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THE
=AMERICAN= GENTLEMAN'S
GUIDE TO POLITENESS
AND
FASHION;
OR,
FAMILIAR LETTERS TO HIS NEPHEWS.
BY HENRY LUNETTES.
The good old name of GENTLEMAN.
TENNYSON.
People sometimes complain of writers who talk of "I, I." * * * * When
I speak to you of myself, I am speaking to you of yourself, also. Is it
possible that you do not feel that it is so? VICTOR HUGO.
NEW EDITION, CAREFULLY REVISED BY THE AUTHOR.
PHILADELPHIA:
J. B. LIPPINCOTT & CO.
1864.
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1863, by
J. B. LIPPINCOTT & CO.,
in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States
for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania.
TO
HIS YOUNG COUNTRYMEN,
THIS UNPRETENDING VOLUME, IS, WITH AFFECTIONATE PRIDE,
INSCRIBED BY
THE AUTHOR.
INTRODUCTION.
"I lang ha'e thought, my youthful friends,
A something to have sent you,
Tho' it may serve no other end
Than just a kind memento:
But how the subject-theme may gang
Let time and chance determine;
Perhaps it may turn out a sang,
Perhaps turn out a sermon."
TABLE OF CONTENTS
LETTER I.
DRESS.
PROPRIETY of conforming to Fashion, with a due Regard for
individual Peculiarities of Appearance--Eccentricity of Taste
in Dress--Obedience to the Laws of Convention--The vagaries of
Genius, in this respect--Absurdity and Affectation originated
by the Example of Byron--All indifference and neglect to be
avoided, with regard to Dress--Anecdote of Dr. Johnson and the
Siddons--Porson, the Greek Scholar--Horace Greeley--Aphorism--
Habits of a distinguished Parisian _savant_--Example and opinion
of Washington with reference to Dress--Partiality of Americans
for Black, as the color of dress-clothes--Practice of Men in
other Countries, in the selection of Colors--Morning Costume of
an English Gentleman--Every English Gentleman usefully employed
during a Portion of each Day--Dr. Johnson's Test of good Taste
in Dress--The golden mean in Matters of Dress--Ceremonious
Costume of a Gentleman--Mode of wearing the Hair and Beard--
Necessity for artistic Taste in one's Barber--All extremes of
Fashion in bad Taste--Various Absurdities in this respect,
inconsistent with the "keeping" of modern Costume--Collars,
their size, shape, &c.--Sleeve-buttons--Bad taste of wearing
flash Stones--Use of Diamonds In Dress--Simplicity in the
Appendages of Dress, the characteristic of true refinement--
Signet-rings--Distinctive Points of difference between the
exterior of a Gentleman and of a Loafer--All staring
patterns in Gentlemen's clothes exceptionable--A white suit
throughout, for warm Weather--Thin Cravats--Body Linen--
Kotzebue's test of high-breeding--Strength and Comfort
the essential Characteristics of working Garments--Fitness
and propriety even in matters of Dress, indicative of a
well-regulated Mind--Every American should aim to be a true
Gentleman--Importance of Trifles, when viewed in the
aggregate--Influence of Dress, etc., upon Character and
Manner--Wearing Gloves in Dancing--White Gloves alone
unexceptionable for ceremonious Evening Occasions--Gloves
suitable for the Street and Morning Visits--Bright-colored
Gloves in bad _ton_--Illustrative Anecdote--Over-Garments--
Variety sanctioned by Fashion--Becomingness of different
Styles--Inconvenience and ill-appearance of Shawls--When
Suitable--South American Poncho--Anecdote--New reading of
Lord Nelson's celebrated Naval Orders--Difference between
Talking and Writing, the Author's Apology for numerous
Defects--The Mill-boy of the Slashes--The Author unacquainted
with the Elegancies of modern Fashionable Nomenclature--Terms
of agreement between the Author and his Correspondents, 25
LETTER II.
DRESS--(_Continued._)
STORIES AND ANECDOTES ILLUSTRATIVE OF DRESS.
THE HERO OF THE BALL-ROOM.--The Author's Liking for Mass
Meetings--A Fete--Louis Philippe and the Militia Officer--A
real Soldier conquered by the Fair!--The "Observed of all
Observers"--A Morning Visit--Dissection of the "Observed of
all Observers"--The Hero of the Ball-Room is consigned to the
"Tomb of the Capulets" in a bright, pea-green, thin Muslin
Shooting-Jacket! 43
Anecdote of Bulwer, the Novelist, 48
The Green Mountain Boy and his New Cloak, 49
Count Orloff at the "Peace Convention," 50
THE FASHIONABLE HAT.--A Young Clergyman resolves to Visit
"the City"--His Plans for Economy--A new Black Coat--A Secret
Design--Fashionable Ridicule--The Young Clergyman makes the
mortifying Discovery that he is wearing a "Shocking Bad
Hat"--Reluctantly determines to buy a New One--A Traveller in
an Old "Kossuth"--Test of what is Admissible in the Dress of
the Clergy--Reflections of a "Sadder and a Wiser" Man--The
Uncle and his Little Nephew--"Bradbrook's" and the "Pretty
Coat"--Another Secret "Design--The Tyrant of Social Life, 50
The Chief Justice--and the Travelling Gloves of an Exquisite, 54
GOV. MARCY AND THE PARISIANS.--The American Secretary of
Legation at St. Cloud, at a Court Dinner--Address of the
Turkish Ambassador--The Distinctive Mark of a Gentleman, 56
THE RED CORNELIAN PATE.--Sketch of an Elegant leaning upon a
Bass-viol--Poetry of the Female Voice--An Alpine Party--A
Lady's Avowal--Coxcombs--A Mysterious Stranger--My Lundy-Lane
Sword--A Figure of Speech appropriate to a Sportsman's
Daughter--The "Weed" and the Shawl--An Apple--The "Tug of
War"--The Pitiable Finger! and the Cranberry Pate--Design of
the "Mysterious Stranger"--Jack the Giant-Killer and his
Victim--A Revelation--The Dove and the Vulture, 58
Postscript to Letter II.--Letter to the Author from a
Distinguished Man of Fashion--Directions for the Details of
Gentlemen's Dress, on various Occasions--Wedding Costume--
Morning and Evening--Evening Dress--Dress for Morning
Visits--Costume for Bachelors' Dinner-Parties--General
Remarks upon Colors, etc.--Effect of Black Dress--Blue--
Brown--Anecdote of Beau Brummel--Opinion of a French
Critic--Importance of the "Cut" of Garments--Ease the First
Essential--An Artistic Air--Wadding, or Stuffing, to be
used in moderation--Sensible Observations of a Man of
Discriminating Taste, 63
LETTER III
MANNER.
