Katherine read "Abelard and Héloise" far into the night. Her emotions
were complex. She knew now that she was very unhappy and in a corner,
and that she could not see clearly any way of escape. If she attracted
the Duke further it would only increase the complications.
There was something in her nature which she feared was not strong enough
to carry through deceit. Her great power had always lain in her absolute
honesty, which gave her that inward serenity which engenders the most
supreme self-confidence, and so inevitably draws the thing desired. Her
mind was too balanced, and too analytical to give way to impulse
regardless of cost, which in such a situation would have made nine
hundred and ninety-nine women out of a thousand grab at the chance of
securing Mordryn upon any terms. Of what good to obtain the position of
Duchess if it only brought a haunting unease? Of what good to obtain the
love of this true and splendid gentleman upon false pretences? She could
then enjoy nothing of the results. For above all worldly gains she was
well aware that to keep her own rigid self-respect mattered to her most.
If his character had been less worthy of reverence--if she had not grown
so near to passionately loving him--if she had not become aware of the
importance in the eyes of the world of the barrier between them, and so
of the magnitude of the offence involved in the deceit, she would have
played her game to a finish without a backward thought; but as it was
it were better frankly to give it up and perhaps marry--Sir John! For
none of these considerations, she felt, came into the question of
marrying Sir John. He was old and pompous and of no great family. She
would be giving more than she received in bestowing her youth and her
talents and her company upon him. She did not love him, therefore
whether he should ever look upon her with scorn or no was a matter of
indifference to her--and she would not for a moment have dreamed of any
obligation to reveal that episode in her past to him, since the
probabilities were so very remote that discovery could ever happen and
therefore her silence would in no way injure him. It would be merely a
bargain in which an old man bought a young woman "as she stood," so to
speak, for the pleasure of his eye.
But the Duke of Mordryn was different--between them there could be no
deceptions, no secrets, there must be none but the highest things, since
marriage with him would mean the union of their souls. Katherine was far
from being altruistic or sentimental, it was only the strictly common
sense and baldly honest aspect of any case that ever influenced her.
The temptation was overpowering, of course, to brush aside moral
qualms.--To think of reigning in this splendid place!--and she let her
imagination run on--To think of being with the Duke always--his loved
companion. The joy to make him very happy, and do everything he wished.
What pains she would take to fulfil his highest ideal of her--to show to
his world that whatever she had sprung from, at least she carried off
the situation of Duchess in a manner in which they could find no flaw.
She would be gracious and sweet and dignified and capable. She would
bring all her reasoning to bear upon all problems. She would let him
guide and direct her, and she would carry out his least behest.
_But it could not be._ She had made an initial mistake and
miscalculation in her career through ignorance of possible results, and
she could never shuffle out of it. Self-deception was of all mental
attitudes the one she despised the most. She must face the consequence
of her mistake now with courage, and take the second best.
Having once made up her mind in the early dawn, it was not in her nature
to indulge in further repining. She as resolutely shut out the image of
the Duke and the picture of happiness with him, as she had shut out Lord
Algy. Only this time the pain was infinitely more bitter, because she
knew that she was obliged to refrain from sipping this glorious cup
_because of her own miscalculation_. Whereas when she parted from Lord
Algy she had had the moral elation of knowing that she was doing rather
a fine thing.
Extreme pallor showed in her face in the morning, and her great eyes
were shadowed and sad. She remained in the ante-chamber at the
writing-table which had been prepared for her, after she had breakfasted
with Lady Garribardine in her sitting-room. Numbers of letters had come
by the Sunday's post, and she made it seem necessary to answer them at
once.
Her mistress allowed her to have her way. She felt some strong
underneath currents were affecting the girl, and further tantalization
would not be bad for the Duke. So she left her at the writing-table and
joined the rest of the party under the cedar trees on the tennis lawn,
and did not mention Katherine or her whereabouts. If Mordryn wanted to
know why she had not come out, or where she was, he must pluck up
courage to ask himself.
