The months went by. It was Easter time before Katherine Bush again saw
Gerard Strobridge. He went off to Egypt about the middle of January, and
Lady Garribardine was up in London for a few days alone before he left
seeing her grandchildren off. Katherine missed him, and unconsciously
his influence directed her studies. She remembered isolated sentences
that he had used in their talk that day in the picture gallery. He had
certainly shown a delightfully cultivated mind, and she wished that
things had not reached a climax so soon between them. She regretted
deeply that she had caused him any pain and determined never to deviate
from loyal friendship so that he should have no cause to suffer further.
He had not forgotten about the books, and she was now the proud
possessor of several volumes on the Renaissance, including, of course,
Symonds and Pater. They opened yet another door in her imagination, and
on days when she was not very busy, she would wander in the picture
gallery and go over all the examples of the Italian masters again and
again, and try to get the atmosphere of the books.
Lady Garribardine watched her silently for the first few weeks after her
nephew went, without increasing their intimacy. Her shrewd mind was
studying Katherine, to make sure that she had made no mistake about her.
Such a very deep creature might have sides which would make her regret
having dropped the reserve which, accompanied by a high-handed
kindliness, she showed to all her dependents.
The great event of New Year's day had been the advent of the grey wig so
beautifully arranged with her ladyship's own snow-white hair, that the
whole thing seemed growing together! With her dark, sparkling eyes and
jet brows, she now looked an extremely handsome old lady; and Katherine
who did not see her until the afternoon when they were alone, was unable
to keep a faint, almost inaudible "Ah!" of admiration from escaping,
when she first saw her. She was furious with herself and bit her lip,
but Lady Garribardine smiled.
"You would say something, Miss Bush? Pray speak."
Katherine coloured a little; she felt this was one of those slips which
she very seldom made, but frankness being always her method, she
answered quietly:
"I only thought how beautiful Your Ladyship looked--just like the
Nattier in the gallery."
"You find my grey locks an improvement, then?"
"Oh, yes!"
"The Nattier was an ancestress of mine.--A French entanglement of a
great great-grandfather, which ended, as these affairs are seldom
fortunate enough to do, in a marriage all correct with the church's
blessing--the husband being most conveniently killed in a duel with
another man!--So the then d'Estaire brought her here to Blissington,
where she was shockingly bored, poor thing! and died a year or two after
producing an heir for him. When I was young, I always went to fancy
balls as the charming creature--it is amusing that you see the likeness
even now."
"It is very striking."
"I always felt a great pity for her--transplanted from Versailles and
all the joys of the Court, to this quiet, English home--Have you ever
read Lord Chesterfield's letters to his son, girl?"
Katherine had not.
"Well, then, you had better read them; there is a good edition in the
library. They are, you will find, the most instructive things in English
literature. If I had had a son, I would have brought him up upon them. I
was reminded of them now by thinking of my twice great-grandmother.
Chesterfield always quotes the French nobles of that date as the _ne
plus ultra_ of good breeding, and rather suggests that the Englishmen
were often boors or blockheads. So although d'Estaire may have satisfied
her, the general company could not have done so, one feels."
"I would like to see Versailles," Katherine ventured to remark.
"You will some day--I may go to Paris after Easter--one must have
clothes."
Katherine realised this necessity--her own wardrobe would require
replenishing by the springtime, but she had not dreamed of Paris.
Her immediate action after this was to get from the library the
Chesterfield Letters, the reading of which she always afterwards looked
back upon as being the second milestone in her career. She devoured
them, and learned countless advantageous lessons of the world therefrom.
The first and chief being the value of graciousness and good manners.
She now began to realise that her own were too sullen and abrupt, and a
marked change in them was soon perceivable to anyone who would have
cared to notice. This was during the time when she was still only on
probation in her employer's favour, but it was not lost upon that astute
lady; nothing ever escaped her eagle eye. And she often smiled to
herself quietly when she watched the girl.
Now and then they would go up to the London house for a few days and
"picnic," as Her Ladyship called it, which meant taking only her
personal footman to wait on her, and a maid or two for the house.
Katherine went with her nearly always, and was sent shopping and allowed
to go and see her family, if she wished.
But she did not wish, and always met Matilda at some place for tea. The
gulf between them was growing wider and wider, and while Katherine was
far more agreeable than of old, Matilda stood in much greater awe of
her.
