On Easter Sunday in church, Katherine sat in the overflow pew, and so
could be looked at by those highly placed in the chancel seat of honour
without the least turning of their heads. It was not surprising, then,
that the Duke found the sermon a very good, and a very short one, as his
thoughts ran on just as Gerard Strobridge's had done in that same church
once before.
What a charming oval face the girl had--and how purely white was her
skin! What was she thinking about with that inscrutable expression? The
mouth was so firm and so was the chin. Full red lips, which were yet
firm, were dangerous things. Her air was very distinguished and her
garments showed great taste. The whole thing was incredible, of course;
there must be some harking back to gentle blood. Not one of the party
looked so like his ideal of a lady as she.
And she had spoken, too, of love! She had admitted that she knew of one
side of it. What were her words, "It makes one feel mad--agitated,
unbalanced, animal, even motherly and protective," but what it could be
if it touched the soul she could not fathom----Well, the phase which she
did know was not without its charm! What extraordinary, alluring eyes
she had! Who could the fellow have been? Not a person from--er--Bindon's
Green, of course; she must always have been too refined for that--and
not Gerard. A woman who had once felt those emotions for a man did not
look at him with that serene calm with which Miss Bush had looked at
Gerard. What a most damnably exasperating circumstance it was that she
was not a guest--and that he could not spend the afternoon discussing
love, and its aspects, while pacing that sunny walk in the walled
garden, safe from the east wind!
How beautifully her hair grew! The brow was queenly. How well it would
look with an all-round crown of diamonds surmounting it. Sir John would
probably give her something of the sort. These rich parvenus--people
with but a grandfather, perhaps--would buy some flashy modern thing!
That kind of head would do justice to family jewels. He knew of one
particular crown which had belonged to a certain Duchess of early
regency days, which was reposing now at Garrards, and which would be
specially becoming. Italy--she had spoken of Italy, she had never been
there; what a companion to take to Italy! She grasped the spirit of
countries. How she had understood "Eothen!"
But the people were rising--the sermon was over. Capital fellow,
Woolman, his sermons were much shorter, though, than they used to be.
Would she walk back across the park? Yes, of course, and he would have
to motor. What contemptible slaves civilisation made of people!
As everyone was assembled in the hall on the way to luncheon, the
exasperated Duke came over to Katherine.
"Can I find shelter in the peaceful backwater again this afternoon, Miss
Bush? It is a vile day, you see, and no tennis is possible."
"No, I am afraid not."
"Does that mean no tennis or no backwater?"
"Both."
"Why?"
"The schoolroom is not intended for visitors, and Sunday afternoon is
the only time in which I can sit in the armchair myself and read."
"I would not take more than the edge of the table, if you would let me
come," eagerly, "and we could talk over what you are reading."
Katherine looked at him, and there was reproach in her eyes.
"Your Grace must know that it is altogether impossible for you to come
to the schoolroom; it could but bring censure upon me--is it quite
kind?"
He was contrite in a moment.
"Forgive me! I see my suggestion was not chivalrous--forgive me a
thousand times."
She moved on with the general company without answering and it chanced
at luncheon that the Duke could see her face, and it looked to him
rather sad. He felt a number of things, and even though it rained he
went for a walk in the early afternoon alone.
There was obviously only one post which a woman in her position in life
could fill, in regard to a man in his----But every fine sentiment in him
revolted at the picture of it. That proud head could never bow to the
status of mistress. He must dismiss such vagrant thoughts, he must
dismiss all thoughts of her except that she was a pleasant companion
when chance allowed him to be naturally in her society, for a minute now
and then.
There were so many other interests in his homecoming which he must think
of. His public duties, which the tragic circumstances of his life had
forced him to waive for so long. There were politics, too. The
renovation of the London house--the plans for the Season--the reopening
of Valfreyne. By the way, which rooms should he give to Seraphim and her
secretary for Whitsuntide? The Venetian suite on the ground floor in the
west wing. Seraphim should have the bedroom and dressing-room and
sitting-room, which looked on to the park, and Miss Bush the smaller
bedroom hung with green damask adjoining--and how would things be? She
would be his guest then, and should be treated with all honour. There
should be no more coming into the drawing-room after dinner--and
lunching if the numbers had to be made up!
But to what end? This was ridiculous weakness, this allowing his
thoughts to dwell upon her so much. He had better go back to the house
and talk to one of the newcomers--quite a nice woman, who was not intent
upon falling into his arms.
And Katherine sat in the schoolroom for a little, but she did not read.
