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THE TALKING HORSE
ETC.
* * * * *
THE TALKING HORSE
AND OTHER TALES
BY
F. ANSTEY
AUTHOR OF 'VICE VERSA' 'THE GIANT'S ROBE' 'THE PARIAH' ETC.
SECOND EDITION
LONDON
SMITH, ELDER, & CO., 15 WATERLOO PLACE
1892
[_All rights reserved_]
PREFACE
These stories originally appeared in 'Macmillan's,' 'Longman's,'
'Atalanta,' 'The Cornhill,' 'The Graphic,' 'Aunt Judy's,' 'The
Reflector,' and Unwin's 'Christmas Annual,' respectively.
F. A.
CONTENTS
PAGE
THE TALKING HORSE 1
THE GOOD LITTLE GIRL 39
A MATTER OF TASTE 72
DON; THE STORY OF A GREEDY DOG 127
TAKEN BY SURPRISE 151
PALEFACE AND REDSKIN 176
SHUT OUT 234
TOMMY'S HERO 250
A CANINE ISHMAEL 274
MARJORY 286
_THE TALKING HORSE_
It was on the way to Sandown Park that I met him first, on that horribly
wet July afternoon when Bendigo won the Eclipse Stakes. He sat opposite
to me in the train going down, and my attention was first attracted to
him by the marked contrast between his appearance and his attire: he had
not thought fit to adopt the regulation costume for such occasions, and
I think I never saw a man who had made himself more aggressively horsey.
The mark of the beast was sprinkled over his linen: he wore snaffle
sleeve-links, a hard hunting-hat, a Newmarket coat, and extremely tight
trousers. And with all this, he fell as far short of the genuine
sportsman as any stage super who ever wore his spurs upside down in a
hunting-chorus. His expression was mild and inoffensive, and his watery
pale eyes and receding chin gave one the idea that he was hardly to be
trusted astride anything more spirited than a gold-headed cane. And yet,
somehow, he aroused compassion rather than any sense of the ludicrous:
he had that look of shrinking self-effacement which comes of a recent
humiliation, and, in spite of all extravagances, he was obviously a
gentleman; while something in his manner indicated that his natural
tendency would, once at all events, have been to avoid any kind of
extremes.
He puzzled and interested me so much that I did my best to enter into
conversation with him, only to be baffled by the jerky embarrassment
with which he met all advances, and when we got out at Esher, curiosity
led me to keep him still in view.
Evidently he had not come with any intention of making money. He avoided
the grand stand, with the bookmakers huddling in couples, like hoarse
lovebirds; he kept away from the members' inclosure, where the Guards'
band was endeavouring to defy the elements which emptied their vials
into the brazen instruments; he drifted listlessly about the course till
the clearing-bell rang, and it seemed as if he was searching for some
one whom he only wished to discover in order to avoid.
Sandown, it must be admitted, was not as gay as usual that day, with its
'deluged park' and 'unsummer'd sky,' its waterproofed toilettes and
massed umbrellas, whose sides gleamed livid as they caught the
light--but there was a general determination to ignore the unseasonable
dampness as far as possible, and an excitement over the main event of
the day which no downpour could quench.
The Ten Thousand was run: ladies with marvellously confected bonnets
lowered their umbrellas without a murmur, and smart men on drags shook
hands effusively as, amidst a frantic roar of delight, Bendigo strode
past the post. The moment after, I looked round for my incongruous
stranger, and saw him engaged in a well-meant attempt to press a currant
bun upon a carriage-horse tethered to one of the trees--a feat of
abstraction which, at such a time, was only surpassed by that of
Archimedes at the sack of Syracuse.
After that I could no longer control my curiosity--I felt I must speak
to him again, and I made an opportunity later, as we stood alone on a
stand which commanded the finish of one of the shorter courses, by
suggesting that he should share my umbrella.
Before accepting he glanced suspiciously at me through the rills that
streamed from his unprotected hat-brim. 'I'm afraid,' I said, 'it is
rather like shutting the stable-door after the steed is stolen.'
He started. 'He _was_ stolen, then,' he cried; 'so you have heard?'
I explained that I had only used an old proverb which I thought might
appeal to him, and he sighed heavily.
'I was misled for the moment,' he said: 'you have guessed, then, that I
have been accustomed to horses?'
'You have hardly made any great secret of it.'
'The fact is,' he said, instantly understanding this allusion to his
costume, 'I--I put on these things so as not to lose the habit of
riding altogether--I have not been on horseback lately. At one time I
used to ride constantly--constantly. I was a regular attendant in Rotten
Row--until something occurred which shook my nerve, and I am only
waiting now for the shock to subside.'
I did not like to ask any questions, and we walked back to the station,
and travelled up to Waterloo in company, without any further reference
to the subject.
As we were parting, however, he said, 'I wonder if you would care to
hear my full story some day? I cannot help thinking it would interest
you, and it would be a relief to me.'
I was ready enough to hear whatever he chose to tell me; and persuaded
him to dine with me at my rooms that evening, and unbosom himself
afterwards, which he did to an extent for which I confess I was
unprepared.
That he himself implicitly believed in his own story, I could not doubt;
and he told it throughout with the oddest mixture of vanity and modesty,
and an obvious struggle between a dim perception of his own absurdity
and the determination to spare himself in no single particular, which,
though it did not overcome my scepticism, could not fail to enlist
sympathy. But for all that, by the time he entered upon the more
sensational part of his case, I was driven to form conclusions
respecting it which, as they will probably force themselves upon the
reader's own mind, I need not anticipate here.