The Duke glanced at her enquiringly, but he said nothing--perhaps
Katherine would follow presently--but could she have gone again on the
lake with Lady Alethea and those empty-headed young men? He would not
ask, he would go himself and see.
So when he had disposed of his important guests, he went to his own
sitting-room from which there was a complete view of the waterways, and
then he took the trouble to get out his glasses and scan the occupants
of the boats.
No, she was not among them.
She must then either be still in her bedroom--or writing perhaps in
front of the window of the passage place which was next this very room!
He would go out on the terrace from one of the windows and look in.
Yes--she was there seated at the table very busy, it appeared.
He came forward and stepping across the threshold, he stood beside her.
"Good morning, Miss Bush--it is quite wrong for you to be working on
this glorious day. You must come out into the sunshine with the rest of
us."
Katherine did not rise or appear to be going to follow his suggestion,
so he added authoritatively:
"Now be a good girl and go and get your hat."
"I am very sorry I cannot before lunch; I have much work to do, and it
becomes disorganised if I leave it unfinished."
"Nonsense! You did not come to Valfreyne to work. There are such a
number of things I want to show you. Everyone is out in the garden,
won't you at least come round the state rooms with me?"
How could she refuse him? He was her host and the pleasure would be so
intense. She rose, but without alacrity and answered a little stiffly:
"I should much like to see them--if it will not take very long."
Her manner was distinctly different, he noticed it at once--a curtain
seemed to have fallen between them ever since the conversation about the
pencillings in the book. It chilled him and made him determined to
remove it.
He held the door into his sitting-room open for her, and took pains to
keep the conversation upon the ostensible reason for their voyage of
inspection. He spoke of carving and dates, and told her anecdotes of the
building of Valfreyne. And so they passed on through all the splendid
rooms, "The King's Chamber," and "The Queen's Closet,"--and the salons
and so to the great state suite of her who should be reigning Duchess.
And Katherine saw priceless gems of art and splendour of gilding and
tapestry, and hangings, and great ghostly beds surmounted with nodding
ostrich plumes. And stuffs from Venice and Lyons--and even Spitalfields.
"How wonderful!" she said at last--"And there are many other places such
as this in England! How great and rich a country it is. We--the middle
class population--shut in with our narrow parochial views--do not
realise it at all, or we would be very proud of our race owning such
glorious things, and would not want to encourage stupid paltry
politicians to destroy and dissipate them all, and scatter them to the
winds."
"It may seem hard in their view that one man should possess, we will
say, Valfreyne."
"But how stupid! How could it all have been accumulated, but for
individual wealth and taste and tradition? Who really cares for museums
except to study examples in? Do you know, for instance, such people as
my sisters would a thousand times rather walk through these rooms on a
day when the public is let in, feeling it was a house owned by people
who really lived there, than go to any place given to the nation, like
Hampton Court or the Wallace Collection."
"That is the human interest in the thing."
"Yes, but the human and the personal are the strongest and most binding
of all interests."
Mordryn looked at her appreciatively--he delighted in hearing her views.
"Then you have no feeling that you wish all this to be divided up among
the people of Lulworth, say--the large town near?"
"Oh! no, no! So strongly do I feel for the law by which all goes to the
eldest son, that were I a younger one, I would willingly give up my
share to ensure the family continuing great. Who that can see clearly
would not rather be a younger son of a splendid house, than a little,
ridiculous nobody on his own account,--if everything were to be divided
up."
"It is so very strange that you should have this spirit, Miss Bush. If
you had not told me of your parentage I should have said you were of the
same root and branch as Lady Garribardine. Are you sure you are not a
changeling?"
"Quite sure. How proud it must make you feel to own Valfreyne, and what
obligations it must entail!"
"Yes," and he sighed.
"It must make you weigh every action to see if it is worthy of one who
must be an example for so many people."
"That is how you look upon great position--it is a noble way."
"Why, of course--it could not be right to hold all this in trust for
your descendants, and for the glory of England, and then to think
yourself free to squander it, and degrade the standard. All feeling
would have to give way to worthily fulfilling your trust."