She had seen the Duke from the window for an instant passing the end of
the rose garden. The sight of him had made her sit down in her armchair
and begin to think.
Could the barrier of the enormous difference in their positions ever be
surmounted, after all? Dukes had married even actresses in the past, but
she would never accept such a position as had been the lot of such
Duchesses. She must only wear the strawberry leaves if they could be
given her in all honour, and with the sympathy and the approval of her
own immediate world. It almost looked as though her mistress's
acquiescence would be forthcoming. But there was yet another side of the
question; there was the recollection of the three days with Lord Algy.
No faintest uneasiness or regret about that episode had ever entered her
brain during all her friendship with Gerard except on that one evening,
after hearing of the misfortune of Gladys and upon that one occasion
when first she had again seen the hotel in Paris. Now she was faced with
the thought what would the Duke say if he knew of this circumstance in
her life? With his lofty point of view, his pride and his present great
respect for her, the knowledge would inevitably part them. And if he
should remain in ignorance and marry her, the secret fear of his ever
discovering the truth afterwards would hang like Damocles' sword over
her head. It would insidiously and inevitably destroy the harmony and
perfect balance of her mind, necessary for her to carry through the
great task of playing successfully the part of Duchess, and it would
eventually spoil her whole life.
She more than ever realised the certain reaction of every single action
committed, and of every thought thought. Therefore the tremendous
necessity of forethought.
Unless the mind is perfectly at peace with itself, she knew it could
never have magnetic force to propel its desires, and must lose
confidence and so fail to reach its goal. This she realised fully. Her
particular type and logical brain, weighing all matters without
sentiment, totally uninfluenced by orthodox ideas as to morality if such
orthodox ideas did not seem to be supported by common sense, caused her
to feel no guilt, nor any so-called conscience prickings on having taken
Lord Algy as a lover. They had both been free and were injuring none. To
her it appeared no sin, merely that such actions, not being sanctioned
by custom, would inevitably draw upon those who committed them the
penalty attached to breaking any laws, even should they be only those of
conventionality.
But beyond all this, there was another and quite newly experienced
emotion troubling her. It had arisen sharply and suddenly in her breast,
born of that strange thrill she had felt when the Duke had kissed her
hand----What if he--the man himself--should grow to matter to
her--matter as Algy had done, quite apart from his Dukedom and his being
the medium through which she could gratify her ambitions?
What a unique, subtle, extraordinary emotion she had experienced! She
must keep her head; she must not give way to such things. How hateful,
how unbearable it would be if one day she should see disgust and
contempt in those dark-blue eyes, instead of the look of homage which
had preceded the kiss!
Then she scolded herself. To fear was to draw inevitably the thing
feared. She must have no fears and no regrets. She must pursue her plan
with intelligence, and if the feeling that she was using deception grew
to be insupportable, then she must have courage to face the result of
her own past action, and she must admit herself beaten and retire from
the game. She went over the chances of discovery. Lord Algy would never
give her away; she had calculated upon that fact when she had chosen an
aristocrat for her partner in initiation. There remained only the valet
Hanson, who had seen her often enough possibly to recognise her again.
But he did not know her real name, and had shown no interest in her--too
accustomed, probably, to the changes in his master's fancies to remark
upon individuals. Also, she was so completely altered since those days,
no casual remembrance Hanson might have kept of her would be likely to
revive if he chanced to see her now.
The odds were ten thousand to one that neither the Duke nor anyone else
would ever know of her adventure. It thus resolved itself only into a
question for her own honest soul to decide.
The common sense way to look at everything was that the time for these
heart-searchings was not yet; and that her energies must be concentrated
upon continuing to profit by the results of her first sensible action in
making the impression upon the Duke's imagination unbiased by class
prejudices.
So presently she grew quieter and at last fell asleep over the wood
fire, the volume of the "Letters of Abelard and Héloise" still in her
hand.
She was awakened after a while by the entrance of Lady Garribardine, and
quickly rose from her seat.
"I am sorry to disturb your well-earned Sunday peace, Miss Bush, but
some of the guests are growing restive with the wet. Go and take charge
of those in the drawing-room and accompany their songs. I don't think
this party has been well chosen, the elements do not assimilate."
Katherine was laboriously doing her duty when the Duke came in. He did
not attempt to come near her, but stayed by the great centre fireplace
talking to one of the newcomers without his usual air of making a virtue
of necessity, which his attitude towards the three charmers had hitherto
suggested to Katherine.
