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This version of the text cannot represent certain typographical effects.
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Minor errors, attributable to the printer, have been corrected. Please
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------------------------------------------------------------------------
_THE BENEFIT
OF THE DOUBT_
------------------------------------------------------------------------
_THE PLAYS OF ARTHUR W. PINERO_
WITH INTRODUCTORY NOTES
BY MALCOLM C. SALAMAN
Paper cover, 1_s._ 6_d._; cloth, 2_s._ 6_d._ each
In 16mo
VOL. I. _THE TIMES_
” II. _THE PROFLIGATE_
” III. _THE CABINET MINISTER_
” IV. _THE HOBBY-HORSE_
” V. _LADY BOUNTIFUL_
” VI. _THE MAGISTRATE_
” VII. _DANDY DICK_
” VIII. _SWEET LAVENDER_
” IX. _THE SCHOOLMISTRESS_
” X. _THE WEAKER SEX_
” XI. _THE AMAZONS_
Also
_In small 4to._
” XII. _THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY_
” XIII. _THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH_
” XIV. _THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT_
_LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN_
_MDCCCXCVI_
------------------------------------------------------------------------
_THE BENEFIT_
_OF THE DOUBT_
_A COMEDY_
_In Three Acts_
_BY ARTHUR W. PINERO_
_LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN_
_MDCCCXCVI_
------------------------------------------------------------------------
_Copyright 1895 All rights reserved
Entered at Stationers’ Hall Entered
at the Library of Congress,
Washington, U.S.A._
------------------------------------------------------------------------
_This Play was produced at the Comedy
Theatre, London, on Wednesday,
October 16th, 1895_
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY
MRS. EMPTAGE (_a widow_)
CLAUDE EMPTAGE (_her son_)
JUSTINA EMPTAGE } (_her daughters_)
THEOPHILA FRASER }
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD, M.P. (_her brother_)
MRS. CLOYS (_her sister_)
RT. REV. ANTHONY CLOYS, D.D., Bishop of St. Olpherts
ALEXANDER FRASER—“Fraser of Locheen”
JOHN ALLINGHAM
OLIVE ALLINGHAM
DENZIL SHAFTO } (_Allingham’s Friends_)
PETER ELPHICK }
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES
HORTON (_a servant at Mrs. Emptage’s_)
QUAIFE (_a servant at Mr. Allingham’s_)
_The scenes are placed at Mrs. Emptage’s house, in the neighbourhood of
Regent’s Park, and at “The Lichens,” Mr. Allingham’s cottage at
Epsom._
_The events of the First and Second Acts occur on the same day, those of
the Third Act about fifteen hours afterwards._
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE
BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
THE FIRST ACT
_The Scene represents a drawing-room in_ MRS. EMPTAGE’S _house near
Regent’s Park. At the back are double doors, opening on to a further
drawing-room, and these face a window, over which the blinds are
drawn, to moderate the glare of the sun, which nevertheless streams
through them, for it is a fine afternoon in early summer. The rooms
are furnished and decorated in a costly and tasteful fashion._
MRS. EMPTAGE _is reclining upon the settee, her eyes closed, a bottle of
smelling-salts in her hand_. JUSTINA _is pacing the room between the
door and the window_. MRS. EMPTAGE _is a pretty, carefully-preserved
woman with dyed hair and “touched-up” face: she is old enough to be
the mother of a daughter of nine-and-twenty_. JUSTINA _is of that
age, good-looking, “smart,” and already somewhat passé. Both are
fashionably but sombrely dressed._
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Tell me the time once more, ’Tina.
JUSTINA.
[_Referring to her watch._] A few minutes to four, mother.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Does the judge of the Divorce Court invariably rise at four o’clock?
JUSTINA.
He may sit a little later under special circumstances.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
To have done with a case if it’s very near its end?
JUSTINA.
So I’m told.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
They must all be here soon, whether that happens or not.
JUSTINA.
Yes, yes. Oh, but if the confounded thing should last into another day!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
A third day’s suspense will kill me.
JUSTINA.
Ma, I suppose, really, we ought to be reading our Church Services or
something.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
I can’t concentrate my attention in the least; I have been glancing at
“The Yellow Book.”
JUSTINA.
Hark! what’s that?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
I don’t hear anything.
JUSTINA.
It _is_ somebody!
[HORTON, _a manservant, appears_.
HORTON.
Mrs. Quinton Twelves.
MRS. EMPTAGE _struggles to her feet as_ MRS. QUINTON TWELVES _enters_.
HORTON _retires_. KATE TWELVES _is a lively, handsome young woman,
brightly dressed_.
JUSTINA AND MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Throwing themselves upon her._] Kitty!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Kissing them._] Well, well, well, well!
JUSTINA.
Is it over?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Not quite; that is, it wasn’t when I came away. It’s all over by now, I
expect.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Hysterically._] Oh, Kitty——!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Sssh, sssh! everything has gone swimmingly, I tell you.
JUSTINA.
For Theophila?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Of course, for Theophila.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Sinking back on to the settee._] I felt sure it would.
JUSTINA.
But what was happening when you left?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
The dear old judge was just beginning to deliver his decision—his
judgment.
JUSTINA.
Oh, how _could_ you come away then?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Certainly, it was a wrench. Only, Theo wrote little notes to Sir
Fletcher Portwood and to Claude and me. [_Taking a screw of paper from
her glove._] Here’s mine. [_Reading._] “I won’t have anybody I am fond
of, except my husband, in Court at the finish. They tell me they are
sure I am cleared, but it frightens me to think you are all _waiting_.
Go to mother’s.”
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Taking the note._] My poor child! [_Reading it._] “... they are sure I
am cleared....” ’Tina, she’s cleared!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Cleared! I wish you could have heard Sir John Clarkson’s opening speech
for Theophila this morning. There was quite a murmur of approval when he
sat down.
JUSTINA.
