SENTENCE CLEARNESS
Sentences exist for the purpose of conveying thought from one mind
to another. The manner of their expression must, therefore, be such
that the thought expressed is obvious and unmistakable. Otherwise,
sentences not only fail of their purpose but often lead to confusion, to
misunderstanding, and even to disaster. The quality which renders their
meaning obvious and unmistakable is called clearness.
=400. Definite pronouns (_he_, _she_, _it_, _this_, _that_, _who_,
_which_) must have obvious antecedents.=
_Insufficient._ They say that the timber supply in the United
States will soon be exhausted.
_Better._ Forest experts say that the timber supply in the
United States will soon be exhausted.
_Revise._ Yesterday I saw Mr. Jonathan Oldcastle. She has just
returned from Europe, you know.
=401. Make an ambiguous pronoun clear by placing it nearer its
antecedent.=
_Confusing._ Father told us of a meadow near his old home,
which was now under water.
_Unmistakable._ Father told us that near his old home there
used to be a meadow which is now under water.
_Revise._ In order to succeed at football one must be willing
to live up to all the rules of training, to refrain from
smoking, to shun society, and to put one’s whole soul into it.
=402. Change indirect discourse to direct discourse to make an antecedent
obvious.=
_Equivocal._ Clark told Andrews he had made an error.
_Clear._ Clark said, “Andrews, you made an error.”
_Revise._ George, talking with Bill, said that he ought to be
ashamed of himself.
=403. Never designate the antecedent of a pronoun by repeating it within
parentheses.=
_Wrong._ John told Tom that he (John) had not made the team.
_Right._ John said to Tom, “I have not made the team.”
_Revise._ John told Tom that he (Tom) had not made the team.
=404. Repeat a distant noun or supply a new one rather than use an
obscure pronoun.=
_Not good._ I felt sure that the parade would not be ready to
start for an hour yet, as there were no soldiers about, and it
was only one o’clock; so I decided to walk out toward the edge
of town, taking care, however, to remain upon the street along
which I knew it would pass.
_Better._ I felt sure that the parade would not be ready to
start for an hour yet, as there were no soldiers about, and it
was only one o’clock; so I decided to walk out toward the edge
of town, taking care, however, to remain upon the street along
which I knew the parade would pass.
_Revise._ The men in my company who had dissipated before
entering the army found, during the long marches necessary in
the Argonne Forest, that it was hard to keep up with it.
=405. Repeat the noun rather than use a pronoun that refers to an
unemphatic antecedent.=
_Unimpressive._ Yesterday I saw Mrs. Hamlin in a new car
designed by the Fisher company. Almost all cars designed by
them are distinctive.
_Better._ Yesterday I saw Mrs. Hamlin in a new car designed by
the Fisher company. Almost all cars designed by that company
are distinctive.
_Revise._ Silos made of concrete are of greater value than any
other kind because they last longer. This is easy to use and is
cheaper in the end than any other material.
=406. Place adverbs like _only_, _almost_, _ever_, _nearly_, _just_,
_hardly_, _scarcely_, _merely_, _quite_ next to and usually before the
words they modify.=
_Misleading._ He would only lend me five dollars.
_Accurate._ He would lend me only five dollars.
_Revise._ I don’t ever want to see him again.
=407. Place negatives before the words they modify.=
_Untaught._ Everybody has not read the Bible.
_Better._ Not everybody has read the Bible.
_Revise._ All men were not born to be hanged.
=408. Use correlative conjunctions to connect only co-ordinate
expressions.=
_Wrong._ I knew I would be compelled either to salute him or he
would have me put in the guard house.
_Right._ I knew I would be compelled either to salute him or to
spend a week in the guard house.
_Revise._ It was not only necessary for me to save all the
money I could, but I knew I should have to earn more than I had
ever earned before.
=409. Place correlative conjunctions as close as possible to the
expressions they connect.=
_Faulty._ He was not only an expert marksman but he also was a
skilled horseman.