She could get a good view of him from the piano, and found her eye
greatly pleased. He was certainly very attractive. He had that same
humorous and rather cynical expression which so often distinguished her
mistress. His figure was so perfect and his clothes, with their air of a
bygone day!
For a second, Katherine's hand seemed to tingle again in the place which
he had kissed, and she experienced that nameless thrill which is half
quiver and half shock. She felt that she hated having to play the
accompaniments, and resented her position. It gave her some relief to
crash loud chords. None of the younger men could approach the Duke in
charm. What was he talking to that woman about? Interesting books? some
of their mutual friends, perhaps? She wished she could hear--but she
could not. His voice was lazy again; she caught its tones now and then,
but not the words, and the firelight made his emerald ring sparkle. She
wondered if there was some history connected with it; it was so large
and so unusual a signet for a man to wear. How exquisite it would have
been to have been able to have let him come up to the schoolroom, then
she could have asked him about it, perhaps. She sighed unconsciously,
and presently they all went in to tea.
There was some inscrutable expression in her eyes as they met his in
handing him his cup. They were a little shadowed and sorrowful. They
drew him like a magnet, so that desire made him at last use sophistry in
his arguments with himself.
What harm could there be in a little casual conversation? and he took a
seat near.
"Had you profitable repose this afternoon in your armchair, Miss Bush?"
"Yes, I hope so--I was sorting things and getting them into their niches
in my mind. I hope you had not too wet a walk; I saw you from the window
passing the end of the rose garden."
"I wish you had come out; the air was fresh and it is rather nice to
have the wet in one's face at times----So you put everything into niches
in your mind? Was it in chaos before, then?"
"Yes, partly."
"What has caused this upset?"
"That----" and there was a peculiar tone in her voice--"I should much
like to know--We seem to come to new vistas in life, do we not--when
everything must be looked at in a fresh perspective?"
"That is very true----"
"And then we must call up all our sense of balance to grasp the new
outlines accurately, and not to be led away into false conceptions
through emotion."
The Duke was greatly interested. How exactly she was describing his own
state of mind--but what had caused such thoughts to arise in hers?
"It is extremely difficult to see things as they are when emotion enters
into the question," he said, "and how dull everything appears when it
does not!"
She looked at him, and there were rebellion and suppressed passion in
her compelling eyes--and the Duke's pulses suddenly began to bound; but
this was the sole exchange of sentences they were vouchsafed, for
Blanche Montague subsided into a sofa close to his side and beamed at
him with a whispered challenge. So Katherine turned and devoted herself
to some other guests beyond.
She did not come into the drawing-room again that night. She asked her
mistress if she might be excused, for if not really wanted, there were
numbers of letters to write. And Mordryn looked for her in vain, and
eventually manoeuvred the conversation round to the reason for her
absence, when speaking to old Gwendoline l'Estaire who, he had
perceived, was devoted to the girl.
"I think she must be tired to-night, having asked Sarah to excuse her. I
don't remember her ever to have done such a thing before. She is such a
dear child, I don't know what Sarah would do without her--we are all
very fond of her. A perfect lady, wherever she came from, but I really
do not care from where."
"Of course not!" cordially responded the Duke. And he wondered what had
made her tired, and why her eyes had been rebellious and sad. Was she
wounded because he had suggested coming to the schoolroom, with the risk
of drawing down censure upon her head? She needed some explanation
certainly from him, he felt, upon this matter. It had been thoughtless
on his part and not really kind. He would not leave to-morrow, after
all. Why should not Gwendoline, who was stupid and good-natured, be used
to further his plans if the chance to see Miss Bush looked too
impossibly difficult of attainment? But he went to bed with no sense of
happiness or satisfaction in his heart.
He liked rising early, and escaped to the rose garden alone about nine
o'clock on Easter Monday morning. No windows but those of the
smoking-room wing and those of the picture gallery and the main hall
looked out upon this secluded spot. He had walked to the end when he saw
in the distance at a turn in the shrubbery, the figure of Katherine
disappearing towards the park. This was luck, indeed! He hurried after
her, and overtook her as she opened the shrubbery gate. She carried a
basket of fresh eggs and a black bottle.
"Whither away, Mistress?" he asked, as he raised his cap and walked by
her side.
"I am going to take these to old Mrs. Peterson at the far lodge; she has
not been well these last days."
"Jacob's wife?"
"Yes."
"Then may I come, too? I must have some exercise; look upon it like
that, since I strongly suspect if I told you that it was simply for the
pleasure of being with you, you would send me back."