He let that wretch, Mrs. Jack Allingham, have it—eh? He did!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
He said that a morbidly jealous wife is one of the saddest spectacles
the world presents; but that when her jealousy leads her to attempt to
blacken the reputation, the hitherto spotless reputation, of another
woman—in this instance, a young lady more happily married than
herself—then that jealous wife becomes a positive danger to society.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
I ought to have been there, ’Tina. I said it was my duty, if you
remember.
JUSTINA.
_I_ might have gone.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Certainly; and yet you have both sat at home, quaking; behaving, for all
the world, as if you have a lurking suspicion that Theophila really
may—really has—really did——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Kate, I will not permit you to say such a thing!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Why these miserable-looking gowns then? You are dressed more funereally
to-day than you were yesterday!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Tearfully._] If you live to see a daughter of yours, however innocent
she may be, dragged through the Divorce Court——!
JUSTINA.
We haven’t been quite certain what we ought to put on.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
I considered half-mourning rather a happy thought.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
To my mind, it looks as if you had deliberately prepared for all
emergencies.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Rising, in a flutter._] ’Tina, pin some flowers in your dress at once!
I’ll get Bristow to stick a bit of relief about me somewhere. And I’ll
wear some more rings——
[_She goes out._ JUSTINA _selects some cut flowers from
a vase on the pianoforte_.
JUSTINA.
Oh, Kit, we were dreadfully in the dumps. Bless you for bullying us!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Taking a pin from her hat._] Come here.
JUSTINA.
[_Going to_ MRS. TWELVES.] By Jove, though! it would have been _too_
rough on us if—if—wouldn’t it?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Attaching the flowers to the bodice of_ JUSTINA’S _dress_.] Pray
complete your sentence.
JUSTINA.
Well—if Mrs. Allingham had made out her case against Jack Allingham and
Theo.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
For shame, ’Tina!
JUSTINA.
Oh, you’re awfully prudish all of a sudden, Kate. You’ve very soon
forgotten—— Mind that pin!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
What are you saying?
JUSTINA.
I mean, it isn’t as if we hadn’t all been just a _leetle_ rapid in our
time, we three girls—Theo, you, and I. You needn’t be quite so
newly-married-womanish with _me_.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Shut up!
JUSTINA.
[_Glancing round._] No one’s there.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_In an undertone._] We always knew where to draw the line, I hope.
JUSTINA.
Of course we did. Only, when you’re married, as Theo is, to a cold, dry
mummy of a man like Alexander Fraser, the line’s apt to get drawn rather
zigzag.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Finishing with the flowers._] Go away!
JUSTINA.
Thanks—they’re jolly. [_Picking up a little mirror from the table, and
making a wry face at herself._] I haven’t had a night’s sound sleep for
weeks.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
I should think not, with such thoughts in your head. Poor Theo! I’ve
been fretting about her too, in a different way.
JUSTINA.
[_Adjusting the flowers with the aid of the mirror._] Yes, but it isn’t
only Theo. I’ve been doing a bit of lying-awake on my own account, I can
tell you.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Why?
JUSTINA.
[_Moistening her eyelashes as she again surveys her face._] Why, if this
business had gone against my sister, it wouldn’t have bettered _my_
chances—eh?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
No, perhaps it wouldn’t.
JUSTINA.
I’m twenty—oh, you know——
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Nine.
JUSTINA.
Ugh, dash it, yes! And this beastly scrape of Theophila’s has been no
end of a shocker for me. From to-day I turn over the proverbial new
leaf.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
So glad, dear.
JUSTINA.
Just fancy! I’m the only single one out of we three musketeers. Great
Scot, Kate, suppose I got left!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_With a laugh._] ’Tina!
JUSTINA.
But I won’t, you mark me! From to-day I’ll alter—I take my oath I will!
No more slang for me, no more swears, no more smokes with the men after
dinner, no more cycling at the club in knickers! I’ve been giving too
much away——!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Listening._] Take care!
JUSTINA.
[_Glancing round._] Claude—back.
CLAUDE EMPTAGE, _a plain, stumpy, altogether insignificant young man
enters—a young man with a pale face, red eyelids and nostrils, a
dense look, and heavy, depressed manner_.
JUSTINA.
What news? Any?
CLAUDE.
It’s finished.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Finished!
JUSTINA.
Don’t tell me! How?
CLAUDE.
It’s all right for Theo. Mrs. Allingham’s petition dismissed.
JUSTINA.
Ho, ho! Ha, ha, ha! All right for Theo! [_Clapping her hands, almost
dancing._ MRS. TWELVES _embraces her_.] All right for Theo!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Isn’t it splendid?
JUSTINA.
Ha, ha, ha! All right for——! Mother! ma! ma!
[_She runs out._
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_To_ CLAUDE.] You did wait then, in spite of Theo’s orders?
CLAUDE.
No, not in Court. I hung about outside, with Uncle Fletcher, to hear the
result. [_Sitting, with a little groan._] Oh!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
I must say, Claude, the victory hasn’t left you very cheerful.
CLAUDE.
Cheerful! Think of the day I’ve spent!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
_You’ve_ spent!
CLAUDE.
Theophila’s brother! [_Pointing into space._] The brother of Mrs. Fraser
of Locheen! The brother of the witness in the box! Every eye upon me!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Drily._] I see.
CLAUDE.
Oh, Kate, I’ve felt this business in more ways than one. It has been a
terrible lesson to me.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Smiling._] My poor Claudio!
CLAUDE.
[_Not looking at her._] No, don’t pity me—despise me. Kitty, how easy it
is for a fellow to imperil a woman’s reputation!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Amused._] Yes, isn’t it?
CLAUDE.
We attach ourselves to a pretty married woman; we lounge in her
drawing-room, her boudoir; we make her our toy, our pastime. Do we allow
a single thought of the scandal we may involve her in to check us in our
pursuit of pleasure?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Demurely._] No, I suppose you don’t.
CLAUDE.
Never!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Perhaps you had better not come to tea with me quite so frequently in
the future, Claude.
CLAUDE.
