"I'm glad I didn't do it, an' I thank yer, Ma'am, fer hinderin'
me,--thank yer hearty; but I'm afraid I hate him jest the same."
Of course he did; and so did I; for these faulty hearts of ours cannot
turn perfect in a night, but need frost and fire, wind and rain, to
ripen and make them ready for the great harvest-home. Wishing to divert
his mind, I put my poor mite into his hand, and, remembering the magic
of a certain little book, I gave him mine, on whose dark cover whitely
shone the Virgin Mother and the Child, the grand history of whose life
the book contained. The money went into Robert's pocket with a
grateful murmur, the book into his bosom with a long took and a
tremulous--
"I never saw my baby, Ma'am."
I broke down then; and though my eyes were too dim to see, I felt the
touch of lips upon my hands, heard the sound of departing feet, and
knew my contraband was gone.
When one feels an intense dislike, the less one says about the subject
of it the better; therefore I shall merely record that the captain
lived,--in time was exchanged; and that, whoever the other party was, I
am convinced the Government got the best of the bargain. But long
before this occurred, I had fulfilled my promise to Robert; for as soon
as my patient recovered strength of memory enough to make his answer
trustworthy, I asked, without any circumlocution,--
"Captain Fairfax, where is Lucy?"
And too feeble to be angry, surprised, or insincere, he straightway
answered,--
"Dead, Miss Dane."
"And she killed herself, when you sold Bob?"
"How the Devil did you know that?" he muttered, with an expression
half-remorseful, half-amazed; but I was satisfied, and said no more.
Of course, this went to Robert, waiting far away there in a lonely
home,--waiting, working, hoping for his Lucy. It almost broke my heart
to do it; but delay was weak, deceit was wicked; so I sent the heavy
tidings, and very soon the answer came,--only three lines; but I felt
that the sustaining power of the man's life was gone.
"I thought I'd never see her any more; I'm glad to know she's out of
trouble. I thank yer, Ma'am; an' if they let us, I'll fight fer yer
till I'm killed, which I hope will be 'fore long."
Six months later he had his wish, and kept his word.
Every one knows the story of the attack on Fort Wagner; but we should
not tire yet of recalling how our Fifty-Fourth, spent with three
sleepless nights, a day's fast, and a march under the July sun, stormed
the fort as night fell, facing death in many shapes, following their
brave leaders through a fiery rain of shot and shell, fighting
valiantly for God and Governor Andrew,--how the regiment that went into
action seven hundred strong came out having had nearly half its number
captured, killed, or wounded, leaving their young commander to be
buried, like a chief of earlier times, with his body-guard around him,
faithful to the death. Surely, the insult turns to honor, and the wide
grave needs no monument but the heroism that consecrates it in our
sight; surely, the hearts that held him nearest see through their tears
a noble victory in the seeming sad defeat; and surely, God's
benediction was bestowed, when this loyal soul answered, as Death
called the roll, "Lord, here I am, with the brothers Thou hast given
me!"
The future must show how well that fight was fought; for though Fort
Wagner still defies us, public prejudice is down; and through the
cannon smoke of that black night the manhood of the colored race shines
before many eyes that would not see, rings in many ears that would not
hear, wins many hearts that would not hitherto believe.
When the news came that we were needed, there was none so glad as I to
leave teaching contrabands, the new work I had taken up, and go to
nurse "our boys," as my dusky flock so proudly called the wounded of
the Fifty-Fourth. Feeling more satisfaction, as I assumed my big apron
and turned up my cuffs, than if dressing for the President's levee, I
fell to work on board the hospital-ship in Hilton-Head harbor. The
scene was most familiar, and yet strange; for only dark faces looked up
at me from the pallets so thickly laid along the floor, and I missed
the sharp accent of my Yankee boys in the slower, softer voices calling
cheerily to one another, or answering my questions with a stout, "We'll
never give it up, Ma'am, till the last Reb's dead," or, "If our
people's free, we can afford to die."
Passing from bed to bed, intent on making one pair of hands do the work
of three, at least, I gradually washed, fed, and bandaged my way down
the long line of sable heroes, and coming to the very last, found that
he was my contraband. So old, so worn, so deathly weak and wan, I never
should have known him but for the deep scar on his cheek. That side
lay uppermost, and caught my eye at once; but even then I doubted, such
an awful change had come upon him, when, turning to the ticket just
above his head, I saw the name, "Robert Dane." That both assured and
touched me, for, remembering that he had no name, I knew that he had
taken mine. I longed for him to speak to me, to tell how he had fared
since I lost sight of him, and let me perform some little service for
him in return for many he had done for me; but he seemed asleep; and as
I stood re-living that strange night again, a bright lad, who lay next
him softly waving an old fan across both beds, looked up and said,--
"I guess you know him, Ma'am?"
"You are right. Do you?"
"As much as any one was able to, Ma'am."