_Improved._ He was not only an expert marksman but also a
skilled horseman.
_Revise._ Military training both teaches a man to think quickly
and to command others.
=410. Place every subordinate clause so that its relation to the main
clause is immediately evident.=
_Uncertain._ He knew when the time came what he would do.
_Certain._ When the time came he knew what he would do.
_Revise._ Someone I knew would come in.
=411. Place relative clauses immediately after their antecedents.=
_Doubtful._ A man came up and spoke to my brother whom I had
never seen before.
_Plain._ A man whom I had never seen before came up and spoke
to my brother.
_Revise._ The ship flew a strange flag that came in yesterday.
=412. Place subordinate clauses so that their verbs cannot be confused
with the verbs of main clauses.=
_Absurd._ The horse snorted as Jackson spoke and kicked up his
heels.
_Correct._ As Jackson spoke, the horse snorted and kicked up
his heels.
_Revise._ The wind stormed across the desert where the corpse
lay and whistled.
=413. Place every modifying phrase so that the expression it modifies is
unmistakable.=
_Misleading._ The captain says that if your rifles are not
clean day after tomorrow he will put every one of you in the
guard house.
_Clear._ The captain says that if day after tomorrow your
rifles are not clean he will put every one of you in the guard
house.
_Revise._ When he took his seat much to his chagrin the lights
went out.
=414. Place co-ordinate modifiers one after another.=
_Halting._ Even though he had never seen you before, he would
let you know who he was if he liked your appearance.
_Secure._ Even though he had never seen you before, if he liked
your appearance he would let you know who he was.
_Revise._ If Friday is a holiday, I shall drive home if the
roads are good.
=415. Make a participial phrase modify the noun or pronoun which it ought
obviously to modify; or change the construction.=
_Ludicrous._ Standing upon the dome of Old Capitol, Iowa avenue
presents an unusual view.
_Better._ Standing upon the dome of Old Capitol, one gets an
unusual view of Iowa avenue.
_Better._ If one stands upon the dome of Old Capitol, one gets
an unusual view of Iowa avenue.
_Revise._ Coming out on the train Pike’s Peak is seen.
=416. Change a participle preceded by _thus_ into a clause if the
participle cannot logically modify the subject of the preceding verb.=
_Wrong._ She had to wait until everybody else in the room was
served, thus causing her to be late.
_Right._ She had to wait until everybody else in the room was
served, and the delay caused her to be late.
_Revise._ The bridges were all down between Storm Lake and
Altoona, thus making all the trains late.
=417. Make a participle preceded by a conjunction agree with the noun to
which it obviously belongs; or change the construction.=
_Ridiculous._ Tuesday, when wearing my new hat, a rainstorm
came up and ruined it.
_Correct._ Tuesday, when I was wearing my new hat, a rainstorm
came up and ruined it.
_Revise._ While eating my supper last night, one of the calves
got out and ran into the corn field.
=418. A phrase beginning with the adjective _due_ can refer only to a
noun. (See 372.)=
_Wrong._ He was ill, due to overeating.
_Right._ His illness was due to overeating.
_Revise._ The train stopped, due to boiler trouble.
=419. Make a gerund prepositional phrase modify the noun or pronoun which
it ought obviously to modify; or change the construction.=
_Ludicrous._ In speaking to Sparks yesterday, he told me that
the team was in excellent condition.
_Clear._ In speaking to Sparks yesterday, I learned that the
team was in excellent condition.
_Revise._ In trying to show Helen how to start her motor, she
almost ran over me.
=420. In parallel subordinate clauses repeat the subordinating
conjunction with each clause after the first.=
_Unequal._ She had heard that her mother had died suddenly
after a short but violent illness, and her father had struck
oil.
_Accurate._ She had heard that her mother had died suddenly
after a short but violent illness, and that her father had
struck oil.
