Had Sassoon himself imagined the climax, he could have found nothing
more terribly efficacious than this recrudescence from the past of
Joshua Nebbins. She was at the hat-rack, eagerly running through the
mail, when her hand stopped, as if paralyzed, at the sound of a soft
whistle from the parlor, two low notes and a higher, followed by a
chuckling laugh. She turned, knowing instantly who it was.
"Flossie! Bless your sparkling eyes!" cried a voice.
She entered hastily, fearing the publicity of the hall. He was
advancing, radiant and confident, arms open. She put out her hands
hastily to ward him off. He saw, and halted.
"Oh! That's the game, is it? All right! Shake! Miss Baxter, how do you
do?"
"Hello, Josh!" she said coldly.
Now that the meeting had come, like an animal driven to bay, she was
possessed of a desperate courage. This interview should be the last!
There would be no mincing of words. She must be free!
They stood a moment looking at each other. He had scarcely changed. She
even seemed to remember the coat he wore, a golden brown whip-cord,
which she had once so admired! Yes, he was the same as she remembered
him: a red tie, a death's-head pin, the thin carmine edge of a silk
handkerchief protruding from the breast pocket, a buckskin vest with
glass buttons. Probably the same shoes, too, were there, concealed in
the shadows, patent leather with chamois tops.
He was not in the least abashed by the formality of her reception. He
had never been abashed in his life, and he was looking at her now with
an impudent confidence in the upstarting nose, the wide grinning mouth,
the Yankee sharpness of jaw and cheekbones, and the alert eyes, which
would admit of no refusals.
"Prettier than ever!" he exclaimed, after a long admiring whistle.
"That's a new trick with the hair, and, Floss, you certainly are the
swell dresser! Well, Mrs. Nebbins, how are you?"
He plunged his hands into his pockets, slanted his head and gazed at her
for all the world like a saucy sparrow. She knew that half measures
would be vain, and she went directly to the issue.
"Josh, I have a good many things to say to you, a good many to make you
understand," she said abruptly. "Wait here! I'll be down directly, and
then we'll go out somewhere, where we can talk!"
"Are you married?" he said, chuckling.
"No! Why?" she said, surprised.
"That's the only thing I was afraid of!" he said, shooting his cuff with
a jerk of his crooked thumb. "All right, kid! Run along! I can wait!
Patience is my middle name!"
She went to her room, running up the steps, her anger increasing, no
longer fearing him, but a prey to all the cruel impulses of scorn and
contempt. This past was too ridiculous! It must end, at once and
forever! There was a note from Lindaberry, which she placed hurriedly in
the trunk, where were already his other unread letters. She searched for
the money Winona had sent, and suddenly remembered that it had been in
her pocket all the time. One thing she was coldly determined on--to pay
him back the old debt that had set like a leaden weight on her
conscience! That, at least, should no longer stand as a reproach! But,
to accomplish this, it was necessary to accept what had at first filled
her with horror. This caused her to recoil a moment; but she remembered
what sums she had just refused, and she convinced herself that she had
the right to use this little amount for such a worthy object. Besides,
she would consider it only as a loan.
Then she went to the telephone and called up Judge Massingale, giving
him a rendezvous at ten o'clock, for she was determined to take no more
than an hour to end all relations with the past she had so longed to see
buried and forgot. That out of the way, she would be free to deal with
Massingale to-night. With him she would have done with fencing and
acting. She would meet him in simple trust, in perfect faith. Everything
should be on the big scale--nothing petty, nothing unworthy. Now to have
done with the other!
They went to the cafe of one of the great apartment hotels off Madison
Square, where she felt certain she would meet no one she knew,
ensconcing themselves in a discreet corner.
"Don't mind my feeding?" he asked, in perfect good humor. "Couldn't stop
for grub or anything else, when I had a chance to see you, Floss!"
He ordered roast beef hash with a poached egg, spareribs with boiled
cauliflower, and two charlotte russes. The very sounds made her shiver.
She glanced about uneasily; but the restaurant was deserted, except for
a fat German in a far corner, languidly dipping his heavy mustache into
a foaming stein of beer.
"Josh," she said suddenly, extending her hand where Lindaberry's ring
shone, "I'm engaged!"
"Oh, that's all right!" he said, spreading his napkin, from the second
button of his coat, and bisecting a loaf of bread.
"You don't understand!"
"Don't I? Of course I do! You're engaged? Well, I expected that! Not the
first time, is it? It's a convenient sort of state to be in. That
doesn't worry me!"