The Duke felt his heart sink--a strange feeling of depression came over
him.
"I suppose you are right," and he sighed again.
"I was so much interested in the story of your ring," she said
presently, to lift the silence which had fallen upon them both. "It is
such a strange idea that great good fortune is unlucky--since we always
draw what we deserve. If we are foolish and draw misfortune at the
beginning of our lives, we must of course pay the price, but if people's
brains are properly balanced they should not fear good fortune in
itself."
"You think then that a whole life need not be shadowed with misery, but
that if the price of folly is paid in youth, there may still be a chance
of a happy old age?"
"Of course--One must be quite true, that is all, and never deceive
anyone who trusts one."
"That would mean living in a palace of truth and would be
impracticable."
"Not at all. There are some things people have no right to ask or to be
told--some things one must keep to oneself for the carrying on of
life--but if a person has a right to know, and trusts you and you
deceive him, then you must take the consequences of unhappiness which
is the reflex action of untruth."
"How wise you are, child--that is the whole meaning of honour, 'To thine
own self be true and it must follow as the night the day, Thou canst not
then be false to any man.'"
She looked straight up into his eyes, hers were pure and deep and
sorrowful.
"Now I have seen your beautiful home I must go back to my work--I shall
always remember this visit, and this happy morning--all my life."
Mordryn was deeply moved, passionate emotion was coursing through
him--with great difficulty he restrained the words which rose to his
lips. He did not seek to detain her, and they retraced their steps,
speaking little by the way, until they came to his sitting-room.
"When you go to-morrow, will you take with you the 'Eothen' and the
'Abelard and Héloise?' I would like to know that you read them sometimes
and there is one passage in _Abelard's_ first letter which I know I
shall have to quote to myself--It is on the fifty-fourth page, the
bottom paragraph--you must look at it some time--"
Then his voice broke a little--"And now let us say good-bye--here in my
room."
"Good-bye," said Katherine and held out her hand.
The Duke took it and with it drew her near to him.
"Good-bye--Beloved," he whispered, and his tones were hoarse, and then
he dropped her hand; and Katherine gave a little sob, and turning, ran
from the room, leaving him with his proud head bent, and tears in his
dark blue eyes.
And she made herself return to her work--nor would she permit her
thoughts to dwell for an instant upon the events of the morning, or the
words of the Duke--for she knew that if she did so she would lose
control of herself and foolishly burst into tears. And there was lunch
to be endured, and the afternoon and evening.
So this was the end--he loved her, but his ideas of principle held.--And
if she was only a common girl and so debarred from being a Duchess--the
Duke should see that no aristocrat of his own class could be more game.
Lady Garribardine found her still writing diligently when she came in
just before luncheon would be announced, and she wondered what made the
girl look so pale.
"It is quite too bad that you have sat here all this time," she
exclaimed. "I won't have you bother with another word. This was to be
your holiday and your amusement, this visit to Valfreyne, and you have
been cooped up in the house working as if at home."
The Duke looked extremely stern at luncheon and was punctiliously polite
to everyone, but those in his immediate vicinity were conscious that a
stiffness had fallen upon the atmosphere which asphyxiated conversation.
Lady Garribardine was well acquainted with the signs of all his moods.
This one, she knew, resulted from pain of some sort, and mental
perturbation. What had occurred between him and Katherine? Could they
have quarrelled? This must be ascertained at the earliest possible
moment.
After luncheon they were all to motor to an old castle for a picnic tea,
a beautiful ruin of a former habitation of the Monluces about five miles
away.
Katherine should go with the younger people, and she should have the
Duke to herself.
His manner was certainly preoccupied, and he spoke only of ordinary
things as they went through the park.
"The party has been the greatest success, Mordryn. Are you pleased?
Everyone has enjoyed it."
"Yes, I suppose it has been all right, thanks to your admirable
qualities as hostess, dear friend. But how irksome I find all parties! I
have been too long away from the world."