APHORISM of a Celebrated Observer of Human Nature--Manner
indicative of Character--Benefits of Care and Attention in
Youth--The Fashionable Manner of the Day--Danger of
Affectation in Manner--Americans too often Caricature their
European Models--Good Sense and Manly Independence the best
Guides in the Formation of Manner--True Politeness--Elegant
definition of Politeness by a celebrated Author--Good
Breeding inseparable from the Character of a Gentleman--Sir
Philip Sidney, a Christian Gentleman--Manner the proper
expression of Mental Qualities--The Laws of Convention--Their
proper Use and Applicability--Conduct towards Superiors in
Age and Station one Test of Good Breeding--Example of
Washington in this respect--Polished Manners of the Men of
Revolutionary Days--Bad Taste of Slang Language and
Disrespectful Familiarity in speaking of Superiors or
Parents--Reverence rendered to Age by the Ancients--Rudeness
of "Young America" in this respect--The Law of Kindness a
sure Correction--Possibility of Benefit to be derived from
the consideration of those who have seen the World--
Disadvantages of early Neglect of Manner--Improvement
always possible, at any age--Benefit of the early Acquisition
of Habits of Self-Control and Self-Possession--Advantage of
proper Examples in this respect, 72
THE HANDSOME ENGINEER.--A Railroad Depot and a Dilemma--The
Field-Book and Soiled Boots--The Blessings of Civilization--
An Honest Saxon Word--The Charge--The Arrival--A Recognition
--A Metamorphosis--The Economy of driving in Dress-Boots--
A Whisper--The Secret of the Charm of Manner, 79
AN AFTER-DINNER COTERIE.--The St. Nicholas Hotel and Santa
Claus--A Pleasant Meeting--A Social Re-Union--The _Dramatis
Personae_ of the Occasion--A Sketch--"Willard's," at
Washington--The weary Child--The Courteous Strangers--A
Grateful Tribute--Charge against American Ladies--Southern
Manner--The Stupid Porter and the _contre-temps_--An
Inference--A Scene in a Country Tavern--A French-Woman and a
Yankee-Woman--Jonathan and the Snuff-box--A Tooth-ache and a
Rocking-chair--Sympathy and Vivacity--The Climax of
Impatience! 82
A POLITE YOUNG IRELANDER,--A Fight--An Exclamation--A Fair
Vision, 91
LETTER IV.
MANNER--(_Continued._)
PRACTICAL DIRECTIONS.--Senator Sumner's appropriate
Sentence--Primary importance of Manner at Home--A reiterated
Charge--Manner to Parents--Unvarying confidence and reverence
due to a Father--Tenderness of Manner to a Mother--Example of
Washington--A Revolutionary Ball--Nature the best Teacher of
Duty--Too great familiarity, even with Relations, objectionable
--Manner to Brothers and Sisters--No assumption of superiority
justified by Birthright, or Circumstances--Every Man the
Guardian of his Sisters--A Sister's Love--Manner to a Wife--
The preservation of her Affection--The "Spectator," and a
Sketch of an Old-School Husband--Impressive Teaching--A Plea
for Old-Fashioned Authors--Reverence for the _Lares_ should
be inviolate--The Graces of Manner always discerned by the
Gentler Sex--The Sensibility of Woman--Domestic Politeness--
Cheerful Manner in conferring Favors--Importance of Trifles,
in this respect--The true nobleness of Manhood--Aphorism of
the Latinists--Manner to Children--Their Innocence and
Susceptibility--The Influence of Example in this regard--
Children judges of Character--Power of the Law of Love over
the Young--Supremacy of Moral Obligation--Manner not to be
regarded as insignificant by the Christian Gentleman--Manner
to the Unfortunate--Towards Servants and Inferiors--Arrogance
to be avoided--Mode of addressing Domestics--Queen Elizabeth
and her Courtiers--Effect of a pleasant Word and a pleasant
Tone--Peculiar sensitiveness of the Uneducated In this respect
--The professional figure of an old Soldier!--Manifestations
of Sympathy for Inferiors in Station--Readily instructed by
a kind Manner, 98
ANECDOTES AND TALES, ILLUSTRATIVE OF MANNER.
EMPERORS NOT ALWAYS WELL-BRED.--Manner of Napoleon le Grand
to Women--A Family Levee--Reply of the Mother of Bonaparte to
her Son--Napoleon's stringent enforcement of Court Rules--The
First Consul and the Lady's Train--Josephine's timidity and
her Husband's brutality--Maria Louise's Bridal-Scene--An
almost sacrilegious Misnomer, 104
A FATHER'S REBUKE.--A Steamer on the Ohio--The two Friends--
Cabin-Chit-chat--Youthful mirth reproved--The effect of a
Scene--The fortunate Guest--A Family Mansion and Family
Group--A "Study," 105
The Moral Sublime: An Anecdote, 110
The Sailor and his Mother, 111
THE BROTHERS.--Early Separation--Home Meetings--The pomposity
of the Alderman--A Family Quarrel--The respectful Son--The
Recording Angel--Charley visits the City--A Morning Call--Its
Result, 111
Washington Irving's Sketch of an old English Gentleman, 113
The Poet Rogers and his Man Friday, 114
THE FAMILY GREEN-ROOM, OR LIFE BEHIND THE SCENES.--An old
Soldier Weather-bound--A Morning Sortie--An Invitation--
Youthful Hospitality--A Nursery Fixture--The "Eldest Son and
Hope of the House"--A playful Salutation--The "Land of
Promise"--An Armful--Lunch--An unexpected Interposition--An
Overland Journey--A Catastrophe--Rubicon Crossing--The
Dolphin--The baked Apple--A "Poor Man"--The "Cup of Cold
Water"--A Stick for each--Spectacled Reconnoitering--Cheerful
Words--Devotional Scene--Scientific Inquiry--A Capture--Escape
by Stratagem--Almost a Martyr--The old Soldier re-visits the
"Mess" of his Camp-ground--A dangerous Invader--Green-room
Asides--A Rehearsal--College Comforts--A Sketch by one of
'em--A Stage-Trick--Anecdote of John Kemble, the Actor--A
Disclaimer and a Commentary--Exit of a "Star"--Table-Talk, 115
LETTER V.
