Mr. Clarke having made an end of his narrative, the surgeon thanked him
for the entertainment he had received; and Mr. Ferret shrugged up his
shoulders in silent disapprobation. As for Captain Crowe, who used at
such pauses to pour in a broadside of dismembered remarks, linked
together like chain-shot, he spoke not a syllable for some time; but,
lighting a fresh pipe at the candle, began to roll such voluminous clouds
of smoke as in an instant filled the whole apartment, and rendered
himself invisible to the whole company. Though he thus shrouded himself
from their view, he did not long remain concealed from their hearing.
They first heard a strange dissonant cackle, which the doctor knew to be
a sea-laugh, and this was followed by an eager exclamation of “Rare
pastime, strike my yards and topmasts!--I’ve a good mind--why shouldn’t--
many a losing voyage I’ve--smite my taffrel but I wool”--
By this time he had relaxed so much in his fumigation, that the tip of
his nose and one eye reappeared; and as he had drawn his wig forwards, so
as to cover his whole forehead, the figure that now saluted their eyes
was much more ferocious and terrible than the fire-breathing chimera of
the ancients. Notwithstanding this dreadful appearance, there was no
indignation in his heart, but, on the contrary, an agreeable curiosity,
which he was determined to gratify.
Addressing himself to Mr. Fillet, “Pr’ythee, doctor,” said he, “canst
tell, whether a man, without being rated a lord or a baron, or what d’ye
call um, d’ye see, may n’t take to the highway in the way of a frolic,
d’ye see?--Adad! for my own part, brother, I’m resolved as how to cruise
a bit in the way of an arrant--if so be as I can’t at once be commander,
mayhap I may be bore upon the books as a petty officer or the like, d’ye
see.”
“Now, the Lord forbid!” cried Clarke, with tears in his eyes, “I’d rather
see you dead than brought to such a dilemma.” “Mayhap thou wouldst,”
answered the uncle; “for then, my lad, there would be some picking--aha!
dost thou tip me the traveller, my boy?” Tom assured him he scorned any
such mercenary views. “I am only concerned,” said he, “that you should
take any step that might tend to the disgrace of yourself or your family;
and I say again I had rather die than live to see you reckoned any
otherwise than compos.”--“Die and be d--ned! you shambling half-timber’d
son of a----,” cried the choleric Crowe; “dost talk to me of keeping a
reckoning and compass?--I could keep a reckoning, and box my compass long
enough before thy keelstone was laid--Sam Crowe is not come here to ask
thy counsel how to steer his course.” “Lord! sir,” resumed the nephew,
“consider what people will say--all the world will think you mad.” “Set
thy heart at ease, Tom,” cried the seaman, “I’ll have a trip to and again
in this here channel. Mad! what then? I think for my part one half of
the nation is mad--and the other not very sound--I don’t see why I han’t
as good a right to be mad as another man--but, doctor, as I was saying,
I’d be bound to you, if you would direct me where I can buy that same
tackle that all arrant must wear; as for the matter of the long pole,
headed with iron, I’d never desire better than a good boat-hook, and
could make a special good target of that there tin sconce that holds the
candle--mayhap any blacksmith will hammer me a skull-cap, d’ye see, out
of an old brass kettle; and I can call my horse by the name of my ship,
which was Mufti.”
The surgeon was one of those wags who can laugh inwardly, without
exhibiting the least outward mark of mirth or satisfaction. He at once
perceived the amusement which might be drawn from this strange
disposition of the sailor, together with the most likely means which
could be used to divert him from such an extravagant pursuit. He
therefore tipped Clarke the wink with one side of his face, while the
other was very gravely turned to the captain, whom he addressed to this
effect. “It is not far from hence to Sheffield, where you might be
fitted completely in half a day--then you must wake your armour in church
or chapel, and be dubbed. As for this last ceremony, it may be performed
by any person whatsoever. Don Quixote was dubbed by his landlord; and
there are many instances on record, of errants obliging and compelling
the next person they met to cross their shoulders, and dub them knights.
I myself would undertake to be your godfather; and I have interest enough
to procure the keys of the parish church that stands hard by; besides,
this is the eve of St. Martin, who was himself a knight-errant, and
therefore a proper patron to a novitiate. I wish we could borrow Sir
Launcelot’s armour for the occasion.”
