We have often lamented that so many worthy people should be at the
expense and trouble of making last wills and testaments, and yet
never enjoy what passes at the reading of them. On all the different
occasions where we have been present at such affecting ceremonies, it
was quite edifying to see how justly the sorrow was apportioned to the
legacies; those enjoying the greatest being always the most profoundly
distressed; their tears, by some sort of sympathy, flowing exactly in
accordance with the amount of the sums of money, or the value of the
chattels which they were appointed to receive.
But on no other occasion have we ever been so much struck with the
truth of this discovery as on that when, after attending the Leddy’s
remains to the family sepulchre, our acquaintance, Dirdumwhamle,
invited us to return to the Leddy’s house, in order to be present at
the solemnity. Considering the tenderness of our feelings, and how much
we respect the professed sincerity of mankind, we ought, perhaps, in
justice to ourselves, knowing how incapable we are of withstanding the
mournful melancholy of such posthumous rites, to have eschewed the
invitation of our sighing and mourning friend.
We were, however, enticed, by a little curiosity, to walk with him arm
in arm from the interment, suggesting to him, on the way, every topic
of Christian consolation suitable on such occasions, perceiving how
much he stood in need of them all.
When we entered the parlour, which had been so often blithened with the
jocose spirit of its defunct mistress, we confess that our emotions
were almost too great for our fortitude, and that, as we assured the
Laird of Dirdumwhamle, our sensibility was so affected that we could,
with the utmost difficulty, repress our hysterical sobbings, which he
professed with no less sincerity entirely to believe, Alas! such scenes
are too common in this transitory scene of things.
Seeing how much we were all in need of a glass of wine, Dirdumwhamle,
with that free thought which forms so prominent a feature of his
character, suggested to his lady that she should order in the
decanters, and, with a bit of the shortbread, enable us to fortify our
hearts for the doleful task and duty we had yet to perform.
The decanters were, accordingly, ordered in; the wine poured into the
glasses; and all present to each other sighed, as in silence, the
reciprocity of good wishes.
After which a pause ensued--a very syncope of sadness--a dwam of woe,
as the Leddy herself would have called it, had she been spared, to
witness how much we all felt.--But she was gone--she had paid the debt
of nature, and done, as Dirdumwhamle said, what we are all in this life
ordained to do. It is, therefore, of no consequence to imagine how she
could either have acted or felt had she been present at the reading of
her last will and testament. In a word, after that hiatus in the essay
of mourning, it was proposed, by young Milrookit, that the Leddy’s
scrutoire should be opened, and the contents thereof examined.
No objection was made on the part of any of the sorrowful and
assembled friends,--quite the contrary. They all evinced the most
natural solicitude, that everything proper and lawful should be
done. ‘It is but showing our respect to the memory of her that is
gone,’ said Dirdumwhamle, ‘to see in what situation she has left her
affairs--not that I have any particular interest in the business, but
only, considering the near connection between her and my family, it
is due to all the relations that the distribution which she has made
of her property should be published among them.--It would have been a
happy and a comfortable thing to every one who knew her worth had her
days been prolonged; but, alas! that was not in her own power. Her time
o’ this world was brought, by course of nature, to an end, and no man
ought to gainsay the ordinances of Providence.--Gudewife, hae ye the
key o’ the desk-head?’
Mrs. Milrookit, his wife, who, during this highly sympathetic
conversation, had kept her handkerchief to her eyes, without removing
it, put her hand into her pocket, and, bringing forth a bunch of keys,
looked for one aside, which, having found, she presented it to her
husband, saying, with a sigh, ‘That’s it.’
He took it in his hand, and, approaching the scrutoire, found, to his
surprise, that it was sealed.
‘How is this?’ cried Dirdumwhamle, in an accent somewhat discordant
with the key in which the performers to the concert of woe were attuned.
‘I thought,’ replied Walkinshaw the Laird, ‘that it was but regular,
when my grandmother died, that, until we all met, as we are now met,
her desk and drawers should be sealed for fear----’
‘For fear of what?’ Dirdumwhamle was on the point of saying as we
thought; but, suddenly checking himself, and, again striking the note
of woe, in perfect harmony, he replied,--
‘Perfectly right, Laird,--when all things are done in order, no one can
have any reason to complain.’
Dirdumwhamle then took off the seal, and applying the key to the lock,
opened the desk-head, and therein, among other things, found the
embroidered pocketbook, so well known to our readers. At the sight of
it, the tears of his lady began to flow, and they flowed the faster
when, on examining its contents, it was discovered that the hundred
pound Robin Carrick was not forthcoming,--she having acquired some
previous knowledge of its existence, and had, indeed, with her most
dutiful husband, made a dead set at it in their last affectionate
conversation with the Leddy, with what success the reader is already
informed.
A search was then made for the heritable bond for a thousand pounds,
but Mrs. Charles Walkinshaw surprised us all into extreme sorrow, when,
on understanding the object of the search, she informed us that the
said bond had been most unaccountably given, as the Milrookits thought,
to her daughter for a dowry.
An inventory of the contents of the desk being duly and properly
made,--indeed we ourselves took down the particulars in the most
complete manner,--an inquest was instituted with respect to the
contents of drawers, papers, boxes, trunks, and even into the last
pouches that the Leddy had worn; but neither the silver teapot nor the
old gold watch were forthcoming. Mrs. Charles Walkinshaw, however,
again explained, and the explanation was attended by the happiest
effects, in so much as to us it seemed to lessen in a great degree the
profound sorrow in which all the Milrookits had been plunged.
But yet no will was found, and Dirdumwhamle was on the point of
declaring that the deceased having died intestate, his wife, her
daughter, succeeded, of course, to all she had left. But while he was
speaking, young Mrs. Milrookit happened to cast her eyes into one of
the pigeon-holes in the scrutoire-head, where, tied with a red tape
in the most business-like manner, a will was found,--we shall not say
that Dirdumwhamle had previously seen it, but undoubtedly he appeared
surprised that it should have been so near his sight and touch, so long
unobserved,--which gave us a hint to suggest, that when people make
their wills and testaments, they should always tie them with red tape,
that none of their heirs, executors, or assigns, may fall into the
mistake of not noticing them at the time of the funeral examination,
and afterwards, when by themselves, tear or burn them by mistake.