I give the story, as far as possible, in the words of its author; and
have only to add that it would never have been published here without
his full consent and approval.
'My name,' said he, 'is Gustavus Pulvertoft. I have no occupation, and
six hundred a year. I lived a quiet and contented bachelor until I was
twenty-eight, and then I met Diana Chetwynd for the first time. We were
spending Christmas at the same country-house, and it did not take me
long to become the most devoted of her many adorers. She was one of the
most variously accomplished girls I had ever met. She was a skilled
musician, a brilliant amateur actress; she could give most men thirty
out of a hundred at billiards, and her judgment and daring across the
most difficult country had won her the warm admiration of all
hunting-men. And she was neither fast nor horsey, seeming to find but
little pleasure in the society of mere sportsmen, to whose conversation
she infinitely preferred that of persons who, like myself, were rather
agreeable than athletic. I was not at that time, whatever I may be now,
without my share of good looks, and for some reason it pleased Miss
Chetwynd to show me a degree of favour which she accorded to no other
member of the house-party.
It was annoying to feel that my unfamiliarity with the open-air sports
in which she delighted debarred me from her company to so great an
extent; for it often happened that I scarcely saw her until the evening,
when I sometimes had the bliss of sitting next to her at dinner; but on
these occasions I could not help seeing that she found some pleasure in
my society.
I don't think I have mentioned that, besides being exquisitely lovely,
Diana was an heiress, and it was not without a sense of my own
presumption that I allowed myself to entertain the hope of winning her
at some future day. Still, I was not absolutely penniless, and she was
her own mistress, and I had some cause, as I have said, for believing
that she was, at least, not ill-disposed towards me. It seemed a
favourable sign, for instance, when she asked me one day why it was I
never rode. I replied that I had not ridden for years--though I did not
add that the exact number of those years was twenty-eight.
'Oh, but you must take it up again!' she said, with the prettiest air of
imperiousness. 'You ought to ride in the Row next season.'
'If I did,' I said, 'would you let me ride with you sometimes?'
'We should meet, of course,' she said; 'and it is such a pity not to
keep up your riding--you lose so much by not doing so.'
Was I wrong in taking this as an intimation that, by following her
advice, I should not lose my reward? If you had seen her face as she
spoke, you would have thought as I did then--as I do now.
And so, with this incentive, I overcame any private misgivings, and soon
after my return to town attended a fashionable riding-school near Hyde
Park, with the fixed determination to acquire the whole art and mystery
of horsemanship.
That I found learning a pleasure I cannot conscientiously declare. I
have passed happier hours than those I spent in cantering round four
bare whitewashed walls on a snorting horse, with my interdicted stirrups
crossed upon the saddle. The riding-master informed me from time to time
that I was getting on, and I knew instinctively when I was coming off;
but I must have made some progress, for my instructor became more
encouraging. 'Why, when you come here first, Mr. Pulvertoft, sir, you
were like a pair o' tongs on a wall, as they say; whereas now--well, you
can tell yourself how you are,' he would say; though, even then, I
occasionally had reason to regret that I was _not_ on a wall. However, I
persevered, inspired by the thought that each fresh horse I crossed (and
some were very fresh indeed) represented one more barrier surmounted
between myself and Diana, and encouraged by the discovery, after
repeated experiments, that tan was rather soothing to fall upon than
otherwise.
When I walked in the Row, where a few horsemen were performing as
harbingers of spring, I criticised their riding, which I thought
indifferent, as they neglected nearly all the rules. I began to
anticipate a day when I should exhibit a purer and more classic style of
equestrianism. And one morning I saw Diana, who pulled up her dancing
mare to ask me if I had remembered her advice, and I felt proudly able
to reply that I should certainly make my appearance in the Row before
very long.
From that day I was perpetually questioning my riding-master as to when
he considered I should be ripe enough for Rotten Row. He was dubious,
but not actually dissuasive. 'It's like this, you see, sir,' he
explained, 'if you get hold of a quiet, steady horse--why, you won't
come to no harm; but if you go out on an animal that will take advantage
of you, Mr. Pulvertoft, why, you'll be all no-how on him, sir.'
They would have mounted me at the school; but I knew most of the stud
there, and none of them quite came up to my ideal of a 'quiet, steady
horse;' so I went to a neighbouring job-master, from whom I had
occasionally hired a brougham, and asked to be shown an animal he could
recommend to one who had not had much practice lately. He admitted
candidly enough that most of his horses 'took a deal of riding,' but
added that it so happened that he had one just then which would suit me
'down to the ground'--a phrase which grated unpleasantly on my nerves,
though I consented to see the horse. His aspect impressed me most
favourably. He was a chestnut of noble proportions, with a hogged mane;
but what reassured me was the expression of his eye, indicating as it
did a self-respect and sagacity which one would hardly expect for seven
and sixpence an hour.
'You won't get a showier Park 'ack than what he is, not to be so quiet,'
said his owner. 'He's what you may call a kind 'oss, and as gentle--you
could ride him on a packthread.'
I considered reins safer, but I was powerfully drawn towards the horse:
he seemed to me to be sensible that he had a character to lose, and to
possess too high an intelligence wilfully to forfeit his testimonials.
With hardly a second thought, I engaged him for the following afternoon.