"Why do you say 'was,' as if the man were dead and gone?"
"I s'pose because I know he'll have to go. He's got a bad jab in the
breast, an' is bleedin' inside, the Doctor says. He don't suffer any,
only gets weaker 'n' weaker every minute. I've been fannin' him this
long while, an' he's talked a little; but he don't know me now, so he's
most gone, I guess."
There was so much sorrow and affection in the boy's face, that I
remembered something, and asked, with redoubled interest,--
"Are you the one that brought him off? I was told about a boy who
nearly lost his life in saving that of his mate."
I dare say the young fellow blushed, as any modest lad might have done;
I could not see it, but I heard the chuckle of satisfaction that
escaped him, as he glanced from his shattered arm and bandaged side to
the pale figure opposite.
"Lord, Ma'am, that's nothin'; we boys always stan' by one another, an'
I warn't goin' to leave him to be tormented any more by them cussed
Rebs. He's been a slave once, though he don't look half so much like
it as me, an' was born in Boston."
He did not; for the speaker was as black as the ace of spades,--being a
sturdy specimen, the knave of clubs would perhaps be a fitter
representative,--but the dark freeman looked at the white slave with
the pitiful, yet puzzled expression I have so often seen on the faces
of our wisest men, when this tangled question of Slavery presents
itself, asking to be cut or patiently undone.
"Tell me what you know of this man; for, even if he were awake, he is
too weak to talk."
"I never saw him till I joined the regiment, an' no one 'peared to have
got much out of him. He was a shut-up sort of feller, an' didn't seem
to care for anything but gettin' at the Rebs. Some say he was the fust
man of us that enlisted; I know he fretted till we were off, an' when
we pitched into old Wagner, he fought like the Devil."
"Were you with him when he was wounded? How was it?"
"Yes, Ma'am. There was somethin' queer about it; for he 'peared to
know the chap that killed him, an' the chap knew him. I don't dare to
ask, but I rather guess one owned the other some time,--for, when they
clinched, the chap sung out, 'Bob!' an' Dane, 'Marster Ned! then they
went at it."
I sat down suddenly, for the old anger and compassion struggled in my
heart, and I both longed and feared to hear what was to follow.
"You see, when the Colonel--Lord keep an' send him back to us!--it
a'n't certain yet, you know, Ma'am, though it's two days ago we lost
him--well, when the Colonel shouted, 'Rush on, boys, rush on!' Dane
tore away as if he was goin' to take the fort alone; I was next him,
an' kept close as we went through the ditch an' up the wall. Hi! warn't
that a rusher!" and the boy flung up his well arm with a whoop, as if
the mere memory of that stirring moment came over him in a gust of
irrepressible excitement.
"Were you afraid?" I said,--asking the question women often put, and
receiving the answer they seldom fail to get.
"No, Ma'am!"--emphasis on the "Ma'am,"--"I never thought of anything
but the damn Rebs, that scalp, slash, an' cut our ears off, when they
git us. I was bound to let daylight into one of 'em at least, an' I
did. Hope he liked it!"
"It is evident that you did, and I don't blame you in the least. Now
go on about Robert, for I should be at work."
"He was one of the fust up; I was just behind, an' though the whole
thing happened in a minute. I remember how it was, for all I was
yellin' an' knockin' round like mad. Just where we were, some sort of
an officer was wavin' his sword an' cheerin' on his men; Dane saw him
by a big flash that come by; he flung away his gun, give a leap, an'
went at that feller as if he was Jeff, Beauregard, an' Lee, all in one.
I scrabbled after as quick as I could, but was only up in time to see
him git the sword straight through him an' drop into the ditch. You
needn't ask what I did next, Ma'am, for I don't quite know myself; all
I 'm clear about is, that I managed somehow to pitch that Reb into the
fort as dead as Moses, git hold of Dane, an' bring him off. Poor old
feller! we said we went in to live or die; he said he went in to die,
an' he 's done it."
I had been intently watching the excited speaker; but as he regretfully
added those last words I turned again, and Robert's eyes met
mine,--those melancholy eyes, so full of an intelligence that proved he
had heard, remembered, and reflected with that preternatural power
which often outlives all other faculties. He knew me, yet gave no
greeting; was glad to see a woman's face, yet had no smile wherewith to
welcome it; felt that he was dying, yet uttered no farewell. He was
too far across the river to return or linger now; departing thought,
strength, breath, were spent in one grateful look, one murmur of
submission to the last pang he could ever feel. His lips moved, and,
bending to them, a whisper chilled my cheek, as it shaped the broken
words,--
"I would have done it,--but it 's better so,--I'm satisfied."
Ah! well he might be,--for, as he turned his face from the shadow of
the life that was, the sunshine of the life to be touched it with a
beautiful content, and in the drawing of a breath my contraband found
wife and home, eternal liberty and God.