _Courier_ has published a

list of disasters on Western waters during the year 1852. It is a

formidable one, embracing 78 steam-boats, 4 barges, 73 coal-boats, 3

salt-boats, and 4 others, flat-boats. It appears that 47 boats were

lost by being snagged, 16 by explosions, 4 were burnt, and the others

lost by collision and other mishaps. The greatest number of lives lost

by one disaster was the explosion of the "Saluda," 100. The total loss

of life exceeds 400 persons.[Q]

Here is a list of one hundred and sixty-two vessels of different kinds,

and four hundred human beings, lost in one year; of which vessels it

appears forty-six were snagged. You will naturally ask here, what

precautions are taken to avoid such frightful casualties? The answer is

short--None. They had a few boats employed once to raise the snags, but

the thirst for annexation ran them into a war, and the money was wanted

for that purpose. The Westerns say they are ridden over by the Easterns,

and that Government will do nothing for them.[R]

It is not for me to decide the reasons, but the fact is but too clear,

that in a country boasting of its wealth, its power, its resources, and

not burdened with one farthing of debt, not a cent is being expended in

making the slightest endeavours to remove the dangers of this gigantic

artery of commerce. And what would be the cost of this national object?

The captains of the boats told me that two dozen snag-boats in three

years would clear the river; and that half that number could keep it

clear; yet, rather than vote the money requisite, they exhibit a

national indifference to the safety of life and property such as, I may

confidently affirm, cannot be found in any other civilized nation. A

very small tax on the steamers would pay the expenses; but the Westerns

say, and say with truth, "This is not a local, this is a national question.

Government builds lighthouses, harbours, &c., for the eastern board, and

we are entitled to the same care for our commerce." A navigation of two

thousand miles is most certainly as thoroughly a national question as a

seaboard is. It should also be remembered that, if the navigable

tributaries be added, the total presents an unbroken highway of internal

commerce amounting to 16,700 miles--a distance which, it has been

remarked, "is sufficient to encircle Europe and leave a remnant which

would span the Atlantic."

Next on the list comes the "explosions." I have already given you an

account of how the so-called examinations are too often made. Surely

these inspections might be signed upon oath before a magistrate; and as

surely, I should hope, men might be found who would not perjure

themselves. The burnt vessels are few in number, and more than one case

has, I believe, been tried on suspicion of being set fire to

intentionally.

The last on the list is "collisions, &c." By the "&c.," I suppose, is

mount vessels which, having run on the river till they wore only fit for

firewood, still continued "just one more trip;" and then, of course, the

slightest concussion, either on a bank or a floating log, would break

them up like a chip basket. The examination on this point is conducted

like that of the boilers, and the same remedy might readily be applied.

I think, however, that the greater number of losses from collisions,

&c., may be chiefly ascribed to the collisions. The cause of these

collisions is easily understood, when you are informed that vessels

meeting indicate the side they intend to take by sounding a bell. They

have no fixed rule, like vessels meeting at sea. The sound of the toll

of the second bell may easily be blended with the first, if it be struck

hurriedly, which in cases of danger is more than probable; or, the sound

of a single toll may find an echo and be mistaken for two tolls. The

collision we met with was caused by this very misunderstanding; at

least, so the captains mutually explained it. The reason given me for

this unsettled system was, that, owing to banks and currents, vessels

could not always take the same side. Supposing this to be so, still, a

more correct indication of the side intended to be taken might be

obtained by lights kept burning for that purpose in a box with a

sliding front, removeable at pleasure by a line leading to the

wheel-house, in the same way as the lanyard of the bell is at present

fitted; and a further palpable advantage would be obtained by obliging

vessels meeting in the night to stop the engines and pass at "slow

speed." In addition to these precautions, a stout cork fender, extending

round the bows some ten feet on each side, and fixed every night at

dark, would materially lessen the chances of destruction, even if

collision did take place.