_Revise._ Although the water rose steadily during the spring
thaw, and the dam was on the point of giving way under the
pressure, the engineer obstinately insisted that there was no
danger.
=421. Repeat auxiliary verb forms with their principals.=
_Improper co-ordination._ We shall have to leave town and need
an automobile.
_Improved._ We shall have to leave town and shall need an
automobile.
_Revise._ A quarterback must see where the hole in the line is
and take advantage of it.
=422. Repeat the _to_ before each infinitive in a series.=
_Not co-ordinate._ He came to see the house, bargain for it,
and buy it if terms could be agreed upon.
_Co-ordinate._ He came to see the house, to bargain for it, and
to buy it if terms could be agreed upon.
_Revise._ Not only was it necessary for us to read the book,
remember what was in it, and be able to recite upon it, but
also write a paper upon it, and read the paper before the class.
=423. Repeat the preposition with each object.=
_Obscure._ She went to Chicago and the capital of the state.
_Better._ She went to Chicago and to the capital of the state.
_Revise._ The positions were offered to soldiers, athletes, and
virile men generally.
=424. Repeat the article with each noun in a series.=
_Confusing._ They needed a minister, doctor, and lawyer at once.
_Clear._ They needed a minister, a doctor, and a lawyer at once.
_Revise._ I met the merchant and postmaster of the little town
as well as the sheriff and justice of the peace.
=425. Repeat the possessive with each noun in a series.=
_Bad._ I asked her the names of her sister and puppy.
_Better._ I asked her the names of her sister and of her puppy.
_Revise._ He watched his horse, cow, and pig break through into
the wheat.
=426. Give the same structure only to ideas similar in thought.=
_Misleading._ Golf is a game that requires skill, poise, good
temper, and clubs that exactly suit you.
_Better._ Golf is a game that requires skill, poise, and good
temper. These qualities, however, will avail little unless one
has clubs that exactly suit him.
_Revise._ The new hospital was erected to the memory of John
Shuler and for the benefit of crippled children.
=427. After a long or involved series, use a summarizing word before
continuing the sentence.=
_Inadequate._ To live uprightly, to be amiable always, and to
be considerate of others even to the point of inconvenience are
the essentials of gentleness.
_Better._ To live uprightly, to be amiable always, and to be
considerate of others even to the point of inconvenience—these
are the essentials of gentleness.
_Revise._ O wise and upright judge, O learned in the law, O
guide, philosopher, and friend, be my rock and refuge.
=428. Use _and_ to connect only those expressions which are in the same
construction. (See 374.)=
_Bad._ We then studied chemistry, a subject much more
interesting than history, and which I enjoyed thoroughly.
_Better._ We then studied chemistry, a subject much more
interesting than history, and one which I enjoyed thoroughly.
_Revise._ Jacob Sturm was a man of much wealth, and who came to
this country twenty years ago.
=429. Use _but_ to connect only those expressions which are in the same
construction.=
_Bad._ I started into high school resolved to make the most of
my opportunities, but in no long time deciding to have all the
fun I could.
_Better._ I started into high school resolved to make the most
of my opportunities, but in no long time I decided to have all
the fun I could.
_Revise._ The colonel issued an order about mounts, but which
nobody could understand.
=430. After a comparative degree, exclude the subject of comparison from
the class with which it is compared.=
_Wrong._ Platinum is more valuable than any metal.
_Right._ Platinum is more valuable than any other metal.
_Revise._ Morvich was swifter than any racehorse of his day.
=431. After a superlative degree, include the subject of comparison
within the class with which it is compared.=
_Wrong._ Shakespeare is the greatest of any other poet.
_Right._ Shakespeare is the greatest of all poets.
_Revise._ A slave is the most miserable of all other men.
=432. Avoid an inconsistent change of person within the sentence.=
_Wrong._ You can lead a horse to water, but nobody can make him
drink.
_Right._ You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him
drink.
_Revise._ I have done the best I could, and I do not think a
person should be required to do more.
