A BABY IN BUSINESS
"Centerville, Iowa.
"Dear Carol and David--
"Please do not call me the baby of the family any more. I am in
business, and babies have no business in business. Very good, wasn't
it? I am practising verbosity for the book I am going to write some
day. Verbosity is what I want to say, isn't it? I am never sure
whether it is that or obesity. But you know what I mean.
"To begin at the beginning, then, you would be surprised how sensible
father is turning out. I can hardly understand it. You remember when
I insisted on studying stenography, Aunt Grace and Prue, yes, and all
the rest of you, were properly shocked and horrified, and thought I
ought to teach school because it is more ministerial. But I knew I
should need the stenography in my writing, and father looked at me, and
thought a while, and came right out on my side. And that settled it.
"Of course, when I wanted to cut college after my second year so I
could get to work, father talked me out of it. But I am really
convinced he was right that time, even though he wasn't on my side.
But after I finished college, when they offered me the English
Department in the High School in Mount Mark at seventy-five per, and
when I insisted on coming down here to Centerville to take this
stenographic job with Messrs. Nesbitt and Orchard, at eight a week,
well, the serene atmosphere of our quiet home was decidedly murky for a
while. I said I needed the experience, both stenographic and literary,
and this was my opportunity.
"Aunt Grace was speechless. Prudence wept over me. Fairy laughed at
me. Lark said she just wished you were home to take charge of me and
teach me a few things. But father looked at me again, and thought very
seriously for a while, and said he believed I was right.
"Consequently, I am at Centerville.
"Isn't it dear of father? And so surprising. The girls think he needs
medical attention, and honestly I am a little worried over him myself.
It was so unexpected. Really, I half thought he would 'put his foot
down,' as the Ladies Aiders used to want Prudence to do with us. He
was always resigned, father was, about giving the girls up in marriage,
but every one always said he would draw the line there. He is
developing, I guess.
"Do you remember Nesbitt and Orchard? Mr. Nesbitt was a member of the
church when we lived here, but it was before I was born, so I don't
feel especially well acquainted on that account. But he calls me
Connie and acts very fatherly.
"He is still a member of the church, and they say around town that he
is not a bit slicker outside the church than he was when father was his
pastor. He hurt me spiritually at first. So I wrote to father about
it. Father wrote back that I must be charitable--must remember that
belonging to church couldn't possibly do Mr. Nesbitt any harm, and for
all we knew to the contrary, might be keeping him out of the electric
chair every day of his life. And Mr. Nesbitt couldn't do the
Christians any harm--the Lord is looking after them. And those outside
who point to the hypocrites inside for excuses would have to think up
something new and original if we eliminated the hypocrites on their
account,--'so be generous, Connie,' wrote father, 'and don't begrudge
Mr. Nesbitt the third seat to the left for he may never get any nearer
Paradise than that.'
"Father is just splendid, Carol. I keep feeling that the rest of you
don't realize it as hard as I do, but you will laugh at that.
"Mr. Nesbitt likes me, but he has--well, he has what a minister should
call a 'bad disposition.' I'll tell you more about it in German when I
meet you. German is the only language I know that can do him justice.
"I have been in trouble of one kind or another ever since I got here.
Mr. Nesbitt owns a lot of houses around town, and we have charge of
their rental. One day he gave me the address of one of his most tumble
down shacks, and promised me a bonus of five dollars if I rented it for
fifteen dollars a month on a year's lease. About ten days later, sure
enough I rented it, family to take possession immediately. Mr. Nesbitt
was out of town, so I took the rent in advance, turned over the keys,
and proceeded to spend the five dollars. I learned that system of
frenzied finance from you twins in the old days in the parsonage.
"Next morning, full of pride, I told Mr. Nesbitt about it.
"'Rented 800 Stout,' he roared. 'Why, I rented it myself,--a three
years' lease at eighteen a month,--move in next Monday.'
"'Mercy,' says I. 'My family paid a month in advance.'
"'So did mine.'
"'My family is already in,' says I. That was a clincher.
"He raved and he roared, and said I got them in and I could get them
out. But when he grew rational and raised my bonus to ten dollars, I
said I would do my best. He agreed to refund the month's rent, to pay
the moving expenses both in and out, to take over their five dollar
deposit for electric lights, and to pay the electric and gas bill
outstanding, which wouldn't be much for two or three days.