"If I'd known where to write you, I should have let you know!"
"Good reason why I kept quiet!"
"And," she said suddenly, producing the hundred-dollar bill. "I should
have paid you this back long ago!"
He frowned and drew back in his chair, his knife in his fist, rather
comic than terrible.
"Here! I don't like that! Not in the rules of the game!"
"It was a debt. I certainly am not going to accept money."
"Hold up!" With the point of his knife, disdainfully, he steered the
bill from in front of him to a place of seclusion. "This ain't
important, anyhow. It's your manner, kid. Rather uppish. Now, let's get
a few things straight before we start. Do you remember one evening back
in Cincinnati, in a howling dirty depot, when you wanted to give up
everything and marry me? Do you?"
She looked at him, and she blushed. Great heavens! Was it possible?
"And what did I do? I was honest! I told you I was going to get a start
first, to be sure I was the kind of a feller who could give you what you
want. Didn't I?"
"You should have married me then!" she said quickly.
"Perhaps! But I didn't. Why? On your account! Just let's keep these
things in mind. If I come back now, I'm to get as fair a chance as the
next fellow! Now, Floss, don't come any airs over me! It won't go!"
The hash arrived, and he attacked it, all smiles. How was she to make
him understand the difference between them now--the immense worldly
distance that now separated them? She remembered Sassoon's analysis, and
adopted it as an inspiration.
"My dear Josh," she said in a more conciliatory tone, "even if I were
not engaged,--and engaged to a man I adore blindly,--there wouldn't be
the slightest possibility for anything between us."
"We'll see!" he said, unruffled, his mouth half full.
"Your chance was in Cincinnati!" she said deliberately. "That was your
mistake, or your good luck! I'm different now--so changed I don't
recognize myself!"
"Rats!"
"True! I'm a vain, luxury-loving girl, who has got to live on
excitement! I couldn't be happy a day away from all this! I adore New
York! I've got to be on the go every minute! If I married a poor man,
I'd ruin him in a month!"
"What?"
"In a month! I've got the taste, the habit of luxury; I just can't do
without it! The man I marry has got to be able to give me everything I
see other women have--dresses, jewels, automobiles,--or I should be
miserable! You see, I don't spare myself; I tell you the truth. I've got
to have money, and I've got to have New York!"
He reflected a moment, studying the spareribs, which had just arrived.
"Well, now, that might be arranged," he said thoughtfully. "I like this
little burg myself."
"What's the use of beating around the bush?" she said suddenly. "Josh,
this is the truth; I've grown away from you and from all that old life.
I've gone into a new. I'm in love, madly, blindly, and there's no other
man in the world for me! You won't understand! You force me to be
cruel! It's ended between us, and I never wish it to be brought up
again. And if you are a gentleman, you won't pursue me; you'll go away!"
"Gentleman's a stretchy word, kid!" he said, refusing to be angry. "But
I'm here, and I'll stick! You can't ruffle me! I'm not here to get
frothy at the mouth; I'm here to win you back!"
She tried every means to open his eyes. She left nothing unsaid. It had
no more effect on him than the wind against a cliff. He answered all
attacks good-naturedly, perfectly obstinate and perfectly resolved. When
they returned over the short blocks to Miss Pim's, she said at last,
desperately:
"I tell you frankly, I won't see you!"
"Oh, yes, you will!" he said.
"But since you know I'm going to be married?"
"Don't know anything of the kind!" he said gruffly. "Now, Floss, just
put this away in your thinker. You can't get rid of me. You'll never get
rid of me until you're married--and then I won't give you up till I go
to the church and see you come down--not up, _down_ the aisle hitched to
another man!"
"Another thing, Josh. If you don't take the money," she said, as they
came in view of Miss Pim's and Massingale's automobile waiting, "I'll
tear it up!"
"Hold up! I'll take it!" he said quickly. "Only this is the way you'll
ask it: 'Mr. Nebbins, you were always square by me, and I'm grateful to
you for it. Thank you for what you loaned me, and do me the favor to
take it back!' Say that, or it can lie there!"
She had a horror of Massingale's coming in contact with this
undisciplined savage. She would do anything to prevent that. So she
swallowed her pride and repeated the phrase.
"Good, Flossie!" he exclaimed joyfully. "That's like old times, when you
used to have your tantrums! Just remember, now, who knows you and who
you can't fool! To-morrow?"
She stopped at the foot of the steps, holding out her hand.
"What's the game now?" he asked suspiciously. "Don't want me to come up?