You are right; you, and others, must see less of me. [_Turning to her._]
And yet, Kate, I am not all bad!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD _enters. He is fifty-one, amiable, pompous,
egotistical, foolish._
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Why didn’t you wait for me, Claude, my boy?
CLAUDE.
Sorry; my brain was reeling.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
[_Meeting_ MRS. TWELVES.] A very proper, a very satisfactory termination
of this affair, Mrs. Twelves.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
It has been awfully reassuring to see you beaming in Court, Sir
Fletcher.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Ha! I daresay my attitude has been remarked. Beaming; why not? I’ve had
no doubt as to the result.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
No doubt of Theo’s innocence—of course not.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Innocent; that goes without saying—my niece. But the result, in any
case, would have been much the same, I venture to think.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Really?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
You see, my own public position, if I may speak of it——
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Oh, yes.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
[_Smiling._] And I happen to know the judge—slightly perhaps; but there
it is.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
But judges are not influenced by considerations of that kind?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Heaven forbid I should say a word against our method of administering
law in this country. The House knows my opinion of the English Judicial
Bench. At the same time, judges are mortal—I have never concealed that
from myself; and Sir William and I have met. [_To_ CLAUDE.] You saw the
judge look at me this morning, Claude?
CLAUDE.
No.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
No? Oh, yes, and I half-smiled in return. Yesterday I couldn’t catch his
eye, but today I’ve been half-smiling at him all through the
proceedings.
JUSTINA _runs in, seats herself at the pianoforte, and thumps out
the Wedding March_.
JUSTINA.
Well, Uncle Fletcher!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Ah! ha!
JUSTINA.
What price Mrs. Allingham?
MRS. EMPTAGE _returns. She has relieved the heaviness of her dress by a
fichu of_ crêpe de soie.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Embracing_ CLAUDE.] My darling! [_Embracing_ SIR FLETCHER.] Oh, my
dear Fletcher! Be quiet, ’Tina!
[JUSTINA _plays the air of a popular music-hall melody, softly_;
MRS. TWELVES _comes to her_.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I told you so—hey!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
We all said so.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
But I’ve been the most emphatic——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Where are Theo and Alec?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
They went over to Sir John Clarkson’s chambers directly the case
concluded—I fancy, to consult him on some little point that had arisen.
I managed to get one word——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Impulsively kissing_ MRS. TWELVES.] I’m so happy!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I contrived to get just one word with Alec as he was putting Theophila
into the carriage. I wanted to tell him——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Pacing the room, humming the air played by_ JUSTINA.] Tra, la, la! la,
la! tra, la, la!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I wanted to tell him an amusing story I’d heard during the luncheon
interval, but he hadn’t time to—— Ha, ha! It’s a legal anecdote. It
appears that a fellow of the name of Babbitt once brought an action——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Did the judge apologise, Fletcher?
[JUSTINA _stops playing_.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Apologise!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
To Theophila?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
A judge never apologises.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
He might do worse, where such undeserved distress is occasioned a young
wife and her husband——
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Hear, hear!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
To say nothing of her mother!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I surmise that the judgment of my friend Sir William was very strongly
worded, and I daresay an expression of regret followed from Mrs.
Allingham’s counsel. But I had quitted the Court, you know——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Oh, yes; Theo wrote you a note——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
But you are losing my anecdote. It appears that a man of the name of
Babbitt—— One thing, Muriel, I will stake my reputation upon.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Peeping out at the side of the window blind._] What’s that?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
That the public applauded the decision roundly.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Pacing the room again._] I can hear them doing it! Bravo, Mrs. Fraser!
Eh, girls?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Plucky Mrs. Fraser!
JUSTINA.
How jolly to have been there just then!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
As a matter of fact, I talked with several strangers of a humble rank of
life, and hinted that a few cheers—so regrettable and unseemly in a
court of law as a rule—I hinted that a few cheers would undoubtedly be
justifiable in the present instance, as well as peculiarly agreeable to
me. It seems that Babbitt——
[HORTON _enters with a card_.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_After glancing at the card._] Oh——!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Eh?
JUSTINA.
What’s up?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_To_ HORTON.] Where _is_ Mrs. Cloys?
[SIR FLETCHER, JUSTINA _and_ CLAUDE _rise precipitately_.
HORTON.
In the morning-room, ma’am. She preferred——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Taking the card._] I—I—some one will come to her.
[HORTON _retires_.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Harriet here!
JUSTINA.
By Jove!
CLAUDE.
[_Making for the door._] No; she is too impossible.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Intercepting him._] Claude, I dare you to leave the house!
[SIR FLETCHER _also moves towards the door_.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Stopping him._] Fletcher, you mustn’t!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Muriel, I distinctly prefer not to meet——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
But I must have every support; I am unequal to it otherwise. Who will
fetch her upstairs? Fletcher, dear!——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
In your establishment! Singularly inappropriate!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Turning to_ JUSTINA.] Justina——
JUSTINA.
No thanks, ma.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Brutes, all of you!
[_She hurries out._
JUSTINA.
Confound her!
CLAUDE.
I shall submit to none of her airs. What _is_ a bishop?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Why does she select this occasion——?
JUSTINA.
It’s nearly ten years since she washed her hands of us.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Exactly eleven years have elapsed since my sister Harriet placed it out
of my power to continue on a footing of brotherly intercourse with her.
CLAUDE.
[_To_ MRS. TWELVES, _in a whisper_.] I know the story.
JUSTINA.
[_To him._] Sssh!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Her behaviour on that one memorable afternoon proved that her marriage
to a dignitary of the Church was something worse than a fluke—a
sacrilege.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Quietly to_ CLAUDE.] What is it?
CLAUDE.
[_Quietly to her._] She called him a Bore.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Going to_ JUSTINA.] Do you think I could steal downstairs and get
away? She used to tell me I was an empty-headed little fool.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Outrageous!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
And predicted I should end badly.
JUSTINA.
Well, you haven’t.
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
No, but there’s time, she’d say. [_Going towards the doors._] I’m off.
JUSTINA.
Sneak!
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Returning hastily._] They’re coming up!
JUSTINA.