There is, however, another cause of accident which the Louisville paper

does not allude to, and that is overloading. We started about two and a

half feet out of the water when leaving St. Louis, and, long before we

met with our accident, we had taken in cargo till we were scarce five

inches above the river. Not only do they cram the lower or freight deck,

but the gallery outside the saloons and cabins is filled till all the

use and comfort thereof is destroyed, and scarce a passage along them to

be obtained. Seeing the accidents such reckless freighting must

necessarily give rise to, what more simple than obliging every vessel to

have a float or loading line painted from stem to stern at a certain

elevation, making the captain and owners liable to a heavy penalty if

the said line be brought below the water by the freight. There is one

other point which I may as well notice here, and that is the manner in

which these boats are allowed to carry deck-passengers. There is no

clear portion of deck for them, and they are driven by necessity among

the bales and boxes of freight, with no avenue of escape in case of

accident. These are the people who suffer in cases of snagging and

collision, &c. These hardy sons of toil, migrating with their families,

are all but penniless, and therefore, despite all vaunt of equality,

they are friendless. Had every deck-passenger that has perished in the

agony of a crushing and drowning death been a Member of Senate or

Congress, the Government would have interfered long ere this; but these

miserable wretches perish in their agony, and there is no one to re-echo

that cry in the halls of Congress. They are chiefly poor emigrants, and

plenty more will come to fill their places.

If the Government took any such steps as those above recommended, the

fear of losing insurance by neglecting them would tend greatly to make

them respected. Companies would insure at a lower rate, and all parties

would be gainers in the long run; for, if the Government obtained no

pecuniary profit, it would gain in national character by the removal of

a reproach such as no other commercial country at the present day

labours under.

There is, moreover, a moral point of view to be taken of this

question--viz., "the recklessness of human life engendered by things as

they are."

The anecdotes which one hears are of themselves sufficient to leave

little doubt on this point. Take, for instance, the following:--A vessel

having been blown up during the high pressure of a race, among the

witnesses called was one who thus replied to the questions put to him:--

EXAMINER.--"Were you on board when the accident took place?"

WITNESS.--"I guess I was, and nurthing else."

EXAMINER.--"Was the captain sober?"

WITNESS.--"Can't tell that, nohow."

EXAMINER.--"Did you not see the captain during the day?"

WITNESS.--"I guess I did."

EXAMINER.--"Then can, you not state your opinion whether he was drunk or

not?"

WITNESS.--"I guess I had not much time for observation; he was not on

board when I saw him."

EXAMINER.--"When did you see him, then?"

WITNESS.--"As I was coming down, I passed the gentleman going up."

The court, of course, was highly amused at his coolness, and called

another witness.--But let us turn from this fictitious anecdote to fact.

It was only the other day that I read in a Louisville paper of a

gentleman going into the Gait-house Hotel, and deliberately shooting at

another in the dining-saloon when full of people, missing his aim, and

the hall lodging in the back of a stranger's chair who was quietly

sitting at his dinner. Again, I read of an occurrence--at Memphis, I

think--equally outrageous. A man hard pressed by creditors, who had

assembled at his house and were urgent in their demands, called to them

to keep back, and upon their still pressing on, he seized a bowie-knife

in each hand, and rushed among them, stabbing and ripping right and

left, till checked in his mad career of assassination by a creditor, in

self-defence, burying a cleaver in his skull.

In a Natchez paper I read as follows:--"Levi Tarver, formerly a resident

of Atala county, was recently killed in Texas. Tarver interrupted a

gentleman on the highway; high words ensued, when Tarver gave the

gentleman the lie; whereupon the latter drew a bowie-knife, and

completely severed, at one blow, Levi's head from his body."

