But I felt very guilty when I went down, and every time I was addressed
I gave quite a start, and stared as if expecting that whoever spoke knew
my secret; while during lessons, when a message came from Mrs Blunt
that she wanted to see me in the study, I felt as if I should have gone
through the floor; and on turning my eyes to Clara, expecting sympathy,
there she was actually laughing at me.
"If this is being in love," I said to myself, "I mean very soon to be
out of it again;" and then I stood trembling and hesitating, afraid to
stir.
"Did you hear the lady principal's summons, Miss Bozerne?" said that
starchy Miss Furness, in her most dignified style.
I turned round, and made her a most elaborate De Kittville obeisance,
and I saw the old frump toss her head; for I know she always hated me
because I happened to be nice-looking--mind, I don't say I was
nice-looking, for I am merely writing down now what people said who were
foolish enough to think so. Achille once said I was--but there, I will
not be vain.
So I crossed the hall, then to the study door, and stood with my hand
raised to take hold of the white china handle; but just then I heard
Mrs Blunt give one of her little short, sharp, pecking coughs, such as
she gave when muttering to herself to make up a scolding for some one.
No sooner did I hear that cough than I dropped my hand down to my side,
and stood hesitating upon the mat, afraid to enter; for who could help
feeling a coward under such circumstances, I should like to know? It
was very dreadful; and though I kept telling myself that I was not a bit
afraid of Mrs Blunt, yet somehow I seemed to be just then. However, I
kept trying to make up my mind to bear it all, and to ask her pardon,
and to promise that it should not occur again if she would not write to
mamma; but my tiresome mind would not be made up, but kept running about
from one thing to another, till I declare I almost felt ready to faint.
"Oh, Achille, Achille!" I murmured, "I must give you up. What I suffer
for your sake! _Oh, mon pauvre coeur_!"
I felt better after that, for it seemed that I was to return to my old
quiet state of suffering; and the determination not to run any more
risks began to nerve me to bear the present suffering; almost as much as
the rustle of the Fraulein's silk dress upon the stairs. And of course
I would not allow her to see me waiting at the door, and afraid to go
in; so I tapped, and entered.
There sat the lady principal, writing a letter, and frowning
dreadfully--though she always did that when there was a pen in her hand;
and as she just looked up when I entered, she motioned me to a chair
with the feather end of the bead and silk adorned quill she held.
"Take a seat, Miss Bozerne," she muttered, between her patent minerals,
as we used to call them; and there I was, sitting upon thorns,
metaphorically and really--for the chair I took had the seat all worked
in roses and briars and cactus, while there was that tiresome old thing
with the little glass dew-drop knobs at the end of the sprays in her
cap, nodding and dancing about every time she came to a hard word.
"She is writing home, I know," I said to myself, "and then she means to
take me back; for it must all be found out--and, oh dear! oh dear! what
shall I do?"
The scene there would be at home came up before me like a vision, and I
fancied I could hear papa storming, though he is not very particular,
and his rage is soon over, just like a storm, and he is all sunshine
after. But mamma. Ah! how she would go on, and tell me that I had been
sent down to cure me of my _penchant_ for the curate, to descend so low
as a policeman.
"Just like a common cook in an area!" I seemed to hear her say. But it
was only Mrs Blunt mumbling to herself as she sat writing.
And then I half felt as if I should like to run away altogether; and
next I thought that if some one had been there all ready with a fly or a
post-chaise, I would have gone with him anywhere.
Directly after I gave such a jump, for there was the crunching of a step
upon the gravel sweep, and I felt the blood all flush up in my face
again; for it was his step--his, and it seemed that he was to be brought
in, and we were to be confronted, and there would be quite a
_denouement_; but then I felt as brave as could be, for was not he close
at hand to take my part? And I felt ready to say things that I could
not have uttered, and to hear scoldings that would have killed me five
minutes before.
I was just feeling ready to sink through the carpet when the old wretch
raised her head.
"Ah! there's Monsieur Achille," she cried in a decisive tone, and now I
felt as if it must be coming. But no, the tiresome old thing still kept
me upon the thorns of suspense; while I heard the front door squeak and
his step in the hall, the opening and closing of a door, and I felt as
if I could have rushed to meet him and tell him of the horrible state of
fear that I had been in; besides which, I knew that he would have a
_corrected exercise_ to return me, and I was burning to see what he
would say.
"And now, Miss Bozerne," said Mrs Blunt, laying down her pen, and
crossing her hands upon the table, so as to show her rings, while she
spoke in the most stately of ways--"and now Miss Bozerne, I have a crow
to--er--er--I have, that is to say, a few words to speak to you
concerning something that has lately, very lately, come to my ears; and
you know, my dear, that I have extremely long ears for this sort of
thing."
