[273] Orig. reads _holde_.
[274]
"_On Sore Eyes._
_Fuscus_ was councell'd if he would preserve His eyes in perfect sight,
drinking to swerve; But he reply'd, 'tis better that I shu'd Loose the,
then keep them for the worms as food."
_Wits Recreations_, 1640 (p. 35 of reprint 1817).
+ _Of the olde woman that had sore eyes._ lxxxix.
+ There was an olde woman, the whiche bargayned with a surgean to heale
her sore eyes; and whanne he hadde made her eies hole, and that she sawe
better, she couenaunted that he shulde be payde his moneye, and not
before. So he layde a medycyne to her eyes, that shulde not be taken
awaye the space of v dayes, in whiche tyme she myghte nat loke vppe.
Euery daye, whan he came to dresse her, he bare awaye some what of her
householde stouffe, table clothes, candelstickes and disshes. He lefte
no thinge, that he coulde carye clene. So whan her eies were hole, she
loked vp, and sawe that her householde stouffe was caryede awaye. She
sayde to the surgian, that came and required his money for his labour:
syr, my promise was to pay you, whan ye made me se better than I did
before. That is trouth, quod he. Mary, quod she, but I se worse nowe
than I did. Before ye layde medicins to myn eies, I sawe moche fayre
stouffe in myn house, and now I se nothinge at all.
+ _Of hym that had the custodi of a warde._ xc.
+ A certayn man, that had the custody of a ward and his goodes, and in
shorte space had spente all awaye, was by the gouernour of the cite
commanded to bring in his bookes of _Introitus et exitus_, that is to
saye, of entraunce and layenge oute, and to gyue accompte of the
orphlins[275] goodes. So whan he came, he shewed fyrste his mouthe, and
sayde, here it wente in: and after he shewed vp his ****, and sayde:
here hit wente out, and other bookes of _Introitus et exitus_ I haue
none.
+ _Of the excellent paynter, that had foule children._ xci.
+ There was a peinter in Rome that was an excellent counnynge man, and
bycause he had foule children, one sayde to him: by my feyth, I maruayle
that you paynte so goodelye, and gette so foule chyldren. Yea, quod the
peynter, I make my chyldren in the darke, and I peynte those fygures by
daye lyght.[276]
[275] See the new edition of Nares _in voce_. _Orphlin_ is merely a
contraction of the French _orphelin_.
[276]
"A Skilfull Painter such rare pictures drew, That every man his
workemanship admir'd:
So neere the life in beautie, forme and hew, As if dead Art 'gainst
Nature had conspir'd. Painter, sayes one, thy wife's a pretty woman, I
muse such ill-shapt children thou hast got, Yet mak'st such pictures as
their likes makes no man, I prethee tell the cause of this thy lot?
Quoth he, I paint by day when it is light, And get my children in the
darke at night."--
Taylor's _Sculler_, 1612 (Works, 1630, iii. 22).
+ _Of the scoffer that made a man a south sayer._ xcii.
+ There was a mery scoffynge felowe on a tyme, the whiche toke on him to
teach a man to be a south sayer. Whan they were agreedde, what he shuld
haue for his labour, the scoffer sayde to the man: holde! eate this
rounde pellet, and I warant thou shalte be a south sayer. The man toke
and put it in his mouth, and began to champe theron, but hit sauered so
ill, that he spyt it out forth with, and said: phy! this pellet, that
thou gyueste me to eate, sauereth all of a *****: Thou sayst trouth
(quod the scoffer), nowe thou arte a south sayer; and therefore paye me
my money.[277]
+ _Of the marchaunt of Florence called Charles._ xciii.
+ A marchaunt of Florence, called Charles, came frome Auignone to Rome;
and as he sate at souper with a great company, one asked him how the
Florentins at Auignone fared? He sayde they were merye and gladde: for
they that dwelle there a yere (quod he) be as men that were franticke
and out of theyr myndes. Than an other, that sate at souper with them,
asked this Charles, how longe he had dwelled there. He answerde: vi
monethes. Charles (quod he that asked him the question), thou haste a
great wytte: for hit, that other be about xii monethes, thou hast
fulfylled in halfe a yere.