"I thought you seemed so cheery, Mordryn, yesterday, but to-day you look
as glum as a church. You must shake yourself up, nothing is so foolish
as giving way to these acquired habits of solitude and separation from
your kind."
"I am growing old, Seraphim."
"Stuff and nonsense!" Her Ladyship cried. "You have never looked more
vigorous--or more attractive, and you are not subject to liver attacks
or the gout--so you have no excuse in the world for this doleful point
of view."
"Perhaps not--It is stupid to want the moon."
"There are no such things as moons for Dukes; they are always lamps
which can be secured in the hand."
"Not without fear of combustion or fusing as the case might be."
"Nothing venture nothing have. No man ought to sit down and abandon his
moon chase--if he wants it badly enough he will get it."
"In spite of his conscience?"
Her Ladyship looked at him shrewdly--now was a moment for indicating her
sentiments she felt--he might understand her as he so pleased.
"No, never in spite of his conscience, but in spite of custom or
tradition or any other man-made barrier."
But although the Duke found much comfort in her words, he was not easily
influenced by anyone and the torrent of his passion had not yet reached
the floodgates, and was restrained by his will. So he turned the
conversation and endeavoured to be cheerful. And Seraphim saw that for
the moment she must leave things to fate.
Katherine looked quite lovely at tea. Her new air of rather pensive
gentleness suited her well. She showed perfect composure, there was no
trace of nervousness or self-consciousness in her manner, only her eyes
were sad.
What dignity, the Duke thought as he watched, her conduct and attitude
during the whole visit had shown! He knew it must have been a moment of
exceptional excitement to her to come there among his and Lady
Garribardine's friends, as one of them, and yet not for a second had she
shown anything but composure and ease, talking with quiet politeness to
whoever addressed her, neither with subservience nor with expansiveness,
but with exactly the consideration which so becomes a great lady, even
if she is but a girl. He looked at her again and again, and could find
only something further to respect and admire.
He wondered how much she was feeling? What had that little sob meant?
Pain as well as understanding assuredly. Was she, too, longing secretly
to be taken into his arms--as with every fibre of his being he was
burning with desire to hold her? Or did she not really care, and was the
attention of young Westonborough enough to divert her--and would she
eventually marry Sir John?
This last thought was disgusting! but His Grace of Mordryn had not the
type of mind like that of Gerard Strobridge, to take comfort in the
thought that if she did so, his own chance of future joy would be the
greater. No touch of anything but reverence was in his heart towards
Katherine.
And so the afternoon passed with much suffering in two souls, and the
rainbow tints of the evening came over the sky. The chestnut trees were
the softest fresh green, and the oaks only just out. Copper beeches and
limes and firs all added to the beauty of tint. And young birds were
twittering their good-nights; the whole world was full of love, and
springtime promise of joy.
And Mordryn battled with himself and banished temptation, and had his
sitting-room blinds drawn immediately to hide all these sweet things of
nature, when they returned, and stayed alone there until it was time to
dress for dinner, saying he had important letters to write.
But all the while he was conscious that just beyond that door and that
passage, there was a woman who seemed to matter to him more than
anything else in life!
The whole afternoon had been such a wretched tantalization. A long duty
when he had spoken as an automaton to boring guests. He had not sought
to talk to Katherine; that good-bye in the morning had been final, there
could be no anticlimax, that would make it all futile.
And she had _understood_, she had realised his motive--this he knew and
felt, but took no comfort from the thought.
And Katherine, with half an hour to herself, looked for and found that
passage on page fifty-four of "Abelard and Héloise" and she read:
I remove to a distance from your person with an intention of
avoiding you as an enemy. And yet I incessantly seek for you in my
mind--I recall your image in my memory and in such different
disquietudes I betray and contradict myself.--I hate you!--I love
you! Shame presses me on all sides. I am at this moment afraid I
should seem more indifferent than you are, and yet I am ashamed to
discover my trouble.
Well--if he felt like that--what could be the end?