[Illustration: THURSDAY.
[After the Painting by W. DENDY SADLER.]
SIR D. MACLEAN, MR. HOGGE, MR. G. LAMBERT, MR. G. R. THORNE, MR.
ASQUITH, MR. ACLAND, GENERAL SEELY.]
_Monday, December 6th._--"Logic has never governed Ireland and never
will," said Lord MIDLETON to-day. It was certainly conspicuous by its
absence from a good many of the speeches made in Committee on the
Government of Ireland Bill. Representatives of Southern Ireland have
been clamouring for greater financial control, but they quite changed
their tone when Clause 24, enabling the Irish Parliaments to impose
a surtax upon residents in Ireland, came up for discussion.
While professing the greatest confidence in the desire of their
fellow-countrymen to treat them fairly, Lords DROGHEDA, SLIGO and
WICKLOW agreed in thinking that this was too dangerous a power to
entrust to them; it would breed absenteeism and drive capital out of
the country.
Lord FINLAY, to whom as a Scotsman logic still makes appeal, was for
the deletion of the whole clause. But the Irish Peers again objected;
for they desired to preserve for the Irish Parliaments power to remit
Imperial taxes, on the off-chance that some day it might be exercised.
And they carried their point.
According to Lieut.-Colonel CROFT the pencils used by the British
Post-Office are procured from the United States. As one who has
suffered I can only hope that Anglo-American friendship, already
somewhat strained by the bacon episode, will survive this revelation.
On the strength of a rumour that the seed of Irish peace had been
planted in Downing Street, Mr. HOGGE promptly essayed to root it up in
order to observe its progress towards fruition. The PRIME MINISTER,
however, gave no encouragement to his well-intentioned efforts. Nor
did he satisfy Lieut.-Commander KENWORTHY'S curiosity as to whether
Father O'FLANAGAN was "a Sinn Feiner on the bridge," beyond saying
"that is what we want to find out."
_Tuesday, December 7th._--After a week's interval for reflection and
study Lord LINCOLNSHIRE moved the rejection of the Agriculture Bill.
Adapting an old joke of Lord SPENCER'S, made in "another place" a
generation ago, he observed that this was no more an agricultural Bill
than he himself was an agricultural labourer. He knows however how
to call a spade a spade, if not something more picturesque, and he
treated the measure and its authors to all the resources of a varied
vocabulary. Possibly his brother peers, while enjoying his invective,
thought that it had been a little bit overdone, for of the subsequent
speakers only Lord HINDLIP announced his intention of voting against
the Bill, the others being of opinion that parts of it were, not
excellent perhaps, but at least tolerable.
In the Commons Viscount CURZON pressed upon the Government the
desirability of licensing side-car combinations as taxi-cabs. The idea
might, one feels, appeal to a Coalition Government but Sir JOHN BAIRD
for the Home Office hinted at the existence of "serious objections."
Collectively the House has an infantile mind. It went into kinks of
laughter over a question put by Dr. MURRAY regarding the "daily mail
service" between one of his beloved islands and the Scottish mainland.
The author of the joke--and small blame to him--quite failed to
appreciate how funny he had been until his neighbours muttered in
stage-whispers, "_Daily Mail!_" "_Daily Mail!_" Then a wan smile broke
over his own features.
It has been stated in certain newspapers that Mr. CHAMBERLAIN has
refused the Viceroyalty of India in consequence of the weak state of
his health, and that for the same cause he is likely to vacate shortly
the Chancellorship of the Exchequer. All I can say is that on the
Treasury Bench he betrays no outward sign of this regrettable debility
when dealing with critics of the Treasury. It is not easy to puncture
the _æs triplex_ of Mr. BOTTOMLEY, but two words from Mr. CHAMBERLAIN
did it this afternoon.
Sir ROBERT HORNE got a second reading for the Dyes Bill, a measure which
he commended as being necessary to protect what is a key-industry both
in peace and war. Dye-stuffs and poison-gas are, it seems, inextricably
intermingled, and unless the Bill is passed we shall be able neither to
dye ourselves nor to poison our enemies.
_Wednesday, December 8th._--The Agriculture Bill found one
thoroughgoing supporter in the Duke of MARLBOROUGH, an "owner-occupier"
so enamoured of Government control that he desires to see the whole of
the ditches and hedges of England administered out of public funds; and
a host of critics, friendly and otherwise. Lord CHAPLIN, though he
thought the Bill one of the worst ever introduced, declined to vote
against the Second Reading; Lord HARRIS believed that it would make
very little difference one way or the other; Lord RIBBLESDALE, as an
old-fashioned Free Trader, would have nothing to do with it; Lord LOVAT
was of opinion that as an insurance for our food supply it would not
compare with a Channel Tunnel; and Lord BUCKMASTER feared that it would
rather strengthen than allay the demand for land nationalisation. The
Government approached the division in some trepidation and were the
more rejoiced when, in an unusually big House, the Second Reading was
carried by 123 votes to 85.