MANNER IN DETAIL.
MANNER IN THE STREET--Upon Meeting a Friend or Acquaintance--
Proper Mode of Salutation--"Drawing" Gloves--Stopping to
Talk--Tact and Ease--Leaving a Companion in the Street--
Manner to Inferiors in the Street--Rule, when meeting a
Gentleman-Acquaintance walking with Ladies whom you do not
know--When you are acquainted with both Ladies and Gentlemen
whom you may meet--Shaking Hands with Ladies in the Street at
Meeting or at Parting--Courteous Phrases--Parting Ceremonies
--Precedence in the Street--Taking the Arm of another Man--
Walking with Ladies--Proper relative Position--Opening Doors,
etc.--When meeting Ladies--Upon being stopped by a Lady--
Manner to a Stranger Lady--When you wish to Speak with
a Lady in the Street--When wishing to join a Lady in her
Promenade--Proper Caution in this respect--Rule respecting
the Recognition of a Lady--An Awkward Third--Considerations
due to Ladies in case of Street-Accidents--Courtesy to
Ladies who are alighting from a Carriage--Custom of offering
the Arm to Ladies in the Street, when ascending Steps, etc.
--On entering Church, etc., with Ladies--As one of a
Travelling-Party, etc.--Gait in walking with elderly Persons
or Ladies generally--Staring at Ladies in Public Places--
Manner to Ladies entering an Opera House, at a Pump-Room,
etc.--Audible Comments upon Strangers, 128
SKETCHES ILLUSTRATIVE OF MANNERS.
THE "CUT" PORTUGUESE.--Newspapers and Coffee--West Point and
a Discussion--A Foreigner's Revenge, 135
The Broken Fan: a Lady's Lament, 136
The "Iron Duke," and Youthful Reminiscences, 137
Unexpected Rencontre--A Stroll and a Compliment--A Gentleman
of the Old School in the Street--A Tribute--A Daughter's
Boast--A Wedding--The Bridal Tour--The Rail-Car--An
Intruder--True Politeness--The Glass of Medical-water--The
Denouement, 137
THE LETTER-BOX.--An Exciting Exclamation--A Group for a
Painter--A Query--Entreaties--An Explanatory Prelude--The
Fruitless Search--The Appeal--A Dialogue--An Admission--
Musical Sounds--A Prosy Inquiry--The Summing up--The Damper
--The Wish of a True Woman--An Insinuation--A Description
drawn from Life--A Valuable Portrait--A Tribute to American
Gentlemen--An Illustration--Stage Politeness to a Lady--
Acted Poetry: the Poetry of Real Life! 141
THE PRISONER OF THE COLLISEUM.--A Moonlight Walk--A Secret
Appeal--The Fair Epicurean--The Recitation--An Apparition
--The Lasso--A Witty Reply--The Guerdon--The Clarion-note--
A Brilliant--Horseback on the Campagnia of Rome--The Pope's
Cortege--A Recognition--A Denouement--A Confession and the
Retort Courteous--A Sudden Transformation--The Beautiful
Arm--Powers' Studio--The Artist's Discovery--An Intimation, 149
LETTER VI.
MANNER--(_Continued._)
RULES TO BE OBSERVED IN MAKING MORNING VISITS, AND IN SOCIETY
GENERALLY.
Aversion to Ceremonious Morning Visits--Proper Hours--Suitable
Brevity--Character of Conversation--Card of Announcement--
Visits made at Hotels--Precautionary Rules--Mode of entering
a Drawing-Room--Drawing-Room Rules--When Meeting other
Visitors--When interrupted--When wishing to leave a Message
or make an Appointment, etc.--Proper Courtesy when Visitors
are taking Leave--Short Visits of mere Ceremony--Attendance
upon Ladies making Morning Visits--Attentions Suitable--
Introducing--Ladies to take precedence in rising to go away
--Gentlemen calling together--Dress, etc.,--When awaiting
Ladies in a Public Parlor--Standing when Ladies are Standing
--Offering the Arm--Suitable Gait--Minutia of Politeness--
Morning Wedding-Receptions--Whom you should Congratulate--
General Directions--Tact and Good Taste--Leaving Cards--Visits
on New-Year's Day--Ceremonious Intercourse with Superiors--
Manner at Church--Mrs. Chapone's Rule--Self-possession one of
the Distinctive Characteristics of Good-Breeding--Whispering,
Laughing, Staring, etc., to be avoided--Retaining the Hat not
admissible--Salutations at Church--Attending Ladies at
Concerts, Lectures, Opera, etc. etc.--Propriety of Retaining
the Seat you take on Entering--Incommoding Others--Courtesy
due to Those near you--Manner of well-bred Persons in a
Picture Gallery, etc.,--Reverence due to the Beautiful and
the Good--Partaking of Refreshments in Public Places--
Discourtesy of any Semblance of Intrusiveness--Etiquette in
Joining a Party--Politeness not to be laid aside in
Business-intercourse--Elaborate ceremony unsuitable, at
times--The Secret of Popularity--Manner at a Public Table--
Courtesy to Others--Self-importance a Proof of Vulgarity--
"Fast" Feeding--Pardonable Luxuriousness--Staring--Listening
to Private Conversations--Rudeness of Loud Talking and
Laughing, Shrugs, Glances, or Whispers--Courtesy due to a
Lady entering a Dining-Room--To Older Persons--Meeting or
passing Ladies in Public Houses--Influence of Trifles in the
Formation of Character--Frequent Discourtesy in ignoring the
Presence of Ladies in Public Parlors, etc. etc.--Politeness
due to Women, in Practical Emergencies--Nocturnal
Peccadilloes--Travelling--True Rules--Courtesy to Ladies, to
Age, to the Suffering--Indecorum of using Tobacco, etc. etc.,
in Public Conveyances--Ceremony a Shield, but not an
Excuse--A Challenge Extraordinary--Anecdote of P----, the
Poet--Practice and Tact essential to secure Polish of
Manner--Life-long Stumbling--Practical Rules, the result of
Annoying Experience--Carriage Hire--Driving with Ladies,
etc.,--Manner in Social Intercourse--As Host--Etiquette of
Dinners at Home--Precedence--Distinguished Guests--A Lady--A
Gentleman--Reception and Introduction of Guests--True
Hospitality as Host, better than mere Ceremony--Manner
towards those unacquainted with Conventional Rules--Manner at
Routs, at Home--Attention to Guests compatible with good
_ton_--Anecdote--Respect to be rendered to all one's
Acquaintances in General Society--To Married Ladies--To
Strangers--The Distinction thus Exhibited between the
Under-bred and the genuine Man of the World--No one
entitled to Self-Excuses in this Regard, 157
ANECDOTES, SKETCHES, ETC.