Oh, that's all right! Don't believe in mixing things myself! To-morrow
for lunch?"
"Good-by!" she said emphatically, running up the steps.
"To-morrow!" he called after her.
When she entered, Massingale was in the parlor, and the bamboo curtains
at the windows were still tinkling, where he had been posted in watch.
Nebbins had filled her with such a fear of the old ascendency that,
despite the publicity of the room, she flung her arms about his neck and
lay against his shoulder like a frightened fluttering bird.
"Ah, now I am happy!" she said softly, running her fingers in a caress
over the tip of his ear.
"You change quickly!" he said coldly, resisting.
"You were at the window?" she asked, comprehending instantly the cause
of his mistrust.
"I was!"
"I couldn't help it! It was--"
"Don't invent!" he said roughly. "I'm not in the mood!"
"No, no, I won't!" she said, with a sudden resolve. "Only, let's get
away from here first. I have so much to say to you to-night!"
As they went down the steps to his automobile, she glanced nervously up
and down the dimly lighted avenue. Nebbins was there, as she had
expected, leaning against a stoop, his hat on one side, waiting to see
if she would come out. She sprang into the closed car, extinguishing the
light.
"Where?"
"Anywhere out of this. Up-town!"
They had to pass him, still waiting and curious, half revealed under the
pale region of a near lamp-post. She waited breathlessly, hoping that
Massingale would not perceive him. Vain hope! He leaned forward
abruptly, saying:
"Who is that man?"
"I'll tell you everything! Just a moment!"
She drew nearer to him, fastening her fingers, like a lonely child, in
the collar of his coat; laying her head against his arm, very quiet;
tired, with a longing for strength and petting. But, stiff and
resentful, he did not put his arm about her. Suddenly he burst out:
"Dodo! I can't stand it! This is driving me crazy! What do I know of
you? What do you want me to think? You go and come. You tell me one
minute you love me, and the next, where are you? Where do you go? Whom
do you see? What is your life? Who is this man who comes as far as your
door, and then waits on the corner? Whom are you with until three
o'clock in the morning? And Harrigan Blood, and Sassoon, and how many
others? Dodo, I tell you, you are driving me wild. I suffer! If you knew
what I've been going through these days, in every way!"
He stopped abruptly; he hardly recognized himself in this frantic
complainant.
"Dodo, I tell you, I can't stand this any longer! You have disorganized
everything in my life. I'm half mad!"
"Yes, I am very wicked, very cruel to you!" she said, with a lump in her
throat, pressing his arm convulsively. "I know it! I know it! I've said
it to myself a hundred times over. I can't help it! Why am I so? I don't
know! Perhaps it were better if you went away, if you never saw me
again. At least, you wouldn't hate me. Yes, go! You had better go!
That's it. Go! Go!"
She stopped, and each was seized with the chill of this awful thought.
He gave a deep sigh and put his arm around her. She crowded close to
him, feeling so little, of such small consequence, staring out at the
battling currents of brutal thoroughfares. The clamor of the city came
roaring at their windows--immense glaring cars with strident bells, iron
masses above shattering the air, even the earth below periodically
shaken with the rumble of multitudes tearing through the bowels of the
city. Confusion, riot multiplied, echoed and reechoed; masses of
sky-cleaving prisons; millions of lights, blinding and bewildering; and
everywhere the multitude, humanity in thousands on thousands, crowding
their path, spying on every action, drowning out sigh and laughter! What
peace or tranquillity was there? What fragile thing could endure against
the buffeting? What mattered? By Massingale's side, shivering, clinging,
she felt the weak tears suddenly rising, seized by a horror of this life
which had to be lived, some way or other, in fear of what might follow.
"Be honest! Tell me all you've hidden! Let me know the truth, at least!"
he said suddenly.
She sat up, drawing away from him, readjusting her hat. Yes, she would
throw herself on his generosity; she would tell him the truth--perhaps
not the truth in every detail, but all that was vital. For she could not
bear that he should see Josh Nebbins as he really was. The vulgarity,
the pettiness of it, she would keep from him, divining how his
aristocratic temperament would revolt at the thought that such arms had
once held her as his now encircled her.
"It is nothing bad!" she said. "There is nothing in my life that I am
ashamed of. That is the truth! Only, I am upset, irritated, terribly
irritated. I am passing through a most disagreeable experience. The man
you saw I was engaged to three years ago, when I was an ignorant foolish
girl. I regret it bitterly! We were totally unsuited. Now it is
ridiculous, humiliating! I never expected to see him again!"
"Who is he?" he asked.