"So off marches the business baby to the conflict.
"They didn't like it a bit, and talked very crossly indeed, and said
perfectly horrible, but quite true, things about Messrs. Nesbitt and
Orchard. But finally they said they would move out, only they must
have until Friday to find a new house. They would move out on
Saturday, and leave the keys at the office.
"Mr. Nesbitt was much pleased, and said I had done nicely, gave me the
ten dollars and a box of chocolates and we were as happy as cooing
doves the rest of the day.
"But my family must have been more indignant than I realized. On
Saturday, at one o'clock, Mr. Nesbitt told me to go around by the house
on my way home to make sure the front door was locked. It was locked
all right, but I noticed that the electric lights were burning. Mr.
Nesbitt had not sent the key with me, as it was an automatic lock, and
it really was none of my business if folks moved out and left the
lights on. Still it seemed irregular, and when I got home I tried to
get Mr. Nesbitt on the phone. But he and Mr. Orchard had left the
office and gone out into the country for the afternoon.
Business,--they never go to the country for pleasure. So I comfortably
forgot all about the electric lights.
"But Monday afternoon, Mr. Nesbitt happened to remark that his family
would not move in until Wednesday. Then I remembered.
"I said, 'What is the idea in having the electric lights burning down
there?'
"'What?' he shouted. He always shouts unless he has a particular
reason for whispering.
"'Why, the electric lights were burning in the house when I went by
Saturday.'
"'All of them?'
"'Looked it from the outside.'
"'Did you turn them off?'
"'I should say not. I hadn't the key. Besides I didn't turn them on.
I didn't know who did, nor why. I just left them alone.'
"That meant a neat little electric bill of about six dollars, and Mr.
Nesbitt talked to me in a very un-neutral way, and I got my hat and
walked off home. He called me up after a while and tried to make
peace, but I said I was ill from the nervous shock and couldn't work
any more that day. So he sent me a box of candy to restore my
shattered nerves, and the next day they were all right.
"One day I got rather belligerent myself. It was just a week after I
came. One of his new tenants phoned in that Nesbitt must get the
rubbish out of the alley back of his house or he would move out. Mr.
Nesbitt tried to evade a promise, but the man was curt. 'You get that
rubbish out to-day, or I get out to-morrow.'
"Mr. Nesbitt was just going to court, so he told me to call up a
garbage man and get the rubbish removed.
"I didn't know the garbage men from the ministers, and they weren't
classified in the directory. So I went to Mr. Orchard, a youngish sort
of man, very pleasant, but slicker than Nesbitt himself.
"I said, not too amiably, 'Who are the garbage haulers in this town?'
"He said: 'Search me,' and went on writing.
"I dropped the directory on his desk, and said, "'Well, if Mr. Nesbitt
loses a good tenant, I should worry.'
"Then he looked up and said: 'Oh, let's see. There's Jim Green, and
Softy Meadows, and--and--Tully Scott--and--that's enough.'
"So I called them up. Jim Green was in jail for petty larceny. Softy
Meadows was in bed with a broken leg. Tully Scott would do it for
three fifty. So I gave him the number and told him to do it that
afternoon without fail.
"Pretty soon Mr. Nesbitt came home. 'How about that rubbish?'
"'I got Tully Scott to do it for three fifty.'
"He fairly tore his hair. 'Three fifty! Tully Scott is the biggest
highway robber in town, and everybody knows it! Why didn't you get the
mayor and be done with it? Three fifty! Great Scott! Three fifty!
You call his lordship Tully Scott up and ask him if he'll haul that
rubbish for a dollar and a half, and if he won't you can call off the
deal.'
"I called him up, quietly, but inwardly raging.
"'Will you haul that rubbish for a dollar and a half?'
"'No,' he drawled through his nose, 'I won't haul no rubbish for no
dollar and a half, and you can tell old Skinflint I said so.'
"He hung up. So did I.
"'What did he say?'
"I thought the nasal inflection made it more forceful, so I said, 'No,
I won't haul no rubbish for no dollar and a half, and you can tell old
Skinflint I said so.'
"Mr. Orchard laughed, and Mr. Nesbitt got red.
"'Call up Ben Moore and see if he can do it.'