I mounted at the stables, with just a passing qualm, perhaps, while my
stirrup-leathers were being adjusted, and a little awkwardness in taking
up my reins, which were more twisted than I could have wished; however,
at length, I found myself embarked on the stream of traffic on the back
of the chestnut--whose name, by the way, was Brutus.
Shall I ever forget the pride and ecstasy of finding that I had my steed
under perfect control, that we threaded the maze of carriages with
absolute security? I turned him into the Park, and clucked my tongue: he
broke into a canter, and how shall I describe my delight at the
discovery that it was not uncomfortable? I said 'Woa,' and he stopped,
so gradually that my equilibrium was not seriously disturbed; he
trotted, and still I accommodated myself to his movements without any
positive inconvenience. I could have embraced him for gratitude: never
before had I been upon a beast whose paces were so easy, whose behaviour
was so considerate. I could ride at last! or, which amounted to the same
thing, I could ride the horse I was on, and I would 'use no other.' I
was about to meet Diana Chetwynd, and need not fear even to encounter
her critical eyes.
We had crossed the Serpentine bridge, and were just turning in upon the
Ride, when--and here I am only too conscious that what I am about to say
may strike you as almost incredible--when I heard an unfamiliar voice
addressing me with, 'I say--you!' and the moment afterwards realised
that it proceeded from my own horse!
I am not ashamed to own that I was as nearly off as possible; for a more
practised rider than I could pretend to be might have a difficulty in
preserving his equanimity in this all but unparalleled situation. I was
too much engaged in feeling for my left stirrup to make any reply, and
presently the horse spoke once more. 'I say,' he inquired, and I failed
to discern the slightest trace of respect in his tone--'do you think you
can ride?' You can judge for yourself how disconcerting the inquiry must
have been from such lips: I felt rooted to the saddle--a sensation
which, with me, was sufficiently rare. I looked round in helpless
bewilderment, at the shimmering Serpentine, and the white houses in Park
Lane gleaming out of a lilac haze, at the cocoa-coloured Row, and the
flash of distant carriage-wheels in the sunlight: all looked as
usual--and yet, there was I on the back of a horse which had just
inquired 'whether I thought I could ride'!
'I have had two dozen lessons at a riding-school,' I said at last, with
rather a flabby dignity.
'I should hardly have suspected it,' was his brutal retort. 'You are
evidently one of the hopeless cases.'
I was deeply hurt, the more so because I could not deny that he had some
claim to be a judge. 'I--I thought we were getting on so nicely
together,' I faltered, and all he said in reply to that was, '_Did_
you?'
'Do you know,' I began, striving to be conversational, 'I never was on a
horse that talked before.'
'You are enough to make any horse talk,' he answered; 'but I suppose I
_am_ an exception.'
'I think you must be,' said I. 'The only horses I ever heard of as
possessing the gift of speech were the Houyhnhnms.'
'How do you know I am not one of them?' he replied.
'If you are, you will understand that I took the liberty of mounting you
under a very pardonable mistake; and if you will have the goodness to
stand still, I will no longer detain you.'
'Not so fast,' said he: 'I want to know something more about you first.
I should say now you were a man with plenty of oats.'
'I am--well off,' I said. How I wished I was!
'I have long been looking out for a proprietor who would not overwork
me: now, of course, I don't know, but you scarcely strike me as a _hard_
rider.'
'I do not think I could be fairly accused of that,' I answered, with all
the consciousness of innocence.
'Just so--then buy me.'
'No,' I gasped: 'after the extremely candid opinion you were good enough
to express of my riding, I'm surprised that you should even suggest such
a thing.'
'Oh, I will put up with that--you will suit me well enough, I dare say.'
'You must excuse me. I prefer to keep my spare cash for worthier
objects; and, with your permission, I will spend the remainder of the
afternoon on foot.'
'You will do nothing of the sort,' said he.
'If you won't stop, and let me get off properly,' I said with firmness,
'I shall _roll_ off.' There were some promenaders within easy hail; but
how was I to word a call for help, how explain such a dilemma as mine?
'You will only reduce me to the painful necessity of rolling on you,' he
replied. 'You must see that you are to a certain extent in my power.
Suppose it occurred to me to leap those rails and take you into the
Serpentine, or to run away and upset a mounted policeman with you--do
you think you could offer much opposition?'
I could not honestly assert that I did. 'You were introduced to me,' I
said reproachfully, 'as a _kind_ horse!'
'And so I am--apart from matters of business. Come, will you buy, or be
bolted with? I hate indecision!'
'Buy!' I said, with commercial promptness. 'If you will take me back, I
will arrange about it at once.'
It is needless to say that my one idea was to get safely off his back:
after which, neither honour nor law could require me to execute a
contract extorted from me by threats. But, as we were going down the
mews, he said reflectively, 'I've been thinking--it will be better for
all parties, if you make your offer to my proprietor _before_ you
dismount.' I was too vexed to speak: this animal's infernal intelligence
had foreseen my manoeuvre--he meant to foil it, if he could.
And then we clattered in under the glass-roofed yard of the livery
stables; and the job-master, who was alone there, cast his eyes up at
the sickly-faced clock, as if he were comparing its pallor with my own.
'Why, you _are_ home early, sir,' he said. 'You didn't find the 'orse
too much for you, did you?' He said this without any suspicion of the
real truth; and, indeed, I may say, once for all, that this weird
horse--Houyhnhnm, or whatever else he might be--admitted no one but
myself into the secret of his marvellous gifts, and in all his
conversations with me, managed (though how, I cannot pretend to say) to
avoid being overheard.
