A SEEKING THAT FOUND
IT is only the foolish who bewail the inevitable with wasting passion;
it is after all the wise who accept it and make the most of things.
Because the inevitable is so much more the ruling force in animal life,
animals adjust themselves more quickly to new conditions. Conceited man
attributes that early adjustment to a lack of feeling. Yet when little
Queen awoke on the first morning of her orphanage, there had already
come into her eyes and upon her head a perceptible sadness, the sadness
of resignation.
A great change had come over the world in that single night and so
different did it seem from what she had known it to be, that as far as
she could think, the night might have been a space of years; that years
might have elapsed since her mother, who hitherto had always warmed and
fed and protected her, now had ceased to warm and feed and protect her.
How white the world was! The little white flakes that had fluttered
about in the air at nightfall had covered up all things with a heavier
whiteness than that of any frosty morning in her experience. And she
expected that with the coming of the warmth of day it would all
disappear. Yesterday it had taken the forms of the things it had
covered, this morning only the heads of the horses stuck up out of the
drifts of it; while stones and coyote dens had been completely wiped out
of existence. Her own feet were out of sight. She jumped up to see
whether it would interfere with her jumping up, and was glad to note how
easily it was shaken from her body. She took a few steps, discovered
that it was disagreeable to wade through and stopped. On the white rim
of the bowl stood a flock of prairie chickens as if they had been
discussing the great change. She watched them half interestedly. They
were birds, and birds were not to be feared. She looked over them and
beyond them. There, somewhere, she felt was her mother. She took a hasty
step in that direction and stopped again. She was afraid to go.
She lowered her head and listlessly tasted some of the snow. It was not
food, she knew that at once; and it turned into water in her mouth. One
wants water badly when one wants it, but one cannot live on water. How
was one to eat when there was no grass in sight and no mother about with
the more substantial milk? She looked and looked away over the whiteness
till her eyes, taxed by its reflection, ceased seeing altogether for a
few minutes. But as soon as she could see once more, Queen began to
search for her mother and this search, each succeeding day with less
hope and enthusiasm, she never wholly abandoned. She sniffed at every
mare about her, calling plaintively and knowing her mistake in the
indifference with which some of them listened to her appeal or the
annoyance which others were too ready to show.
The old sorrel got up at last and shook the snow from his back. She
watched it falling in showers of white dust and through the sides of her
eyes she saw a number of other horses do as he had done. She saw him
take big bites of snow and shake his head quickly as he did so, so she
too ate some more of it and shook her head up and down. When he lumbered
away, sinking into the deep drifts as he went, she followed him.
Off on the slope horses were energetically pawing the snow and Queen
wondered what they were doing. When the old sorrel, somewhat clumsily,
beat the snow with his heavy front foot, she watched him curiously. She
saw him laboriously expose the brown grass underneath and the sight of
the grass relieved her, for she had been worrying about its
disappearance. Though the snow was still packed in between the blades,
he cropped up the grass just as soon as it appeared. She then watched
for the next bit to appear and tried to get a bite before he had it all.
She succeeded in getting only a few blades and since he did not seem to
mind it, she tried to be quicker next time. She did get a mouthful
occasionally but it was not enough for her appetite and it finally
dawned on her that she ought to work for herself. She pawed the snow
very close to him and as soon as she spied him eating, she would seize
as much of the grass he had uncovered as she could, then quickly go back
to her own.
A hundred times that morning she wearied of pawing snow, and each time
her head would raise and she would look wistfully off into space with
the irrepressible impulse to go looking for her mother; but she did not
know which way to go. In every respect, in every aspect, her life and
the earth had changed in the night. When, as she looked, it seemed to
her that a certain direction was the right one, she would think of the
coyotes and fear would extinguish the impulse. She made several attempts
to get the old sorrel to go with her. She would start off in what
appeared to her the right direction, and walking a few paces would stop
and call to him. He would pay no attention to her for a while; then as
if to stop her calling, he would walk over to where she was and begin to
paw the snow there. But it took so much energy and so much time to get
him over each bit of space, that she made little headway; and when
darkness began dulling the whiteness, her fear of the coyotes who seemed
to people the shadows became so intense, she did not dare to leave the
sorrel even to the extent of a few paces.
Several very sad, dull days went by. Then came a day during which the
sun shone for a while and made her feel better. But it melted the
surface of the snow and the cold evening froze it into ice. The struggle
for grass became harder and her constant slipping made life very
disagreeable.
She saw the black colt now and then. Though he was livelier and far more
happy than she, he made no attempts to molest her. Tolerance
characterised every move of every member of the herd. The rigours of the
sudden winter seemed to strengthen the racial bonds of these
good-natured creatures. Each one went his plodding way, thankful for the
silent companionship of the herd and showing his appreciation by
refraining from any offence to his neighbour.