A PROPHESY.--Table-Talk--A Rescue and a Lady's Gratitude
--Jealousy Disarmed--Backwoodsmen--Cordiality--Costume and
Courtesy--Retort Courteous--An Interpolation and a Protest
--Mr. Clay's Popularity with the Fair--Secret of his Success
in Society--Mr. Clay and the _Belle Esprit_--A Definition
of Politeness--A Comical Illustration--A Pun--A well-turned
Compliment--Unconsciousness of Self--A Stranger's Impressions
--A Poetic Tribute, 179
THE DEVOTEE OF THE BEAUTIFUL.--A Morning Drive--Anticipation
--Spiritual Enjoyment--Discord--A Disappointment, 184
THE SOLDIER'S WIFE AND THE GHOUL.--A Journey--The truly Brave
--The Arrival--A Chapter of Accidents--Self-Reproach--The
Ghoul--The Calmness of Despair--The Versatility of Woman--
But a Step from the Sublime to the Ridiculous--The Ghoul
again--A Defiant Spirit--Punctilious Ceremony, 186
A FAIR CHAMPION.--A Query and its Solution--A Sketch--Raillery
--A Tete-a-Tete--An Interruption--"Fashionable" Hospitality--
Genuine Hospitality--A Mother's Advice--An indignant Spirit--
Rebellion, 193
THE MAN OF ONE IDEA.--An Object for Worship--A Soiree--A
Polite Colloquy--The Host at Ease--A pleasing Hostess--The
Climax, 198
Young America--an Anecdote, 200
THE PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHER.--A handsome Aristocrat--An
Accusation--A Courteous Neighbor--Fall of a "Fixed Star"
--Favorite Aphorism of Mrs. Combe--The Daughter of the
Siddons, 201
LETTER VII.
HEALTH.
THE TOILET, AS CONNECTED WITH HEALTH.
The True Basis of Health--Temperance an inclusive Term
--Foundation of the Eminence of J. Q. Adams--His Life a
Model for the Young--His early Habits--Vigorous Old Age--
Example of Franklin in regard to Temperance--Illustrations
afforded by our National History--The Bath--Varying Opinions
and Constitutions--Imprudent use of the Bath--Bishop Heber--
General Directions--The Art of Swimming--Sponging--
Deficiencies of the Toilet in England--Collateral Benefits
arising from habitual Sponge-bathing--The Hair--All Fantastic
Dressing of the Hair in bad taste--Use of Pomades--Vulgarity
of using Strong Perfumes--The Teeth--Use of Tobacco--Smoke
Dispellers--The Nails--The Feet--A complete Wardrobe essential
to Health--Early Rising--Its manifold Advantages--Example of
Washington, Franklin, etc., in this respect--Daniel Webster's
Eulogy upon Morning--Retiring early--Truth of a Medical Dogma
--Opposition of Fashion and Health--Early Hours essential to
the Student--Importance of the early Acquisition of Correct
Habits in this Regard--Illustration--A combination of Right
Habits essential to Health--Exercise--Walking--Pure Air--The
Lungs of a City--Superiority of Morning Air--An Erect Carriage
of the Body in Walking--Periodical Exercise--Necessary Caution
--The Unwise Student--A Warning--A Knowledge of Dietetics and
Physiology requisite to the Preservation of Health--Suitable
Works on these Subjects--Riding and Driving the Accomplishments
of a Gentleman--A Horse a desirable Possession--Testimony of
Dr. Johnson--The Pride of Skill--Needful Caution--Judicious
Selection of _Locale_ for these Modes of Exercise--Dr. Beatie's
Tribute to Nature--Importance of Temperance in Eating and
Drinking, as regards Health--The Cultivation of Simple Tastes
in Eating--Proper Preparation of Food Important to Health--
Re-action of the Human Constitution--Effect of Bodily Health
upon the Mind--The pernicious Use of Condiments, etc., etc.
--YOUNG AMBITION'S LADDER.--Hours for Meals--Dining Late--
Injurious Effects of Prolonged Abstinence--The Stimulus of
Distension--Repletion--Necessity of deliberate and thorough
Mastication--Judicious Use of Time in Eating--The Use of Wine,
Tobacco, etc.--The truly Free!--Dr. Johnson's Opinion--Novel
Argument against the Habits of Smoking and Drinking--Advice
of Sir Walter Raleigh to the Young--Then and Now--Council of
a "Looker-on" in this Utilitarian Age--Erroneous Impressions
--Authority of a celebrated Writer--Social Duties--The unbent
Bow--Rational Enjoyment the wisest Obedience to the Natural
Laws--A determined Pursuit in Life essential to Happiness and
Health--Too entire Devotion to a Single Object of Pursuit,
unwise--Arcadian Dreams--Attainable Realities--Truisms--Decay
of the Social and Domestic Virtues--Human Sacrifices--
Relaxations and Amusements requisite to Health--Superiority
of Amusements in the Open Air for Students and Sedentary
Persons generally--Benefits of Cheerful Companionship--
Objection to Games, etc., that require Mental Exertion--
Converse Rule--Fashionable Watering-places ill adapted to
Health--Avocations of the Farmer, Tastes as a Naturalist,
Travel, Sporting, etc., recommended--Depraved Public Taste
--Slavery to Fashion--Habits of Europeans, in this respect,
superior to our own--Modern Degeneracy--Folly thralled by
Pride, 203
ILLUSTRATIVE SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES.