"I looked him straight in the eye. 'Nothing doing,' I said, with
dignity. 'If you want any more garbage haulers, you can get them.'
"I sat down to the typewriter. Mr. Orchard nearly shut himself up in a
big law book in his effort to keep from meeting anybody's eye. But
Nesbitt went to the phone and called Ben Moore. Ben Moore had a four
days' job on his hands. Then he called Jim Green, and Softy Meadows,
and finally in despair called the only one left. John Knox,--nice
orthodox name, my dear. John Knox would do it for the modest sum of
five dollars, and not a--well, I'll spare you the details, but he
wouldn't do it for a cent less. Nesbitt raved, and Nesbitt swore, but
John Knox, while he may not be a pillar in the church, certainly stood
like a rock. Nesbitt could pay it or lose his tenant. He paid.
"Mr. Orchard got up and put on his hat. 'Miss Connie wants some
flowers and some candy and an ice-cream soda, my boy, and I want some
cigars, and a coca cola. It's on you. Will you come along and pay the
bill, or will you give us the money?'
"'I guess it will be cheaper to come along,' said Nesbitt, looking
bashfully at me, for I was very haughty. But I put on my hat, and it
cost him just one dollar and ninety cents to square himself.
"But they both like me. In fact, Mr. Orchard suggested that I marry
him so old Nesbitt would have to stop roaring at me, but I tell him
honestly that of the two evils I prefer the roaring.
"No, Carol, I am not counting on marriage in my scheme of life. Not
yet. Sometimes I think perhaps I do not believe in it. It doesn't
work out right. There is always something wrong somewhere. Look at
Prudence and Jerry,--devoted to each other as ever, but Jerry's
business takes him out among men and women, into the life of the city.
And Prudence's business keeps her at home with the children. He's out,
and she's in, and the only time they have to love each other is in the
evening,--and then Jerry has clubs and meetings, and Prudence is always
sleepy. Look at Fairy and Gene. He is always at the drug store, and
Fairy has nothing but parties and clubs and silly things like that to
think about,--a big, grand girl like Fairy. And she is always looking
covetously at other women's babies and visiting orphans' homes to see
if she can find one she wants to adopt, because she hasn't one of her
own. Always that sorrow behind the twinkle in her eyes! If she hadn't
married, she wouldn't want a baby. Take Larkie and Jim. Always Larkie
was healthy at home, strong, and full of life. But since little Violet
came, Lark is pale and weak, and has no strength at all. Aunt Grace is
staying with her now. Why, I can't look at dear old Larkie without
half crying.
"Take even you, my precious Carol, perfectly happy, oh, of course, but
all your originality, your uniqueness, the very you-ness of you, will
be absorbed in a round of missionary meetings, and prayer-meetings, and
choir practises, and Sunday-school classes. The hard routine, my dear,
will take the sparkle from you, and give you a sweet, but un-Carol-like
precision and method. Oh, yes, you are happy, but thank you, dear, I
think I'll keep my Self and do my work, and--be an old maid.
"Mr. Orchard offers himself as an alternative to the roars every now
and then, and I expound this philosophy of mine in answer. He shouts
with laughter at it. He says it is so, so like a baby in business. He
reminds me of the time when gray hairs and crow's-feet will mar my
serenity, and when solitary old age will take the lightness from my
step. But I've never noticed that husbands have a way of banishing
gray hairs and crow's-feet and feeble knees, have you? Babies are
nice, of course, but I think I'll baby myself a little.
"I do get so homesick for the good old parsonage days, and all the
bunch, and-- Still, it is nice to be a baby in business, and think how
wonderful it will be when I graduate from my baby-hood, and have brains
enough to write books, big books, good books, for all the world to read.
"Lovingly as always,
"Baby Con."
When Carol read that letter she cried, and rubbed her face against her
husband's shoulder,--regardless of the dollar powder on his black coat.
"A teeny bit for father," she explained, "for all his girls are gone.
And a little bit for Fairy, but she has Gene. And quite a lot for
Larkie, but she has Jim and Violet." And then, clasping her arm about
his shoulders, which, despite her teasing remonstrance, he allowed to
droop a little, she cried exultantly: "But not one bit for me, for I
have you, and Connie is a poor, poverty-stricken, wretched little waif,
with nothing in the world worth having, only she doesn't know it yet."