Crowe, being struck with this hint, started up, and laying his fingers
on his lips to enjoin silence, walked off softly on his tiptoes, to
listen at the door of our knight’s apartment, and judge whether or not
he was asleep. Mr. Fillet took this opportunity to tell his nephew that
it would be in vain for him to combat this humour with reason and
argument; but the most effectual way of diverting him from the plan of
knight-errantry would be, to frighten him heartily while he should keep
his vigil in the church; towards the accomplishment of which purpose he
craved the assistance of the misanthrope as well as the nephew. Clarke
seemed to relish the scheme; and observed, that his uncle, though endued
with courage enough to face any human danger, had at bottom a strong fund
of superstition, which he had acquired, or at least improved, in the
course of a sea-life. Ferret, who perhaps would not have gone ten paces
out of his road to save Crowe from the gallows, nevertheless engaged as
an auxiliary, merely in hope of seeing a fellow-creature miserable; and
even undertook to be the principal agent in this adventure. For this
office indeed he was better qualified than they could have imagined. In
the bundle which he kept under his greatcoat, there was, together with
divers nostrums, a small vial of liquid phosphorus, sufficient, as he had
already observed, to frighten a whole neighbourhood out of their senses.
In order to concert the previous measures without being overheard, these
confederates retired with a candle and lantern into the stable; and their
backs were scarce turned, when Captain Crowe came in loaded with pieces
of the knight’s armour, which he had conveyed from the apartment of Sir
Launcelot, whom he had left fast asleep.
Understanding that the rest of the company were gone out for a moment, he
could not resist the inclination he felt of communicating his intention
to the landlady, who, with her daughter, had been too much engaged in
preparing Crabshaw’s supper, to know the purport of their conversation.
The good woman, being informed of the captain’s design to remain alone
all night in the church, began to oppose it with all her rhetoric. She
said it was setting his Maker at defiance, and a wilful running into
temptation. She assured him that all the country knew that the church
was haunted by spirits and hobgoblins; that lights had been seen in every
corner of it, and a tall woman in white had one night appeared upon the
top of the tower; that dreadful shrieks were often heard to come from the
south aisle, where a murdered man had been buried; that she herself had
seen the cross on the steeple all a-fire; and one evening as she passed
a-horseback close by the stile at the entrance into the churchyard, the
horse stood still, sweating and trembling, and had no power to proceed,
until she had repeated the Lord’s Prayer.
These remarks made a strong impression on the imagination of Crowe, who
asked in some confusion, if she had got that same prayer in print? She
made no answer, but reaching the Prayer-Book from a shelf, and turning up
the leaf, put it into his hand; then the captain having adjusted his
spectacles, began to read, or rather spell aloud, with equal eagerness
and solemnity. He had refreshed his memory so well as to remember the
whole, when the doctor, returning with his companions, gave him to
understand that he had procured the key of the chancel, where he might
watch his armour as well as in the body of the church; and that he was
ready to conduct him to the spot. Crowe was not now quite so forward as
he had appeared before, to achieve this adventure. He began to start
objections with respect to the borrowed armour; he wanted to stipulate
the comforts of a can of flip, and a candle’s end, during his vigil; and
hinted something of the damage he might sustain from your malicious imps
of darkness.
The doctor told him, the constitutions of chivalry absolutely required
that he should be left in the dark alone, and fasting, to spend the night
in pious meditations; but if he had any fears which disturbed his
conscience, he had much better desist, and give up all thoughts of
knight-errantry, which could not consist with the least shadow of
apprehension. The captain, stung by this remark, replied not a word, but
gathering up the armour into a bundle, threw it on his back, and set out
for the place of probation, preceded by Clarke with the lantern. When
they arrived at the church, Fillet, who had procured the key from the
sexton, who was his patient, opened the door, and conducted our novice
into the middle of the chancel, where the armour was deposited. Then
bidding Crowe draw his hanger, committed him to the protection of Heaven,
assuring him he would come back, and find him either dead or alive by
daybreak, and perform the remaining part of the ceremony. So saying, he
and the other associates shook him by the hand and took their leave,
after the surgeon had tilted up the lantern to take a view of his visage,
which was pale and haggard.
Before the door was locked upon him, he called aloud, “Hilloa! doctor,
hip--another word, d’ye see.” They forthwith returned to know what he
wanted, and found him already in a sweat. “Hark ye, brother,” said he,
wiping his face, “I do suppose as how one may pass away the time in
whistling the Black Joke, or singing Black-eyed Susan, or some such
sorrowful ditty.”--“By no means,” cried the doctor; “such pastimes are
neither suitable to the place, nor the occasion, which is altogether a
religious exercise. If you have got any psalms by heart, you may sing a
stave or two, or repeat the Doxology.”--“Would I had Tom Laverick here,”
replied our novitiate; “he would sing your anthems like a sea-mew--a had
been a clerk a-shore--many’s the time and often I’ve given him a rope’s
end for singing psalms in the larboard watch. Would I had hired the son
of a b---h to have taught me a cast of his office--but it cannot be holp,
brother--if we can’t go large, we must haul up a wind, as the saying is;
if we can’t sing, we must pray.” The company again left him to his
devotion, and returned to the public-house, in order to execute the
essential part of their project.