It is all very well to pretend to love me as you do. Ah! If you loved as
_I_ love, Mary! But, when my breast is tortured by the perusal of such a
letter as yours, Falkland, Falkland, madam, becomes my part in "The
Rivals," and I play it with desperate earnestness.
As thus:
FALKLAND (_to Acres_). Then you see her, sir,
sometimes?
ACRES. See her! Odds beams and sparkles, yes.
See her acting! Night after night.
FALKLAND (_aside and furious_). Death and the
devil! Acting, and I not there! Pray, sir
(_with constrained calmness_), what does she
act?
ACRES. Odds, monthly nurses and babbies! Sairey
Gamp and Betsey Prig, "which, wotever it is, my
dear (_mimicking_), I likes it brought reg'lar
and draw'd mild!" _That's_ very like her.
FALKLAND. Confusion! Laceration! Perhaps, sir,
perhaps she sometimes acts--ha! ha! perhaps she
sometimes acts, I say--eh! sir?--a--ha, ha, ha!
a fairy? (_With great bitterness._)
ACRES. Odds, gauzy pinions and spangles, yes!
You should hear her sing as a fairy. You should
see her dance as a fairy. Tol de rol
lol--la--lol--liddle diddle. (_Sings and
dances_). _That's_ very like her.
FALKLAND. Misery! while I, devoted to her
image, can scarcely write a line now and then,
or pensively read aloud to the people of
Birmingham. (_To him._) And they applaud her,
no doubt they applaud her, sir. And she--I see
her! Curtsies and smiles! And they--curses on
them! they laugh and--ha, ha, ha!--and clap
their hands--and say it's very good. Do they
not say it's very good, sir? Tell me. Do they
not?
ACRES. Odds, thunderings and pealings, of
course they do! and the third fiddler, little
Tweaks, of the county town, goes into fits. Ho,
ho, ho, I can't bear it (_mimicking_); take me
out! Ha, ha, ha! O what a one she is! She'll be
the death of me. Ha, ha, ha, ha! _That's_ very
like her!
FALKLAND. Damnation! Heartless Mary! (_Rushes
out._)
Scene opens, and discloses coals of fire, heaped up into form of
letters, representing the following inscription:
When the praise thou meetest
To thine ear is sweetest,
O then
REMEMBER JOE!
(_Curtain falls._)
[Sidenote: M. de Cerjat.]