In a St. Louis paper, I read of a German, Hoffman by name, who was

supposed by Baker to be too intimate with his wife, and who was

consequently desired to discontinue his visits. Hoffman remonstrated in

his reply, assuring the husband that his suspicions were groundless. A

short time after he received a letter from Mrs. Baker, requesting him to

call upon her: he obeyed the summons, and was shown into her bedroom at

the hotel. The moment he got there, Mrs. Baker pulled two pistols from

under the pillow, and discharged both at his head. Hoffman rushed out of

the house; scarce was he in the street, when Mr. Baker and three other

ruffians pounced upon him, dragged him back to the hotel, and placed

guards at the door to prevent any further ingress from the street. They

then stripped him perfectly naked, lashed him with cow-hides till there

was scarce a sound piece of flesh in his body, dashing cold water over

him at intervals, and then recommencing their barbarities. When tired of

this brutality, they emasculated their wretched victim with a common

table-knife. And who were these ruffians? Were they uneducated villains,

whom poverty and distress had hardened into crime? Far from it. Mr.

Baker was the owner of a grocery store; of the others, one was the

proprietor of the St. Charles hotel, New Bremen; the second was a young

lawyer, the third was a clerk in the "Planter's House." Can the sinks of

ignorance and vice in any community present a more bloody scene of

brutality than was here deliberately enacted, by educated people in

respectable positions, in the middle of the day? What can be thought of

the value of human life, when I add that all these miscreants were

bailed?

These are merely the accounts which have met my eye in the natural

course of reading the newspaper, for I can most truthfully declare I

have not taken the slightest trouble to hunt them up. The following,

which bears upon the same point, was related to me in the course of

conversation at dinner, and it occurred in New Orleans. Mr. A. treads on

Mr. B.'s too several times; Mr. B. kicks Mr. A. down stairs, and this at

a respectable evening party. Now what does Mr. A. do? He goes outside

and borrows a bowie-knife from a hack-cabman, then returns to the party,

watches and follows Mr. B. to the room where the hats and cloaks were

placed, seizes a favourable moment, and rips Mr. B.'s bowels open. He is

tried for murder, with evidence sufficient to hang a dozen men; and, to

the astonishment of even the Westerns themselves, he is acquitted. These

facts occurred not many years since, and they were narrated to me by a

gentleman who was at the party.

When two members of the Legislature disgraced the halls at Washington,

by descending into the political arena with pistols and bowie-knives,

and there entering into deadly conflict, were they not two Western

members? Now, what do these occurrences prove? Certainly not that all

Westerns are bloodthirsty, for many of them are the most kind, quiet,

and amiable men I have ever met; but, when taken in connexion with the

free use of the bowie-knife, they afford strong evidence that there is a

general and extraordinary recklessness of human life; and surely, common

sense and experience would both endorse the assertion, that habituating

men to bloody disputes or fatal accidents has a tendency to harden both

actors and spectators into utter indifference. And what is the whole of

the Western river navigation but one daily--I might almost say,

continual--scene of accidents and loss of life, tending to nourish those

very feelings which it is the duty of every government to use all

possible means to allay and humanize?

The heartless apathy with which all classes of society, with scarce

individual exceptions, speak of these events is quite revolting to a

stranger, and a manifest proof of the injurious moral effect of

familiarizing people with such horrors. The bowie-knife, the revolver,

and the river accidents, mutually act and react upon each other, and no

moral improvement can reasonably be expected until some great change be

effected. Government can interfere with the accidents;--deadly weapons

are, to a certain extent, still necessary for self-protection. Let us

hope, then, that something will ore long be done to prevent disasters

pregnant with so many evils to the community, and reflecting so strongly

on the United States as a nation.[S] Having gone off at a tangent, like

a boomerang, I had better, like the same weapon, return whence I

started--in military language, "as you was."

FOOTNOTES:

[Footnote P: On the Mississippi a cord contains one definite quantity,

being a pile 1 feet high, 4 feet broad, and 8 feet long, and does not

vary in size in the same absurd manner as it does in various parts of

England: the price paid is from eight to thirteen shillings, increasing

as you descend the river.]