"Oh, there is nothing wrong with him!" she said instantly. "He was in
the ministry, in settlement work--very honest, very good. Then he went
on a paper. I don't know how it happened! I was very religious then; I
wanted to devote my life--"
"But why didn't you break it off, Dodo?"
"I did! But you don't know him! He wouldn't marry me then until he'd
saved some money, writing articles and all that sort of thing. Now he
can't see how I've changed, how impossible it would be. And oh, it makes
me shudder! It's such a narrow walled-in little life! So barren, so
ugly!"
"Send him away!"
"If I could! He won't understand. And when I'm with him I feel as if I
were being dragged back to all I hate! He's a terrible man! Sometimes I
really am afraid he'll force me to marry him. Oh, I assure you, I am
very, very unhappy!"
"And the ring, Dodo?" he said, with a sigh of relief, leaning over and
touching her hand.
It was as if a sudden blast of cold air had been let in. She drew back.
"I can't tell you of that now," she said hastily. "When you have the
right--and that depends on you--I will tell you, for it is something
that I am very glad of!"
"Dodo, I must know. I can't go on like this! I simply can't."
"Neither can I!" she said, with a sudden lump in her throat. "Don't you
see how I am going to pieces? Don't you know why I do such wild crazy
things? Oh, if I were only sure of you!"
"If I could be sure of _you_!" he retorted bitterly.
"What would you do?" she asked, grasping his arm eagerly. "Would you do
as I wish? Would you dare?"
"Dodo, I wish to be divorced and to marry you!" he said abruptly.
She shrank from him with a cry of disappointment. She sought romance,
uncalculated and overwhelming; she wished to hear him, driven beyond
himself, crying tempestuous words in her ears, ready for any sacrifice;
and instead, he was concerned with planning a conventional solution.
"No, no!" she cried, bitterly disillusioned. "Oh, you don't love me as I
love you, if you can think only of that!"
"But why not, Dodo?"
"Oh, not marriage! I hate the very word!" she said indignantly. "That
would spoil everything! I want to be Dodo! I don't want to change. And
you want to make me! What would happen? After a while you would want me
to be like your formal women, society women, and I should be bored, or
you would get tired of me. And then my heart would break!"
"But, great God! child, haven't you any morality?" he exclaimed, beyond
himself. "Have I always got to protect you against yourself?"
"Is it my morality," she said, opening her eyes, "or what society will
think of you, that you are worried about?"
He was silent, without an answer.
"Listen!" she continued determinedly. "This must stop! I said I was
going to decide everything on the tenth. I'm not! I can't stand it!
To-morrow I'm going to settle everything. Do you love me enough to run
away with me to-morrow?"
"Do you really, honestly, in the bottom of your crazy romantic heart,
believe you would do such a thing?" he asked solemnly.
She was instantly a-tremble with an electric ardor.
"Would I? Would I sacrifice this for something real, something immense,
for a perfect blinding love? Oh, how can you ask!"
"And if I come to-morrow and say 'Come!' you will leave everything and
go with me, anywhere?"
She put her two hands in his with a gesture of a Siddons.
"Anywhere!"
He retained his doubts, but he did not discuss. Finally he said:
"Very well! To-morrow afternoon I will come and tell you my decision!
You are right. This must end, one way or the other!"
"When?"
"At five o'clock!"
"At five, then. If not--"
"If not, what?"
"I shall have made another decision!"
They said little during the remainder of the trip back, the gravity of
the crisis that had been imposed affecting them both. She had only faint
belief that he would come, as she wished him to come; and her eyes
resting on the sudden electric paraphernalia of the theaters, the gilded
outward trappings, the billboards, and the displays on the sidewalk, she
lost herself in reveries, feeling the mountain of drudgery she would
have to move. Besides, another thing obtruded itself between them--the
lie, slight as it had been, that she had told. She was vaguely aware of
it, unable to return into the intimacy of her first clinging attitude.
Arrived at the house, he mounted the steps with her, and said gravely:
"Very well, Dodo! I take you at your word. I don't know what it will be.
What you ask from me is as great, probably a greater sacrifice than you
would make. But I may do as you wish! To-morrow, in any case, I will
come!"
He did not attempt to kiss her in the shadow of the vestibule, nor did
she think of it. It was very serious, this parting. She felt the weight
of the impending decision as she went slowly to her room, and she found
herself halting, from time to time, in the dark ascent, a little
frightened, a little strange, asking herself if it were possible, after
all, if the incredible were to come, if he really was to put her to the
test.