'Oh, dear no,' I protested, 'he carried me admirably--admirably!' and I
made an attempt to slip off.
No such thing: Brutus instantly jogged my memory, and me, by the
slightest suggestion of a 'buck.'
'He's a grand 'orse, sir, isn't he?' said the job-master complacently.
'M--magnificent!' I agreed, with a jerk. 'Will you go to his head,
please?'
But the horse backed into the centre of the yard, where he plunged with
a quiet obstinacy. 'I like him so much,' I called out, as I clung to the
saddle, 'that I want to know if you're at all inclined to part with
him?' Here Brutus became calm and attentive.
'Would you be inclined to make me a orfer for him, sir?'
'Yes,' I said faintly. 'About how much would he be?'
'You step into my orfice here, sir,' said he, 'and we'll talk it over.'
I should have been only too willing, for there was no room there for the
horse, but the suspicious animal would not hear of it: he began to
revolve immediately.
'Let us settle it now--here,' I said, 'I can't wait.'
The job-master stroked away a grin. No doubt there _was_ something
unbusinesslike and unpractical in such precipitation, especially as
combined with my appearance at the time.
'Well, you _'ave_ took a voilent fancy to the 'orse and no mistake,
sir,' he remarked.
'I never crossed a handsomer creature,' I said; which was hardly a
prudent remark for an intending purchaser, but then, there was the
animal himself to be conciliated.
'I don't know, really, as I can do without him just at this time of
year,' said the man. 'I'm under-'orsed as it is for the work I've got to
do.'
A sweet relief stole over me: I had done all that could be expected of
me. 'I'm very sorry to hear that,' I said, preparing to dismount. 'That
_is_ a disappointment; but if you can't there's an end of it.'
'Don't you be afraid,' said Brutus, '_he'll_ sell me readily enough:
make him an offer, quick!'
'I'll give you thirty guineas for him, come!' I said, knowing well
enough that he would not take twice the money.
'I thought a gentleman like you would have had more insight into the
value of a 'orse,' he said: 'why, his action alone is worth that, sir.'
'You couldn't let me have the action without the horse, I suppose?' I
said, and I must have intended some joke.
It is unnecessary to prolong a painful scene. Brutus ran me up steadily
from sum to sum, until his owner said at last: 'Well, we won't 'aggle,
sir, call it a hundred.'
I had to call it a hundred, and what is more, it _was_ a hundred. I took
him without a warranty, without even a veterinary opinion. I could have
been induced to take my purchase away then and there, as if I had been
buying a canary, so unaccustomed was I to transactions of this kind, and
I am afraid the job-master considered me little better than a fool.
So I found myself the involuntary possessor of a Houyhnhnm, or something
even worse, and I walked back to my rooms in Park Street in a state of
stupor. What was I to do with him? To ride an animal so brutally
plainspoken would be a continual penance; and yet, I should have to keep
him, for I knew he was cunning enough to outwit any attempt to dispose
of him. And to this, Love and Ambition had led me! I could not, after
all I had said, approach Diana with any confidence as a mere pedestrian:
the fact that I was in possession of a healthy horse which I never rode,
would be sure to leak out in time, and how was I to account for it? I
could see no way, and I groaned under an embarrassment which I dared not
confide to the friendliest ear. I hated the monster that had saddled
himself upon me, and looked in vain for any mode of escape.
I had to provide Brutus with stabling in another part of the town, for
he proved exceedingly difficult to please: he found fault with
everything, and I only wonder he did not demand that his stable should
be fitted up with blue china and mezzotints. In his new quarters I left
him for some days to his own devices: a course which I was glad to find,
on visiting him again, had considerably reduced his arrogance. He wanted
to go in the Row and see the other horses, and it did not at all meet
his views to be exercised there by a stableman at unfashionable hours.
So he proposed a compromise. If I would only consent to mount him, he
engaged to treat me with forbearance, and pointed out that he could give
me, as he expressed it, various 'tips' which would improve my seat. I
was not blind to the advantages of such an arrangement. It is not every
one who secures a riding-master in the person of his own horse; the
horse is essentially a generous animal, and I felt that I might trust to
Brutus's honour. And to do him justice, he observed the compact with
strict good faith. Some of his 'tips,' it is true, very nearly tipped me
off, but their result was to bring us closer together; our relations
were less strained; it seemed to me that I gained more mastery over him
every day, and was less stiff afterwards.
But I was not allowed to enjoy this illusion long. One day when I
innocently asked him if he found my hands improving, he turned upon me
his off sardonic eye. 'You'll _never_ improve, old sack-of-beans' (for
he had come to address me with a freedom I burned to resent); 'hands!
why, you're sawing my mouth off all the time. And your feet "home," and
tickling me under my shoulders at every stride--why, I'm half ashamed to
be seen about with you.'
I was deeply hurt. 'I will spare you for the future,' I said coldly;
'this is my last appearance.'
'Nonsense,' he said, 'you needn't show temper over it. Surely, if I can
put up with it, _you_ can! But we will make a new compact.' (I never
knew such a beast as he was for bargains!) 'You only worry me by
interfering with the reins. Let 'em out, and leave everything to me.
Just mention from time to time where you want to go, and I'll attend to
it,--if I've nothing better to do.'
I felt that such an understanding was destructive of all dignity,
subverting, as it did, the natural relations between horse and rider;
but I had hardly any self-respect left, and I consented, since I saw no
way of refusing. And on the whole, I cannot say, even now, that I had
any grave reason for finding fault with the use Brutus made of my
concessions; he showed more tact than I could have expected in
disguising the merely nominal nature of my authority.