Let ’em!
MRS. CLOYS _enters, and stands surveying the room_. MRS. EMPTAGE
_follows her_. MRS. CLOYS _is about fifty-three, handsome, dignified
in bearing, richly but soberly dressed, in manner a mixture of
sweetness and acerbity_.
MRS. CLOYS.
Justina—is it?
JUSTINA.
[_Going to her._] How do you do, Aunt Harriet?
MRS. CLOYS.
[_Kissing her, then eyeing her keenly._] H’m! _you’re_ not married yet,
I believe?
JUSTINA.
No, I haven’t the slightest inclination that way.
MRS. CLOYS.
Oh, my dear, you still tell fibs, then?
JUSTINA.
Indeed, aunt?
[JUSTINA _retires_; SIR FLETCHER _advances_. MRS. CLOYS _kisses
him, then looks him up and down_.
MRS. CLOYS.
Well, Fletcher, so they’ve knighted you, have they?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Lord Cranbery was gracious enough to recommend——
MRS. CLOYS.
How much did it cost you?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Cost me!
MRS. CLOYS.
Well, you’ve made money; I suppose you could afford it.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Pray let us——!
MRS. CLOYS.
Don’t puff yourself out at me, Fletcher.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I am doing nothing of the kind, Harriet.
MRS. CLOYS.
Then don’t.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Er—how is the bishop?
MRS. CLOYS.
Old.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Old? Let me see—my marvellous head for figures should serve me——
MRS. CLOYS.
Very old.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Born in——
MRS. CLOYS.
We’re all getting old; that’s why you have the pleasure of seeing me
amongst you once more. [_Turning to_ CLAUDE, _who bows stiffly_.] My
nephew? [_Shaking hands with him and looking him in the face
searchingly._] You’re rather old too. [_Sharply._] Who’s that there?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Who has been hidden by the flowers on the piano-forte, advancing, with
a nervous outburst._] Oh, I hope you remember me, dear Mrs. Cloys—Kitty
Twelves. I was Kitty Powis, if you recollect.
MRS. CLOYS.
I recollect. Weren’t you at school in Paris with Justina and Theophila,
and afterwards——?
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
Yes. Isn’t this interesting? Quinton, my husband, was _confirmed_ by the
Bishop of St. Olpherts! I never discovered it till we’d been married for
ages—I mean, weeks and weeks—[_gradually quailing under_ MRS. CLOYS’S
_gaze_]—and then one day—he—he happened to see me kissing the sweetest
photograph of you—and and—and——
MRS. CLOYS.
Mrs. Twills, I understood from my sister there was a purely family
gathering here this afternoon——
MRS. QUINTON TWELVES.
[_Offering her hand._] I—I have to go on elsewhere——
MRS. CLOYS.
[_Detaining her hand._] My dear, _you_ were extremely old when I last
saw you, during your first season, in eighty-something; I pray, now
you’re married, that you are—younger.
[_They look at each other for a moment longer, then_ MRS.
TWELVES _withdraws her hand, and, after nodding to the
others in a scared way, goes out silently_. CLAUDE
_follows her_.
MRS. CLOYS.
[_Sitting on the settee._] Muriel. [MRS. EMPTAGE _comes to her_.] We
have been on bad terms for many years; let us have done with it. I
suggest mutual concessions to disposition and temper.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Sitting._] I am sure I have been more than desirous——
MRS. CLOYS.
You have brought up your children abominably; that was always our most
serious point of dissension——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I may remind you, Harriet, that Muriel’s cheerful method of training her
children has received my sympathy and sanction. On the death of the late
Mr. Emptage——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
My poor dear Herbert——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
It naturally devolved upon me——
MRS. CLOYS.
Sssh!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I am not one of those——
MRS. CLOYS.
Sssh, sssh, sssh!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Your twenty years of married life may have taught you how to manage a
husband, Harriet, but——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Heaven has blessed you with no offspring.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
And the world isn’t all deans, and canons, and bishops and things——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
A department of society you were thrown headlong into——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
By the merest chance, as you well know——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Without, I fear, possessing every qualification for the—ah—the exalted
station which—which——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
And—and—and——
MRS. CLOYS.
[_To_ MRS. EMPTAGE.] There, there! Don’t, I say. Have done with it? At
any rate, we’re grey-haired women now—I _am_, and you ought to be——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Now, Harriet——!
MRS. CLOYS.
And judgment has overtaken you——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Judgment!
MRS. CLOYS.
This terrible calamity that has befallen your girl Theophila. Oh, how is
it going to end?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
My dear Harriet, it has ended.
MRS. CLOYS.
Has the case——?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Mrs. Allingham’s petition is dismissed—dismissed.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
My daughter has emerged triumphantly——
MRS. CLOYS.
Thank God! [_Rising._] Muriel——
[MRS. EMPTAGE _rises_; MRS. CLOYS _kisses her on both
cheeks, then turns away_.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
You will see Theo and her husband in a few minutes. They are staying
with me just now. “Weak, giddy mother,” am I, Harriet? My child flies to
me in her trouble, nevertheless.
MRS. CLOYS.
[_Wiping her eyes._] The dear bishop will be so rejoiced. Not a
newspaper has been taken at the Palace this week. [_Resuming her seat._]
It has hit us hard. How did it all come about?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
In this way. I——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Sitting again._] Why, we’ve all known Jack Allingham for years——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
[_Sitting._] A good fellow—little dull, perhaps—little prosy——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Glancing at_ JUSTINA.] At one time we thought he was rather inclined
to pay ’Tina——
JUSTINA.
What rot, mother!
MRS. CLOYS.
Oh!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
However, he married this creature, Olive Harker—daughter of a Major
Harker——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
“Crummy” Harker—stout man——
JUSTINA.
Four years ago this month.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Yes, in the summer of the year in which Theo was married to Fraser of
Locheen.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
My extraordinary chronological faculty ought to serve me here. Theophila
and Locheen were married in the March, Jack Allingham and Miss Harker in
the following June; _I_ took the chair that year at no less than three
public dinners——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Of course, when the two couples settled down in London the usual
exchange of visits began. But from the first it was quite evident that
Mrs. Allingham resented her husband’s friendship for Theo.
