欲所不能欲者
Tsing-Ching (Pure Gold) was four years old when his parents sent him to
a “baby school” [14] for the first time and told him that the teacher
could tell him everything he would like to know.
When he saw a queer bird flying around he asked his teacher, “What kind
of thing is that in the air?” His teacher told him, “A bird,” and that
to be a bird meant to fly around and sing in every place and make music
for the people.
The boy said, “Can I not do it?” His teacher said, “Yes, you can sing
music for the people, but you can not fly unless you get wings.”
Tsing-Ching replied, “Yes, I can do that, too. My grandmother told me
about a spirit with wings.”
His teacher said, “If your grandmother told you that, you can try and
see. You may be a man with wings sometime.” [15]
Just then the servant girl, that his mother had sent, came to fetch him
home from school.
When they reached the park by his home, Tsing-Ching said, “Lau-Mai, I
want that long ladder and a long stick.” The nurse-girl did not know
what he would do with them, but she finally had to give him both to
keep him from crying. She was afraid his mother would hear him cry and
that she would come out and scold her for not taking better care of the
child.
As he took the long ladder he said, “Now I am going to be a bird.” His
nurse said, “You can not be a bird, Tsing-Ching. Birds fly. You can not
fly. Why are you trying to climb up the ladder? That is not the way to
be a bird.”
Lau-Mai helped him up two or three steps, when his mother called her to
come in and she left him there for a little time.
He climbed up, up, nine steps by himself—and fell down. But he was not
hurt, nor did he cry; he had no fear—he thought of but one thing—he was
going to be a bird.
Suddenly his mother came and saw him again trying to climb up the
ladder and asked, “What are you doing, Tsing-Ching?”
He answered, “I want to be a bird; wait, I will try again. I know that
birds fly in the air, not on the ground. I can not fly on earth. If I
get up high in the air, then I know I can fly.”
His mother thought he wanted to climb up and get a bird; she looked all
around and said, “There is no bird up there now.”
“But, Ah-Ma, [16] I want to be a bird.”
The servant Lau-Mai came just then and explained to his mother. His
mother said he was a foolish boy, and gave him food and sent him to
school again.
In two hours the teacher sent all the boys out to play. They ran to the
pond where the gold-fish were, for they liked to watch them swim in the
water.
After exercise, they all went into the schoolroom and Tsing-Ching told
his teacher, “I saw many goldfish swimming in the pond. Did you know
that, teacher? A man fed them rice and they all came out for him. They
seemed so happy, they shook their tails and waved their fins and swam
up and down and all around in the cool water. Oh, I should like to be a
fish.”
His teacher said, “Learn lessons now.” But Tsing-Ching could not study;
he could only think, think about the fish. Soon he asked that he might
go out to drink. Then he went to the pond and took off his clothes, but
the gardener saw him and asked, “What are you doing, boy? This is
school-time.”
“I want to be a fish,” said Tsing-Ching.
The gardener thought he wanted to catch the fish and said, “The fish
are for your eyes and not for your hands. Do not disturb them.”
Tsing-Ching sat down and waited until the gardener went away. Then he
stepped into the water and talked to the fish.
“I am going to be one of you now,” he said. “Come to me and show me how
to swim with you.” But they all hurried away.
For half an hour he splashed in the shallow water, trying to swim,
until the teacher thought, “Where is Tsing-Ching?” and sent a boy to
see. He found him in the pond and asked him to come into the
schoolroom, saying the teacher would punish him if he did not.
“No,” said Tsing-Ching, “I shall be a fish; I told the teacher I was
going to be a fish.” And so the boy went back and told the teacher, who
hardly knew what to think.
Finally he went out with a stick and asked, “Tsing-Ching, what are you
doing here? Do you know this is school-time? Do you know that you were
allowed only to go out for a drink and not to stay here and play? You
have done wrong.”
“Why, teacher, I told you that I wanted to be a fish,” said
Tsing-Ching. “I do not want books or exercises. I am going to be a fish
and I will not go to school. Mother said you teach everything; now
teach me to be a fish.”
His teacher said, “How foolish you are, Tsing-Ching; you are a boy, a
man. You can learn many things better than to be a fish. Come with me
now.”
That night when Tsing-Ching was walking with his mother and nurse out
by the water, he saw the summer moon shining in the lake.
“How strange, Ah-Ma, the moon is under the lake! See, it raises the
lake and shakes it all the time. I want it. What kind of a white ball
is it?”
Then his mother told him that the moon was in the sky, not in the lake,
and she explained and showed him. And when he saw the moon in the sky,
he said, “I know that it is not the moon in the lake, for it shakes. It
is not quiet like that one in the sky. It is a silver ball, I know.”
He asked so many questions that his mother grew tired of answering and
let him ask unnoticed. Then he wandered away a little distance and
threw stones in the water. And the waters waved and the white ball
danced so prettily that he wanted it very much. He waded into the lake,
deeper, deeper, until he fell down. He screamed and swallowed the
water, and it took a long time to make him alive again, after his
mother took him out of the lake.
When the neighbors heard about it, they said, “Foolish boy; not
satisfied to do the things he can—he is always wanting things he can
not have.”
Many people in this world are like Tsing-Ching.