She felt, although she would not have owned it for the world, that her
sister had really gone into another class, and she was not quite
comfortable with her. Katherine seemed to look more stately and refined
each time, and Matilda gloried and grieved in secret over it.
Gladys accompanied her on one occasion.
"I suppose Kitten will be marrying one of them gentlemen, some day,"
Matilda said on the way home to Laburnum Villa. "You'd never know she
wasn't someone tip-top now, would you, Glad?"
"No--she is quite like any of our 'real thing' lot who came into
Ermantine's--they're dowdy, but you'd know they were it."
"Well, I hope she'll be happy." Matilda sighed doubtfully.
"Yes, she will," Gladys returned a little bitterly. "Katherine would
never do anything to get herself into a mess; she is quite just, and she
can be awfully kind--but she looks to the end of things and doesn't care
a rush for anyone but sticks to what she wants herself. I tell you what,
Tild, I used to hate her--but I don't now--I respect Katherine. She is
so perfectly true."
"She seems to talk different, don't you notice, Glad?"
"She always did--but now more than ever; she is like our best lot--I
suppose she did learn something extra at those evening classes she was
so fond of?"
Matilda shook her head regretfully.
"I never did hold to them--she'd have been happy at home now and engaged
to Charlie Prodgers all comfortable, but for that nonsense."
"Oh! but, Tild, I expect what she has got is better even than that."
"What! to be a grand lady's servant, Glad! My! I'd far rather be Mrs.
Prodgers, junior, a lady myself, and keep my own general! Mabel's
forever saying Katherine can't be anything but a slave--And Mabel
knows--her cousin's aunt's daughter who married that gentleman with the
large city business was presented at Court!"
But Mrs. Bob Hartley only sighed. Life was growing particularly grim for
her just now. She felt horribly ill, and had to stand about all day, and
conceal every sensation to keep up the appearances that all was fair.
Katherine reflected deeply upon the moral of the situation, after her
sisters had left her. What martyrs many women were in life! and what
hideous injustice it all seemed--and more than ever she saw how
merciless nature is to weaklings.
About three weeks before Easter, Lady Garribardine was alone down at
Blissington; she had lately taken to having her secretary with her
sometimes on her frequent visits to her cottagers.
She would start in a rough, short suit, and a pair of thick boots, with
a serviceable walking-stick, and would tramp for miles carrying a
basket, in which were sweets and medicines. She was worshipped by her
people, arrogant, commanding, kindly great lady!
On one of these occasions they had the motor to meet them at the end of
the home village, and drove six or seven miles to another in her
outlying property.
She was very gracious as they went along.
"What books have you been reading lately, girl? If they are the
Chesterfield Letters I think I may tell you that you have profited by
them. Your manners generally are greatly improved."
Katherine reddened with pleasure.
"I have read them over and over again. I have found them more
instructive to me than any other book."
"In my young days they were considered highly immoral and pernicious, by
most of the canting Victorian hypocrites--when, of course, everyone of
the world knew that Chesterfield's advice on all points was the most
sensible and sagacious that could be given--but hypocrisy had risen to a
colossal height in the sixties and seventies."
"I suppose so."
"Nowadays not one person in ten thousand reads them, more's the pity. If
the young men with their great personal beauty--which sport and suitable
feeding have produced--could have been brought up to understand the
advantage of cultivating 'the graces,' what godlike creatures they would
be!"
Katherine thought of Lord Algy; he must have done so unconsciously, she
felt.
"People are so apt to judge such a book upon the letter, not the
spirit--naturally one must make allowances for the different customs and
habits of the times; but the spirit of the advice adapted to modern
requirements would make any man or woman into an eminent person if it
was faithfully followed. I recommend it to you strongly, since I believe
you are steadily trying to educate yourself, Miss Bush."
"I am, indeed--I hope I am not overconfident in believing that if one
probes the meaning of everything, and can see the faults in oneself,
including those of instinct, it is possible to do, by will, what only
the evolution of centuries accomplishes by natural process. The
Chesterfield Letters have encouraged me in my belief."
"Of course, it is possible, but people will hardly ever face the truth,
and would not dream of examining their own instincts; it would wound
their self-love; they would rather be mediocre and blinded to their
stupidities, than teach themselves any useful lesson. Your determined
effort interests me deeply, child."