And then she tried to draw herself up, and look august; but the vulgar
old thing only made herself more common and obtrusive, while I began to
tremble in the most agitated manner.
"Miss Furness tells me, Miss Bozerne--" she continued.
"Oh, how came she to know, I wonder?" I thought to myself.
"Miss Furness tells me," she said again, "of various little acts of
insubordination, and want of attention to lessons and the instruction
she endeavours to impart--to impart, Miss Bozerne; and you must
understand that in my absence the lady assistants of my establishment
are to have the same deference shown them as I insist upon having paid
to myself."
And then she went on for ever so long about delegated authority, and a
great deal more of it, until she had worked herself into a regular knot,
with her speech all tangled; when she sent me away to the French lesson.
And how can I describe my feelings! I don't remember who that was that
put iron bands round his heart to keep it from breaking with sorrow,
while they all went off, crack! crack! one after another afterwards,
from joy; but I felt when I left Mrs Blunt's room, precisely as that
somebody must have felt at that time.
To have seen the dignified salute which was exchanged, no one could have
thought it possible that a note had ever passed between Monsieur Achille
and poor me. When I took my seat at the bottom of that long table,
being the last arrival, not a look, not a glance--only a very sharp
reprimand, which brought the tears in my eyes, because my exercise was
not better; while my translation of English into French was declared to
be _affreux_.
Oh! it did seem so hard, after what I had risked for him the night
before; but I soon fired up, as I saw Miss Furness looking quite pleased
and triumphant; for I'm sure the old thing was as jealous as could be,
and watched me closely, and all because I would not creep to her, and
flatter and fawn, like Celia Blang. So I would not show how wounded I
was, nor yet look at Achille when he went away, and there was no
communication at all between us that day.
I felt very much hurt and put out, for that Miss Furness spared no pains
to show her dislike to me; and she must have had some suspicion of me,
for during many lessons I never had an opportunity of enjoying further
communication with dear Achille than a long look. Miss Sloman, as I
have said before, had always hated me; but she was too much of a nobody
to mind. However, I would not notice Miss Furness's cantankerousness,
for I really did not mind a bit about her having told Mrs Blunt, so
delighted was I to feel that the other matter had not been found out;
and I went on just the same as usual, and really worked hard with my
studies.
One morning--I can't say when, for though I have tried I really can't
recollect, and the time, names, and things are so mixed up together--
however, it was a fine morning, and we were going for one of those
dreary morning two-and-two walks, crawling in and out of the Allsham
lanes like a horrible Adam-tempting serpent. I had taken great pains
with my dress, for I thought it possible that we might pass Achille's
lodging; and, as I fancied he had been unnecessarily angry and cool with
me at the last lesson, I wished him to feel a little pain in return, for
I was determined not to give him a single look. Mamma had just sent me
down one of the prettiest straw-coloured flowery bonnets imaginable--a
perfect zephyr, nothing of it at all hardly--and it matched capitally
with my new silk; while the zebra parasol seemed quite to act as a
relief. So I put them on with new straw-kid gloves, took the parasol,
and then--call it vanity if you like--I stopped and had one last,
triumphant glance in the mirror that hangs at one end of the long
passage before I went down.
Mrs Blunt was going with us that day; and, in spite of the late
scolding I had received, she was quite smiling and pleasant with me, and
I saw her bestow one or two satisfied glances upon my attire--for she
never found fault with her pupils for dressing too well. But I did not
take pains with myself so as to please her, and act as show-card for her
nasty old establishment; so I would not look pleased, but pretended that
I had not yet got over the scolding, and was dreadfully mortified, as I
went and took my place beside Clara.
As we were the two tallest girls, we always went first, and had our
orders to walk slowly, once more, on account of half-a-dozen children
who came last with the teachers and Mrs Blunt herself, and so we filed
out of the gates and along the winding, green lane.
No one could help feeling happy and light-hearted upon such a beautiful
bright morning, especially as we turned through the fields, and went
across towards the river. The trees were all green, and the grass
shining with flowers, birds singing, the sky above a splendid azure, and
all around looking quite lovely; while the soft, delicious air fanned
one's cheek, so that I could not help agreeing with Clara when, after a
long silence, she heaved a deep sigh, and said,--
"Oh, how delightful it is to feel young and be in love."
Though, after all, I was not so sure about the last part, for I did not
feel half satisfied concerning my _affaire de coeur_, and was strolling
somewhat listlessly along, when Clara pinched my arm.
"Here they come," she whispered.
