1. That all persons shall be eligible for membership of the Society,
with the following exceptions:--Infants in arms; Their Descendants and
other Relatives within the Prohibited Degrees; Parties who are balmy on
the Crumpet,; H. M.'s guests at Portland, Newgate, and Broadmoor; JABEZ;
Persons who have written a book; Persons who haven't; Mrs. PROWLINA PRY;
also all the pragmatic and prudish nonentities who have pranced in
prurient print over the unsavoury question lately discussed _ad nauseam_
in the columns of the _D. T._
2. That if the interview be conducted by one of the male sex, the
Society's chucker-out, jester, and solicitors shall always be present.
3. That the following scale of fees, payable by the Interviewer to the
Interviewee, be adopted:--
£ _s. d._
Mere Nobody 0 0 2
Nobody Else 0 2 6
Mr. WH-STL-R, over a recent Grievance 0 6 8
Minister, of Cabinet Rank 1 1 0
Gaiety Girl, of the Front Rank 1 1 1
Cabman, of any Rank 1 1 2
Mr. ARTHUR ROBERTS, on Things in General 2 2 0
Ditto, on the Empire Question 3 3 0
Any leading Burglar, Pickpocket, or Company Promoter,
with discount for cash 4 4 0
Pugilist, including services of Policeman and Surgeon 5 5 0
G. O. M., if you can get at him 10 10 0
Eminent Humorist, when irritated 21 0 0
Ditto, if a Lady, and pretty (these are scarce) 50 0 0
Anybody who hasn't yet been Interviewed (these are
scarcer) 100 0 0
4. That the Society be immediately dissolved, in view of pending
litigation.
Transcriber's Note:
Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation are as in the original.