TO GIVE ETERNITY TO TIME.--The Senate-Chamber and the Dying
Statesman--The Moral Sublime, 225
JONATHAN'S SINS AND A FOREIGNER'S PECCADILLO.--Celebrities
--Dinner-table Sallies--Grave Charges--Yankee Rejection of
Cold Meats--Self-Preservation the First Law of Nature!--
A Mystery Solved--National Impartiality--Anecdote--Storming
a Fort--Successful Defence, by a Lady, of herself!--A
Stratagem--The Daughter of a Gun--An Explanation--The
Tortures of Outraged Modesty, 226
Dr. Abernethy and his Yankee Patient, 232
COSMOPOLITAN CHIT-CHAT.--A Heterogeneous Party--The Golden
Horn--Contemplations in a Turkish Caique--A Discussion--
"Christian Dogs" and the Dogs of Constantinople--An
unpleasant Discovery--A Magical Touch--The Song of the
Caidjis--A National Example, 232
THE IMPERTURBABLE GUEST.--A Dinner-Table Scene, 238
The Youth and the Philosopher: Lines by Whitehead, 239
LETTER VIII.
LETTER-WRITING.
Importance of this Branch of Education--Its Frequent Neglect
--Usual Faults of the Epistolary Style--Applicability of
the rule of the Lightning-Tamer--Variety of Styles appropriate
to varying Subjects and Occasions--Impossibility of laying
down all-inclusive General Rules--Requisites of Letters of
Business--Legibility in Caligraphy--Affectation in this
respect--Avoidance of Servile Imitation--Advantage of
possessing a good Business-hand--Time-saving Importance of
Rapidity--Letters of Introduction--Form Suitable for Ordinary
Purposes--Specimen of Letters Introducing a Person in Search
of a Business Situation, Place of Residence, etc., etc.--
Introduction of Artists, Professional Men, etc.--Presenting a
Celebrity by Letter--Proper Attention to Titles, Modes of
abbreviating Titles, etc., etc.--Letters of Introduction to
be unsealed--Manner of Delivering Letters of Introduction--
Cards, Envelopes, Written Messages, etc., proper on such
Occasions--Appointments and due Courtesy, etc.--Form of
Letter to a Lady of Fashion--Etiquette in regard to Addresses
--Letters Presenting Foreigners--Personal Introductions--
Common Neglect of Etiquette in this respect--Proper Mode of
Introducing Young Persons, or those of inferior social
position--Of Introducing Men to Women, very Young Ladies,
etc.--Voice and Manner on such Occasions--Explanations due to
Strangers--Common Social Improprieties--American Peculiarity
--Hotel Registers, etc.--Courtesy due to Relations as well as
to Strangers--Impropriety of indiscriminate Introductions--
Preliminary Ceremonies among Men--In the Street--At Dinners
--Evening-Parties--Receptions--Conventional Rules subject to
Changes, dictated by good-sense--Supremacy of the Law of
Kindness--Visiting Cards--European Fashion of Cards--Style
usual in America--Place of Residence--Phrases for Cards
--Business Cards: Ornaments, Devices, Color, Size,
Legibility, etc.--Letters of Recommendation--Moral
Characteristic--Proper Style of Letters of Condolence--
Form of Letters of Congratulation--Admissibility of Brevity
--Letters to Superiors--Ceremonious Form for such
Communications--Proper Mode of Addressing Entire Strangers
--Common Error in this respect--Punch's Sarcasm--Diplomats
and Public Functionaries should be Models in Letter-writing
--An Enigma--Diplomatic Letters--Letters of Friendship and
Affection--General Requisites of Epistolary Composition--
Letters a Means of conferring and Receiving Pleasure--
Distinctive Characteristic of the Epistolary Style--
Peccadilloes--Aids facilitating the Practice in this
Accomplishment--Notes of Invitation, Acceptance, Regret
--Observance of Usage--Simplicity the best _ton_ and taste
--Etiquette with regard to Invitations to Dinner--Courtesy
in Matters of Social Life--Error of an American Author--
Ceremony properly preceding taking an uninvited Friend to
a Party--Abstract good-breeding the best Test of Propriety
--Proper form of Ceremonious Notes of Invitation--Use of
the Third Person in writing Notes--Mailed Letters--Local
Addresses, Form of Signature, etc., etc.--Requisites of
Letter-Superscription--Writing-Materials--Small Sheets,
Margins, etc.--Colored Paper, Fanciful Ornaments, Initials,
&c.--Envelopes and Superscription--Wax, Seals, etc.--European
Letters--Rule--Promptitude in Letter-writing--Study of
Published Models beneficial to the Young--Scott, Byron,
Moore, Horace Walpole, Washington--Sir W. W. Pepys, etc.
--Curiosities of the Epistolary Style--Anticipated Pleasure, 241
ILLUSTRATIONS.