"I should not want to, but I suppose I should have to say that."
She was looking very pretty in her rough homespun suit and green felt
hat. The wind had blown no colour as yet into her cheeks, but had made
her little ears almost a scarlet pink. She seemed the embodiment of
sensuous youth and health and life. Her type was so far from being
ascetic. What ever the mental gifts might be, Nature would have a strong
say in everything concerning her. The Duke admired her supple, slender
limbs, and he reflected, just as Gerard had done long before, how
very stately she would become presently--if she married and had
children----Sir John--but he banished Sir John!
"Shall we forget all those stupid conventions on this wild March
morning, and return to the stage in our acquaintance at which we were
when we said good-night at Gerard Strobridge's?"
"That would be nice."
"Is it a bargain, then?"
"Yes."
"I am not to be 'Your Grace,' and you are not to remind me every two
minutes that you are Lady Garribardine's secretary."
"Very well."
"If you remember, the last words we had together then were finished by
a question from you to me, as to whether there was not something else in
love beyond that passionate side which you intimated that you already
knew."
"Yes, I remember."
"I think there is a great deal more, but it would not be complete alone.
Love to be lasting must be a mixture of both passion and idealism, but
where can one find such a combination in these days? The emotion which
most people call love is composed of self-interest, and a little
transitory exaltation of the senses. But such old-fashioned and divine
qualities as devotion and tenderness and self-sacrifice are almost
unknown."
Katherine did not speak; the "Letters of Abelard and Héloise" were very
fresh in her memory; one passage in _Héloise's_ first letter had struck
her forcibly:
If there is anything that may properly be called happiness here
below, I am persuaded it is in the union of two persons who love
each other with perfect liberty, who are united by a secret
inclination and satisfied with each other's merits. Their hearts
are full of love and leave no vacancy for any other passion; they
enjoy perpetual tranquillity, because they enjoy content.
And now, with sudden illumination of the spirit, the conviction came to
her that this was the truth, and that this man walking by her side
talking in his exquisite voice to her, looking at her with his deep blue
eyes, could inspire in her all the passion and all the devotion, and all
the tenderness which _Héloise_ had felt of old. And the magnitude of the
discovery kept her silent, with lowered lids.
He waited for her to speak, but when no words came, he bent forward and
looked into her face. The eyes which at last met his were troubled and
sweet, and not falcon-like in their proud serenity as usual.
"Do not let us talk about love," she said at last. "It is a moving
theme, and better left alone. Yesterday I was reading the 'Letters of
Abelard and Héloise,' and it is wiser to remember the wisdom in this
phrase of _Abelard's_ than to talk of love: 'What great advantages would
philosophy give us over other men, if by studying it we could learn to
govern our passions.'"
Mordryn smiled.
"Finish the quotation," he commanded, "or shall I? 'What efforts, what
relapses, what agitations do we undergo. And how long are we tossed
in this confusion unable to exert our reason to possess our souls,
or to rule our affections. What a troublesome employment is love!'
Philosophers remember _Abelard_ as a great scholar and ethical teacher,
but he lives not by his learning or his philosophy, but by the memory of
his profound and passionate love."
Katherine sighed.
"I suppose it is indeed divine, but please do not let us talk of it; it
makes everyday life grey and commonplace by contrast."
The Duke was sufficiently master of himself to realise that it was wiser
to take her advice. To discuss love on a March morning with this most
attractive and forbidden young woman was not wisdom, so he changed the
subject by expressing his contrition at having come to the schoolroom.
He hated to think that his chivalry had been at fault.
Then they talked of many things, all in the abstract, evolution and
ethics and aspirations and theories, and at last Katherine said:
"How glorious to be you! To have all that is noble your own by right,
and so to have leisure to let your soul expand to the highest, without
wasting it in the struggle to emerge from clay."
Her deep voice had a passion in it, and her eyes flashed. "You, and all
aristocrats, should be grateful to God."
Later in the day, Mordryn felt that it was fortunate that at this
particular moment they had reached the gate of the far lodge, the
opening of which broke the spell, of what he might have answered he did
not feel altogether sure, so deeply had she affected him.
Mrs. Peterson was a good deal better, it seemed, and Katherine proposed
to stay with her for half an hour--so she came out of the door and asked
the Duke not to wait for her.
"Go back without me--I have been so happy--and please--do not talk to me
any more to-day--and, oh! please, remember who you are and who I am, and
leave me alone."
And to his intense surprise and sudden unhinging, her fearless glance
was softened by a mist which might have presaged tears.