Katherine turned a radiant face of gratitude; this was praise indeed!
"I will do all I can to merit Your Ladyship's goodness to me."
"No, I am not good--I have no altruistic or humanitarian proclivities--I
would not bother with you for five minutes if you were not so
intelligent that I have grown to take a kind of pride in you."
"I can't say how I appreciate Your Ladyship's kindness."
Lady Garribardine turned and looked at her for a second, and then she
said slowly:
"I am going to ask you a question not strictly justifiable--and you need
not answer it if you would rather not--but you may have formed some
opinion of my integrity in these months, which will perhaps allow you to
be frank with me--Did my nephew, Gerard Strobridge, make violent love to
you when he spent Christmas with us? It seemed to me at the time, and
afterwards, that he grew considerably depressed."
Katherine felt a twinge of distress.
"Mr. Strobridge showed some interest in me which I felt it wiser to
discourage--He was very kind to me though, and agreed to be my friend,
and sent me some books."
For a second, Lady Garribardine felt irritated. Her precious Gerard to
have been a suppliant to this dependent in her house!--And then the
broad justice of her nature regained its mastery; the girl was worthy of
the homage of a king.
"I think he must have been extremely hard hit--I am quite devoted to
him, as you know. I rely upon you not to hurt him more than you can
help, when he comes back."
"I never wished to hurt him at all--I did wish to talk to him, though,
because he is so clever, so at first I was glad to attract his
attention. I know now that that was wrong."
Lady Garribardine looked at her secretary critically. She was astonished
at this frank avowal which she realised not another woman in a million
in Katherine's situation would have made.
"You deliberately attracted him then, girl, eh?----" her voice was
stern.
"Yes--on the afternoon he first spoke to me when we typed the charity
papers. I was so anxious to learn about books and art, and before that
he had not noticed me at all."
"You did not calculate that it might hurt him?"
Lady Garribardine wondered at herself that she did not feel angry.
"No. I never thought about that--he seemed older and of the world, and
able to take care of himself, and he was married."
"None of which things ever saved a man when Eve offered the apple--I
suppose I ought to be very annoyed with you, child--but I believe it has
done him good; he wanted rousing, he is, as you say, so clever.
"He could have done brilliantly, but he is lacking in perseverance--If
he had married a woman like you, he would have risen to great things.
The finest gift of God is an indomitable purpose _to do_. My nephew
drifted, I fear."
Then their talk branched off to other things, and this proud old
aristocrat, having made up her mind now once for all that Katherine
possessed a character and qualities after her own heart, she from this
day treated her as an equal and a valued companion whenever they were
not in actual relation of employer and secretary; when in that, she
would always resume her original aloof manner of one in command.
Katherine delighted in this _nuance_, and appreciated the subtle tribute
to her own sense of the fitness of things, and never once took the ell
when she was given the inch, showing in this the immeasurable distance
she had risen above her class.
And so Easter came, and with it a large party--and Gerard Strobridge. At
first sight, he did not appear at all changed. Katherine saw him from
the window of the schoolroom just at sunset on the Thursday afternoon,
when the guests arrived. He was walking in the rose garden with a tall,
beautiful woman. The lowering globe of fire was making a blaze of
reflected light from striking the row of mullioned windows of the
picture gallery on the opposite side, and the flower-beds were a mass of
daffodils and hyacinths. It was a nice background. He looked up, so
Katherine saw his face plainly--then she stepped behind the curtain and
the pair went on.
She felt very glad to see him, and wondered when they would meet. At
these huge parties she never came down, even to pour out the tea if Her
Ladyship's hand ached, as at the smaller family Christmas one. So unless
he made the chance deliberately, it was quite possible no words would be
exchanged.
This uncertainty added to the interest, and made her decide when Sunday
should come to take especial pains with her appearance for church--Under
Gladys' direction, she would be most simply and charmingly garbed, in a
new blue serge suit, and becoming black hat. Before Saturday when they
actually met, however, she had seen Gerard twice, once from the gallery
as she was leaving Lady Garribardine's sitting-room, and he was talking
to the same beautiful lady in the hall--and once from her window when he
paced the rose garden alone.
Katherine was familiar with the names and characteristics of all the
guests, for had she not written their invitations and read their
answers? Did she not type the cards which slipped into the little plates
on their doors, and those for their places at dinner?--And on Saturday
night a message came for her that she was to print two more, and go
immediately to Bronson with a fresh arrangement of the table, as two
extra men were going to turn up by motor at the last moment, guardsmen
quartered at Windsor.
