VARINKA [courtseying]. Monsieur le Capitaine!
EDSTASTON. I must apologize for the disturbance I made, madam.
PATIOMKIN [behind the screen]. You must not call her madam. You must
call her Little Mother, and beautiful darling.
EDSTASTON. My respect for the lady will not permit it.
VARINKA. Respect! How can you respect the niece of a savage?
EDSTASTON [deprecatingly]. Oh, madam!
VARINKA. Heaven is my witness, Little English Father, we need someone
who is not afraid of him. He is so strong! I hope you will throw him
down on the floor many, many, many times.
PATIOMKIN [behind the screen]. Varinka!
VARINKA. Yes?
PATIOMKIN. Go and look through the keyhole of the Imperial bed-chamber;
and bring me word whether the Empress is awake yet.
VARINKA. Fi donc! I do not look through keyholes.
PATIOMKIN [emerging, having arranged his shirt and put on his diamonded
coat]. You have been badly brought up, little darling. Would any lady or
gentleman walk unannounced into a room without first looking through the
keyhole? [Taking his sword from the table and putting it on.] The great
thing in life is to be simple; and the perfectly simple thing is to look
through keyholes. Another epigram: the fifth this morning! Where is my
fool of a chancellor? Where is Popof?
EDSTASTON [choking with suppressed laughter]!!!!
PATIOMKIN [gratified]. Darling, you appreciate my epigram.
EDSTASTON. Excuse me. Pop off! Ha! ha! I can't help laughing: What's his
real name, by the way, in case I meet him?
VARINKA [surprised]. His real name? Popof, of course. Why do you laugh,
Little Father?
EDSTASTON. How can anyone with a sense of humor help laughing? Pop off!
[He is convulsed.]
VARINKA [looking at her uncle, taps her forehead significantly]!!
PATIOMKIN [aside to Varinka]. No: only English. He will amuse Catherine.
[To Edstaston.] Come, you shall tell the joke to the Empress: she is by
way of being a humorist [he takes him by the arm, and leads him towards
the door].