=433. Avoid an inconsistent change of number within the sentence.=
_Wrong._ Tillie, Margaret, and Ann each took their seats.
_Right._ Tillie, Margaret, and Ann each took her seat.
_Revise._ Everybody should save their money while they are
young.
=434. Avoid an inconsistent change of tense within the sentence.=
_Wrong._ As soon as the train came in, he hurries home.
_Right._ As soon as the train came in, he hurried home.
_Revise._ No matter what he tries, things never came out as he
expected them to.
=435. Avoid an inconsistent change of mood within the sentence.=
_Wrong._ Unless it is too hard and take too much time I can
finish by noon.
_Right._ Unless it is too hard and takes too much time I can
finish by noon.
_Revise._ Sand is all right in the back yard, but keep it out
of the front yard.
=436. Avoid an inconsistent change of voice within the sentence.=
_Wrong._ The troops were taken up in trucks but came back on
the train.
_Right._ The troops went up in trucks but came back on the
train.
_Revise._ A month ago I was listened to with all courtesy, but
now not even a dog will listen.
PRACTICE
1. The poppy can be raised in American gardens without danger of its
becoming a menace as a weed, which makes its cultivation possible as a
reminder of the soldiers who lie in Flanders Field. (400)
2. We can use this truck to move freight from the warehouse to the store
whenever we need it. (401)
3. Mary told Leona her costume was perfectly becoming. (402)
4. Mrs. Fiske said to Miss Anglin that she (Miss Anglin) was the greatest
actress in the world. (403)
5. Students who come to college merely to have a good time or because
they have nothing else to do, and those who come without any deep seated
desire for knowledge for its own sake should be denied the right to enter
it. (404)
6. The University of Iowa is located part on one side of the Iowa River
and part on the other. Many students, when the weather is good, paddle
canoes upon it. (405)
7. I hardly knew anybody. (406)
8. Everyone is not more to be pitied than scorned. (407)
9. I felt that I must either make them a cake or that they would think me
stingy. (408)
10. Roque is a game that is neither too easy nor is it without
excitement. (409)
11. Nothing he said is worth while. (410)
12. We cleared away what the cyclone had left of the house, which had
stormed through the valley during the night. (411)
13. The fire spread when we entered the village and destroyed everything.
(412)
14. When she let him in much to his embarrassment she smiled broadly.
(413)
15. At night she liked to walk out in the rain. (414)
16. Swimming around a bend in the river, the hospital is seen. (415)
17. I mistook her for an acquaintance, thus causing embarrassment. (416)
18. When climbing a wire fence, his shotgun went off. (417)
19. He became rich, due to oil in Mexico. (418)
20. In talking to Henry this morning, he said that he had been ill. (419)
21. He told me that his brother was an engineer and he would look into
the matter. (420)
22. She would have had a great deal of trouble and, no doubt, failed in
the end if we had not happened to come along. (421)
23. They learned to read French, ride horseback, and fence before they
were graduated. (422)
24. There was no room for weaklings, invalids, or the disaffected. (423)
25. I was forced to refuse the invitation of the secretary and treasurer.
(424)
26. Johnson knew his half brother, nephew, and cousin would be there.
(425)
27. The regiment was raised for the honor of Johnson county and to drive
the Spaniard out of Cuba. (426)
28. To live, to learn, to die is the sum total of existence. (427)
29. His uncle had an old car and which he used to drive to Solon. (428)
30. The instructor made an assignment but which everybody thought was too
hard. (429)
31. Solomon was wiser than any man. (430)
32. Michael Angelo was the greatest of all other painters. (431)
33. Try as you may, one cannot do it. (432)
34. Everybody should save their money while they are young. (433)
35. He will have learned better by Sunday unless he never tried it again.
(434)
36. Military training is all right for a young man, but don’t ask me to
take any. (435)
37. Yesterday he was seen by at least ten people, and I myself saw him
today. (436)