During all these months Desirée had led a strange life at Melmar. She
had never told any one of the revelation, painful and undesired, the
miserable enlightenment which Aunt Jean’s story had brought. What Cosmo
told Madame Roche months after, Madame Roche’s little daughter knew on
that winter night by the Kelpie, when the tale of Aunt Jean, and all its
confirming circumstances, stung her poor little heart with its first
consciousness of falsehood and social treachery. After that she was ill,
and they were kind to her at Melmar, and when she recovered Desirée
still did not tell her mother. People did not write so many letters then
as they do now, in these corresponding days--Madame Roche certainly did
not hear oftener than once a fortnight, sometimes not more than once a
month from her daughter, for Melmar was nearly as far from St. Ouen in
_those_ days as India is now. Many a painful thought it cost poor
Desirée as she stole out by herself, avoiding every one, to the side of
Tyne. Oswald Huntley, after her recovery, had resumed his manner of
devotion toward her--but Desirée’s eyes were no longer touched with the
fairy glamour of her first dream. She had not been “in love,” though the
poor child imagined she had--she had only been amused by that dream of
romantic fancy to which seventeen is subject, and touched into gratitude
and pleasure by the supposed love she had won--yet, even while she
scorned his false pretense of tenderness, that very disdain made Desirée
shrink from the thought of injuring Oswald. She was sadly troubled
between the two sentiments, this poor little girl, who was French, and
Madame Roche’s child, and who consequently was much tempted by the
dangerous intoxications of feeling. What was barely, simply,
straightforwardly _right_ might have satisfied Joanna; but Desirée could
not help thinking of self-sacrifice and suffering for others, and all
the girlish heroics common to her age. She could not live in their house
and betray the family who had sheltered and were kind to her. She seemed
to be tempted to avenge herself on Oswald by righting her mother at his
expense; so for feeling’s sake Desirée kept herself very unhappy,
saying nothing to her mother of the discovery she had made, unable to
resume her old cordiality with the Huntleys, ill at ease in her own
mind, and sadly solitary and alone. If it had been any mere piece of
information--or had the injury to be done been her own, Desirée would
have seen what was right, plainly enough--but as it was, she only
thought of the cruel difference to the family of Melmar, which a word of
hers might make, and of the selfish advantage to herself; and feeling
conscious of the sacrifice she made for them--a sacrifice which nobody
knew or appreciated, and which her conscience told her was even
wrong--Desirée’s mind grew embittered against them and all the world;
and her poor little heart, uneasy, cross, and restless, consumed itself.
As the struggle continued it made her ill and pale, as well as disturbed
in mind; nobody could tell what ailed her--and even Aunt Jean, with her
keen black eyes, could not read Desirée. She had “something on her
mind.”
When one day she was startled by the arrival of a visitor, who asked to
see _her_, and was put into a little waiting-room--a cold little room,
without a fire, into which the March sunshine came chill, with no power
of warmth in it--to wait for the little governess. Desirée was much
amazed when she entered here to see the ruddy and comely face of the
Mistress looking down upon her, out of that black bonnet and widow’s
cap. It was a face full of faults, like its owner, but it was warm,
bright, kind, full of an unsubduable spirit and intelligence, which had
long ago attracted the eye of the vivacious little Frenchwoman, who,
however, did not know Mrs. Livingstone, except by sight. They looked at
each other in silence for the first moment--one amazed, and the other
thoughtful--at last the Mistress spoke.
“Maybe I may not name you right,” she said; “I have nae knowledge of
your tongue, and no’ much of strangers, whatever place they come from;
but my son Cosmo has seen your mother, in foreign parts, and that is the
reason that brings me here.”
Desirée started violently; for the moment it seemed to her that this was
her true and fit punishment. Her mother, whom she might have been
with--who might have been here had Desirée but spoken--was sick, was
dying, and a stranger brought her the news! She grew very pale and
clasped her little French hands in a passion of grief and
self-upbraiding.
“She is ill!” cried Desirée, “ill, and I am here!”