And sure enough, there were Achille and the Signor coming towards us;
when, I could not help it, all my ill-humour seemed to dart out of my
eyes in a moment, and I could do nothing but sigh, and feel that I was a
hopeless captive.
As I said before, I could not help it, and was obliged to close my eyes,
when a horrible jerk brought me to myself; when there, if Clara had not
let me step right into the ditch beside the path--a dreadful
stinging-nettley place--instead of quietly guiding me, when she might
have known that my eyes were shut; while before I could extricate
myself, if Achille was not at my side, helping me out and squeezing my
hand, so that really, out of self-defence, I was obliged to return the
pressure.
"Miss Bozerne!" exclaimed Lady Blunt, pressing up to me, "how could
you?"
I did not know, so I could not reply; while there were Miss Furness and
the Fraulein--fat, hook-nosed old owl--looking as spiteful as could be.
"She did it on purpose," I heard Miss Furness whisper; while the
Fraulein nodded her head ever so many times, so that she looked like a
bird pecking with a hooked beak.
"Mademoiselle is not hurt, _I hope_?" said Achille, in his silkiest,
smoothest tones; and there was so much feeling in the way he spoke, that
I quite forgave him.
"Oh, no, not at all, Monsieur Achille," said Lady Blunt.
And then, after a great deal of bowing, we all fell into our places
again.
"Won't there be a scolding for this!" whispered Clara. "We shall both
have impositions."
"I don't care," I said, recklessly. "I should not mind if I slipped
again."
"Slipped!" said Clara, satirically; "that was a pretty slip, certainly.
I never saw so clumsy a one, but it answered capitally."
"What do you mean?" I said, innocently.
"Oh, of course, you don't know, dear," said Clara, growing more and more
satirical. "But there, never mind, I have both the notes."
"What notes?" I ejaculated, with my heart beginning to beat--oh, so
fast!
"Now, don't be a little stupid," said Clara, "when you know all the
time. The Signor dropped them into my parasol, as I held it down half
shut, and there they are--for I have not dared to take them out yet."
And there, sure enough, were two tiny brown paper squares, looking for
all the world like packets of garden seeds, so as not to catch any one's
eye when they were delivered--tied up, too, with little bits of string,
so as not to be in the least like what they were. Though, really, it
was too bad to try and make out that the whole thing was planned, and
that I had slipped on purpose. Now, was it not?
"Why, what dear, lovable ingenuity," I could not help exclaiming. "And
is one for you then, dear?"
"And why not, pray?" exclaimed Clara; "why should not I have notes as
well as somebody, who has her meetings as well?"
"I'm sure I don't," I exclaimed. "How can you say so? Why, you know I
did not meet him."
"Not your fault, my dear," said Clara, sarcastically. "But there, I'm
not complaining; but when I am so open and confidential, I'm sure you
need not be so close."
"Now, did you not promise to forget all that?" I said.
"Well, yes, so I did," she replied; "and I won't say any more about it.
But this was clever, wasn't it; and I'm sure I give you every credit for
managing that slip so well."
"Indeed--indeed--indeed--indeed!" I said, "it was an accident."
But it was no use whatever; and the more I protested, the more the
tiresome thing would not believe me; till I grew so cross I could have
pinched her, only that I could not afford to quarrel just then.
By means of changing parasols, I obtained possession of my note; and
then, how long the time did seem before we received our orders to turn
back! But I learnt, though, from Clara, that Achille had made quite a
confidante of the Signor, and that they were both planning together for
us to have a long meeting.
"But how do you get to know all this?" I said.
"Do you suppose, miss, that no one else but you can manage to pass and
receive notes so cleverly?" she replied.
I could not make any answer, for somehow or another Clara generally
managed to get the better of me.
What would I not have given to have been alone for one five minutes
beneath the deep green shady trees, for it seemed ages since I had had a
letter from Achille. But it was of no use to wish; and I'm sure that it
was quite three-quarters of an hour before Clara and I were up in our
bedroom together, trying to get rid of Patty Smith.
She was such a stupid girl, and the more you gave her hints to go the
more she would persist in stopping, for she was as obstinate as she was
stupid; and I'm sure, if that's true about the metempsychosis, Patty
Smith, in time to come, will turn into a lady donkey, like those grey
ones that are led round Chester Square of a morning, and are owned by
one of the purveyors of asses' milk. We tried all we could to get rid
of her, but it was of no use; and at last, when we were ready to cry
with vexation, and about to give it up and go down to dinner without
reading our notes, some one called out--
"A letter for Miss Smith."
And then away ran the tiresome thing, and we were quite alone.