(_For the Mirror._)
There are few families more ancient, more generally known, or more widely
diffused throughout the known world, than that of Under: indeed, in every
nation, though bearing different names, some branch of this family is
extant; and there is no doubt that the _Dessous_ of France, the _Unters_
of Germany, and the _Onders_ of the Land-_under_-water, belong to the same
ancient and venerable house. The founders of the house, however, were of
_low_ origin, and generally _down_ in the world. _Undergo_ was the job of
the family, as patient as a lamb: he encouraged the blessed martyrs in
times of yore, and is still in existence, though his patience has somewhat
diminished. _Underhand_ is a far different character to the preceding, a
double-dealing rascal, and as sly as a fox; he greets you with a smiling
countenance, and while one hand is employed in shaking yours, he is
disembarrassing you of the contents of your pocket with the other.
_Underline_ is a gentleman of some literary attainments, though not
entirely divested of quackery; he is particularly noted for the emphasis
he gives to certain points in his discourse, and though in some cases,
perhaps, he is a little too prodigal of this kind of effect, yet we could
not well do without him. _Undermine_ is a greater rascal than Underhand,
and had it not been for the counter-acting influence of _Underproof_, our
house had fallen to the ground; to the ground it might have fallen, but
had it gone farther, it would have been only to be revived in the person
of _Underground_, a gentleman well known in the kitchens and pantries of
the metropolis, the pantries in particular, he being a constant companion
to the _Under-butler_. _Understand_ is the pride of the house, and by his
shining qualities, has raised himself to an eminence never reached by any
other member of the family. He is a conspicuous exception to the downcast
looks of so many of his relations. _Undertake_ is an enterprising fellow,
but he is often deceived and fails in his schemes; not so Undertaker,
(whose similarity in name would make some folks believe there was some
connexion;) no, _his_ affairs are calculated to a wonderful nicety, and
every tear is priced. _Underwriter_ is a speculative genius, and--but the
less we say of him the better. _Underrate_ is a character I cannot avoid
mentioning, though I wish with all my heart he was dead: his greatest
pleasure consists in detracting from the good qualities of his neighbours.
I have only mentioned the English part of "Our House," although there are
even some of that branch, whom I cannot at present call to mind, except
_Underdone_, a lover of raw beef-steaks, and _Undervalue_, a person who
has proved himself a great friend to custom-house officers, having some
of the cunning of _Underhand_, but not quite so much luck, and subjecting
his goods to seizure, for having tried to cheat the king. But I must leave
this subject, and take my leave, till a fitter opportunity occurs for
giving you further particulars of the "House of Under;" in the meanwhile,
believe me, courteous reader, yours, sincerely,