I had only one serious complaint against him, which was that he had a
habit of breaking suddenly away, with a merely formal apology, to
exchange equine civilities with some cob or mare, to whose owner I was a
perfect stranger, thus driving me to invent the most desperate excuses
to cover my seeming intrusion: but I managed to account for it in
various ways, and even made a few acquaintances in this irregular and
involuntary manner. I could have wished he had been a less susceptible
animal, for, though his flirtations were merely Platonic, it is rather
humiliating to have to play 'gooseberry' to one's own horse--a part
which I was constantly being called upon to perform!
As it happened, Diana was away in Paris that Easter, and we had not met
since my appearance in the Row; but I knew she would be in town again
shortly, and with consummate diplomacy I began to excite Brutus's
curiosity by sundry careless, half-slighting allusions to Miss
Chetwynd's little mare, Wild Rose. 'She's too frisky for my taste,' I
said, 'but she's been a good deal admired, though I dare say you
wouldn't be particularly struck by her.'
So that, on the first afternoon of Diana's return to the Row, I found it
easy, under cover of giving Brutus an opportunity of forming an opinion,
to prevail on him to carry me to her side. Diana, who was with a certain
Lady Verney, her chaperon, welcomed me with a charming smile.
'I had no idea you could ride so well,' she said, 'you manage that
beautiful horse of yours so very easily--with such light hands, too.'
This was not irony, for I could now give my whole mind to my seat; and,
as I never interfered at all with the steering apparatus, my hands must
have seemed the perfection of lightness.
'He wants delicate handling,' I answered carelessly, 'but he goes very
well with _me_.'
'I wish you would let me try his paces some morning, Pulvertoft,' struck
in a Colonel Cockshott, who was riding with them, and whom I knew
slightly: 'I've a notion he would go better on the curb.'
'I shall be very happy,' I began, when, just in time, I noticed a
warning depression in Brutus's ears. The Colonel rode about sixteen
stone, and with spurs! 'I mean,' I added hastily, 'I should have
been--only, to tell you the truth, I couldn't conscientiously trust any
one on him but myself.'
'My dear fellow!' said the Colonel, who I could see was offended, 'I've
not met many horses in my time that I couldn't get upon terms with.'
'I think Mr. Pulvertoft is _quite_ right,' said Diana. 'When a horse
gets accustomed to one he does so resent a strange hand: it spoils his
temper for days. I never will lend Wild Rose to anybody for that very
reason!'
The Colonel fell back in the rear in a decided sulk. 'Poor dear Colonel
Cockshott!' said Diana, 'he is so proud of his riding, but _I_ think he
dragoons a horse. I don't call that _riding_, do you?'
'Well--hardly,' I agreed, with easy disparagement. 'I never believe in
ruling a horse by fear.'
'I suppose you are very fond of yours?' she said.
'Fond is not the word!' I exclaimed--and it certainly was not.
'I am not sure that what I said about lending Wild Rose would apply to
_you_,' she said. 'I think you would be gentle with her.'
I was certain that I should treat her with all consideration; but as I
doubted whether she would wholly reciprocate it, I said with much
presence of mind, that I should regard riding her as akin to
profanation.
As Brutus and I were going home, he observed that it was a good thing I
had not agreed to lend him to the Colonel.
'Yes,' I said, determined to improve the occasion, 'you might not have
found him as considerate as--well, as some people!'
'I meant it was a good thing for _you_!' he hinted darkly, and I did not
care to ask for an explanation. 'What did you mean,' he resumed, 'by
saying that I should not admire Wild Rose? Why, she is
charming--charming!'
'In that case,' I said, 'I don't mind riding with her mistress
occasionally--to oblige you.'
'You don't mind!' he said; 'you will _have_ to, my boy,--and every
afternoon!'
I suppressed a chuckle: after all, man _is_ the nobler animal. I could
manage a horse--in my own way. My little _ruse_ had succeeded: I should
have no more forced introductions to mystified strangers.
And now for some weeks my life passed in a happy dream. I only lived for
those hours in the Row, where Brutus turned as naturally to Wild Rose as
the sunflower to the sun, and Diana and I grew more intimate every day.
Happiness and security made me almost witty. I was merciless in my
raillery of the eccentric exhibitions of horsemanship which were to be
met with, and Diana was provoked by my comments to the sweetest silvery
laughter. As for Colonel Cockshott, whom I had once suspected of a
desire to be my rival, he had long become a 'negligible quantity;' and
if I delayed in asking Diana to trust me with her sweet self, it was
only because I found an epicurean pleasure in prolonging a suspense that
was so little uncertain.
And then, without warning, my riding was interrupted for a while. Brutus
was discovered, much to his annoyance, to have a saddle-raw, and was
even so unjust as to lay the blame on me, though, for my own part, I
thought it a mark of apt, though tardy, retribution. I was not disposed
to tempt Fortune upon any other mount, but I could not keep away from
the Row, nevertheless, and appeared there on foot. I saw Diana riding
with the Colonel, who seemed to think his opportunity had come at last;
but whenever she passed the railings on which I leaned, she would raise
her eyebrows and draw her mouth down into a little curve of resigned
boredom, which completely reassured me. Still, I was very glad when
Brutus was well again, and we were cantering down the Row once more,
both in the highest spirits.