[Footnote Q: A committee of the United States calculated that, in 1846,

the losses on the Mississippi amounted to 500,000l.; and as commerce has

increased enormously, while precautions have remained all but stagnant,

I think it may be fairly estimated, that the annual losses at the

present day amount to at least 750,000l.]

[Footnote R: _Vide_ chapter on "Watery Highways."]

[Footnote S: Since writing the above, some more stringent regulations as

to inspection have appeared, similar to those advocated in the text; but

they contain nothing respecting loading, steering, &c. In fact, they are

general laws, having 110 especial bearing on Western waters.]

CHAPTER XI.

_New Orleans_.

New Orleans is a surprising evidence of what men will endure, when

cheered by the hopes of an ever-flowing tide of all-mighty dollars and

cents. It is situated on a marsh, and bounded by the river on one side,

and on the other by a continuation of the marsh on which it is built,

beyond which extends a forest swamp. All sewerage and drainage is

superficial--more generally covered in, but in very many places dragging

its sluggish stream, under the broad light of day, along the edges of

the footway. The chief business is, of course, in those streets skirting

the river; and at this season--December--when the cotton and sugar mania

is at its height, the bustle and activity is marvellous. Streets are

piled in every direction with mounds of cotton, which rise as high as

the roofs; storehouses are bursting with bales; steam and hydraulic

presses hiss in your ear at every tenth step, and beneath their power

the downy fibre is compressed into a substance as hard as Aberdeen

granite, which semi-nude negroes bind, roll, and wheel in all

directions, the exertion keeping them in perpetual self-supplying animal

steam-baths. Gigantic mules arrive incessantly, dragging fresh freight

for pressure; while others as incessantly depart, bearing freight for

embarkation to Europe. If a pair of cotton socks could be made vocal,

what a tale of sorrow and labour their history would reveal, from the

nigger who picked with a sigh to the maiden who donned with a smile.

Some idea may be formed of the extent of this branch of trade, from the

statistical fact that last year the export amounted to 1,435,815

bales[T]--or, in round numbers, one and a half millions--which was an

increase of half a million upon the exports of the preceding twelve

months. Tobacco is also an article of great export, and amounted last

year to 94,000 hogsheads, being an increase of two-thirds upon the

previous twelve months. The great staple produce of the neighbourhood is

sugar and molasses. In good years, fifty gallons of molasses go to a

thousand pounds of sugar; but, when the maturity of the cane is impeded

by late rains, as was the case last year, seventy gallons go to the

thousand pounds of sugar. Thus, in 1853, 10,500,000 gallons of molasses

were produced, representing 210,000,000 pounds of sugar; while, in 1854,

18,300,000 gallons of molasses were produced, being nearly double the

produce of the preceding year, but representing only 261,500,000 pounds

of sugar,--owing, as before explained, to the wet weather. Some general

idea of the commercial activity of New Orleans may be formed from the

following statistics for 1853:--2266 vessels, representing 911,000 tons,

entered New Orleans; and 2202 vessels, representing 930,000 tons,

cleared.

Now, of course, the greater portion--or I might almost say the whole--of

the goods exported reach New Orleans by the Mississippi, and therefore

justify the assertion that the safe navigation of that river is, in the

fullest sense of the term, a national and not a local interest, bearing

as it does on its bosom an essential portion of the industrial produce

of eleven different States of the Union.