Queen clung to the old sorrel though she did not thrive on his passive
fosterage. She was losing weight rapidly. Her eyes dulled, her head
began hanging low and even her long winter hair could not fill in the
hollows between her ribs.
In pawing snow she found that her strength was not equal to the desire
for food; and, resting often, she was almost always hungry. As she
became weaker from day to day, she became more and more unhappy, and
longed more and more intensely for her mother, who was nevertheless
growing dimmer and more distant in her mind.
There came a grey day. A north wind whistled over the hard crust on the
snow and loaded, black clouds dropped more white flakes with listless
irregularity. Something pervaded the air of this day which was so
similar to the day when she had lost her mother that she became
irresistibly restless. All day this restlessness made it hard for her to
dig. Late in the afternoon she started away with a suddenness that she
herself could not understand. Up the slope and over the plains she went,
sinking into deep drifts, pulling out again and going on without a
pause, pursuing the image of her beautiful mother that had suddenly
lighted up in her soul and as suddenly gone out again, before she could
touch it. Somewhere in the dismal swirl it was and she struggled bravely
but blindly after it, calling in vain as she went.
For fully an hour she plodded through snows that were piling up a foot
above the harder crust, slipping, bruising herself on the jagged ice,
resting when she could not go on any farther and coming at last to an
understanding that she had been madly pursuing nothing, that she was
lost, and that she wanted the protection of the old sorrel. She called
to him again and again before she stopped to listen for a reply and
suddenly became aware of an agreeable sound floating on the wind.
She called again striking out meanwhile in the direction from which she
instinctively felt the sound had come. Night was close at hand. The
light that was still left was weakened by the showers of snow flakes
that now fell rapidly and without interruption. Again it seemed to her
she heard a reply. She spent more energy in calling than she did in
pushing on, occasionally falling into a deep drift and remaining there
for some time before she made an effort to extricate herself. Who it was
answering her in the fast darkening night, she did not know. All she
knew and felt with every living cell of her being was that in the cold
desolation that was submerging her, the thing that was answering her
could save her from the unthinkable horror of being alone.
Her strength ebbed fast from her limbs, only the steadily nearing whinny
made her last efforts possible. Then suddenly, much sooner than she
expected it, a black object appeared in the darkened snows before her.
The last whinny was more distinct than any of the others. Before her,
struggling toward her as she had been struggling toward him, was the
black colt. If Queen had had any strength left, she would have bounded
off to the side; but she could not move.
It did not take her long, however, to learn that the black colt had not
come to molest her. Where he had been, how he came there, or that he
might all this time have been following her, did not concern her. His
whinny was most conciliating and in the warmth of his body was comfort
and salvation. He was almost as completely worn out as she was. She
rallied enough strength to kick the snow from her legs so that she could
lie down. Whinnying all the while, he cleared a space beside her and
there they spent the howling night.
It was somewhere about the middle of the next day before the cutting
wind subsided and the snow ceased falling. The black colt who was
completely covered with snow, broke out first and Queen followed him at
once. They had not gone more than a few yards when they saw the head of
the white mare rise above the rim of the bowl-like valley. As soon as
she spied her colt the white mare began to neigh eagerly, her piercing
call echoing from the hills and bringing her the baby response that
thrilled her out of patience. Snorting and puffing she plowed the deep
snow which fell away from her like spray from the keel of a ship.
When she reached him at last, she caressed him with tremulous lips,
running them along his little forehead, between the two small ears, and
down his mane and back. Caresses make life worth while, but they have
their time and their use and the black colt was hungry. He struck out at
once for his milk. But his mother had whinnied for him all through the
long dark night and her excitement at having found him again was so
great she hardly knew what she was doing. He slipped from her caresses.
Her lips craved the touch of him. Little Queen had come with him out of
the unknown where she had feared he had been swallowed up. So it
happened that her exuberant caresses fell partly upon little Queen.
It was like having refound her mother to Queen. Changed, yes; but life
is all change! She switched her little tail and danced about the white
mare, finally sliding along her other side and reaching out and seizing
the second dug. The black colt, little Queen’s erstwhile tormentor,
touched noses with her as she drank, and shared his milk with her
without the slightest sign of objection.
No figures affected his philanthropy. Fractions, division, these
abstractions never entered the sphere of his mind. The philosophy of
that period of his life may be summed up in the precept: “Drink all
there is to drink, all you happen to find, and if still hungry, eat
grass and try again later.”
Every time he went for his milk, Queen took the other side as if she had
never known another mother. Though the white mare often showed a natural
predilection for her son, she adopted little Queen because no thought
presented itself to her mind against tolerating her, especially since
she and her little son had become inseparable.
They played together, rested side by side, drank and thrived together;
and so over little Queen’s grievous orphanage rose the sun of a happier
youth.
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