'I never heard the horses here _whinny_ so much as they do this season,'
I said, by way of making conversation. 'Can you account for it at all?'
For he sometimes gave me pieces of information which enabled me to
impress Diana afterwards by my intimate knowledge of horses.
'Whinnying?' he said. 'They're _laughing_, that's what they're
doing--and no wonder!'
'Oh!' said I, 'and what's the joke?'
'Why, _you_ are!' he replied. 'You don't suppose you take _them_ in, do
you? They know all about you, bless your heart!'
'Oh, do they?' I said blankly. This brute took a positive pleasure, I
believe, in reducing my self-esteem.
'I dare say it has got about through Wild Rose,' he continued. 'She was
immensely tickled when I told her. I'm afraid she must have been feeling
rather dull all these days, by the bye.'
I felt an unworthy impulse to take his conceit down as he had lowered
mine.
'Not so very, I think,' I said. 'She seemed to me to find that brown
hunter of Colonel Cockshott's a very agreeable substitute.'
Late as it is for reparation, I must acknowledge with shame that in
uttering this insinuation, I did that poor little mare (for whom I
entertained the highest respect) a shameful injustice; and I should like
to state here, in the most solemn and emphatic manner, my sincere belief
that, from first to last, she conducted herself in a manner that should
have shielded her from all calumny.
It was only a mean desire to retaliate, a petty and ignoble spite, that
prompted me thus to poison Brutus's confidence, and I regretted the
words as soon as I had uttered them.
'That beast!' he said, starting as if I had touched him with a whip--a
thing I never used--'why, he hasn't two ideas in his great fiddle-head.
The only sort of officer _he_ ought to carry is a Salvationist!'
'I grant he has not your personal advantages and charm of manner,' I
said. 'No doubt I was wrong to say anything about it.'
'No,' he said, 'you--you have done me a service,' and he relapsed into a
sombre silence.
I was riding with Diana as usual, and was about to express my delight at
being able to resume our companionship, when her mare drew slightly
ahead and lashed out suddenly, catching me on the left leg, and causing
intense agony for the moment.
Diana showed the sweetest concern, imploring me to go home in a cab at
once, while her groom took charge of Brutus. I declined the cab; but, as
my leg was really painful, and Brutus was showing an impatience I dared
not disregard, I had to leave her side.
On our way home, Brutus said moodily, 'It is all over between us--you
saw that?'
'I felt it!' I replied. 'She nearly broke my leg.'
'It was intended for me,' he said. 'It was her way of signifying that we
had better be strangers for the future. I taxed her with her
faithlessness; she denied it, of course--every mare does; we had an
explanation, and everything is at an end!'
I did not ride him again for some days, and when I did, I found him
steeped in Byronic gloom. He even wanted at first to keep entirely on
the Bayswater side of the Park, though I succeeded in arguing him out of
such weakness. 'Be a horse!' I said. 'Show her you don't care. You only
flatter her by betraying your feelings.'
This was a subtlety that had evidently not occurred to him, but he was
intelligent enough to feel the force of what I said. 'You are right,' he
admitted; 'you are not quite a fool in some respects. She shall see how
little I care!'
Naturally, after this, I expected to accompany Diana as usual, and it
was a bitter disappointment to me to find that Brutus would not hear of
doing so. He had an old acquaintance in the Park, a dapple-grey, who,
probably from some early disappointment was a confirmed cynic, and whose
society he thought would be congenial just then. The grey was ridden
regularly by a certain Miss Gittens, whose appearance as she titupped
laboriously up and down had often furnished Diana and myself with
amusement.
And now, in spite of all my efforts, Brutus made straight to the grey. I
was not in such difficulties as might have been expected, for I happened
to know Miss Gittens slightly, as a lady no longer in the bloom of
youth, who still retained a wiry form of girlishness. Though rather
disliking her than not, I found it necessary just then to throw some
slight effusion into my greeting. She, not unnaturally perhaps, was
flattered by my preference, and begged me to give her a little
instruction in riding, which--Heaven forgive me for it!--I took upon
myself to do.
Even now I scarcely see how I could have acted otherwise: I could not
leave her side until Brutus had exhausted the pleasures of cynicism with
his grey friend, and the time had to be filled up somehow. But, oh, the
torture of seeing Diana at a distance, and knowing that only a miserable
misunderstanding between our respective steeds kept us apart, feeling
constrained even to avoid looking in her direction, lest she should
summon me to her side!
One day, as I was riding with Miss Gittens, she glanced coyly at me
over her sharp right shoulder, and said, 'Do you know, only such a
little while ago, I never even dreamed that we should ever become as
intimate as we are now; it seems almost incredible, does it not?'
'You must not say so,' I replied. 'Surely there is nothing singular in
my helping you a little with your riding?' Though it struck me that it
would have been very singular if I had.
'Perhaps not singular,' she murmured, looking modestly down her nose;
'but will you think me very unmaidenly if I confess that, to me, those
lessons have developed a dawning danger?'
'You are perfectly safe on the grey,' I said.
'I--I was not thinking of the grey,' she returned. 'Dear Mr. Pulvertoft,
I must speak frankly--a girl has so many things to consider, and I am
afraid you have made me forget how wrongly and thoughtlessly I have been
behaving of late. I cannot help suspecting that you must have some
motive in seeking my society in so--so marked a manner.'
'Miss Gittens,' said I, 'I can disguise nothing: I have.'
'And you have not been merely amusing yourself all this time?'