MRS. CLOYS.
Why should Mrs. Allingham have resented it?
JUSTINA.
Olive was always a jealous cat—person.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
John is some months younger than his wife, I may tell you. No marriage
can turn out happily when the balance of age drops ever so slightly on
the woman’s side. My observation——
MRS. CLOYS.
Rubbish!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I know my world, Harriet.
JUSTINA.
What was it that Olive said about that, ma?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
When the wife is older than the husband every fresh little line in her
face becomes an acute pain to her, just as if it were cut into her
flesh, and renewed daily, with a knife. Those are Mrs. Allingham’s own
words.
MRS. CLOYS.
Poor wretch!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
In her storms with Jack she used to rave out these things, and Jack
would repeat them to Theo.
MRS. CLOYS.
What business had he to do that, pray?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Well, his home had become such a hell that he fell into the way of
rushing round to Lennox Gardens, to Theophila and Alec, to obtain relief
from his worries.
JUSTINA.
He gradually became a sort of third in Lennox Gardens, you know, aunt.
MRS. CLOYS.
A sort of third?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
The house-friend who is continually running in and out——
JUSTINA.
The man who has dined with you almost before you know it, as it were.
MRS. CLOYS.
Oh! And is this all?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
All?
MRS. CLOYS.
All the justification a jealous woman has for seeking to divorce her
husband?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Not divorce, Harriet; she wasn’t entitled to ask for that. Mrs.
Allingham has been suing for judicial separation.
MRS. CLOYS.
Well, well——!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Accuracy with me is a perfect mania. Oh, yes, that’s all. With the
exception of the—the——[_With a wave of the hand._] However——!
MRS. CLOYS.
Exception?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I was thinking of the bézique part of the case.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Impatiently._] Yes, yes; but that’s of no consequence now.
MRS. CLOYS.
Bézique?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Allingham and Theophila happen, both of them, to be fond of cards. And
when Fraser was away in Scotland——
MRS. CLOYS.
Away in Scotland? _Not_ with Theophila?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
No, no; she loathes Locheen.
MRS. CLOYS.
I see. When Mr. Fraser was in Scotland and his wife was by herself in
London——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Then a little harmless bézique helped to kill the time.
MRS. CLOYS.
Theophila and Mr. Allingham killed time together?
MRS. EMPTAGE, JUSTINA, SIR FLETCHER.
[_In various tones._] Yes—yes—yes.
MRS. CLOYS.
Where was the time killed?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
In Lennox Gardens.
MRS. CLOYS.
At Theophila’s house, in her husband’s absence. Is _that_ all?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Absolutely all.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
All the bézique part of the case. You see, the lawyers separated the
case against Theophila into three divisions.
MRS. CLOYS.
Three! Number One?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
The House-friend, as aforesaid.
MRS. CLOYS.
Two?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Bézique—as aforesaid.
MRS. CLOYS.
Three?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
I repeat, surely all this doesn’t matter now!
MRS. CLOYS.
Number Three?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Tannhäuser.
MRS. CLOYS.
In Heaven’s name, what——!
JUSTINA.
That was nothing. Alec Fraser was in Scotland as usual——
MRS. CLOYS.
As usual!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
No, no—as he is often obliged to be.
JUSTINA.
Alec was in Scotland, and Theo had been to the opera with pals——
MRS. CLOYS.
With——!
JUSTINA.
Friends, to hear Tannhäuser. She had sent her servants to bed, and let
herself in with her latchkey. As she was closing the front door she
caught sight of Jack Allingham on the other side of the way.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
He had had one of his terrible scenes with his wife; they lived round
the corner, in Pont Street——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
And a most charming house theirs was. I always say, with regard to Pont
Street——
MRS. CLOYS.
[_Sternly._] Fletcher!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Jack was in a dreadful state of distress; pacing the streets like a
maniac, in fact——
JUSTINA.
He’s a very old friend of all of us——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
More like a brother than a——
JUSTINA.
And Theo begged him to come in——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
To calm himself. Simply an impulsive, warm-hearted act on her part.
JUSTINA.
And it wouldn’t have mattered in the least if that devil of a wife
hadn’t suspected——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
And planted her maid outside Theo’s house—set of spies!——
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Till three in the morning——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
When Theo turned Jack out.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Not _four_ in the morning, as Mrs. Allingham’s blundering counsel tried
to establish. Ha, ha! Sir John Clarkson bowled him over there! Three,
sir—not four!
MRS. CLOYS.
[_To_ SIR FLETCHER.] Be quiet! be silent!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Upon my word, Harriet——!
MRS. CLOYS.
[_To_ JUSTINA, _who rises_.] Go away! You can sit by and assist at the
telling of a story of this nature, single woman that you are! [JUSTINA
_walks away_.] What did I prophesy? Years ago, what did I prophesy?
[_To_ MRS. EMPTAGE.] Now, pray, how do you like seeing your children
dabbling their hands in this—this pig-pail?
[CLAUDE _enters_.
CLAUDE.
Fraser and Theo——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Rising._] Ah!
CLAUDE.
Just come in.
[MRS. CLOYS _walks away_; CLAUDE _joins_ JUSTINA.]
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Repressing her excitement._] Sssh, sssh, sssh! Let nobody make a fuss;
Alec hates a fuss!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
No fuss, but some one ought to play “See the Conquering Hero——!” Theo is
so fond of a little fun—genuine fun!
[_He seats himself at the piano and fingers out the air
laboriously._ THEOPHILA _and her husband enter. She is
an elegantly-dressed, still girlish, woman of
seven-and-twenty; he a good-looking, undemonstrative man
of about five-and-thirty. Both are pale, weary-looking,
and subdued._ FRASER _is gloved and frock-coated_;
THEOPHILA _is in her bonnet and cape_.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Her hands twitching._] Well, pet?
THEOPHILA.