It is quite astounding to see the legions of steamers from the upper

country which are congregated here; for miles and miles the levee forms

one unbroken line of them, all lying with their noses on shore--no room

for broadsides. On arriving, piled up with goods mountain high, scarce

does a bow touch the levee, when swarms of Irish and niggers rush down,

and the mountainous pile is landed, and then dragged off by sturdy mules

to its destination. Scarce is she cleared, when the same hardy sons of

toil build another mountainous pile on board; the bell rings, passengers

run, and she is facing the current and the dangers of the snaggy

Mississippi. The labour of loading and unloading steamers is, as you may

suppose, very severe, and is done for the most part by niggers and

Irishmen. The average wages are from 7l. to 8l. per month; but, in

times of great pressure from sudden demand, &c., they rise as high as

from. 12l. to 14l. per month, which was the case just before my

arrival. The same wages are paid to those who embark in the steamers to

load and unload at the different stations on the river. Every day is

a working day; and as, by the law, the slave has his Sunday to himself

to earn what he can, the master who hires him out on the river is

supposed to give him one-seventh of the wages earned; but I believe they

only receive one-seventh of the ordinary wages--i.e., 1l. per month.

[Illustration: THE NEW ST. CHARLES HOTEL, NEW ORLEANS.]

Let us now turn from the shipping to the town. In the old, or French

part, the streets are generally very narrow; but in the American, or the

La Fayette quarter, they are very broad, and, whether from indolence or

some other reason, badly paved and worse cleansed; nevertheless, if the

streets are dirty and muddy, the houses have the advantage of being

airy. There are no buildings of any importance except the new

Custom-house, and, of course, the hotels. The St. Louis is at present

the largest; but the St. Charles, which is being rebuilt, was, and will

again be, the hotel pride of New Orleans.[U] They are both enormous

establishments, well arranged, and, with the locomotive propensities of

the people, sure to be well filled during the winter months, at which

period only they are open. When I arrived at the St. Louis, it was so

full that the only room I could get was like a large Newfoundland dog's

kennel, with but little light and less air. The hotel was originally

built for an Exchange, and the rotundo in the centre is one of the

finest pieces of architecture in the States. It is a lofty, vaulted

hall, eighty feet in diameter, with an aisle running all round,

supported by a row of fine pillars fifty feet in height; the dome rises

nearly as many-feet more, and has a large skylight in the centre; the

sides thereof are ornamented by well-executed works in _chiaroscuro_,

representing various successful actions gained during the struggle for

independence, and several of the leading men who figured during that

eventful period. A great portion of the aisle is occupied by the

all-important bar, where drinks flow as freely as the river outside; but

there is another feature in the aisles which contrasts strangely with

the pictorial ornaments round the dome above--a succession of platforms

are to be seen, on which human flesh and blood is exposed to public

auction, and the champions of the equal rights of man are thus made to

endorse, as it were, the sale of their fellow-creatures.

I had only been in the hotel one day when a gentleman to whom I had a

letter kindly offered me a room in his house. The offer was too

tempting, so I left my kennel without delay, and in my new quarters

found every comfort and a hearty welcome, rendered more acceptable from

the agreeable society which it included, and the tender nursing I

received at the hands of one of the young ladies during the week I was

confined to the house by illness. Among all the kind and hospitable

friends I met with in my travels, none have a stronger claim on my

grateful recollection than Mr. Egerton and his family. When able to get

out, I took a drive with mine host: as you may easily imagine, there is

not much scenery to be found in a marsh bounded by a forest swamp, but

the effect is very curious; all the trees are covered with Spanish moss,

a long, dark, fibrous substance which hangs gracefully down from every

bough and twig; it is often used for stuffing beds, pillows, &e. This

most solemn drapery gave the forest the appearance of a legion of mute

mourners attending the funeral of some beloved patriarch, and one felt

disposed to admire the patience with which they stood, with their feet

in the wet, their heads nodding to and fro as if distracted with grief,

and their fibrous weeds quivering, as though convulsed with the

intensity of agony. The open space around is a kind of convalescent

marsh; that is, canals and deep ditch drains have been opened all

through it, and into these the waters of the marsh flow, as a token of

gratitude for the delicate little attention; at the same time, the

adjacent soil, freed from its liquid encumbrance, courts the attractive

charms of the sun, and has already risen from two and a half to three

and a half feet above its marshy level.