'Before Heaven,' I cried with fervour, 'I have _not_!'
'You are not one of those false men who give their bridle-reins a
shake, and ride off with "Adieu for evermore!"--tell me you are not?'
I might shake _my_ bridle-reins till I was tired and nothing would come
of it unless Brutus was in the humour to depart; so that I was able to
assure her with truth that I was not at all that kind of person.
'Then why not let your heart speak?'
'There is such a thing,' I said gloomily, 'as a heart that is gagged.'
'Can no word, no hint of mine loosen the gag?' she wished to know.
'What, you are silent still? Then, Mr. Pulvertoft, though I may seem
harsh and cruel in saying it, our pleasant intercourse must end--we must
ride together no more!'
No more? What would Brutus say to that? I was horrified. 'Miss Gittens,'
I said in great agitation, 'I entreat you to unsay those words. I--I am
afraid I could not undertake to accept such a dismissal. Surely, after
that, you will not insist!'
She sighed. 'I am a weak, foolish girl,' she said; 'you are only too
able to overcome my judgment. There, Mr. Pulvertoft, look happy again--I
relent. You may stay if you will!'
You must believe that I felt thoroughly ashamed of myself, for I could
not be blind to the encouragement which, though I sought to confine my
words to strict truth, I was innocently affording. But, with a horse
like mine, what was a man to do? What would you have done yourself? As
soon as was prudent, I hinted to Brutus that his confidences had lasted
long enough; and as he trotted away with me, he remarked, 'I thought you
were never going.' Was he weary of the grey already? My heart leaped.
'Brutus,' I said thickly, 'are you strong enough to bear a great joy?'
'Speak out,' he said, 'and do try to keep those heels out of my ribs.'
'I cannot see you suffer,' I told him, with a sense of my own hypocrisy
all the time. 'I must tell you--circumstances have come to my knowledge
which lead me to believe that we have both judged Wild Rose too hastily.
I am sure that her heart is yours still. She is only longing to tell you
that she has never really swerved from her allegiance.'
'It is too late now,' he said, and the back of his head looked
inflexibly obstinate; 'we have kept asunder too long.'
'No,' I said, 'listen. I take more interest in you than you are,
perhaps, aware of, and I have thought of a little plan for bringing you
together again. What if I find an opportunity to see the lady she
belongs to--we have not met lately, as you know, and I do not pretend
that I desire a renewal of our intimacy----'
'You like the one on the grey best; I saw that long ago,' he said; and I
left him in his error.
'In any case, for your sake, I will sacrifice myself,' I said
magnanimously. 'I will begin to-morrow. Come, you will not let your
lives be wrecked by a foolish lovers' quarrel?'
He made a little half-hearted opposition, but finally, as I knew he
would, consented. I had gained my point: I was free from Miss Gittens at
last!
That evening I met Diana in the hall of a house in Eaton Square. She was
going downstairs as I was making my way to the ball-room, and greeted me
with a rather cool little nod.
'You have quite deserted me lately,' she said, smiling, but I could read
the reproach in her eyes, 'you never ride with us now.'
My throat was swelling with passionate eloquence--and I could not get
any of it out.
'No, I never do,' was all my stupid tongue could find to say.
'You have discovered a more congenial companion,' said cruel Diana.
'Miss Chetwynd,' I said eagerly, 'you don't know how I have been
wishing--! Will you let me ride with you to-morrow, as--as you used to
do?'
'You are quite sure you won't be afraid of my naughty Wild Rose?' she
said. 'I have given her such a scolding, that I think she is thoroughly
ashamed of herself.'
'You thought it was _that_ that kept me!' I cried. 'Oh, if I could tell
you!'
She smiled: she was my dear, friendly Diana again.
'You shall tell me all about it to-morrow,' she said. 'You will not
have another opportunity, because we are going to Aix on Friday. And
now, good-night. I am stopping the way, and the linkman is getting quite
excited over it.'
She passed on, and the carriage rolled away with her, and I was too
happy to mind very much--had she not forgiven me? Should we not meet
to-morrow? I should have two whole hours to declare myself in, and this
time I would dally with Fortune no longer.
How excited I was the following day: how fearful, when the morning broke
grey and lowering: how grateful, when the benignant sun shone out later,
and promised a brilliant afternoon: how carefully I dressed, and what a
price I paid for the flower for my buttonhole!
So we cantered on to the Row, as goodly a couple (if I may be pardoned
this retrospective vanity) as any there; and by and by, I saw, with the
quick eye of a lover, Diana's willowy form in the distance. She was not
alone, but I knew that the Colonel would soon have to yield his place to
me.
As soon as she saw me, she urged her mare to a trot, and came towards me
with the loveliest faint blush and dawning smile of welcome, when, all
at once, Brutus came to a dead stop, which nearly threw me on his neck,
and stood quivering in every limb.
'Do you see that?' he said hoarsely. 'And I was about to forgive her!'
I saw: my insinuation, baseless enough at the beginning, was now but too
well justified. Colonel Cockshott was on his raw-boned brown hunter, and
even my brief acquaintance with horses enabled me to see that Wild Rose
no longer regarded him with her former indifference.
Diana and the Colonel had reined up and seemed waiting for me--would
Brutus never move? 'Show your pride,' I said in an agonised whisper,
'Treat her with the contempt she deserves!'
'I will,' he said between his bit and clenched teeth.