THE WARNING--A SKETCH OF NILE-TRAVEL.--A Group and a Dialogue
amid the Ruins of Thebes--Mustapha Aga and the Temple of
Karnac--The Arrival--The Distribution--Delights,
Disappointments, and Despair, 268
Anecdote of the Mighty Wizard of the North, 273
A DRAWING-ROOM COTERIE OF CRITICISM.--The Library and the
Intruder--Paternal Authority--Condemnation--Comments and
Criticisms--A Compliment--A fair Bevy--Wit and Wisdom--
Sport and Seriousness--A Model Note and a Fair Eulogist--
Paternal Approbation--What American Merchants should be
--An Anecdote--Discoveries and Accessions--_Apropos_--Fair
Play and a _Ruse_--A Group of Critics--An Invitation--A
Rival--An Explanation and an Admission--A Rescue and Retreat
--An Old Man's Privilege--Seventeen and Eighty-two--May and
December, 273
The First Billet-Doux, 284
LETTER IX.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
Comparative Importance of Accomplishments--Difference between
Europeans and Americans in this regard--Self-Education the
most Useful--Peculiar Incentives to Self-Culture possessed by
Americans--Cultivation of a Taste for the Ideal Arts--
Desirableness of a Knowledge of Drawing--Incidental Benefit
resulting from the Practice of this Art--A Taste for Music--
Mistaken Conceptions of the Importance of this Accomplishment
--Advantage of learning Dancing--Desirableness of Riding and
Driving--Various Athletic Exercises--A ready and graceful
Elocution of great Importance--A Source of Social Enjoyment
--The Art of Conversation--Use of Slang Phrases--Disadvantages
of Occasional Lenity towards the Corruptions of Language--
The only Safe Rule--Common want of Conversational Power--
The Superiority of the French over all other People in this
Respect--The Salons of Paris--Pleasures of the _Canaille_--
French Children--Practice essential to Success--The
Embellishments of Conversation--Habits of a Celebrated Talker
--Anecdote of Sheridan--Some Preparation not Unsuitable before
going into Society--Qualities most essential to secure
Popularity in General Society--The "Guilt of giving
Pain"--Avoidance of Personalities--The Language of
Compliment--Two Good Rules--Reprehensibleness of the Habit of
indulging in Gossip, Scandal, or Puerile Conversation--The
Records of "Heaven's High Chancery"--Importance of Exact
Truthfulness in Conversation--The Capacity of adapting
Language to Occasions of Importance--Use of Foreign Phrases
or Words--Tact and Good-Breeding the Safest Guides in such
Matters--Advantage of the Companionship of Cultivated
Persons, in Promoting Conversational Skill--Misuse of Strong
Language--Conversational Courtesies--Aphorism by Mr.
Madison--Modesty Proper to the Young in this Respect--Bad
taste of talking of one's self in Society--The World an
Unsuitable Confidant--Quotation from Carlyle--Sympathy with
Others--The softer graces of Social Intercourse--Cheerfulness
universally Agreeable--A Glee in which Everybody can join
--Anecdote--Human Sunbeams--Judicious selection of
Conversational Topics--Avoidance of Assumption and
Dictatorialness--Proper Regard for the Right of Opinion
--Courtesy due to Ladies and Clergymen--Folly of
Promulgating Peculiarities of Religious Opinion--Rudeness
of manifesting Undue Curiosity respecting the Affairs of
Others--Boasting of Friends--Anecdote--Quickness at Repartee,
one of the Colloquial Graces--Dean Swift and his "fellow"--
Anecdote of the Elder Adams--A Ready and Graceful Reply
to a Compliment not to be Disregarded among the Elegancies
of Conversation--The Retort Courteous--Lady Hamilton and
Lord Nelson--Specimens of Polite Phraseology--General
Conversation with Ladies--Essential Characteristics of
Light Conversation--Improprieties and Familiarities--
Disagreeable Peculiarities--A Dismal Character--Anecdote
of Cuvier--Tact in Avoiding Personal Allusions--Peculiarity
of American Society--Ages of the Loves and Graces--A Young
Jonathan and an English Girl--Violation of Confidence--
Sacredness of Private Conversations--Politeness of a Ready
Compliance with the Wishes of Others in Society, 286
ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES AND SKETCHES.
SANG FROID AND SANDWICHES.--A Ride with a Duke--The eager
young Sportsman--A Rencontre--A Query and a Response--A
substantial _Bonne Bouche_, 312
A Frenchman's Relaxation, 314
Polemics and Politeness--Watering-place Society--Omnibus
Orations--Sulphur-water and Sacrifices--Religionists, Ladies
and License, Reaction and Remorse, 315
An unexpected Declaration--Parisian _furore_--The unknown
Patient--Practice and Pathos, 317
The Three Graces--Honor to whom Honor was Due--A Group for a
Sculptor--Woman's Wit, 318
Scene in a Drawing-room, 320
Musical Mania--Guitar playing and the play of Intellect, 321
A Fair Discussion, 323
National Dialect--A Bagatelle, 324
A Murillo and a Living Study--A Morning in the Louvre with a
congenial Friend--A Painter's Advice--True Epicureanism, 326
Ready Elocution and Ready Wit--A Congressional Sketch, 327
LETTER X.
HABIT.
HABIT always Indicative of Character--Its Importance not
properly estimated by the Young--Rudeness and Republicanism
too often Synonymous--Fashion not always Good-breeding--
Social American Peculiarities--Manners of Americans abroad
--Rowdyism at the Tuileries--The Propriety of Learning from
Older Nations the lighter Elegancies of Life--Madame Soule
and the Queen of Spain--The tie of a Cravat and the Affairs
of "Change"--George Peabody a Model American--The distinctive
name of Gentleman--Great Importance of Suitable Associates--
Spanish Proverb--The true Social Standard--Safeguard against
Eccentricity--Habits of Walking, Standing, Sitting--
Directions--Aaron Burr and De Witt Clinton--Bachelor