[_Kissing her mother in a spiritless way._] Well, mother dear?
[THEOPHILA _goes to_ JUSTINA _and_ CLAUDE _and kisses them,
silently_.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Shaking hands with_ FRASER.] A hundred thousand congratulations, Alec.
FRASER.
[_Biting his lip._] Thanks. [_Standing at the further end of the piano,
to_ SIR FLETCHER.] Do you mind _not_ playing?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
[_Rising and singing._] “See the Conquering He—ro co—o—o—o—o—o—um—ms—!”
Not hero—heroes. No, hero and heroine!
[THEOPHILA _comes to him and kisses him in the same
impassive fashion_.
THEOPHILA.
[_Quietly._] Much obliged to you for sticking to me, the last two days,
uncle.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
My dear, as a matter of fact, I’ve enjoyed myself in Court. I am not
exaggerating—enjoyed myself.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Theo, your aunt Harriet——
THEOPHILA.
[_Turning._] Aunt——! [_Advancing slowly to meet_ MRS. CLOYS—_a little
dazed_.] I saw a figure; I—I thought it was Kitty. Why, aunt——!
[_They shake hands._
MRS. CLOYS.
[_Looking into her face, earnestly._] You’re tired—quite done.
THEOPHILA.
[_With a nod, sitting on the settee._] Alec——[FRASER _advances_.] My
aunt Harriet, Mrs. Cloys—my husband.
[FRASER _and_ MRS. CLOYS _incline their heads to each
other_. FRASER _then turns away and joins_ CLAUDE _and_
JUSTINA, SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD _following him_.
THEOPHILA _strips off her gloves_.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Let mother take your bonnet, pet.
THEOPHILA.
[_Her head falling backward, faintly._] Oh, do!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Removing_ THEOPHILA’S _bonnet_.] In your bonnet all day again; your
head must be splitting. _I_ know. Do you remember _my_ head at the
flower-show at Eastbourne?
[MRS. CLOYS _bends over_ THEOPHILA _and helps her to get rid
of her cape_.
THEOPHILA.
Thanks, awfully.
[_She takes her bonnet from_ MRS. EMPTAGE, _and fiercely
begins to roll it in her cape, as if about to crush them
together_.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Uttering a little scream, running round the settee to her._] What are
you doing?
[_There is a general movement._
THEOPHILA.
[_Looking round._] It’s all right. [_With an attempt at a laugh._] Those
things are to be destroyed.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Taking the bonnet and cape from_ THEOPHILA.] Destroyed! They were new
for the case!
THEOPHILA.
Sniff them, mother.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Doing so._] Perfume.
THEOPHILA.
Phew! I intend to burn every thread I’m wearing, and to have a bath
before dinner.
FRASER.
[_Constrainedly._] We were rather unfortunate in the case that is to
follow ours.
THEOPHILA.
Yes. [_Looking straight before her._] There was a patchouli business
waiting to come on after us.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Holding the things at arm’s length._] Oh, dear!
THEOPHILA.
It had been flitting about since the morning. It sat down beside me at
last.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
_It?_
THEOPHILA.
It, it, it. And it was wearing a bonnet almost precisely like mine; and
it looked to be about my own age, and could have had my sort of
complexion if it had chosen——
MRS. CLOYS.
Hush, Theophila——!
THEOPHILA.
[_Hysterically._] Ho, ho, ho! these last two days!
[_Horton enters with tea._
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Here’s tea! Claude, help Justina with the tea-table. Tea is what Theo
needs.
[_She hurries out with_ THEOPHILA’S _bonnet and cape_.
CLAUDE _and_ JUSTINA _carry the tea-table and place it
before the “cosy-corner.”_ MRS. CLOYS _sits with her
head bent_. HORTON _places the tray upon the tea-table
and withdraws_. JUSTINA _sits in the “cosy-corner” and
pours out tea_.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
[_Bustling up to the tea-table._] Tea is what we _all_ need. A most
exciting day! I’ve often observed how welcome one’s tea is on a Derby
Day——
THEOPHILA.
[_In a whisper to_ FRASER _across the table_.] Alec, will you tell them
what the judge said of me, or shall I?
FRASER.
I suppose it’s necessary.
THEOPHILA.
People _heard_ it. Then, the papers——
FRASER.
Of course. [_Agitated._] I—I’ll tell them, if you like.
THEOPHILA.
Thank you. [_Quickly._] No, no—I’ll tell them. You couldn’t do it—how
_could_ you?
MRS. EMPTAGE _returns_.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Tea, tea! [_Sitting._] Alec, come and sit by me. [FRASER _sits at a
distance_, _his lips compressed_, _his hands gripped together_.] Oh,
fie! all that way off! You will persist in treating me as an ordinary
mother-in-law! [FRASER _moves his chair a little nearer_.] That’s
better. [_Triumphantly._] Well, Harriet, you see all my children round
me—a happy family!
[CLAUDE _brings tea to_ MRS. CLOYS.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
[_Bringing a cup of tea to_ THEOPHILA.] I make no excuse for devoting
myself to Theo—on this occasion. [THEOPHILA _takes the tea and gulps
it_.] You looked charming in the witness-box—piquant. [_Returning to the
tea-table._] Piquant—just the word—piquant.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Now, Alec dear, tell us. Did Mrs. Allingham’s counsel, Mr.
What’s-his-name, express regret when it was all over?
FRASER.
Regret——?
[SIR FLETCHER _brings tea to_ MRS. EMPTAGE; CLAUDE _brings
tea to_ FRASER, _then returns to the tea-table_.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Regret at finding himself made the—the thingamy—the vehicle—for such a
malicious attack on Theo’s character—the poor child.
FRASER.
[_With an effort._] No; no regret was expressed.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Not by the judge either?
FRASER.
The judge!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
The judge never said he was sorry to see a nicely bred girl, so recently
married too, subjected to such a—such a—such an unwarrantable ordeal?
[FRASER _is silent_.] Eh—h?
THEOPHILA.