And then Miss Gittens came bumping by on the grey, and, before I could
interfere, my Houyhnhnm was off like a shot in pursuit. I saw Diana's
sweet, surprised face: I heard the Colonel's jarring laugh as I passed,
and I--I could only bow in mortified appeal, and long for a gulf to leap
into like Curtius!
I don't know what I said to Miss Gittens. I believe I made myself
recklessly amiable, and I remember she lingered over parting in a
horribly emotional manner. I was too miserable to mind: all the time I
was seeing Diana's astonished eyes, hearing Colonel Cockshott's
heartless laugh. Brutus made a kind of explanation on our way home: 'You
meant well,' he said, 'but you see you were wrong. Your proposed
sacrifice, for which I am just as grateful to you as if it had been
effected, was useless. All I could do in return was to take you where
your true inclination lay. I, too, can be unselfish.'
I was too dejected to curse his unselfishness. I did not even trouble
myself to explain what it had probably cost me. I only felt drearily
that I had had my last ride, I had had enough of horsemanship for ever!
That evening I went to the theatre, I wanted to deaden thought for the
moment; and during one of the intervals I saw Lady Verney in the stalls,
and went up to speak to her. 'Your niece is not with you?' I said; 'I
thought I should have had a chance of--of saying good-bye to her before
she left for the continent.'
I had a lingering hope that she might ask me to lunch, that I might have
one more opportunity of explaining.
'Oh,' said Lady Verney, 'but that is all changed; we are not going--at
least, not yet.'
'Not going!' I cried, incredulous for very joy.
'No, it is all very sudden; but,--well, you are almost like an old
friend, and you are sure to hear it sooner or later. I only knew myself
this afternoon, when she came in from her ride. Colonel Cockshott has
proposed and she has accepted him. We're _so_ pleased about it. Wasn't
dear Mrs. ---- delightful in that last act? I positively saw real tears
on her face!'
If I had waited much longer she would have seen a similar display of
realism on mine. But I went back and sat the interval out, and listened
critically to the classical selection of chamber-music from the
orchestra, and saw the rest of the play, though I have no notion how it
ended.
All that night my heart was slowly consumed by a dull rage that grew
with every sleepless hour; but the object of my resentment was not
Diana. She had only done what as a woman she was amply justified in
doing after the pointed slight I had apparently inflicted upon her. Her
punishment was sufficient already, for, of course, I guessed that she
had only accepted the Colonel under the first intolerable sting of
desertion. No: I reserved all my wrath for Brutus, who had betrayed me
at the moment of triumph. I planned revenge. Cost what it might I would
ride him once more. In the eyes of the law I was his master. I would
exercise my legal rights to the full.
The afternoon came at last. I was in a white heat of anger, though as I
ascended to the saddle there were bystanders who put a more uncharitable
construction upon my complexion.
Brutus cast an uneasy eye at my heels as we started: 'What are those
things you've got on?' he inquired.
'Spurs,' I replied curtly.
'You shouldn't wear them till you have learnt to turn your toes in,' he
said. 'And a whip, too! May I ask what that is for?'
'We will discuss that presently,' I said very coldly; for I did not want
to have a scene with my horse in the street.
When we came round by the statue of Achilles and on to the Ride, I
shortened my reins, and got a better hold of the whip, while I found
that, from some cause I cannot explain, the roof of my mouth grew
uncomfortably dry.
'I should be glad of a little quiet talk with you, if you've no
objection,' I began.
'I am quite at your disposal,' he said, champing his bit with a touch of
irony.
'First, let me tell you,' I said, 'that I have lost my only love for
ever.'
'Well,' he retorted flippantly, 'you won't die of it. So have I. We must
endeavour to console one another!'
I still maintained a deadly calm. 'You seem unaware that you are the
sole cause of my calamity,' I said. 'Had you only consented to face Wild
Rose yesterday, I should have been a happy man by this time!'
'How was I to know that, when you let me think all your affections were
given to the elderly thing who is trotted out by my friend the grey?'
'We won't argue, please,' I said hastily. 'It is enough that your
infernal egotism and self-will have ruined my happiness. I have allowed
you to usurp the rule, to reverse our natural positions. I shall do so
no more. I intend to teach you a lesson you will never forget.'
For a horse, he certainly had a keen sense of humour. I thought the
girths would have snapped.
'And when do you intend to begin?' he asked, as soon as he could speak.
I looked in front of me: there were Diana and her accepted lover riding
towards us; and so natural is dissimulation, even to the sweetest and
best women, that no one would have suspected from her radiant face that
her gaiety covered an aching heart.
'I intend to begin _now_,' I said. 'Monster, demon, whatever you are
that have held me in thrall so long, I have broken my chains! I have
been a coward long enough. You may kill me if you like. I rather hope
you will; but first I mean to pay you back some of the humiliation with
which you have loaded me. I intend to thrash you as long as I remain in
the saddle.'
I have been told by eye-witnesses that the chastisement was of brief
duration, but while it lasted, I flatter myself, it was severe. I laid
into him with a stout whip, of whose effectiveness I had assured myself
by experiments upon my own legs. I dug my borrowed spurs into his
flanks. I jerked his mouth. I dare say he was almost as much surprised
as pained. But he _was_ pained!
I was about to continue my practical rebuke, when my victim suddenly
evaded my grasp; and for one vivid second I seemed to be gazing upon a
birdseye view of his back; and then there was a crash, and I lay,
buzzing like a bee, in an iridescent fog, and each colour meant a
different pain, and they faded at last into darkness, and I remember no
more.