Privileges--Decorum in the presence of Ladies--Carrying the
Hat, ease of Attitude, etc.--Benefits of habitual
Self-Restraint--Habits at Table--Eating with a Knife--Soiling
the Lips, Picking the Teeth, etc., etc.--Nicety In Matters of
Detail--Courtesy due to others--Manner to Servants in
Attendance at Table--Avoidance of Sensuousness of Manner--
French Mode of Serving Dinners--The Art of Carving--Helping
Ladies at Table--Rule in Carving Joints of Meat--Changing the
Plate--Proper Mode of Taking Fish--Game--Butter at Dinner--
English Custom--Details of Habit at Table--Rights of Freemen--
A Just Distinction--Unhealthfulness of drinking too much at
Dinner--Fast Eating of Fast Americans--Sitting upon two Legs
of a Chair--Anecdote--Habits of using the Handkerchief--Toying
with the Moustache, etc., etc.--Ladies careful Observers of
Minutiae--Belief of the Ancient Gauls respecting Women--Habits
of Swaggering in Public Places--General Suggestions--Ladies
and Invalids in Terror of a Human War-Horse--Courtesy due
while playing Chess and other Games--Self-control in Sickness
--Premature adoption of Eye-Glasses--Affectation in this
respect--Proper Attitude while Reading or Studying--Habits
of Early Rising--A Poetic Superstition unwarranted by Health
and Truth--Variance between Health and Fashion in regard to
Early Hours--Aphorism by Gibbon--Habit of taking Nostrums--
Avoidance of Quacks--Habit of acting as the Protectors of
the Dependent Sex--Effect of Trifling Habits upon the
Opinions formed of us by Women--Habits of handling Prints,
Bijouterie, and Boquets, of Smoking, Whispering and Ogling,
to be shunned--Importance of Methodical Habits of Reading
and Studying--Value of the Gold Dust of Time--Anecdote--
True Rule for Reading to Advantage--Habit of Reading aloud
--Great Importance of a Habit of Industry--The Superiors of
mere Genius--Habits of Cheerfulness and Contentment not to
be overlooked by the Young--Cultivation of Habitual
Self-Respect--Pride and Poverty not Necessarily Antagonistic
--Self-Respect a Shield against the Shafts of Calumny--True
Honor not affected by Occupation or Position--Benefits of
a Habit of Self-Examination--The habitual Study of the
Scriptures recommended--CHRIST, the Great Model of Humanity
--Ungentlemanly Habit of being late at Church, etc.--
Pernicious Effects of prevalent Materialism--Personal
Enjoyment resulting from habitually idealizing all Mental
Associations with Women--Defencelessness an Impassable
Barrier to Oppression from true Manhood--Impropriety of
speaking loudly to Ladies in public Places, of attracting
Attention to them, their Names and Prerogatives--Safe Rule in
this regard--The Habit of Sympathy with Human Suffering a
Christian duty--Mistaken Opinion of Young Men in this
respect--The Examples presented by the Lives of the Greatly
Good--Mighty Achievements in the Cause of Humanity in the
Power of a Few--Habits of Good-Humor, Neatness, Order and
Regularity due to others--Fastidious Nicety in Matters of the
Toilet, demanded by proper respect for our daily Associates
--The Importance of Habits of Exercise, Temperance and
Relaxation--Economy to be Cultivated as a Habit--Economy
not Degrading--Habit of Punctuality--Slavery to mere System
condemned--Remark of Sir Joshua Reynolds--Habit of
Perseverance--Value of the Habit of putting Ideas into
Words--Of Habits of Reflection and Observation--Of rendering
Respect to Age, etc.--Culture of Esthetical Perceptions--
American Peculiarity--Curiosity not tolerated among the
well-bred--The inestimable value of Self-Possession--Its
Natural Manifestations--Concluding Advice, 329
ILLUSTRATIONS.
JONATHAN AND QUEEN VICTORIA.--A Stroll through the World's
Palace--A Royal Party--The Yankee Enthroned--A Confession, 362
DAMON AND PYTHIAS MODERNIZED.--A Family Council--A Celebrity
and a Hotel Dinner--A Discovery--A Sketch--Telegraphing and
Triumph--Beer and a Break-down--Drawing-room Chit-chat--A
Young Lady's Eulogy--Retort Courteous--A New Acquaintance--
An Explanation--Dinner the Second--Sense and Sensibility--A
Ruse--A Request and Appointment--A Contrast--Catastrophy--A
Note and a Disappointment--Fair Frankness--An Unexpected
Rencontre--The Re-union--Pictures and Pleasantries--The
Protector of the Helpless, 363
A VISIT TO ABBOTSFORD.--Sir Walter Scott as Colonel of
Dragoons, Sheriff of the County, Host, Friend, and Author
--Mrs. Hemans and Little "Charley"--Courteous Hospitality
--At Driburg with Mr. Lockhart--Solution of a Mystery--
Sir Walter's favorite "Lieutenant," 382
Confession of a Celebrated Orator, 385
THE LEMON AND THE CARNATION.--A Stage-Coach Adventure--A
fair Passenger--Churlishness and Cheerfulness--A Comic
Duet--Stage-Sickness--An impromptu Physician--Offerings
--Acknowledgments--A Docile Patient--Welcome Home--Arrival
--A Family Group--A Discovery--Recognition--An Invitation
--Hospitality--Sunday Evening at the Rectory--The Honorable
Occupation of Teaching Young Ladies--A Prophesy--Family Jars
--A Compliment, 386
A Notability and his Newfoundland Dog, 400
EXTREMES MEET.--European Travelling-Companion--A cool
Place and a "cool" Character--A Foreigner's Criticism--
Fair Commentators--Dinner-table Sketch--Three Parties in
a Rail-Car--Sunshine and Showers--An Earth-Angel--Anecdote
of Thorwalsden, the Danish Sculptor--A Scene--Gentlemanly
Inquiries--Paddy's Explanation, 401
HAVE YOU BEEN IMPATIENT?--A Broken Engagement--About a Horse
--Charley's Orphan Cousin--Ideas of Luxury--Novel Experiences
--The freed Bird--Bless God for Flowers and Friends!--A
Recoil--A Tirade--The Bird Re-caged--Self-Examination--
Retrospection and Resolution--A Note and a Boquet--A Blush
Transfixed, 412
LETTER XI.
MENTAL AND MORAL EDUCATION.