[_After a brief pause._] No, mother.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
You were wrong, then, Fletcher, you see.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
[_Holding up his hand._] Wait, wait, please! I don’t think I am _very_
often out in my calculations. [_To_ THEOPHILA.] What sort of
demonstration occurred at the close, may I venture to ask?
THEOPHILA.
Demonstration?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Did they cheer you much, darling? That’s what your uncle means.
THEOPHILA.
_Cheer_ me, mother——?
[FRASER _rises abruptly, placing his cup, with a clatter, on
the piano_.
FRASER.
I—I feel as Theophila does. I must dip my face into cold water. The
atmosphere of that place stifles one even now. Do excuse me.
[_He goes out; all, except_ THEOPHILA, _look after him,
surprised_.
THEOPHILA.
Mother dear—Uncle Fletcher—you seem to have a wrong impression——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Wrong impression?
THEOPHILA.
Oh, Mrs. Allingham’s petition has been dismissed—yes. But Sir John
Clarkson and Mr. Martyn, my other counsel—all my friends in fact—were a
little too sanguine.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Too sanguine?
THEOPHILA.
Oh, much too sanguine. The judge was rather rough on me.
MRS. EMPTAGE.
What on earth do you——?
THEOPHILA.
Rather down on me—severe. My behaviour—my conduct—has been
careless—indiscreet, he says——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Under her breath._] Indiscreet?
THEOPHILA.
Hardly characteristic of a woman who is properly watchful of her own and
her husband’s reputation—honour.
JUSTINA.
[_Coming forward a few steps._] Theo!
THEOPHILA.
[_Disjointedly._] But at the same time, he said, Mrs. Allingham had
scarcely succeeded in establishing conclusively to his mind ... oh!...
and he thought that even the petitioner herself, on further reflection,
would be desirous that I should receive the—the benefit of the doubt ...
and—and something about costs....
[_She breaks off; they all remain silent for a time._
MRS. EMPTAGE.
This—this will appear in the papers! Won’t it? Won’t it? [_No one
replies_; SIR FLETCHER _sinks into a chair, with a blank look_.] Can’t
anybody answer me? Fletcher, will this be in the papers?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
[_Confused._] The papers—! No strong-minded public man ever looks at the
papers. When I have spoken in the House I never——
JUSTINA.
[_In a hard voice._] Why, of course, a dozen papers will have it. What a
silly question to ask, ma!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Advancing to_ MRS. CLOYS.] I hope you’re quite satisfied, Harriet. You
came here, after these many years, on purpose to witness this——[MRS.
CLOYS _rises_]—to see disgrace and ruin brought on me and my family.
MRS. CLOYS.
Muriel, how dare you say it?
MRS. EMPTAGE.
I’m only a widow! Everybody is entitled to stab at me!
MRS. CLOYS.
[_Turning away._] I’ll not listen to you!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Weeping._] Oh, oh, oh! how glad our friends will be! [_Going towards
the door._] Here’s a triumph for our friends!
JUSTINA.
[_Following her._] Mother——
MRS. EMPTAGE.
[_Pushing her aside._] Go away! I don’t want you near me!
JUSTINA.
Ho!
MRS. EMPTAGE.
Bristow shall attend on me. I shall lie down on my bed. I shall have my
corsets taken off——
[_She disappears._
MRS. CLOYS.
[_Going towards the door._] Muriel——!
[_She goes out, following_ MRS. EMPTAGE.
JUSTINA.
[_With a grating laugh._] That’s ma all over; she always goes through
this process when there’s a family crisis. [_To_ THEOPHILA.] Do you
remember, Phil?
THEOPHILA.
[_Stonily._] What?
JUSTINA.
Directly the news of poor pa’s death came, ma took off her corsets.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
[_Rising._] I shall go out; people shall see me walking boldly through
the streets: Portland Place—Regent Street—[_in agitation_]—Fletcher
Portwood, with his head up—his head up, they’ll say. [_He paces the
room, and comes upon_ CLAUDE, _who is sitting at the writing-table,
writing a telegram, his eyes bolting and a generally vacuous expression
on his face_.] And you! when are you going to do something in the world
besides idling, and loafing, and living upon your mother——?
CLAUDE.
[_Rising, disconcerted._] What’s that to do with it?
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
Do with it? Why, at eighteen I was earning twenty shillings a week, and
maintaining myself. Now look at the position I have achieved, from sheer
brain-force! [_To_ THEOPHILA.] I shall not turn my back on you, my poor
little girl; don’t be frightened of that. You were always my favourite
niece——
JUSTINA.
[_Laughing, a little wildly._] Ha, ha, ha, ha!
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I beg your pardon, ’Tina; I’ve no favourites. Can I buy you anything,
either of you, while I’m out? I may look in here again before I go down
to the House. The finest assembly of gentlemen in the world. No
patterns, or new music, wanted—eh?
THEOPHILA.
[_Feebly._] Oh, no.
SIR FLETCHER PORTWOOD.
I shall dine at the House, and then sup at the club. All London shall
see me. “Look at Portwood!” everybody will say. “Then there can’t be the
slightest foundation for this scandal about his niece——!”
[_He goes out._
CLAUDE.
[_Looking after him._] Transparent old egotist! How do I know whether
I’m in his Will or not? And yet I stand here and allow him to lecture
me! Me! Ha, compare his education with mine! And what real knowledge has
he of Life, of Men and Women——? [_Showing_ JUSTINA _his telegram_.] Is
that the way you spell Bernhart?
JUSTINA.
[_Reading the telegram._] No; h-a-r-_d_-t. What’s this?
CLAUDE.
[_In an undertone._] The Wartons wanted to take me to see Bernhardt
to-night. Of course, I can’t go _now_. A marked man! every eye upon me!
her brother! [_Going to the door, he meets_ FRASER.] ’Ullo, Fraser!
[CLAUDE _goes out_; FRASER, _who is carrying his hat and
gloves, walks across the room, eyeing_ JUSTINA.
JUSTINA.
[_To_ FRASER.] Do you want to speak to Theo?
FRASER.