But for the self-sacrifice of Mr. SPEAKER the Commons would have made
themselves ridiculous this evening. Major ARCHER-SHEE wanted to have
up a certain newspaper for breach of privilege in endeavouring to
dictate to Members how they should vote. He obtained leave to move the
adjournment and would doubtless have provided the peccant journal with
a valuable free advertisement had not Mr. LOWTHER, reckless of his
reputation for infallibility, suddenly remembered that motions for the
adjournment were intended for criticising the Government and not for
rebuking irresponsible outsiders. At his request the gallant Major
withdrew his motion, and _The Daily_ ---- lost its advertisement.
Invigorated by this episode the House--or what was left of it--resumed
the Report stage of the Ministry of Health Bill. The debate was
remarkable for the brevity of some of the speeches. Sir ROWLAND BLADES
set a good example to new Members by making a "maiden" effort in a
minute and a half. But his record was easily beaten by Mr. SEXTON, who
found ten seconds sufficient for expressing his opinion that the
fact that the House was trying to legislate in the small hours was
sufficient proof of the necessity of extending the laws of lunacy.
"_Si argumentum requiris circumspice_," he might have said as he gazed
upon the recumbent and yawning figures around him.
_Thursday, December 9th._--Mr. BONAR LAW enumerated a portentous list
of measures which the House of Commons must pass if it wants to enjoy
its Christmas holidays in peace. Lord HUGH CECIL wanted to know what
was the use of passing "all these foolish little Bills." Mr. PEMBERTON
BILLING had another solution for the difficulty and asked, "Why not
pass them all _ad hoc_?" meaning, it is supposed, "_en bloc_."
Well might the PRIME MINISTER remark at Question-time that he welcomed
the attacks of a certain section of the Press on the "Wastrels"
because then he knew the Government was all right. Mr. GEORGE LAMBERT
made a lively speech in support of his proposal to "ration" the
Government to a sum of £808,000,000--the amount Mr. CHAMBERLAIN had
said would suffice for a normal year. But his criticisms were too
discursive to be really dangerous, and his condemnation of "sloppy
Socialism" put up the backs of the Labour Party.
The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER reminded the House that when he talked
of a "normal Budget" he had been careful to add, "but not this year,
next year or the year after," which sounds suspiciously like the
nursery formula, "This year, next year, sometime, NEVER."
Still the great majority of the Members were only too anxious to be
convinced, and passed by a huge majority the "blanketing" amendment of
Sir GODFREY COLLINS in favour of economy in the abstract. I don't know
how this is to be squared with the PRIME MINISTER'S theory that it
is the business of the Government "to see that the population is
contented." That sounds a little like _panem et circenses_--a policy
which did not work out cheaply.
_Friday, December 10th._--With the air of one who has something fresh
and strange to impart the PRIME MINISTER informed the House of Commons
to-day that in regard to Ireland "the Government are determined on a
double policy." The novelty presumably consists in putting those
old stagers, conciliation and coercion, hitherto only tried
tandem-fashion, into double harness. Martial law is to be introduced
in certain of the most disturbed districts, and at the same time
such Sinn Fein M.P.'s as are not "on the run" are to be called into
conference. On the face of it the prospect looks unpromising, but
happily Ireland is essentially the place where nothing happens save
the unexpected.
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[Illustration: _Actor-Manager of Touring Company._ "CONFOUND OUR LUCK!
THE LEADING LADY HAS DESERTED US IN OUR HOUR OF NEED--ELOPED WITH THE
OSTLER FROM YONDER PUBLIC-HOUSE--ON _THIS_ OF ALL EVENINGS, WHEN THE
AUDIENCE THREATENS TO OUTNUMBER THE CAST."]
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[Illustration: _Macdonald._ "MAN SANDY, ARE YE BOGGIT?" _Sandy._ "AY,
MACDONALD, I'M BOGGIT."
_Macdonald._ "YE CANNA GET OOT?" _Sandy._ "I'M NO BIDING HERE FOR THE
PLEESURE O 'T!"
_Macdonald._ "I DOOT YE'D LIKE FINE TO COME OOT?" _Sandy._ "AY, I
WOULD THAT."
_Macdonald._ "WEEL, 'TWAD BE A CHRISTIAN ACT TO PULL YE OOT, BUT
_VERRA_ DEEFFICULT--UNLESS YE'VE NO FAIRTHER USE FOR YOUR RED COO."]
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