“Na--no’ that I ken of,” said the Mistress; “stranger news than that; do
you know of any bond between your mother and this house of Melmar? for
that is what I am come to tell you of now, as maybe she has done herself
before this time by hand of write.”
From pale, Desirée’s cheeks became burning red--her eyes sank beneath
the look of the Mistress, her heart beat loud and wildly. Who had found
her out? but she only turned her head aside with an uneasy movement and
did not speak.
“I may guess you’ve heard tell of it by your face,” said the Mistress;
“Melmar was left by will to my family--to my Huntley, the eldest and the
heir--failing your mother, that was thought to be lost. When he heard
tell of that, my Cosmo would not rest till he was away on his travels
seeking her. He’s been through France and Italy, and I ken not what
unlikely places a’ to look for your mother, and at last he’s found her;
and she’s coming home with little mair delay to be enfeoffed in her ain
lands and prove herself the heir.”
Bitter tears, which still had a certain relief in them, fell heavy from
Desirée’s eyes--_she_ had known it all, but had not been the means of
bringing this fortune to her mother. Her first impulse was not the
delighted surprise which the Mistress expected, but she threw herself
forward, after a moment’s pause, at her visitor’s feet, and seized her
hand and cried--“Is it true?” with a vehemence which almost scandalized
the Mistress. Cosmo’s mother took her hand away involuntarily, but moved
by the girl’s tears laid it on her head, with a hasty but kindly motion.
“It’s true,” said the Mistress; “but being true do you no’ see you canna
stay here? It is your mother’s house--but though I hold this Me’mar for
little better than a knave, yet I would not deceive him. You canna
remain here when your mother’s plea against him is begun. You should not
stay another day without letting him ken who you are--and that is why
I’m here to bid you come back with me to Norlaw.”
“To Norlaw!” cried Desirée, faintly; she had no words to express her
amazement at the invitation--her shame for the deceit which she had
practiced, and which was worse than any thing the Mistress supposed
possible--her strange humiliation in comparing herself, Oswald Huntley,
every one here, with Cosmo; somehow when this sudden burst of honest
daylight fell upon her, Desirée felt herself as great a culprit as
Melmar. Her place seemed with him and with his son, who knew the truth
and concealed it--not with the generous and true hearts who relinquished
their own expectations to do justice to the wronged. In an agony of
shame and self-disgust, Desirée hid her face in her hands--she was like
Oswald Huntley whom she despised--she was not like Cosmo Livingstone nor
Cosmo’s mother.
“Ay--to Norlaw,” said the Mistress, ignorant of all this complication of
feeling and with a softening in her voice; “Norlaw himself, that’s gane,
was near of kin to your mother; your grandfather, auld Melmar, was good
to us and ours; my sons are your nearest kinsmen in these parts, and I’m
their mother. It’s mair for your honor and credit, and for your
mother’s, now when you ken, to be there than here. Come hame with
me--you’ll be kindly welcome at Norlaw.”
“And yet,” said Desirée, lifting her tearful eyes, and her face flushed
with painful emotion; “and yet but for us, all this fortune would have
gone to your son. Why are you kind to me? you ought to hate me.”
“Na!” said the Mistress, with proud love and triumph; “my Huntley is
nane the waur--bairn, do you think the like of you could harm my son,
that I should hate you? Na! he would work his fingers to the bone, and
eat dry bread a’ his days before he would touch the inheritance of the
widow--loss of land or loss of gear is no such loss to my Huntley that I
should think ill of any person for its sake and you’re my son’s
kinswoman, and I’m his mother. Come hame with me till your ain mother is
here.”
Without a word Desirée rose, dried her eyes, and held out her little
hand to the Mistress, who took it doubtfully.
“I will be your daughter, your servant!” cried the little Frenchwoman,
with enthusiasm; “I will come to learn what truth means. Wait but till I
tell them. I will stay here no longer--I will do all that you say!”
In another moment she darted out of the room to prepare, afraid to
linger. The Mistress looked after her, shaking her head.
“My daughter!” said the Mistress to herself, with a “humph!” after the
words--and therewith she thought of Katie Logan; where was Katie now?