Oh—just for one moment——
[THEOPHILA _rises_; JUSTINA _goes to her_.
JUSTINA.
Never mind, old girl. [_With a little laugh._] Ha! I suppose this has
queered my pitch for a season or two, but—[_kissing her_]—never
mind—[_going to the door_]—these things will happen in the best
regulated——
[_She disappears. There is a brief silence, during which_
THEOPHILA _closes the doors_.
FRASER.
Have you told your people?
THEOPHILA.
Yes.
FRASER.
How do they take it?
THEOPHILA.
All right—pretty well. Mother is lying down for a bit. She’ll be quite
herself again in a few days.
FRASER.
[_Thoughtfully._] A few days—will she? [_Partly to himself._] In a few
days?
THEOPHILA.
She’ll have a week at Worthing. She’s always had a week at Worthing when
we’ve been in any trouble. You’ve got your hat, Alec; do you mean to
dine out?
FRASER.
To-night!
THEOPHILA.
[_Weakly._] Oh, don’t be so sharp with me! All the way home from the
Strand you’d hardly speak a word.
FRASER.
[_Sitting on the settee._] I was thinking over what we’d been listening
to.
THEOPHILA.
Yes, the things sounded much worse in Court than they did out of it,
didn’t they?
FRASER.
[_His head bowed._] Awful!
THEOPHILA.
How cruel it was of them to buoy us up by telling us the case was going
right for me!
FRASER.
Many believed it. Martyn was sure the judge was on our side.
THEOPHILA.
When one comes to think of it, her counsel managed to put such a very
queer complexion——
FRASER.
Awful.
THEOPHILA.
Oh, I don’t know what I felt like at some moments! I—I felt like a woman
caught with bare shoulders in daylight.
FRASER.
Awful.
THEOPHILA.
[_Looking at him curiously._] Alec, you seem to be—different to me, now
the trial’s over.
FRASER.
[_In a muffled voice._] Do I? I—we’re worn out.
THEOPHILA.
[_After some hesitation, going to the back of the settee._]
I say! I want to tell you—I am—truly sorry.
FRASER.
[_Raising his head._] Sorry——!
THEOPHILA.
[_With an effort._] And I humbly beg your pardon.
FRASER.
[_Rising and facing her._] For what?
THEOPHILA.
Why, for all the bother I’ve caused.
FRASER.
[_Resuming his seat._] Oh——!
[_She stares at him for a moment, surprised and disappointed, then
turns away._
THEOPHILA.
[_To herself._] Oh——! [_To him._] Alec, I’ve had the idea that the
trouble we’ve lately gone through, both of us, over this horrid
business, might help to bring us together. We haven’t got along
over-well, have we?
FRASER.
Not too well, I’m afraid.
THEOPHILA.
A good deal my fault, I dare say. Oh, I hated Locheen——!
FRASER.
Yes.
THEOPHILA.
As heartily as you hate London. I’m a town girl, a thorough little
cockney—you knew it when you married me!—and—Locheen!——
FRASER.
Locheen is a beautiful place.
THEOPHILA.
London’s a beautiful place.
FRASER.
No.
THEOPHILA.
[_Hotly._] No to you, then. [_Sitting._] I beg pardon again; I didn’t
mean to be rude. I understand how you feel. You were born at Locheen.
FRASER.
I was.
THEOPHILA.
[_Pointing towards the window._] I was born in Chester Terrace. I admit,
Locheen is all very well at a certain time of year. But to be stuck
there when London’s full; when nobody but a poor relation, whose railway
ticket you send with the invitation, will come and look you up! Oh, that
summer you made me spend there just after we were married!
FRASER.
I was very happy that summer.
THEOPHILA.
You were in love. And then, the pipers! those pipers!
FRASER.
Duncan and Hamish were supremely ridiculous to you, I remember.
THEOPHILA.
Not ridiculous, as you say it—great fun for a time; but four or five
months of Duncan and Hamish and their pipes! To and fro on the terrace,
for a whole hour in the morning, those pipes! To and fro, up and down,
all round the house, in the afternoon, those pipes! At dinner, from the
trout to the banana, those pipes. And then, the notion of your
persistently dining in a kilt! A Highland costume on the moors—yes; but
in the lamplight—at dinner——!
FRASER.
It is my dress; I don’t vary it.
THEOPHILA.
Think of it! A man and woman dining _tête-à-tête_, for months and
months; the woman hypped, weary; the novelty of her new clothes
gradually wearing off; she feeling she was getting lean and plain with
it all, salt-cellary about the shoulders, drawn and hideous—[_staring
before her, her eyes dilating_]—and, every blessed night, the man in a
magnificent evening kilt!
FRASER.
Surely that, too, was “great fun” for a time?
THEOPHILA.
It might have been, if you had the smallest sense of humour, Alec; but
one soon tires of laughing alone. No, there was never any fun in that
kilt. It got on my nerves from the beginning—the solemn, stupid
stateliness of it. Girls are subject to creeps and crawls; I grew at
last to positively dread joining you in the hall of an evening, to be
frightened at giving you my arm to go into dinner—the simple sound of
the rustling of my skirt against that petticoat of yours made the
chairs, everything, dance. At those moments old Duncan and his boy
Hamish seemed to be blowing into the blood-vessels of my head. And
during dinner even the table wouldn’t help me; I was weak, hysterical—I
declare to goodness I could always see through the thickness of the
board—see the two knees! [_With a backward shake of the head_] Ha!
FRASER.
Well, Duncan and Hamish—poor fellows—and their pipes, and the
objectionable kilt—those things need never trouble you again; at any
rate, we can decide that.
THEOPHILA.
Oh, no, Alec, we will go up to Locheen in August——
FRASER.
Locheen——!
THEOPHILA.
Wait! you haven’t heard. [_She changes her position, sitting beside him;
he not responsive, almost shrinking from her._] Alec—Alec dear—[_leaning
her head against his shoulder_]—I intend to be good in the future, so
very good.
FRASER.
What do you mean—good?
THEOPHILA.