Mr. Punchinello: It is just possible that you never went on a fine
fishing excursion down the Bay with a party of nice young men. If you
never did, don't. I confess it sounds well on paper. But it's a Deceit,
a Snare, and a Hollow Mockery. I will narrate.
Some days ago I was induced (the Deuce is in it if I ever am again) to
participate in a supposed festivity of this nature. In the first place,
we (the excursionists,) chartered a yacht, two Hands that knew the
Ropes--they looked as if they might have been acquainted with the Rope's
End--and a small Octoroon of the male persuasion as waiter. As CHOWLES
characteristically observed, (he is a Stock Broker, and was one of the
party,) "there is nothing like a feeling of Security." So we engaged a
Skipper who was perfectly familiar with the BARINGS of the Banks, and
Thoroughly Posted on all Sea 'Changes, at least so CHOWLES expressed it,
but then he is apt to be somewhat technical at times. This accomplished
mariner was reputed to have been "Round the Horn" several times, which I
am led to believe was perfectly true, as he smelt strongly of spirits
when he came on board. I was much discouraged at the appearance of this
Skipper, and had half a mind to give my friends the Slip when I saw him
on the Wharf.
Having manned our craft, we purchased a colossal refrigerator in which
to put our Bass and Weak Fish, laid in a stock of cold provisions--among
other things a Cold Shoulder--plenty of exhilarating beverages, and,
with Buoyant Spirits, (every Man of us,) and plenty of ice on board,
started on the slack of the Morning Tide. I regret to state that by the
time we were ready to start our Skipper was half way "Over the Bay,"
being provided with a pocket pistol charged to the muzzle. He and his
two subordinates were pretty well "Shot in the neck" by the time we
reached Fort Lafoyette. The consequence of this was that we no sooner
came Abreast of the reef in that locality than we got Afoul of it. For
getting Afoul of the Rocks we had to Fork over twenty dollars to the
captain of a tug boat which came and Snaked us off with a Coil of Rope
when the tide rose.
During the time we remained stationary, the Bottle, I am sorry to say,
kept going Round. All the excursionists except myself got half seas
over, and when we resumed our voyage the steersman had fallen asleep, so
the vessel left a Wake behind her which was extremely crooked.
We anchored that night outside Sandy Hook, and next morning cast our
lines overboard, and commenced fishing. Our success in that Line was
astounding, not to say embarrassing. We commenced to take Fish on an
unparalleled Scale. Dog Fish and Stingarees were hauled over the side
without intermission. The former is a kind of small shark. As they will
Swallow anything, we Took them In very fast Although extremely
voracious, they are so simple that if it were not for their size they
would fell an easy prey to the Sea Gull, which, in spite of its name, is
a very Wide Awake bird. Stingarees are fish of much more
Penetration--their sharp tails slashing everything that comes in their
way. These natural weapons, which have been furnished them by Providence
as a means of defence in their Extremity, cut through a fellow's
trousers like paper. The interesting creatures cut up so that we kindly
consigned them, together with the dog fish, to their native element,
having first benevolently knocked them on the head. Changing our
location for a change of luck, we captured a superb mess of sea robins
and toad fish. This satisfied us. So we pulled up anchor, not Hankering
for any more such sport, and left the Hook, very glad to Hook It. We
didn't have any of our toadies or robbins cooked, as those "spoils of
ocean," although interesting as marine curiosities, are not considered
good to eat, but each man had a Broil, as the Sun was very hot, and as
CHOWLES remarked, "brought out the Gravy." That night we turned in,
having been turned inside out all day. Next morning we reached home. The
skipper presented his Bill in the course of the day. Although extremely
exorbitant, we paid it without a murmur, being too much exhausted from
casting up accounts ourselves, to bring him to Book for his misconduct.
Such is the sad experience of
Yours Reverentially,