The Author's Conscious Incapacity--Education within the Power
of All--Americans not Socially Trammelled--The Two Attributes
of Mind essential to Self-Culture--Prospective Discernment--
The most enlightened System of Education--Duty of Cultivating
the Moral as well as the Intellectual Nature--The Acquisition
of Wealth not to be regarded as the highest Human Attainment
--Definition of Self-Culture--Reading for Amusement only,
Unwise--"Aids and Appliances" of Judicious Reading--Example
of a Great Man--Fictitious Literature--Pernicious Effects
often resulting from a Taste for Light Reading--Condemnation
of Licentious Novels--Advantages of Noting Choice Passages
in Reading--Carlyle's Criticism of Public Men--The Study of
History of Great Importance--Benefits resulting from the
Perusal of well-selected Biographies--Enumeration of
celebrated Works of this Character--Newspaper and Magazine
Reading--A Cultivated Taste in Literature and Art the result
of thorough Mental Training--Affectation and Pretention in
this regard to be avoided--Critical Assumption condemned--
Impressions produced upon observing Judges by a Pretentious
Manner--"The World's Dread Laugh"--Advantages of Foreign
Travel--Misuse of this Advantage--Knowledge of Modern
Languages essential to a complete Education--False Impression
prevalent on this point--Philosophic Wisdom--Wise Covetousness
--Tact the Result of General Self-Culture--An Individual Moral
Code of advantage--Example of Washington--Education not
completed by a Knowledge of Books--Definition of True
Education--The Development of the Moral Perceptions promotive
of Intellectual Advancement--Undue Exaltation of Talent over
Virtue--Religious Faith the legitimate Result of
rightly-directed Education--Needful Enlightenment of
Conscience--The Life of Jesus Christ the best Moral
Guide-Book--Charity to the Faults of others the Result of
Self-Knowledge--The Golden Rule of the Great Teacher--The
highest Aim of Humanity--Reverence for the Spiritual Nature
of Man the Result of Self-Culture--Danger of Self-Indulgence
in regard to trifling Errors--Caution against the Infidel
Philosophy of the Times--The establishment of Fixed
Principles of Action--The True Mode of computing Life, 438
The Attainment of Knowledge under Difficulties--Necessity the
Nurse of True Greatness--The Learned Blacksmith--The Wagoner
--The Mill-Boy of the Slashes--Franklin and Webster, 439
A Peep at Passers-by, from the "Loopholes of Retreat," 440
The Force of Genius--A Man about Town--Anecdote--Manly
Indignation, 441
Old-Fashioned Honor, 442
Webster on Biblical Studies, 443
The Young Frenchman and the Pyramids, 443
PECCADILLOES AND PUNCTILIOUSNESS.--Extract--Sir Humphrey
Davy--Tribute to Religion, 446
LETTER XII.
CHOICE OF COMPANIONS AND FRIENDS.--SELECTION OF A PURSUIT IN
LIFE.--COURTSHIP.--MARRIAGE.--HOUSEKEEPING.--PECUNIARY MATTERS.
RULE to be observed in the Selection of Associates--Advantage
of the Companionship of Persons of more Experience than
Ourselves--False Sentiments entertained by Lord Byron
regarding Friendship--Self-Consciousness affords the best
Contradiction to these Erroneous Opinions--Value of
Friendship--Importance of the Judicious Selection of
Confidants--Folly of demanding Perfection in one's Friends
--Selection of Employment--The first Consideration in this
Relation--Thorough Education should not be confined to
Candidates for the Learned Professions--The Merchant Princes
of America--Avenues for Effort--All Honest Occupations
dignified by Right Conduct--The Pursuit of Wealth as an
End--Freedom the Prerogative of the Worker--A Professional
Manner Condemned--Individual Insignificance--Advantages of
Early Marriage--Cause of prevalent Domestic Unhappiness--Each
Individual the best Judge of his own Conjugal Requisites--
Health, Good-Temper, and Education essential in a Wife--
Accomplishments not essential to Domestic Happiness--
Disadvantages resulting from a previous Fashionable Career
--A True Wife--Respect due to the proper Guardians of a Lady
by her Suitor--Advantages of a Friendship with a Married Lady
--Reserve and Respect of Manner due to Female Friends--Manly
Frankness as a Suitor the only Honorable Course--Attachment
to one Woman no Excuse for Rudeness to others--The Art of
Pleasing--Presents, Complimentary Attentions, etc.--Nicety
of Perception usual in Women--Power of the Law of Kindness
in Home-Life--The Slightest Approach to Family Dissension to
be carefully avoided--The Duty of a Husband to exert a Right
Influence over his Wife--Union of Spirit the only Satisfying
Bond--More than Roman Sternness assumed by some--Sacredness
of all the Better Emotions of the Human Heart--Expressive
Synonymes--Pecuniary Matters--The Pernicious Effects of
Boarding--An Old Man's Advice--Household Gods--Propriety of
Providing for Future Contingencies--Slavery Imposed by Pride
and Poverty--Comfort and Refinement compatible with Moderate
Resources--Books and Works of Art to be preferred to Fine
Furniture--Importance of Cherishing the Esthetical Tastes of
Children--"Keeping" a great Desideratum in Social and
Domestic Life, 447
ILLUSTRATIVE SKETCHES, ETC.
THE MOOTED POINT.--A Morning Visit and Morning Occupations--
Macaulay and the Blanket Coat--Curate's Daughters and the
Daughters of New-England--A Sybarite--A Disclaimer and a
Witticism--Not a Gentleman--"Trifles make the sum of Human
Things"--The Slough of Despond--A Gift--Reading Poetry--
A Soldier's Tactics--The "Unpardonable Sin"--A Fair Champion
and a Noble Sentiment, 463
Anecdotes of a British Minister, an Ex-Governor, and an
American Statesman, 470
Chief-Justice Marshall and the Young Man of Fashion, 472
Habits of Early Friends, 478
THE PROPHECY FULFILLED.--A Denouement--Cupid turned Carrier--
Wedding-Cards and Welcome News--A True Woman's Letter, 478
Uncle Hal's Farewell, 480
THE
AMERICAN GENTLEMAN'S GUIDE.
LETTER I.
DRESS.
MY DEAR YOUNG FRIENDS:--
As you are already, to some extent, acquainted with the design and scope
of the Letters I propose to address to you, there is no necessity for an
elaborate prelude at the commencement of the series.
We will, with your permission, devote our attention first to _Dress_--to
the external man--and advance, in accordance with the true rules of Art,
gradually, towards more important subjects.
Whatever may be the abstract opinions individually entertained
respecting the taste and regard for comfort evinced in the costume now,
with trifling variations, almost universally adopted by men in all
civilized lands, few will dispute the practical utility of conforming to
the general requisitions of Fashion.
Happily for the gratification of fancy, however, the all-potent goddess,
arbitrary and imperative as are her laws, permits, at least to some
extent, such variations from her general standard as personal
convenience, physical peculiarities, or varying circumstances may
require.
But a due regard for these and similar considerations by no means
involves the exhibition of _eccentricity_, which I hold to be
inconsistent with good taste, whether displayed in dress or manner.