She was coming from the dining-room down the passage which led to her
staircase, and also the smoking-room, when Gerard emerged from there,
and met her at the foot of the stairs.
He put out his hand with cordial friendliness, while he cried gaily:
"At last I can greet you!--I would not go to dress on purpose, because I
saw you rush down the passage, and I knew you would have to come
back--It is good to see you again!"
She answered suitably and would have passed on, only he barred the way.
"I thought you were going to let me be a friend," he said reproachfully,
"and here you snub me at once and want to run away."
"No--but you will be late."
"I care not a jot!--When can I possibly see you to-morrow?"
His eyes began to grow hungry; he was taking in the subtle improvement
in her--which had happened even in these few months. His interest in her
had not diminished, he discovered, much as he had hoped that he had
crushed it to within bounds.
"I cannot say--in church, I suppose."
"That is small comfort! May I not come up the stairs just for half an
hour before lunch?"
"Yes, if you find it possible--remember, I trust you not to do anything
unwise."
"I promise--if you prefer it, I will ask my aunt's permission."
"Do as you think best--but now I must go. Good-night!"
He took her hand and kissed it--his lips were burning. Then he watched
her as she went up the stairs, never looking back. And a sudden anguish
came over him. How hopeless the whole thing was! He had better not have
relied upon his self-command, and have stayed away.
He did not go to church on the Sunday. Katherine rather wondered at
this, as she walked back alone across the park. In the country, Lady
Garribardine expected the inmates of her house to be very orthodox.
The fine spring wind had blown two faint pink roses into her cheeks, by
the time she reached the schoolroom, and there found Mr. Strobridge
seated in her favourite armchair reading a book!
He rose eagerly as she entered, but he did not shake hands.
"I thought possession would be nine points of the law, so I ensconced
myself here, and awaited you, and I am going to stay until you turn me
out."
"Very well--that will be at ten minutes to one--at five minutes to,
Thomas comes to lay the table for my lunch."
"That gives us just under half an hour--Katherine, you beautiful thing,
let me look at you!"
And now he took both her hands and pulled her to the light.
"You have grown much prettier, you know--and are more attractive than
ever, alas!"
"If you are going to talk like that, although you may stay, I shall
leave you alone."
"No, I am going to be reasonable. Tell me everything, what you have been
doing, and reading, and thinking, since I went away?"
"I have been doing my work--and reading all the books you gave me--and
many others--and thinking about life."
"Never once of me, I suppose?"
"Yes--you are part of my life--my one friend."
He started forward.
"Darl----" but he checked himself before the word came quite out, and
said instead:
"Ah! that is joy to hear! And now I want to know what you thought of
Symonds and Pater and the rest?--You will have quantities of things to
discuss with me, I am sure."
Katherine began taking off her hat and coat, and then put them neatly on
the long, hard sofa; she never glanced in the glass or patted her
hair--She was boyish in her unconsciousness.
Gerard Strobridge watched her, and then suddenly looked away; the insane
desire was rising in him again to take her in his arms. So he exerted
extra control over himself, and spent the rest of the time in truly
friendly converse, in which he assumed the character of stern tutor,
examining a promising pupil upon a holiday task performed in his
absence.
Katherine was enchanted, and when ten minutes to one came, she wished he
had not to go.
"It has given me so much pleasure to talk to you--I am so glad you have
come back." But she held her hands behind her when he would have taken
them again, in gladness at her words.
"So much touching is undesirable if we are going to remain friends," she
told him.
"When may I come again?"
"You must arrange that."
"After tea, just until it is getting dark enough for Martha to be coming
to draw the curtains?"
"Yes, perhaps."
And with this he left comforted.
But when he had gone, Katherine Bush went and looked out of the window,
and very slowly shook her head in perplexity.
"It will certainly hurt him--and what will Her Ladyship say? She may
think I am not playing the game."
And then she remembered Lord Chesterfield's advice in one of his maxims:
When a man of sense happens to be in that disagreeable situation in
which he is obliged to ask himself more than once, "What shall I
do?"--he will answer himself--"Nothing." When his reason points out
to him no good way, or at least no one way less bad than another,
he will stop short and wait for light.